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Fern Park, FL – 3.31.2017

Championship Rundown
Grand Champion: UltraMantis Black
Campeones de Parejas: Sonny Defarge & Cornelius Crummels
Young Lions Cup Champion: Space Monkey

Commentary is provided by Mike Quackenbush.

Xyberhawx 2000 of Sylverhawk and Razerhawk are backstage. Sylverhawk mentions how nobody has kicked out of the Closer’s finisher, the Deal Breaker. Razerhawk says they have fallen to that maneuver before, but tonight they will use their agility and “flyness” to avoid it. Sylverhawk says they will close the book on the Closers.

Sylverhawk {X2K} & Razerhawk {X2K} vs. Rick Roland & Sloan Caprice

This is a rematch from “Happily Ever After.” Roland overpowers Sylverhawk out of a lock-up, so Sylverhawk picks up the pace and takes down Caprice with a leg control fireman’s carry. Caprice tries to show him up with a step-up Frankensteiner, but Sylverhawk roll s out. Caprice shoves him twice out of frustration before tagging in Roland. Razerhawk also tags in and peppers Roland with kicks to the legs and palm strikes to his pectorals. The attacks do little, so Razerhawk sends him into the corner with a headscissors. He kicks Roland out and Sylverhawk follows with a suicide dive. Back in the ring, Roland catches Sylverhawk’s springboard attack. He passes him off to Caprice for a buckle bomb and powerslam. The Closers continue to punish Sylverhawk until he takes down Roland with a cross chest armdrag. Although Sylverhawk escapes, Roland immediately catches Razerhawk’s back handspring hip attack and drills him with a backbreaker for two. Roland misses a moonsault after a Finlay roll. Caprice notices and tries a Swanton, but Razerhawk avoids that as well. Sylverhawk lands a double crossbody off the middle rope onto the Closers upon entering. He’s able to drop the Closers with stereo DDT’s for two. Caprice flapjacks Sylverhawk before powerbombing him for two. He converts Sylverhawk into a Boston Crab. He backdrops Razerhawk as he attempts to break the hold. Sylverhawk crawls to the ropes to escape. Caprice catches Razerhawk’s high crossbody attempt. Razerhawk elbows Caprice down into a lateral press. Roland goes to splash Razerhawk to break the cover and ends up landing on Caprice! Sylverhawk dropkicks Roland from the top rope and lands in a senton onto Caprice. As Sylverhawk intercepts Roland, Razerhawk jackknife pins Caprice for the win at 9:22. This was a picture perfect “speed vs. power” match. The Closers did a terrific job showcasing their frustration with their inability to keep up with the Xyberhawx, and both teams adjusted their offense as the match progressed. This was a good way to kick off the evening. **¾

Oleg the Usurper vs. Race Jaxon

Jaxon avoids a forearm smash in the corner. Jaxon admonishes Oleg, telling him to not touch his face. The fans encourage Oleg to do the opposite. Jaxon asks for a high five as acknowledgement that he will not touch his face. Oleg instead punches him in the stomach and drops him with a backbreaker. Oleg lands a somersault senton for two. Jaxon prevents Oleg from sending him face first into the turnbuckles. He sends Oleg into it, but it does not faze him. Oleg rubs Jaxon’s face into the turnbuckle. Devastated, Jaxon checks his countenance in his handheld mirror. He does manage to avoid a kick and dropkick Oleg outside. He follows with a suicide forearm strike. Back inside, Jaxon drop toe holds Oleg face first onto the middle turnbuckle and rakes his face across the middle rope. He uses his mirror to show how ugly Oleg is before hitting him with an enzuigiri. Oleg catches Jaxon coming off the top with a shot to the stomach, then takes him down with a running crossbody. He chokeslams Jaxon for two. Kobald comes into the ring as Oleg sets up Jaxon for Off With His Head. Like he did at “Blink”, Kobald jumps in hoping Oleg will give him the move instead. Oleg sends Kobald away. From behind Jaxon schoolboys Oleg and holds his tights. It only gets him a two count. Jaxon superkicks Oleg. Oleg catches him with a splash against the ropes. Oleg hits Off With His Head (or Face, as he says) on Jaxon for the pin at 7:02, earning Oleg his third point. Jaxon’s character is derivative of past characters, but he’s really made it his own. His facial expressions alone make the watch worth your while. Kobald’s interjection was brief and had no direct effect on the finish, and the outcome played into the story they told all match long with Jaxon not wanting his face touched, so there’s a lot of stuff to enjoy here. **½

Hallowicked says that Silver Ant is standing underneath the bubbling cauldron of anger and violence that is Frightmare. It’s only a matter of time before it boils over and washes him away. If Missile Assault Man chooses to stand beside Silver Ant, so be it. Frightmare speaks incoherently after the fact.

Silver Ant {C} & Missile Assault Man vs. Hallowicked {LOR} & Frightmare {LOR}

Frightmare suicide dives onto Silver Ant during Silver Ant’s entrance. Hallowicked runs out to attack Missile. In the ring Missile goes for the sharpshooter on Hallowicked right away. Hallowicked gets the ropes, but Missile carries on by wearing down his back. He uppercuts Hallowicked multiple times before stringing three Northern Lights suplexes together. When Frightmare jumps in, Missile is able to trip him and give him the Missile Stomp. Hallowicked succumbs to it as well. The Legion of Rot is able to corner him and connect with a yakuza kick/step-up enzuigiri combo. With Silver Ant still recovering, the Rot are able to turn the tide and take turns pummeling Missile Assault Man. Missile is able to slip out, allowing the now recovered Silver Ant to jump in with a double top rope dropkick. He strings together a pair of kicks on Frightmare before giving Hallowicked an Angle Slam for two. Frightmare and Silver Ant trade strikes and kicks until Frightmare spears Silver Ant. He lands a pair of sentons for two. Hallowicked assists Frightmare in wearing down Silver Ant, keeping Missile at bay. Silver Ant avoids Go 2 Sleepy Hollow and shoves Hallowicked into Frightmare. He escapes to the floor so Missile can come in and clean house. Silver Ant shoves Hallowicked back first into the guardrails outside. Frightmare fights them both off until Silver Ant tiger feint kicks him into an uppercut from Missile. Hallowicked comes in with a yakuza kick to Missile. Silver Ant ducks Hallowicked’s step-up enzuigiri and brings him down with a one-armed powerbomb. Hallowicked is able to recover and hit Go 2 Sleepy Hollow on Silver Ant. Missile blocks Go 2 Sleepy Hollow and puts him in a sharpshooter. When Frightmare intercepts, Missile releases and puts Frightmare in the sharpshooter, thanks to a double stomp from Silver Ant preventing Frightmare from resisting. Hallowicked hooks Silver Ant for Never Wake Up. Missile goes to save him and Hallowicked dumps him outside. Hallowicked then hits Never Wake Up on Silver Ant and allows Frightmare to pin him at 12:13. This served the purpose of keeping Frightmare and Silver Ant’s feud going, but also showcasing Missile Assault Man as a friend of the Colony’s. While they’ve been tangentially connected for the past few months, this was the first time you really saw him and another Colony member connect. The finish was a tad wonky but worked out in the end. ***

After the bell, Frightmare begins to unlace Silver Ant’s mask. Missile sends them packing, sparing Silver Ant from being unmasked. Missile re-laces Silver Ant’s mask for him.

Grado introduces himself to the CHIKARMY. People have told him for years that he and CHIKARA are a match made in heaven. He is prepared to punch Mantis in the nose, defeat him, and go back home to Scotland to tell everybody that CHIKARA is the place to be.

UltraMantis Black vs. Grado

Grado gets tired from chasing around Mantis. He uses his gut to back Mantis to the corner and trap him. He has to break at Bryce’s four count. Mantis hurts his hand chopping Grado’s belly. Bryce checks Mantis and his hand drops twice. Grado goats Mantis into hitting the ropes, only to run into Grado’s gut multiple times before falling down. Bryce inspects Grado’s belly, only for it to be rammed into Bryce’s face! Mantis sneaks in a rollup for two. Grado breaks a wristlock and puts on one of his own. Mantis reverses into a waistlock, but has difficulty lifting up Grado for an extended period of time. Grado offers him a free waistlock. Grado trips Mantis and goes for a figure four. Mantis kicks him away. Grado baits Mantis into a schoolyard trip for two. They roll to the corners while in a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Bryce has to literally get in between them to try and get them to break, only to end up stuck between them as they roll to two more corners. The dizzy Bryce Flair flops upon being released. Grado peppers Mantis with jabs before hitting the Bionic Elbow. He pulls some Doritos out of his fanny pack (or bum bag) and pours them on the canvas. He uranage’s Mantis onto the non-Vegan friendly Doritos! Bryce recovers and Grado gets a two count. Grado pulls down the straps on his singlet before ascending the ropes. Grado decides instead to attempt a bottom rope elbow drop. He misses that, as well as a standing elbow drop. He crouches down for an elbow and misses that too. Mantis hits Cosmic Doom for the pin at 8:56. This is a match where you know whether or not it’s for you before it even begins. For CHIKARA, this type of encounter fits right into their aesthetic, and the crowd was appreciative of this unique bout. **

The Furies quintet of Ophidian, Icarus, Fire Ant, Travis Huckabee and Solo Darling are backstage. Icarus calls them five of the mightiest warriors the world has ever seen. They are magma, vengeance, and pain. Solo Darling is fired up by these words. Fire Ant feeds her Skittles, but Huckabee takes them away. Ophidian says he has assembled the youngest and brightest, as well as the best of the best, to protect CHIKARA. They are The Furies.

Fire Ant {C}, Ophidian, Icarus, Travis Huckabee & Solo Darling vs. Juan Francisco de Coronado, Wani, Hermit Crab, Cajun Crawdad & Merlok

Chaos ensues as all ten competitors brawl to the outside. A number of wrestlers brawl out into the crowd and into the stands. In the ring, Huckabee gives Wani an enzuigiri. Huckabee and Darling double suplex Wani. Crab sneaks in and digs his pincers into Darling’s neck. Darling rolls through a wristlock and kicks Crab away. Merlock muscles Fire Ant and Ophidian over the guardrail in the aisle. Darling sends Crab out with a running hip attack, but Crawdad sneaks in and digs his pincers into her. Huckabee tags in and assists Darling with a tandem neckbreaker. Crab chokeslams Darling. Huckabee takes Crab down with a dropkick before doing damage to Crab’s legs. Merlok peels Huckabee off the apron and splashes him in the corner. He knocks down Ophidian and Fire Ant with clotheslines as they enter, then unloads a series of headbutts onto Huckabee. Huckabee rolls outside after being drilled with a running Samoan Drop from Merlok. Icarus takes out Merlok with a headscissors and dropkick. Wani knocks down Icarus with a running back elbow and gutwrenches him into a gut buster. Crawdad whips Icarus to the corner, allowing Icarus to dip out to the floor. Ophidian outmaneuvers Crawdad before uncorking an enzuigiri. He drives his knees into Crawdad’s chest twice. Coronado intercepts a third, pulling Ophidian down into a running powerslam into the turnbuckles. He then slams Ophidian into the ropes. The Crustaceans assist in doing damage to Ophidian and also clearing the apron of his partners. Ophidian is able to kick off Crab, Skinning the Snake to the outside onto Crawdad! Fire Ant enters with a high crossbody onto Crab and satellite DDT’s Wani when he enters. Wani ducks the Yahtzee Kick and schoolboys Fire Ant for two. Fire Ant lands some rapid fire strikes on Wani. A front facelock chain is formed, When Merlok enters, the Rudos are able to suplex all of the Furies, and Merlok remains on his feet! Fire Ant is splashed in the corner by all five Rudos. Fire Ant avoids a second splash from Merlock. The Furies then all attack Merlok in their corner. Despite all five covering him, Merlok is able to kick out. Merlok fights off a satelitte DDT from Fire Ant and takes him down with a gutwrench powerbomb. Darling windmill chops Merlok before attempting multiple shoulder blocks. She’s able to spear Merlok out of the ring, but turns right into an enzuigiri from Coronado. Huckabee tries a butterfly suplex. Coronado swings him into the Tiger Driver. Icarus kicks Coronado to break the count. Coronado escapes Icarus’ Shiranui and German suplexes him into a bridge. Ophidian breaks the bridge. Crawdad grabs his pressure point. Ophidian grabs Crawdad’s pressure point and uses the top rope to hit an Egyptian Destroyer! Wani places him on the top turnbuckle. Ophidian rolls down, but ends up on Wani’s shoulders for a rolling Death Valley Driver! Fire Ant cracks Wani with the Yahtzee Kick, following up with a brainbuster for two. Wani backs Fire Ant t o the corner where Crab pinches his antennae. Huckabee and Icarus crawl onto Wani’s back and hip toss Crab to the mat into Meteora from Ophidian. Ophidian, Huckabee, Icarus, and Fire Ant wipe out everybody but Hermit Crab with suicide dives to the floor. Darling drops Crab with a fisherwoman’s neckbreaker for the pin at 20:21. While the match was action packed and exciting, it’s the little things I enjoyed most of all. Coronado was barely present in the contest, surely not wanting to expend too much energy before his Grand Championship encounter tomorrow. Wani spent most of his time in the ring with Fire Ant, a former Young Lions Cup holder, the night before he challenges for that very Cup. Merlok is still an incredibly dominant force, but isn’t infallible when stacked up against multiple competitors. The Furies came off as a strong unit showing teamwork, perseverance, and that they are a formidable match-up against a large Rudo unit. Darling being the one to score the winning fall was cool to see too. I enjoyed this a lot. ***½

Campeonatos de Parejas
Sonny Defarge & Cornelius Crummels vs. DUSTIN & Chuck Taylor™

Defarge & Crummels have been champions since “The Shape of Things to Come” and this is their second defense. DUSTIN takes control of a wristlock on Defarge in an opening exchange. He releases when Crummels threatens to use his licked palm to escape. Crummels sneezes into his hands before booting Taylor™ in the mid-section. Taylor™ comes back with a jumping back elbow, belly-to-back suplex, and one-footed dropkick. He holds Crummels so DUSTIN can hit him with a running double back axe handle. He dropkicks Crummels to the corner and sends him face first into the opposite corner. Taylor™ takes Crummels to the corner and rams his shoulder repeatedly into the mid-section before getting two with a snap suplex. DUSTIN follows suit with some his own shoulder blocks to Crummels mid-section, but that allows Crummels to muscle him to the corner. Defarge tags in and nails a pair of running uppercuts in the corner. DUSTIN catches him with the Brodie Knee. Despite this, Defarge and Crummels double team DUSTIN and maintain control. They hit the Night Cap and knock Taylor™ off the apron, then hit DUSTIN with Great Expectations to pick up the first fall at 5:53. Taylor™ starts fall two with stereo back elbows to his opponents. He Samoan Drops Crummels for two. The Attitude Adjustment also gets two, thanks to Defarge interjecting. He and Crummels double team Taylor™ in their half of the ring, with Taylor™ kicking out of several nearfalls in that period. He knocks down Crummels with a diving shoulder tackle/headbutt off the second turnbuckle and tags in DUSTIN. He comes in a house of fire with elbows and clotheslines, then dropkicks both Crummels and Defarge to the floor. He follows with a picturesque tope con hilo. Crummels is sent into the crowd and DUSTIN follows with a running dive onto him. Crummels sneezes in DUSTIN’s face back inside the ring. Taylor™ backhands Crummels before hitting Soul Food, picking up the second fall at 13:19. The third fall begins with both teams slugging it out. Crummels tosses Taylor™ outside in the hopes to double team DUSTIN. However, DUSTIN is able to belly-to-belly suplex Crummels onto Defarge. He then dropkicks Defarge while Samoan Dropping Crummels for two. DUSTIN misses a moonsault. Crummels curb stomps DUSTIN into the mat. Taylor™ intervenes to break up the pin. Crummels puts Taylor™ in a grounded Octopus hold. DUSTIN stomps Defarge to break the hold. DUSTIN falls to a leg sweep/uppercut combo. DUSTIN kicks out off Great Expectations! Miscommunication between Defarge and Crummels leads to them falling to the floor. Taylor™ comes off the top with a somersault senton! Back inside, he and DUSTIN deliver a tandem Soul Food/Sole Food to Crummels, as suggested by Taylor™. Defarge places Crummels’ foot on the bottom rope to stop Bryce’s count. DUSTIN and Taylor™ go outside to take care of, but DUSTIN accidentally superkicks Taylor™! DUSTIN shows some compassion before entering the ring. He goes for Crummels, who schoolboys DUSTIN, and Defarge holds onto Crummels feet, giving them the third and final fall at 18:35. Taylor™ stole the show with his best in-ring performance to date. The story of him and DUSTIN finally gelling as a team but coming up short was well told, with Taylor™ scoring their one successful fall, DUSTIN taking the two losing falls, and superkicking Taylor™ right before the climax. Although Taylor™ hugged him after, you can tell the seeds are planted for an inevitable split. Defarge and Crummels deserve credit too for living up to their end of the bargain with some quality wrestling. This was a fine way to end the show proper. ***½

Encore Match
Space Monkey vs. Jeremy Leary

Leary attacks Monkey from behind. Monkey tries a tail whip from the apron, but Leary pulls him back in with a German suplex. He cracks Monkey with a running jab and comes off the middle turnbuckle with an uppercut. Leary monkey flips Monkey, but of course Monkey lands on his feet. He then flips Leary into the corner. Monkey hits the Monkey-Go-Round and a Michinoku Driver for two. Leary ducks a tail whip. He grazes Monkey with a running boot to the head, then follows up with a running forearm to send Monkey outside. Monkey eats a banana to regain energy. Leary tries a suicide dive and gets blasted with a banana instead. Blinded by the shot, Monkey gets Leary to literally slip on the peel inside the ring. Monkey messes up Leary’s hair and lands a moonsault block for the pin at 4:14. This was decent but Leary’s offense just isn’t interesting. At least the crowd loved Space Monkey. ½*


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