Whatever Happened, Happened


Philadelphia, PA – 3.31.2017 (Air Date; Film Date Unknown)

Championship Rundown
Grand Champion: Hallowicked
Campeones de Parejas: Moustache Mountain (Trent Seven & Tyler Bate)
Young Lions Cup Champion: ThunderFrog

Commentary is provided by Mike Quackenbush.

Lucas Calhoun is standing outside in a car with snow on it. Calhoun calls Jeremy Leary an imposter. This entire season, Leary has been taking everything he thinks makes Calhoun who he is. Calhoun officially accepts Leary’s request for a Hair vs. Hair match. He tells Leary from he is no longer sowing; he is now reaping.

‘Mr. Touchdown’ congratulates Dasher Hatfield on winning the Infinite Gauntlet. Mr. Touchdown begins to warn anybody who wants to stand in Dasher’s path to the Grand Championship. Hatfield stops Touchdown’s diatribe and tells him that he wants to use his Golden Opportunity to make things right between the Throwbacks, and that when Moustache Mountain return, he’s cashing in his Golden Opportunity for both he and Mr. Touchdown to regain los Campeonatos de Parejas.

Nytehawk {X2K} vs. Merlok

This is Merlok’s CHIKARA debut. Merlok shoves Nytehawk down out of the opening lock-ups. Merlok shoulder blocks him down and demands Nytehawk get back to his feet. Merlok absorbs his dropkicks and splashes Nytehawk against the ropes. Nytehawk whips Merlok to the corner and comes in with a back handspring. Merlok catches Nytehawk’s springboard crossbody attempt and slams him down. He drives his shoulder into Nytehawk’s midsection before splashing him in the corner. Merlok misses a second corner splash attempt. Nytehawk tries a back handspring elbow. Merlok catches him in a waistlock. Nytehawk frees himself but ends up in a bearhug. Merlok tosses him overhead out of a belly-to-belly suplex. A running Samoan Drop follows. A sliding clothesline and Emerald Frosion gets Merlok the win at 5:00. Merlok came off as an absolute monster in his debut, which was the right move to make. I very much want to see him vs. Oleg. *½

Officer Bruno Meloni answered Barksdale’s distress call for backup. But he didn’t come alone. Bruno introduces Officer Magnum, a downright adorable pup. Meloni says they will be the alpha dogs of CHIKARA and restore law and order to the precinct. Meloni notices Barksdale is drinking “boot juice”, which confuses him.

Officer Warren Barksdale & Officer Bruno Meloni vs. Hip Toss Hank & Benny the Beele

This is Meloni’s CHIKARA debut. Officer Magnum is in their corner, and this is his debut as well. Barksdale controls Hank in a waistlock., converting into a front facelock and then a straightjacket choke. Barksdale puts on a wristlock and Meloni comes off the top with a double axe handle to the locked joint. Meloni brings Hank down in a waistlock. He cuffs his arms and confirms he’s “clean.” The Force give Hank a double atomic drop and a tandem Samoan Drop. Benny enters but is taken down with a double hip toss. Barksdale assists Meloni with a double splash. A double Obey the Law splash from Barksdale only gets him a two count. Meloni throws Hank outside. The Force give Benny a double spinebuster. Barksdale gets two with a suplex. He splashes Benny in the corner. Meloni takes him down with a flying headlock. Multiple knees to the face lead to a dropkick. Meloni drops Benny with a spinning headlock elbow drop. He lands a Flying DDT off the middle rope. Hank breaks the cover. Barksdale blind tags in. The Force hit Law and Order (a side Russian leg sweep/STO combo) for the pin at 4:29. I really enjoyed the tandem offense the Force put together. For what was ostensibly a squash, I think they should have been even more dominant, but that’s just personal preference. *

Princess KimberLee is very distressed that she has to face Fire Ant. She asks someone off screen if she really has to do this. She relents, telling the other person “they win.”

Fire Ant {C} vs. Princess KimberLee

KimberLee cleanly breaks a lock-up in the corner. Fire Ant does the same. They trade control of a wristlock. Fire Ant takes KimberLee over in a fireman’s carry. KimberLee resists Fire Ant’s double knuckle lock pin attempt, even when he places all of his bodyweight on her. KimberLee puts on a headscissors which Fire Ant is able to free himself from. Fire Ant counters KimberLee offense with alita’s. Fire Ant seems to have tweaked his knee after the second alita. Referee Bryce Remsburg checks on Fire Ant, giving him the courtesy to get his bearings. From behind, KimberLee kicks out his leg! She’s emotionally crushed in doing so, but then German suplexes Fire Ant, as if she has no other choice. She gives Fire Ant a kneeDT and another German suplex. Fire Ant escapes another German suplex and rolls her up for two. He thinks better of hitting the Yahtzee Kick, but KimberLee takes out his leg again. After trading waistlocks, Fire Ant is able to drop KimberLee with a brainbuster for two. Fire Ant drops to his knees when trying to run across the ring. Even though KimberLee gets in some chest kicks, Fire Ant is able to respond with palm strikes to the chest. KimberLee kicks out his leg and delivers a roundhouse kick to the head for two. She misses a Swanton Bomb. Fire Ant wills himself into hitting the Yahtzee Kick. He goes for the Beach Break but can’t hold him up. KimberLee drops him with the Yoshi Tonic for two. She goes for the Coronation. Fire Ant grabs the ropes before it is fully applied. She kicks out Fire Ant’s leg as Fire Ant tries using the ropes to get to his feet. He avoids a kick and is able to get KimberLee with a tornado DDT. He crawls over for a pin but only gets two. Fire Ant comes off the top but is caught in mid-air with a seated powerbomb. KimberLee wants the Alligator Clutch. Fire Ant does his best to defend, kicking her in the shoulder until she releases his other leg. A strike and kick exchange leads KimberLee to get the Coronation locked on! Fire Ant taps out at 12:09. KimberLee heads to the back right away after the win. I have to say, I’m really intrigued by whatever is going on between Kim and the Whisper that is making her act this way. Fire Ant is the best at garnering sympathy, so he was a great choice to show how effective KimberLee could be in the ring and get the most out of a story in which she has to hurt a friend against her will. Very good stuff. ***

Sonny Defarge says that Moustache Mountain are beginning to damage their patience. He’s also offended that the Throwbacks think they can leapfrog over them in the order of Campeones de Parejas challengers just because Dasher won the Infinite Gauntlet. They earned their points first. Defarge kindly requests that Moustache Mountain return to defend their titles, stating they fled the country shortly after winning them. They had their best of times, now Defarge wants to show them the worst of times.

Travis Huckabee & Solo Darling vs. Sonny Defarge & Cornelius Crummels

Crummels scrambles to the bottom rope after Huckabee brings him down in a waistlock. Huckabee tumbles his way out of Crummels’ wristlock. Crummels sneezes in Huckabee’s face after bringing him to the ropes. Huckabee keeps his composure and once again brings Crummels down in his own wristlock. Defarge tags in and Huckabee decides to stay in with him. He handcuffs Defarge hands until Defarge rubs his nose on him. Darling tags in. She’s forced to release a side headlock when Defarge gets the ropes. Defarge himself gets on a side headlock after going to her eyes. Darling gets the headlock back on. Defarge places her on the middle rope, but she springs back off into a bulldog. Crummels tags in. He sneezes in Darling’s face Defarge distracts her so Crummels can dropkick her from behind. He then catapults her face first into the ropes. Defarge and Crummels do a little tandem offense, including Oliver Twist for two. Darling is able to make a tag when Crummels holds her back. Huckabee helps her take out both Crummels and Defarge. Huckabee takes Crummels down with a running crossbody for two. He gets two again with a bridging butterfly suplex. Defarge rocks him with a diving European Uppercut. They hit Great Expectations on Huckabee, and Darling is stopped from breaking up the pin, giving Crummels and Defarge the win at 8:20. Defarge and Crummels gain more and more momentum towards their inevitable title opportunity. Darling and Huckabee didn’t get as much of a chance to shine as a tandem as they did in their match against the Bloc Party, but did what was needed of them. **¼

Backstage, Princess KimberLee is approached by the Whisper as she’s looking in the mirror. She says it’s over and that she is done. The Whisper says “not yet. Not if you still want to be the CHIKARMY’s perfect little Princess.” He then whispers to her what is next. KimberLee shakes her head in accepting disapproval.

Lucha de Apuesta; Hair vs. Hair
Lucas Calhoun vs. Jeremy Leary

The loser of this match will be shaved bald by the winner. Leary is still wearing Calhoun’s tiger print jumpsuit. Calhoun starts with a violence party on Leary in the corner. Leary turns it around. Calhoun shoves him across the ring. Both guys throw stereo punches. Calhoun takes Leary down with a jumping knee strike and a rolling clothesline. Leary is able to maneuver Calhoun outside and come off the apron with his own knee strike. He uses the bottom rope for a tiger feint kick. In the ring, Leary blocks a kick and drives Calhoun into the mat. He strings a diving kick to the head and an enzuigiri together for two. Calhoun absorbs some more shots before successfully hitting some karate based offense. He suplexes Leary into a senton splash. Leary is able to crack Calhoun with a running haymaker in the corner. He comes off the middle rope with a diving uppercut for two. Calhoun escapes a chinlock but is thrown down to the mat by the back of his head. Leary misses a corner attack. Calhoun catches him with a belly-to-back suplex to give himself some time to catch some air. Both men trade strikes once back to their feet. Leary catapults his way into a Rocker Dropper for two. Calhoun ducks a punch and gives Leary a pump-handle slam for two. Calhoun picks him up for the Samoan Drop. Leary fights out and lands on the apron. He clocks Calhoun before climbing up top. Calhoun crotches Leary on the top and brings him down with a super Samoan Drop! This gets Calhoun the win at 8:42. Calhoun winning here was a surprise, but certainly well deserved. He’s somebody I’d like to see elevated in the forthcoming year. Leary was a good foil for him, but something about his offense doesn’t fit. His character and personality are both solid, he just needs to put the entire package together. This was a fun feud to have play throughout the secret season. **¾

Leary tells “big brother” to shave his head, accepting his fate. Calhoun says he’s had enough of Leary’s nonsense. Leary asks if Calhoun remembers “Callux”, “Freytar”, or “Professor Nicodemus.” Leary then tells him to go ahead and shave hm. Calhoun asks him if this is what it was all about. Leary wants Calhoun’s life? He can have it. Calhoun then proceeds to shave his own head! Leary looks at him with a smile and a laugh. Leary falls out of the chair laughing. He leaves and Calhoun continues to shave his hair into a buzz cut. He tells Leary he can have everything that comes with being Lucas Calhoun.

UltraMantis Black’s says the biggest accolade of his career was winning the 2012 King of Trios tournament. He won with Hallowicked by his side, his greatest and longest lasting ally. Now, to capture the richest and most precious prize of all, he must go through Hallowicked. He does not take that task lightly, and neither should Hallowicked.

Grand Championship
Hallowicked {LOR} vs. UltraMantis Black

Hallowicked has been champion since 5.30.2016 and this is his eighth defense. Mantis attacks Hallowicked right at the bell, getting in multiple shots and a headbutt in the corner. He rakes Hallowicked’s eyes across the top rope before taking him over with a suplex. Mantis brings him back to the corner for a Mongolian chop. Hallowicked whips Mantis across the ring but Mantis comes off the middle rope with an alita, sending Hallowicked to the floor. Mantis follows with a suicide dive. He nails Hallowicked with a boot before getting back into the ring. Mantis baseball slide dropkicks Hallowicked twice. The third time, Hallowicked catches Mantis, drags him to the corner and throws his left leg into the ring post. Hallowicked throws some kicks to the inside of his leg before throwing it into the post a second time. Mantis crawls back inside just before the twenty count, but Hallowicked twists up his leg in the bottom rope. He further wears down the leg in and out of the ring. He puts Mantis in a Cross Crab. Mantis reaches the bottom rope to break the hold. Hallowicked ties him up in another leg submission to no avail. Mantis uses forearms and jabs to get Hallowicked into the corner. He whips Hallowicked across the ring but can’t follow up. He drops to his knee, allowing Hallowicked to attack with a double axe handle. Hallowicked puts on an outside toe hold. Mantis punches Hallowicked ferociously, but Hallowicked cuts him off with a headbutt. Mantis stops his momentum with a chin breaker. Mantis intercepts a clothesline, dropping Hallowicked with a half-nelson slam. He hits a second and finds the will to small package Hallowicked for two. Hallowicked tries to grab the leg, only to get kicked and rolled up into a schoolboy for two. Mantis evades a corner attack. A third half-nelson slam gets Mantis a nearfall. Mantis locks in the Cobra Clutch. Hallowicked grabs the top rope to break free. Mantis reapplies the hold. Hallowicked falls to the canvas with the hold still applied, but is able to get his arm on the bottom rope. The CHIKARA Tecnicos surround ringside in support of Mantis. Hallowicked escapes a Cosmic Doom attempt and chop blocks Mantis’ bad leg out. Mantis twists free of a Never Wake Up attempt. He catches Hallowicked coming off the ropes with a slam for two. Hallowicked comes back with Go 2 Sleepy Hollow and the Rydeen Bomb, but Mantis kicks out! Hallowicked hooks him for Never Wake Up. Mantis backdrops Hallowicked, then puts the Cobra Clutch on. Hallowicked immediately grabs the ropes, so Hallowicked cradles his leg and deposits him with a Regalplex. The Praying Mantis Bomb gets Mantis the pin and the title at 16:03! Despite knowing the outcome, Hallowicked and Mantis told a good enough story that the match still had emotion and you really felt Mantis’ win was no easy feat. Hallowicked working over his leg the entire time was smart because it’s what originally put Mantis on the shelf indefinitely, but also made it hard for him to stay upright for Hallowicked’s unstoppable finisher, Never Wake Up. Mantis wore him out with the Cobra Clutch enough times that it was easier to get him up into the Praying Mantis Bomb when he needed to, not needing the full strength of both legs. As a long time fan it was rewarding seeing Mantis finally earn such a big career accolade and being the person to unseat Hallowicked’s second reign as Champion. ***¾

Ophidian is giving Sylverhawk work out tips when Ophidian is approached by Travis Huckabee and Solo Darling. Darling is happy to hear he’s forming a group called The Furries. Ophidian corrects her and says it’s “The Furies.” Darling is taken aback by this, but Huckabee assures Ophidian that they’re both in.


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