5.2.2020
Championship Rundown
Grand Champion: Dasher Hatfield
Campeones de Parejas: Solo Darling & Willow Nightingale
Young Lions Cup Champion: TBD
Commentary is provided by Jason Worthington & Sidney Bakabella.
Razerhawk is at a loss for words for the first time in his career. He hates all the bull that comes along with interviews, and he hates all the bull Dasher Hatfield spouts too. He doesn’t believe Dasher cares about the young CHIKARA talent; he only cares about himself. Dasher’s current and historical CHIKARA achievements don’t matter. What matters is that Hatfield pinned his tag team partner , Danjerhawk,while his niece Molly McCocy gouged his (Razerhawk’s) eyes. As far as Razerhawk is concerned, that win has an asterisk next to it. He plans to pin Dasher, and there will be an asterisk next to that win too when he doesn’t win the belt.
Cabana Man Dan vs. Terry Zeller
“Stem the Hemorrhaging of Polka” – Philadelphia, PA – 2.29.2020
Dan jawjacked Zeller, then took him down with an STO after Zeller shoved him to the corner. Dan slid through his legs and hit him with a couple elbows before landing a leg lariat. Dan Kangaroo kicked Zeller. Zeller inspected Dan’s flip flops after throwing Dan face first into the bottom turnbuckle. Zeller swung first, but Dan clobbered him with his other flip flop. He smacked him in the back after a fan helped him wind up. Dan comes back into the ring with a springboard Yoshi Tonic, known as the Banzai Pipeline, for the pin at 3:05. It is always a delight to see Dan in CHIKARA. His character fits the promotion perfectly and his offense is very unique. If Boomer’s tag team with ZERO doesn’t work out, I think maybe Flip, Flop, and Flyball could be a big hit in CHIKARA. **
Sam Laterna presents to us this week’s Cibernetico Report. The captains reveal the final picks for their Cibernetico teams. Ophidian chooses the harbinger of the Crucible, Devantes, to round out his team, while Mike Quackenbush chooses ZERO. Both Cibernetico teams are set: Team Wrestle Factory sees Mike Quackenbush captaining a team that includes Jigsaw, Mobius, Joshua Wells, Xavier Faraday, JoSue Ibañez, and ZERO. The Crucible sees Ophidian captaining a team that includes Princess KimberLee, Lance Steel, Matt Makowski, Tunku Amir, E.M. DeMorest, and Devantes.
As announced last week, Boomer Hatfield will go one-on-one with Sonny Defarge at the Cibernetico event. Boomer finds the new name that Defarge suggested he take on last week is actually humorous. What he doesn’t find funny is Defarge sticking his nose in his family’s business. He suggests Defarge keep his nose far away, or that he will have a serious problem.
Thief Ant advertises a faux Los Ice Creams ice cream bar. Remember the Los Ice Creams bar they used to sell at King of Trios? Unreal good.
In a segment reminiscent of “The Barber Shop” YouTube segment of yesteryear, Mayzie Caroline asks roster members what or who inspires them. Xavier Faraday is inspired by Childish Gambino, because he’s always evolving and challenging the norms. The Whisper says he is inspired by those who aren’t afraid to try something new. Mobius says the CHIKARA fans inspire him, as do Mike Quackenbush and Jigsaw. El Hijo del Ice Cream simply replies “no sé.” Thief Ant says Soldier Ant is his biggest inspiration, especially because of his creed of “no ant left behind.” ZERO says his Dad is his biggest inspiration. Even when his pro wrestling dreams were dashed, he went off to achieve other goals. The Spoiler wants to know he inspires. One-Eyed Jack of course says the Red Queen. Mike Quackenbush says Jushin ‘Thunder’ Liger. Hermit Crab inspires himself.
Young Lions Cup XVI Quarter-Final Elimination Match
Donna Rama vs. Noah Striker vs. Oswald Project vs. ZERO
“Young Lions Cup XVI” – Philadelphia, PA – 1.18.2020
With the exception of ZERO, this is the CHIKARA debut for all competitors. Striker is from Whitewolf Wrestling, which previous Young Lions Cup challenger and King of Trios participant Carlos Romo also calls home. Rama’s usual uptight appearance has been changed to one that is much more ruthless. Her surprise attack at the beginning of the match was so effective that it allowed her to run roughshod for several minutes. Oswald and ZERO were contemplating a team-up on her when Striker blasted her with a running shin strike to the face. All three men dogpiled onto her to pin and eliminate Rama at 3:17. Despite ZERO and Oswald keeping their impromptu partnership, Striker was able to keep dominance over the both of them. Eventually, ZERO got fed up and clobbered Striker with a Western lariat. Striker and ZERO had a stiff exchange while Oswald remained outside. ZERO tagged him in, and Oswald landed a running 450 splash and split-legged powerbomb to the audiences disbelief. After a cartwheel moonsault he tagged in ZERO who hit That Japanese Move on Striker to eliminate him at 8:27. Oswald went for a hug, but ZERO dropped him right away with the Last Shaven Unicorn Drop for the win at 8:40. This was really well balanced in terms of shining the spotlight on the competitors. The Jekyll and Hyde aspect of Rama seemed to work and the crowd was utterly amazed by Oswald Project’s ability. ZERO already looks pretty darn polished and Striker was a convincing bruiser. All of that plus the dynamic between ZERO and Oswald made for a fun and cohesive package. **¾
ZERO joins Max The Impaler, Green Ant, and Ricky South in the semi-finals.
Scott Holladay presents us with this week’s Scoreboard (singles edition.) Cabana Man Dan, Sonny Defarge, Boomer Hatfield, and The Spoiler all have one point. Spoiler is happy to collect points, as it means he gets to beat people up. He reads off a list of roster members he says can’t beat him. Crucible members Matt Makowski, Ophidian, and The Whisper all have one point. Whisper says it bothers him that people are questioning why he is still with the Crucible. He says everything he does is with calculated precision. The one point he holds is only the beginning. None of his accolades happened by accident. Along the way he’s been learning and improving, and one thing he learned was that sometimes superiority gets the better of you.
Lucas Calhoun is the only individual with two points. Calhoun overheard Travis Huckabee running his mouth about how Tunku Amir would defeat him, but as we saw last week, that was not the case. He has a ton of momentum going forward, and he;s just one more point away until it’s Grand Championship time. We then hear from Ophidian who is disappointed that Tunku Amir allowed Calhoun to get a second point. If Amir fails again, there will be dire consequences.
The next match is contested under Crucible rules: no ropes, 2:00 time limit, and you can only win by submission, knockout, or if your opponent exits the ring (ring out) whether on their own or by circumstance.
Tunku Amir {TC} vs. Bobby Perez
Perez shows some resilience, but Amir’s Singafist style and ability to throw around Perez results in a Knockout at 1:34 as Amir repeatedly throws Perez’s face into the canvas.
Sam Laterna brings us this week’s Event Center. Green Ant says his trainers thought he had the right amount of heart, drive, and resiliency to take up the mantle of the Green Ant and usher in a new era of the Colony. He doesn’t feel what his trainers saw in him during training sessions has been reflected in his performances on the main roster. He thinks those antennas may be too big for him to fill. If he can’t win the Young Lions Cup, he may be the wrong individual to have taken on that role.
Sonny Defarge calls Boomer Hatfield irrelevant, as all of his best accomplishments were last year. This year, Defarge wants us all to remember that he has already pinned Boomer.
They finally reveal the masked individual who has been stalking The Spoiler – Masked Enforcer #2. He never liked the Spoiler, but he does respect him, and he can’t stand to see the disrespect of somebody taking the Spoiler’s identity. Masked Enforcer #2 is breaking his promise to his wife to have put the wrestling business behind him, to come out of retirement and teach the Spoiler a lesson in respect.
Razerhawk {X2K} vs. Dasher Hatfield
Wrestling is Fun! “Fun Returns” – Philadelphia, PA – 12.14.2019
Hatfield has firm control of Razerhawk in a side headlock to start. When they convert to Lucha, Hatfield stomps Razerhawk’s midsection to halt an armdrag, and boots him down to stop his momentum. Razerhawk gets right back up and sends Hatfield out with a neck-tie headscissors, following that with a suicide dive. Back inside, Hatfield blasts Razerhawk with a haymaker to block the 56k and muscles him up into a fisherman’s buster for two. Razerhawk also kicks out of a back body drop, so Hatfield locks him into a full-nelson while also wrapping his leg around Razerhawk’s left leg. Razerhawk escapes, but Hatfield chop blocks his leg out and blasts him in the back of the head with a sliding boot for two. An even higher back body drop earns yet another two count, frustrating Hatfield. Razerhawk makes his way to the top rope after some overhand chops. Hatfield blocks him and pulls him down into a Gory Bomb into the turnbuckles! Somehow, Razerhawk kicks out. He even lands on his feet after the third back drop and successfully lands the 56k! Razerhawk strings together a series of top rope offense, ending with a close two coun after a tornado DDT. Hatfield hooks a charging Razerhawk who reverses a Jackhammer attempt into a jackknife pin. Hatfield avoids the Xwanton Bomb and spikes Razerhawk with a DDT for the pin at 9:13. Razerhawk had a magnificent showing against Hatfield, learning from his mistakes as the match wore on, and had the audience practically begging for him to upset the champion. Hatfield as usual used his strength and wherewithal to best the opposition, but knew he had to shut down Razerhawk as quickly as possible once Razerhawk’s pin attempts became a more common occurrence. This is exactly what one hopes for in a non-title match, and was a great exclusive for the Action Arcade. ***¼
NEXT WEEK: Both semi-final Young Lions Cup tournament matches – Max The Impaler vs. Ricky South, and Green Ant vs. ZERO.
Still Life With Apricots says many have tried to leave their mark on them, including BLANK, Penelope Ford, and Ophidian. Those marks don’t reflect who they are on the inside. They then reveal an all new attire, which they call the latest and greatest of Still Life With Apricots and Pears.
The CHIKARA Special 