Action Arcade Episode 9

5.30.2020

Championship Rundown
Grand Champion: Dasher Hatfield
Campeones de Parejas: Solo Darling & Willow Nightingale
Young Lions Cup Champion: Ricky South

Commentary is provided by Jason Worthington & Sidney Bakabella.

I was worried that a week off meant the footage well had run die, but thanks to more secretly taped matches, we are back baby!

Ophidian says hope is the twisted offspring of entitlement and fear. Mike Quackenbush is entitled as he believes he is the only one who can usher in a new era of CHIKARA, feeding the CHIKARA students hope by force, when he is actually a relic of the past. He conflates violence with cruelty yet misleads the students with hope of returning to a home that no longer exists. Ophidian has never lied to his resources about how hot the Crucible burns, and has never misled them for his personal gain, though the same can not be said for Quackenbush. The only way this comes to an end is inside the Crucible. Tonight, he and Quackenbush will fight one more time. He offers a one-sided wager for the match – if he is victorious, the Cibernetico is conducted under Crucible rules. He knows after what he saw in Mike Quackenbush’s eyes two weeks ago, will surely accept.

BLANK vs. Gary Jackson

This is BLANK’s Action Arcade in-ring debut. He baits Jackson opponent into a kick to the wrist from the apron and ties his arms into the ropes Andre style. Jackson frees himself but is taken down with a powerslam. BLANK pulls Jackson wrist first through the ropes so his throat crashes into the ropes. BLANK talks to the camera, saying the art he made today is not for Cabana Man Dan, but he does hope Dan is watching. BLANK lands a slingshot dropkick and the Color Wheel for the pin at 2:06. A nice decisive win for BLANK to build his momentum towards his singles match against CMD at the Cibernetico. The fake crowd noise has got to go.

Scott Holladay presents us with a tag team edition of the Scoreboard. The Spoiler & Sonny Defarge, Dasher Hatfield & Molly McCoy, and The Red Queen & One-Eyed Jack all have one point. Queen says no team is a match for their perfect pair. F.I.S.T. of Icarus and Travis Huckabee are the only team with two points at this time. We get a short video of the F.I.S.T. dynasty in CHIKARA, with a spotlight on the one constant, Icarus. Huckabee says you can describe F.I.S.T. as aggressive, violence, and dangerous, but you cannot describe them as patient. It’s a travesty they don’t have the Campeones de Parejas right now. Icarus says F.I.S.T. is the most deadly and dominant team, and whenever they have set their sight on those tag titles, they get them. If anyone ignores the instinct to run and hide, they are ignoring those instincts at their own peril, because those titles belong around F.I.S.T’s waists, and anybody who thinks they stand a chance against them is dead wrong.

Hermit Crab {CD} & Cajun Crawdad {CD} vs. The Red Queen & One-Eyed Jack

Queen and Jack made this challenge on YouTube earlier this week. Crab and Crawdad’s team work allowed them to isolate Jack in their half of the ring from the start. A distraction from the Red Queen allows for Jack to hit a slingshot on Crab. Queen calls the shots as to what offense Jack executes, and in assisting with some tandem offense. Crab catches Jack with a spinebuster but Queen knee strikes Crawdad to the floor to prevent a tag from being made. Crab avoids a third corner attack, allowing him to tumble to his corner and tag in Crawdad. He wipes out Jack with several kicks, including a coast-to-coast dropkick. Crab locks on a Boston Crab, but Queen breaks it up and sends Crawdad to the floor. Jack slams Crab, and then Queen gives Jack a Frankensteiner onto Crab. Crawdad stops Queen’s pin after she lands a moonsault. Jack drops Crawdad with a reverse brainbuster across his knee, then with Queen delivers the Cash Out for the pin at 9:36. Another good showing for Queen and Jack. They have some good tandem offense, but I’m reminded of the early days of Defarge and Crummels where some of the team stuff looked too contrived and took a long time to set up properly. It’s something that with time will definitely be ironed out. Crab and Crawdad have become a really excellent team, and while they did have a good showing here, it makes me wonder if they will ever be a bigger part of the promotion. **½

The Warp Zone this week features the 2018 Cibernetico match where CHIKARA’s finest squared off against Beyond Wrestling’s finest. It is joined in progress, with Chris Dickinson, John Silver, and Nick Gage remaining for Team Beyond and Dasher Hatfield and Hallowicked remaining for Team CHIKARA. You can read my review of the full match and the entire event here.

That leads into the Cibernetico Special Report with Sam Leterna. Mike Quackenbush accepts Ophidian’s proposal for the main event. He says sometimes being pushed out of his comfort zone allows him to do his best, and he has full faith that his Cibernetico team will prevail, whether under CHIKARA or Crucible rules. Cabana Man Dan vs. BLANK and Boomer Hatfield vs. Sonny Defarge are two singles matches set for the card. We are treated to a Defarge highlight reel. Boomer Hatfield says he was impressed with Sonny Defarge’s match against Mike Quackenbush the other week. Mike, and others in the Wrestle Factory who he grew up with, have a right to comment on his family. Sonny, however, is not family. He knows Defarge is trying to rile him up to get an advantage at the Cibernetico. He may have riled him up, but he won’t get an advantage, and he will deliver Sonny Defarge a Boomerang with his name on it. We’re reminded of the Spoiler’s Open Challenge as well, and he says he doesn’t want to be the only person to earn their third point via forfeit. He hopes someone will step up so he can make them famous.

Mike Quackenbush vs. Ophidian {TC}
“Stem the Hemorrhaging of Polka” – Philadelphia, PA – 2.29.2020

Ophidian defeated Quackenbush last May in 91 seconds, and Quackenbush defeated Ophidian in 94 seconds last September. This is the rubber match of their ad hoc series. Quackenbush looked to get it done just as quickly with multiple Quackendrivers and one of his Lightning Locks. Although in pain, Ophidian withstood the barrage. He captured Quackenbush’s arm in the ropes, and from there Quackenbush was now on defense as Ophidian broke down his back , mid-section, and of course his left arm. Quackenbush muscled up out of a backslide and hit a Yoshi Tonic for two. With the aid of Ophidian placed on the top rope he went for the Quackendriver I. He accidentally booted the referee as he fought for the move due to Ophidian attempting to turn it into the Death Grip. Quackendriver landed a super version of the move but could only use one arm to pin him. When Ophidian did kick out, Quackenbush looked for a Death Grip of his own. Ophidian countered by throwing Quackenbush overhead and snapping back on Quackenbush’s arm. There is commentary on this match, and Worthington tells us this is one of the forgotten holds 17 may have used. Quackenbush instantly verbally submitted at 10:15. The Cibernetico will now be under Crucible rules. This was a severe disappointment for one key reason – it felt overly rehearsed, and thus came off as hollow. There was no time I found myself believing this heated rivalry had any authenticity to it whatsoever. There were so many vocalized moments of frustration that felt cheesy, which at one point yielded laughter from the audience. The referee getting inadvertently taken out didn’t come off as organic in any way. Sure, all the moves were performed well and looked good, but if this match was recited to such a fine point it lacked emotion, that’s to be expected. This was not at all what I expected or wanted from this chapter of the story. *

Ophidian laughs as Quackenbush is taken backstage by referee Chris Bankos. He asks the Crucible to come to the ring, and they oblige, although the Whisper hangs in the background nonchalantly on the ropes. Ophidian believes the Crucible’s mission is to get rid of Mike Quackenbush, as he is the biggest threat for CHIKARA’s future. He dethroned Quackenbush tonight, and all that’s left are the people he convinced he is evil: Jigsaw, Mobius, ZERO, and The Forged. He will take care of them at the Cibernetico. He cannot wait for the fire to consume all. He has the Crucible members pay their respects, and says on March 28th, the Factory will be all his. The fans chant “CHIKARA” as The Crucible heads backstage. Of course, this is replayed promo from February 28th when the Cibernetico date was still March 28th. It’s been changed several times since, and as of now is advertised for Saturday, June 20th. We’ll see.

In the post-credits scene, we get first person vantage point of someone running away. Out of breath, they look around. The person ends up knocked down, and when they come to, Callux, still with barbed wire wrapped around their arm, is standing above them laughing while putting them in a body bag.