Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes

April 28 - Gnomes

Philadelphia, PA – 4.28.2018

Championship Rundown
Grand Champion: Juan Francisco de Coronado
Campeones de Parejas: Rick Roland & Sloan Caprice
Young Lions Cup Champion: Cameron Zagami

Commentary is provided by Sidney Bakabella, Scott Holladay, Icarus, Bryce Remsburg, and Juan Francisco de Coronado.

Razerhawk {X2K} & Nytehawk {X2K} vs. Freddie Flamingo IV & TJ Crawford

Razerhawk is wearing the gauntlets of Sylverhawk, who was taken out of action indefinitely by Merlok last weekend. The Beach Bums have some fun with Nytehawk before giving him a double chop. Razerhawk brings Crawford down in a side headlock, kneeling on Crawford’s arm as well. Crawford uses the ropes for a tornado DDT, then powers up Razerhawk onto the top rope. Flamingo limbos under Razerhawk before assisting his partner with a tandem suplex. Nytehawk blind tags in and with Razerhawk double dropkicks Flamingo to the floor. Razerhawk launches off Nytehawk’s back for a Frankensteiner to Crawford. Flamingo sneaks back in with a side headlock takedown to Nytehawk. The Bums wear down Nytehawk’s left arm while keeping him trapped in their corner. Nytehawk gets his feet up to block Flamingo’s Vader Bomb attempt and tags in Razerhawk. He nails Flamingo with a back handspring gamengiri. He goes for one on Crawford, but Crawford catches him with a backbreaker/Falcon Arrow combo. He holds Razerhawk for a double team move but Flamingo is nowhere to be found. Nytehawk superkicks Flamingo to save his partner. Nytehawk gives Flamingo a bridging German suplex from his knees, but Flamingo breaks the bridge. Nytehawk powerbombs Flamingo to block his offense. Razerhawk splashes onto Flamingo off of Nytehawk’s shoulders for two. Flamingo grabs hold of Razerhawk, but Razerhawk counters into a prawn hold for the pin and their third point at 6:42. This was a means to an end for the Xyberhawx earning a Campeones de Parejas opportunity, but the Beach Bums had another solid showing as well. **

Razerhawk says the Xyberhawx have never been hungrier and all teams need to know that they are birds of prey.

Crossbones vs. Kobald {LOR}

Crossbones has new music and a totally different look. Crossbones absorbs a forearm strike and kicks Kobald to the mat. Kobald avoids being stomped on the ground and blocks the Friggin’ Sweet Driver. Crossbones pops Kobald up and drops him chest first onto the canvas. He brings Kobald in from the apron with a suplex and snapmares him into a back kick. Kobald manages to get in some chops on Crossbones in the corner and delivers his own back kick. However, it has no effect and Crossbones mauls him with a body block right after. Crossbones places Kobald on the top turnbuckle. Kobald headbutts Crossbones off and schoolboys him down. A running Demon’s Toilet, followed by the real deal, gets Kobald the pin at 4:26. This was going okay, then Crossbones’ outfit fell apart and turned into a total mess. It just seemed like Crossbones was missing a step this whole time, which is a shame, because I really enjoyed his match with Merlok last year. Oh well. ½*

Kobald goes over his complex mathematical strategy to win the Infinite Gauntlet with Scott Holladay. Holladay cuts off Kobald due to time constraints and takes us back to the ring.

Callux the Castigator {PW}, Frantik {PW} & Volgar {PW} vs. Clothesline Curtis, Dropkick Donny & Waistlock Wade

The Proteus Wheel triumvirate take turns decimating their opponents. Callux pops one of them onto Volgar’s shoulders for a Samoan Drop, giving them the win at 2:11. They looked more polished here than their previous Trios match which is a positive. I’m interested into where this whole Professor Nicodemus thing is going. *

It is announced that the newest member of Xyberhawx 2000, Danjerhawk, will make his CHIKARA debut during the Infinite Gauntlet.

Icarus comes to the ring with Tony Deppen. Icarus says every single Wrestle Factory graduate throughout the history of CHIKARA has meant something to him. However, he is baffled by the newest batch of graduates. They ask Icarus what they can do to get better. Icarus typically rolls his eyes because they just don’t have “it” and it would be a waste of time to help them. However, if they want to know what it takes to have a killer instinct and not be soft, they need to look into Tony Deppen’s eyes.

Officer Warren Barksdale vs. Tony Deppen

Icarus joins commentary for this match. After aggressively locking up, Barksdale sends Deppen outside. Deppen gets back inside before Barksdale can attack. Barksdale gives Deppen both an atomic and Manhattan drop before knocking him down with a dropkick. Deppen pulls Barksdale face first into the middle turnbuckle and jams his left arm onto the middle rope. Deppen stomps on Barksdale’s left shoulder while stretching out his arm. Deppen captures Barksdale’s left arm in the ropes and bites Barksdale’s right hand. Barksdale fights back to his feet and knocks down Deppen with a clothesline. Deppen ducks a back elbow and whips Barksdale back into the mat by his left arm. Deppen keeps on the arm while Barksdale is grounded. Barksdale once again fights back, even rolling through an arm whip, only for Deppen to dropkick Barksdale as soon as Barksdale rolls to his feet. Barksdale ducks a running knee and sunset flips Deppen for two. He catches a running Deppen with a spinebuster after the fact. He calls for Book Em. Deppen slides off his shoulders and throws Barksdale back down by his arm. After a Gourd Buster, Deppen hits a running knee to the side of the head for the pin at 7:44. Deppen is a perfect choice for Icarus as an example of what he wants the Wrestle Factory graduates to exemplify. He displayed the no nonsense focus and desire to win that Icarus discussed all while getting under the fans skin. It’s going to be a lot of fun seeing him interact with people like Huckabee, Razerhawk, etc. **¾

Fire Ant vs. Solo Darling

Fire Ant backs Darling to the corner but does break away cleanly. The second time, Darling pie faces Fire Ant. Darling holds on tight to a side headlock. Darling intercepts an alita. Fire Ant kicks her away to avoid a Sharp Stinger and scoops her up into a backbreaker. He manipulates her fingers before bringing her down into a Mouse Trap pin for two. Fire Ant then slams Darling down into a bow and arrow stretch. Darling slips out into a lateral press for two. Fire Ant then puts her in a Stump Puller, adding an ankle lock to the hold before rolling her back onto her shoulders for a two count. Another body slam gets Fire Ant another two count. Darling takes a few more slams, but looks Fire Ant in the eyes and shows she’s still going. She strikes Fire Ant in the jaw and sends him outside with a flying double axe handle. She then gives Fire Ant a tornado suplex on the floor! Darling sends him into the ring post before rolling him back into the ring for a pop-up powerbomb. Fire Ant crawls to the ropes to avoid the Sharp Stinger. Darling tackles Fire Ant for two. She goes for a tornado suplex. Fire Ant counters with a pair of brainbusters. He gives her the Beach Break but doesn’t go for the cover. Bryce threatens castigo de excesivo, even though Darling is asking for Fire Ant to bring it. This moment allows Darling to take down Fire Ant into the Sharp Stinger, and Fire Ant taps at 7:32.

There’s a story to be told with Fire Ant fighting his friends, and I think it was done much better in his match with Ophidian than there was here. I get it, Fire Ant has a history this season that Solo doesn’t, but why is it that after a Beach Break in the ring Bryce gets angry with Fire Ant for not going for the pin, but doesn’t do the same to Solo after a suplex on the floor? To me it makes it seem like CHIKARA has it out for Fire Ant. If that’s the case, why is he still being placed in matches and not on suspension? Why is he placed in matches against his former allies if he keeps acting this way? This is a story I really want to like but there’s too many plot holes. **

After intermission, Juan Francisco de Coronado comes to the ring. He tells us today his submission for entry into the King of Trios tournament was approved. He’s had some success in Trios tournaments past, even making it to the semi-finals last year, but his team ultimately let him down each time. This year will be different, as his partners are bigger and stronger than his other teammates. As he’s about to introduce us to his partners, Sonny Defarge and Cornelius Crummels make their way to the ring. While not explicitly stated, you get the idea they assumed they were going to be chosen again by Juan. However, The Closers then enter behind them. Coronado introduces himself and The Closers as The Regime, the fourth team entered into the 2018 King of Trios tournament. Crummels and Defarge leave. Coronado then goes through the CHIKARA rule book in an attempt to admonish Dasher Hatfield, calling him a repeat offender of breaking those very rules. Coronado says he knows the truth about Dasher and soon so will everyone else. He says The Closers will defeat the Throwbacks tonight to retain Los Campeonatos de Parejas and then will go on to King of Trios to win the three gold medals.

El Hijo del Ice Cream {IC}, Ice Cream Jr. {IC}, Green Ant & Thief Ant vs. Oceanea {CD}, Merlok {CD}, Hermit Crab {CD} & Cajun Crawdad {CD}

The Creatures of the Deep attack their opponents before the bell, bringing the fight outside the ring. Oceanea brings Green Ant back inside the ring after suplexing him on the floor. Her partners help bully Green Ant in their half of the ring as Green Ant’s partners recover. After a hip attack from Merlok in the corner, Merlok press slams Green Ant to the floor. Hijo valiantly comes in but is quickly taken down and found in a similar four on one situation Green Ant suffered. Ice Cream Jr. saves Hijo from a Boston Crab, only for Merlok to pound him with shoulder blocks in the corner after the fact. Oceanea double stomps Jr. into a triple powerbomb from her partners. Thief Ant saves him from being pinned, and once again, ends up trapped and beaten down. As Oceanea stands a top Thief Ant, Los Ice Creams enter and toss her out of the ring! They and Green Ant fight Merlok three on one, finally getting an upper hand and booting him to the floor. Thief Ant antapults Green Ant to the top rope and he jumps outside onto Oceanea and Merlok. Los Ice Creams dive onto Crab and Crawdad on opposite sides of the ring. Green Ant then launches Thief Ant onto all four opponents. In the ring, however, Crawdad pops Green Ant into a German suplex from Crab. Los Ice Creams double back drop and double bodyslam the Crustaceans. Merlok cuts off El Asesino with a Pounce to Hijo. Merlok splashes Hijo in the corner and gives him a running Samoan Drop. Oceanea follows with a top rope senton and Thief Ant breaks up the pin. A modified Total Elimination from the Ants takes Merlok down but doesn’t get him pinned. Los Ice Creams stack up the Ants on their shoulders. Oceanea sneaks up on them with a double bulldog! The Crustaceans give Green Ant Low Tide. Merlok and Oceanea then destroy Thief Ant with the Tidal Wave for the pin at 14:30. This was very effective in showing how strong the Creatures of the Deep quartet is (especially with Crab and Crawdad having their most competent showing in awhile) and how resilient and wise the Ants are. It was a match that helped every competitor it needed to and was fun to watch. ***

Oceanea leaves Los Ice Creams for her three partners to attack. Princess KimberLee makes the surprise save, giving both Crab and Crawdad German suplexes, with Merlok backing down from a fight with her! KimberLee not only says she’s back in CHIKARA but that she’s the only true royalty in CHIKARA (a shot at Oceanea, the queen of the Ocean.) She also announces herself as the final entrant into next week’s Infinite Gauntlet match.

Ophidian vs. Puma King {CMLL}

King charges right away, but Ophidian evades his attack and rolls him up for two. Some fast pin attempts and a Lucha sequence leads to a stalemate. Ophidian uses the top rope for a headscissors, then Deja vu headscissors King to the floor. Ophidian follows with a suicide dive. In the ring, King drops Ophidian chest first and maneuvers him into a pump-handle powerbomb for two. King clotheslines Ophidian in the corner. Ophidian follows him into the opposite corner with a clothesline, then double knees, then a headstand double knee strike. He comes off the top with Meteora for two. Ophidian tries a headscissors. King kneels down as Ophidian tries to wrap and stretches Ophidian’s leg around his neck. Ophidian knees his way free, but King slams him off his shoulders into a senton for two. Ophidian uncorks an enzuigiri to send King to the corner. King picks up Ophidian by his legs as they’re on the middle rope, but Ophidian converts mid-air into a super Frankensteiner! Ophidian comes off the top. King catches him and gives him an Overbomb. King hangs Ophidian’s legs over his own arms and stretches him out on the mat. Ophidian sits up to release the tension and turn King into a sunset pin. Ophidian hooks King by his leg into a grapevine ankle lock. King grabs the rope to release the hold. King rolls through a sunset flip and superkicks Ophidian to the floor. King leaps off the second rope onto Ophidian on the floor! In the ring, King superplexes Ophidian. He holds on and also gives Ophidian a delayed vertical suplex. He tries another suplex, but Ophidian brings him down into the bridging backslide for the pin at 9:28. This was a fast paced, exciting match where both competitors put their best foot forward and had the crowd captivated. You don’t see many matches like this in CHIKARA these days. ***¼

Campeonatos de Parejas
Rick Roland & Sloan Caprice vs. Dasher Hatfield {T} & Mark Angelosetti {T}

The Closers have been champions since 2.17.2018 and this is their first defense. Juan Francisco de Coroando joins commentary for this match. Angelosetti’s ribs are still taped up from the damage incurred at Tag World Grand Prix and further aggravated last weekend by Caprice. Despite this, Angelosetti insists he start the match.

It doesn’t take long for Caprice to grab a waistlock. Although Angelosetti escapes, Caprice shoulder blocks him down. Angelosetti comes back with his own shoulder block. Roland tags in and pummels Angelosetti in the ribs. Angelosetti chops Roland repeatedly. Hatfield assists with the chops upon tagging in. They double hip toss Roland into double falling headbutts. Caprice enters and suffers a double hip toss himself. Roland cuts back on Angelosetti’s Magistral cradle to get a two count. Angelosetti foolishly lands some splashes, which Hatfield lightly admonishes him for as he blind tags himself in. Hatfield is able to stay on top of Caprice but Roland cuts him off with a big boot. Roland powerslams Hatfield in the corner. The Closers bully Hatfield as Angelosetti looks on. Hatfield has the chance to tag out after a chinbreaker on Roland, but doesn’t think its a wise choice. This allows Caprice to blindside him with an attack and for the Closers to continue their beat down on Hatfield. Roland scores the first pin for the Closers at 10:39 with a moonsault after a top rope Frankensteiner from Caprice. Hatfield still won’t let Angelosetti into the ring at the start of the second fall, where he succumbs to a half-nelson backbreaker from Roland right away. Hatfield kicks out of a neck hanging tree slam. He avoids another backbreaker and gives Roland a running Liger Bomb for the second fall pin at 13:57! Hatfield intercepts a clothesline from Caprice. Caprice spins him out an F5 for two. Caprice and Hatfield knock each other down with simultaneous clotheslines. Finally, Hatfield decides to tag in Angelosetti. Angelosetti muscles up Caprice into a tilt-a-whirl slam as Caprices comes off the ropes. Roland grabs Angelosetti’s foot to prevent him from giving Caprice a superplex. Hatfield suicide dives onto Roland, and Angelosetti pulls off the superplex on Caprice for two. Caprice escapes the Flea Flicker just in time for Roland to come in with a hard clothesline to Angelosetti. The Closers stack up the Throwbacks for the Deal Breaker. Angelosetti fights off and chop blocks Caprice with Roland, giving Hatfield a lateral press pin for two. Angelosetti O’Connor rolls Caprice into a jackknife pin for the pin at 18:46!

However, Caprice’s foot was on the ropes. The bell rings and the Throwbacks celebrate, but Bryce Remsburg comes in to alert referee Kris Levin of the situation. The match will continue. Caprice attacks Hatfield and throws him out of the ring. Angelosetti fights off the Closers on his own until Roland gives Angelosetti a gut buster for the third and final fall at 19:40. The story of this match was rock solid, but endings like this always leave a lot to be desired. The Throwbacks provided The Closers with their best match to date in their first defense, which was important as it happened on the same night that they were rebranded as Juan’s partners. You also now have two instances where Hatfield came so close to winning a title and had the chance pulled away at the last second. It’ll be interesting to see where the roads lead these two teams for the rest of the season. ***¼


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