A Good Man Goes To War


Chicago, IL – 10.28.2017

Championship Rundown
Grand Champion: Juan Francisco de Coronado
Campeones de Parejas: El Hijo del Ice Cream & Ice Cream Jr.
Young Lions Cup Champion: Ophidian

Commentary is provided by Mike Quackenbush.

As Vlad Radinov is about to start his introductions, Sidney Bakabella interrupts and takes the microphone out of his hand. He is here to file a formal complaint. He’s sick of being bullied and underutilized as a commentator; he’s a manager and the best one CHIKARA has ever seen. However, he wants to say it to the boss’s face and asks for Mike Quackenbush to come out. Quackenbush obliges and makes his way into the ring. Sidney reiterates his points to Mike with vigor, calling him a bully in a cheap suit. During Sidney’s diatribe, Max Smashmaster enters the ring and attacks Quackenbush from behind! He tells Quackenbush that he cannot be killed. Quackenbush can’t simply fire or ignore him; Smashmaster won’t go away. He asks Quackenbush if he wants to fight, but then tells the crowd that Quackenbush only has “sissy slap fights” with his buddies. He finds a way to keep Max away from CHIKARA time and time again because he’s a broken man who couldn’t fight Max. Now Quackenbush is a suit who sits and smiles at his minimum wage wrestlers. Max says Quackenbush has nothing left to give. He demands Quackenbush take him off the inactive list. However, Smashmaster says he won’t even challenge Quackenbush to a match, because Quackenbush is a joke. As Max and Bakabella are leaving, Quackenbush suicide dives onto Smashmaster! It takes several crew members to separate them. Bryce Remsburg tells Quackenbush to not play his game. Quackenbush gets in a kick and a palm strike to stun Smashmaster. Bakabella and Smashmaster retreat. Quackenbush gets on the microphone and tells Smashmaster that if he wants a fight, all he has to do is name the time and place and he will show up. We’d find out after the fact the time and place would be November 18th in Haverhill, MA.

The Proletariat Boar of Moldova cites the saying “if you’re good to Chicago, Chicago will be good to you.” Tonight, he has to be better than good; he has to be great in order to defeat Mr. Touchdown. Touchdown wants his first point back since losing his Grand Championship bout against Juan Francisco de Coronado, but the Boar NEEDS his third point so he challenge Juan for the first time. Touchdown will discover that the Boar is War.

Mark Angelosetti {T} vs. The Proletariat Boar of Moldova {BP}

Both men shove each other after an intense face-to-face confrontation. Their lock-up is just as aggressive, and sees Angelosetti hold onto a side headlock. Boar slams Angelosetti out of it, but misses the follow up elbow. Angelosetti drives Boar into the corner for several shoulder blocks. Angelosetti uses a courting hold to mare Boar into a Magistral cradle for two. Angelosetti takes Boar down with a one-footed dropkick before re-applying the side headlock. Boar catches his crossbody attempt and throws him out of a fallaway slam. He throws Angelosetti to the floor where he does some more damage. Angelosetti is able to throw Boar into the apron. He tries to rebound off the ropes for a DDT, but Boar resists and drops Angelosetti with a Gourdbuster on the apron instead. Angelosetti uses a chin breaker to break Boar’s chinlock, but Boar reapplies it almost immediately. He does break free with another, only for Boar to catch him with a spinning side slam. He mows Angelosetti down with a big boot for two. Angelosetti gets in a flurry of offense. He fails to scoop Boar up. Boar knee lifts Angelosetti in the corner, but in the opposite corner. Angelosetti palm strikes him. Angelosetti uses a reverse leapfrog to avoid Boar’s charge and drops him with a spinebuster for two. Angelosetti places Boar on the top rope and brings him down with a superplex for two. They go to the apron where Angelosetti gets Boar down to a knee. He snaps the middle rope into Boar’s back which takes him to the floor. Boar sneaks in when Angelosetti is poised to dive and gives him the Gore for the pin and his third point at 9:28. Angelosetti getting his third point over Coronado’s career rival was a nice touch, and the two of them produced an excellent, hard hitting bout. I am very interested to see the dynamic of Coronado and Boar as opponents. ***

Solo Darling vs. Hallowicked {LOR}

Darling kicks away at Hallowicked’s leg. Hallowicked pushes her away but Darling is persistent. She goes for the Sharp Stinger early but he forces Darling away. More kicks to the leg lead to a second attempt. Hallowicked goes to the apron and tags Darling with a forearm when she comes near. He places her on the top turnbuckle. Darling blocks the super snapmare and comes off the top with a bulldog for two. Hallowicked yakuza kicks her after she goes for the Sharp Stinger a third time unsuccessfully. He picks her up into two successive backbreakers, then stretches her out across his knee. Hallowicked drops Darling throat first across the top rope out of a powerbomb position. She kicks at Hallowicked’s leg from the apron. He picks her up into Go 2 Sleepy Hollow for two. Now on her feet, Darling kicks away at Hallowicked’s left leg to the crowds delight. Hallowicked blasts her with one forearm to halt her. Darling tries to swing off the ropes with a swinging Frankensteiner. Hallowicked stops her, but Darling headbutts her way out of his arms. She side steps a step-up enzuigiri. Darling headbutts Hallowicked’s leg before bringing him down with two dragonscrew leg whips. She applies the Sharp Stinger, but has to release due to his long legs after he shifts his hips. Hallowicked kicks her in the back when she tries a hip attack. He successfully lands the step-up enzuigiri and sets her up for a super fisherman’s buster. Darling tries to counter with a sunset bomb. Hallowicked holds onto the top rope and pummels her head, but even still she brings him down with a big powerbomb! When she comes to, she goes for the Sharp Stinger. Hallowicked however kicks her in the side of the head and snatches her up into a spiral bomb for the win at 9:13. Darling had a very sound strategy, worked it as best she could, but Hallowicked caught her in the exact moment he needed to turn things around and secure the win. Darling “hanging” with the only two time Grand Champ does wonders for her credibility as a competitor and won her further admiration from the Chicago crowd. Another great bout. ***¼

Hype Rockwell gives his thoughts on Race Jaxon. Race was his brother and partner on the road, no matter how much Hype may have annoyed him. They proved the naysayers wrong when they became Campeones de Parejas. Now, every time when he goes to sleep, he thinks about the moment when a stage came crashing down on his head. He wasn’t sure what happened, but he saw Race laughing at him when he watched the show during the Secret Season. The emotional scars that were left hurt much worse than the pain he felt that night. Now is the time for Hype to get his revenge. He promises that nobody will be able to recognize Race’s face after he is done with him tonight.

Hype Rockwell vs. Race Jaxon

Jaxon hides behind referee Bryce Remsburg at the bell. When Rockwell approaches, he takes solace in the ropes. Jaxon gets in a step-up knee in the corner. Rockwell shoves him away and knocks Jaxon down with a shoulder block. Jaxon decides to leave the ringside area. Bryce is at the count of eighteen when Rockwell asks for him to hold up the count so he can go find him. Rockwell finds him up in the balcony and pummels him back down the stairs and into the auditorium. He throws Jaxon into the ring, only for Jaxon to come at him with a dropkick through the ropes. Rockwell catches his pecado attempt. He goes for a lawn dart. Jaxon slides off, sends Rockwell into the ring post, then dropkicks Rockwell into the post. Jaxon continues with the dropkicks back inside the ring. Jaxon’s double axe handles do some damage but don’t keep Rockwell off his legs for very long. Rockwell cuts him off the third time with a punch to the stomach. He scoops Jaxon up into a Michinoku Driver. Rockwell calls for the Hyper Wheel, but Jaxon boots him in the face to counter. Rockwell pulls up Jaxon into a powerslam. He goes for the Hyper Wheel again. Jaxon’s elbows do not relent Rockwell, so Jaxon decides to pull Bryce into Rockwell to break the hold. Jaxon goes through his through the ropes clothesline. Rockwell catches him and lands a brainbuster for two. Jaxon gets in a superkick and uses the opening to get on top of Rockwell and unload with punches. He chokes Rockwell on the middle rope before hitting a tiger feint kick. Jaxon peppers Rockwell with kicks inside. Rockwell absorbs them and knocks down Jaxon with a chop. Jaxon drop toe holds Rockwell into the middle turnbuckle. The time Jaxon spends admiring himself in the mirror allows Rockwell to recover and get in a flurry of offense, ending with a pop-up powerbomb for two. Jaxon snaps Rockwell’s neck on the top rope before hitting the through the ropes clothesline. He comes off the top with a dropkick to Rockwell, followed up with a discus forearm. Rockwell absorbs two of those and throws Jaxon overhead after ducking a third. He goes for the Hyperwheel. Jaxon is able to land on his feet and kicks Rockwell in the groin for the disqualification at 11:00. Rockwell’s promo was done well, but it just didn’t feel like his energy from that translated into the match. He had some great looking offense, but lacked fire in between. Jaxon played the role of a coward perfectly down to the DQ. It’s clear they have it in them to do a solid conclusion from this blueprint, so hopefully they can flesh things out and sprinkle in the attitude when it really counts. **¾

Jaxon grabs a microphone. He tells Rockwell he is tired of being embarrassed by him. Without Jaxon, Rockwell is nothing. He stomps on Rockwell’s groin before leaving.

Icarus vs. Rory Gulak

Gulak controls Icarus by his leg and then rides him in a waistlock. Icarus switches into a waistlock of his own, which Gulak rolls away from. Gulak also denies Icarus a handshake. Icarus drops his weight when Gulak goes for his leg again, right after Gulak uses the ropes to escape a waistlock. Icarus stacks up Gulak’s shoulders in a crucifix pin for two. Once again, no handshake from Gulak, so Icarus locks his joint and arm. He builds up tension in the arm until releasing so Gulak hits himself in the face. Embarrassed, Gulak takes a powder and then attacks Icarus from behind. Icarus slides to the apron when Gulak goes for the Gu-Lock. Gulak throws Icarus down by his hair, then hits a slingshot double stomp for two. Gulak chops Icarus, so Icarus responds with chops in multiple corners. Gulak stomps him down. Icarus back elbows Gulak as he comes off the ropes. He gets a quick cover after the Shiranui. A standing switch ends up with Gulak belly-to-belly suplexing Icarus into the corner. Gulak comes off the top with a splash, but Icarus gets his knees up to block it. Icarus tries for the Wings of Icarus. Gulak blocks by dropping to a knee. He spins Icarus by his knee before turning Icarus in a hands-free Scorpion Deathlock. Icarus rolls to his back to reverse the momentum, and Gulak grabs the ropes to relieve his knee and shin. Gulak and Icarus trade slaps as they get to their feet. Gulak overwhelms Icarus in the strike exchange, but Icarus wills a dropkick. Gulak backslides him for two. Icarus weaves Gulak into a Blu-Ray attempt. Gulak switches out and tries to hook Icarus for the Gu-Lock. Icarus walks up the ropes and falls back into a front bridge, pinning Gulak at 9:09. Begrudgingly, Gulak shakes Icarus’ hand. This was a solid back-and-forth wrestling match with Gulak showing a new found aggression and Icarus reminding us just how crafty he can be in the ring. That said, it feels like Icarus’ wheels are spinning in his current role. **½

Razerhawk and Sylverhawk say they have traded wins since Aniversario with the Crustaceans, and it seems like they haven’t yet settled the score. Tonight, they will do what is needed to win the war.

Sylverhawk {X2K} & Razerhawk {X2K} vs. Hermit Crab & Cajun Crawdad

X2K control the ring to start. Crab steps out of the way of a double dropkick. He sends Sylverhawk outside. He and Crawdad give Razerhawk the Low Tide early, but Sylverhawk interrupts the pin. He sends Razerhawk outside. The Crustaceans turn their attention to Sylverhawk as Razerhawk recovers, with Crab giving Sylverhawk a brutal spinebuster. They even knock Razerhawk off of the apron when he first becomes ready to tag in. After taking a lot of damage to his neck and upper back, Sylverhawk escapes a suplex from Crawdad and hits an enzuigiri. He elbows Crab to the floor and comes off the top with a high crossbody to Crawdad. Razerhawk creeps back onto the apron, and just as Sylverhawk leaps to tag, Crab sweeps out his legs and causes Razerhawk to crash onto the apron back first. Crawdad waterwheel slams Sylverhawk for two. Crab follows up with the Doctor Bomb for two. Sylverhawk ducks a double clothesline and takes down the Crustaceans with a headscissors/armdrag combo. Sylverhawk tumbles after Crawdad on the floor with a twisting plancha. Razerhawk enters the match with a top rope dropkick to Crab. A back handspring elbow follows up. Razerhawk does the deal with a Falcon Arrow but only gets two. Sylverhawk assists Razerhawk with a splash for two, as Crawdad breaks the pin. Crawdad gives Sylverhawk an Ace Crusher. Razerhawk drills Crab with the Razer’s Edge. Razerhawk cascades up Crab who counters with a powerbomb! He turns Razerhawk over into a Boston Crab. Sylverhawk superkicks Crab, but Crab doesn’t let the hold go! Sylverhawk gives Crab several open handed shots and another superkick, which finally forces him to let go. Razerhawk gets sent outside. Sylverhawk succumbs to Low Tide, but Razerhawk flings himself onto the cover to stop the count. Razerhawk gives Crab a couple of running shots in the corner. Crawdad pounces on Razerhawk mid-run the third time. Sylverhawk catches Crab during his Naniwa walk. Sylverhawk hooks him for a suplex off the middle rope. Crawdad stops him and the Crustaceans look for a double chokeslam. Razerhawk joins his partner and helps him double suplex the Crustaceans off the middle rope! Sylverhawk misses the Xyber Splash. Razerhawk dives off the top right into Crab’s claw. The Low Tide takes Razerhawk down for the pin at 13:17. This was exciting, fast paced, and very dramatic. The two teams worked their tails off and produced a quality match from both a story and wrestling perspective. The fact that this won’t be the last time we see these teams clash is great news. ***¼

Grand Championship
Juan Francisco de Coronado vs. Fire Ant

Juan Francisco de Coronado has been champion since 4.1.2017 and this is his sixth defense. Fire Ant’s gear is much darker than usual. Fire Ant controls Coronado by his arm in the opening exchange. Coronado escapes a bodyscissors and goes for Fire Ant’s ankles. Fire Ant scurries to the ropes to make Coronado back away. Fire Ant gets Coronado in a Royal Octopus hold. Coronado throw Fire Ant down and grabs Fire Ant’s legs, causing Fire Ant again to grab the ropes hurriedly. Fire Ant gives Coronado a high kick and a brainbuster for a one count, but Coronado rolls to the floor dazed. Fire Ant suicide dives after him. Back inside, Coronado grabs Fire Ant’s legs out of mid-air when Fire Ant attempts a high crossbody. He catches Fire Ant on the top turnbuckle and hooks him for a potential superplex. Fire Ant looks to counter with an Avalanche Beach Break. Coronado resists and slams Fire Ant back first onto the turnbuckle, and Fire Ant falls to the floor! Coronado drives Fire Ant back first into the ring post. Coronado does further damage to Fire Ant’s back inside the ring. A whip to the ropes seems to wake up Fire Ant, who shakes the ropes as Coronado strikes him. Another whip to the corner barely seems to affect Fire Ant! He meets Coronado forearm shot for forearm shot. The competitors daze each other with shots to the head. Coronado sends Fire Ant into the ropes by his belt and nails him with a lariat as he bounces back for two. Coronado grabs Fire Ant for the Coronado Clutch, but since Fire Ant is too mobile, Coronado spin out slams Fire Ant by his legs. Coronado gives Fire Ant a Death Valley Driver on the apron. Fire Ant gets in a few shots before Coronado then backdrops him on the ring apron. Coronado tosses Fire Ant into the ring post and drags him in a Coronado Clutch position into the aisle way. Coronado lets go at the count of 16 in the hopes of a countout victory. When Fire Ant shows signs of life, Coronado comes back out and gives him a triumvirate of gutwrench suplexes onto the floor! Coronado proudly parades the Ecuadorian flag and Grand championship as he gets back into the ring. Against all odds, Fire Ant crawls back into the ring before the twenty count. Fire Ant knocks down Coronado with a pair running forearms. Coronado ducks the Yahtzee Kick and gives Fire Ant a German suplex. Fire Ant recovers and Jon Woo dropkicks Coronado to the corner! He gives Coronado a brainbuster for two. Fire Ant wants the Beach Break, but Coronado turns it into the Tiger Driver for only a two count. Coronado pulls Fire Ant up by the antennae to the second rope. Coronado wants a super Tiger Driver, but Fire Ant fights back. He tries a super Frankensteiner, but Coronado instead brings him down with a super sit-out powerbomb! Yet, Fire Ant kicks out. Bryce stops Coronado from using the flag. He and Coronado get in a tug of war over the title. Fire Ant leapfrogs over Bryce as he’s falling with the title belt in hand into a low blow from Fire Ant! Coronado pins Fire Ant but only gets a two count! Coronado goes for the Coronado Clutch. Fire Ant counters into a prawn hold. Coronado pushes Fire Ant off to stop the cover, and Fire Ant is accidentally sent into Bryce who falls to the floor. Coronado goes to use his flag, but Fire Ant ducks and kicks him in the head. The same thing happens when Coronado tries using the belt. Fire Ant drops him with the Beach Break and covers Coronado. Bryce slides back in for a very close nearfall. As Bryce pulls himself up in the corner, Coronado uses the belt to blast Fire Ant’s leg as Fire Ant tries the Yahtzee Kick! Coronado puts on the Coronado Clutch. Fire Ant’s hand briefly touches the Grand Championship as Coronado pulls him into a bodyscissors. Fire Ant’s arm drops three times, giving Coronado the win at 25:26.

In a lot of ways, I was reminded of Fire Ant vs. Vin Gerard from Young Lions Cup VI. Fire Ant, one of the most beloved members of the roster (if not the most) fought the most reviled. Both competitors put in their best possible efforts, and Fire Ant impressed by withstanding everything Coronado unloaded. Coronado worked over Fire Ant’s back just like Gerard did. He tried to take the countout by ditching Fire Ant in the entrance way, just like Gerard did. The Beach Break got Fire Ant the win back then, and it almost did tonight. Had Bryce Remsburg been in the ring when the move landed, we may have had a new Grand Champion. Fire Ant literally felt the title pull away from his finger tips as Coronado pulled the Clutch into the bodyscissors. This was masterful storytelling. It captivated the crowd who lived and died with their hero, and in the nearly 26 minutes this match took place, all they wanted to see was Coronado lose. Brilliant stuff. ****¼

Encore Match
Jasper Tippins {DP} & Donald Kluger {DP} vs. El Hijo del Ice Cream {IC} & Ice Cream Jr. {IC}

Hijo pinches Kluger’s fanny and gives him an overhead chop. Tippins says Kluger has a chest of steel and can take five more of those chops. So, Hijo gives him five more. Tippins raises the stakes saying he could take thirteen more. Thirteen chops from Hijo follow. Then fourteen. However, Hijo gets tired and Jr. has to finish them up for him. Tippins suggests fifty seven more chops to Kluger’s dismay. Kluger blocks a chop from Jr., then dishes out his own chops in the corner. Jr. relents when they get to thirty four chops. A good sport, Hijo stands in his place and lets Tippins give him the remaining twenty three chops. Tippins takes a poll on what the fans want. A Superman Punch, Cobra, and five knuckle shuffle do not entice. Kluger slams Hijo near their corner so he can convince Tippins to do a moonsault. He tags Tippins in who puts on helmet before unenthusiastically climbing the turnbuckles. Tippins can’t steady himself on top, so he moves to the second rope. Hijo rolls to the corner and tags in Jr. unbeknownst to them. However, Kluger slams Jr. right where Hijo was, so it doesn’t matter. Tippins is still figuring out the moonsault logistics, so Jr. sneaks out and tags in Hijo. Hijo gives Kluger the Superman Punch. Jr. sticks the Cobra into Kluger’s mouth, then jabs him in the throat. The five knuckle shuffle from Hijo follows. Tippins finally fires himself up enough to hit the moonsault, but accidentally does it to his own partner! Los Ice Creams pin both members of Dez Peloton for the pin at 7:39. This was comedy wrestling gold.


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