Every Man For Himself

Every Man For Himself

Philadelphia, PA – 3.5.2017 (Air Date; Film Date Unknown)

Championship Rundown
Grand Champion: Hallowicked
Campeones de Parejas: Moustache Mountain (Trent Seven & Tyler Bate)
Young Lions Cup Champion: ThunderFrog

Commentary is provided by Mike Quackenbush.

DUSTIN is sitting in the barber chair, getting his haircut. The unseen barber tells DUSTIN that he hasn’t seen Chuck Taylor™ come by in a while and asks what he is up to. DUSTIN says he’s recording a new track called “Are You 4 Real?” He thinks Chuck might have a girlfriend now, so DUSTIN’s not entirely sure what Chuck is up to.

Juan Francisco de Coronado claims his time spent fending of peasants in Ecuador is akin to winning the Infinite Gauntlet and claims he will be victorious.

Silver Ant {C} vs. Sylverhawk {X2K}

Sylverhawk is able to match Silver Ant’s technical wrestling prowess in the opening exchange. They maneuver one another into different pinning combinations, once again reaching a stalemate. Silver Ant ties up Sylverhawk’s legs and twists his ankle. Sylverhawk uses his arms to escape and deliver an overhand chop. He uses the middle rope with a quesadora armdrag. Silver Ant avoids a crossbody, and even though Sylverhawk rolls through, Silver Ant catches him with a Michinoku Driver for two. He cracks Sylverhawk with a forearm strike for the same result. Silver Ant throws an uppercut to Sylverhawk’s left arm. Sylverhawk throws some strikes, but Silver Ant halts him with an enzuigiri. The fans get behind Sylverhawk in a chop exchange. He shoves Silver Ant head first into the middle turnbuckle. Sylverhawk comes off the top with the SaiRyo Rocket for two. Silver Ant catches Sylverhawk in the corner with a tiger feint kick. They fight on the ropes, where Silver Ant eventually throws Sylverhawk down in a Gourd Buster. Sylverhawk avoids a frog splash. He prawn holds Silver Ant into a back bridge pin for a big upset at 7:32. Sylverhawk had a terrific showing here, as he proved he could go with someone of Silver Ant’s caliber from both a technical wrestling and Lucha standpoint. He also went from getting some negative feedback from the crowd to getting cheered in victory. These two had good chemistry and kicked off the show on a solid note. **¾

We see a white board. On it is written “Grid #1 Jones, White; Grid #2 Parker, Matthews; Grid #3 Bradley, Milton.” Sitting under the whiteboard are Officer Warren Barksdale and another police officer. The new officer says he’s enjoyed his time in the K9 unit, but thanks Barksdale for bringing him into CHIKARA. An off screen voice tells them they’re on parking duty, which excites the new officer, but Barksdale does not seem thrilled by.

Obariyon vs. Hiptoss Hank

Obariyon is now decked out in silver and gold. He cleanly breaks a lock-up with Hank in the corner twice. Hank boots Obariyon in the stomach. Obariyon comes back with a flying knee strike for two. He knocks down Hank with a flying back elbow and pops Hank up into a knee strike. Obariyon lands a running knee to the back of the head before hitting the Flying DDT for the pin at 2:11. A fast, decisive win is exactly what Obariyon needed at this time.

“Juke Joint” Lucas Calhoun says lately he’s been walking around feeling like a jigsaw puzzle with a few missing pieces, but is still quite confident he will come out on top in the Infinite Gauntlet.

Fire Ant {C} vs. Max Smashmaster

Sidney Bakabella is in Smashmaster’s corner. Fire Ant throws forearms to Smashmaster’s face and kicks to his leg, but Smashmaster knocks him down with a shoulder block with ease. Smashmaster picks him up by his neck, but Fire Ant takes him to the corner with a Frankensteiner. He knocks down Smashmaster with a forearm in the corner and follows in with a dropkick. Bakabella grabs Fire Ant’s foot, allowing Smashmaster to mow Fire Ant down with a clothesline. He throws a closed fist while referee Bryce Remsburg is admonishing Bakabella. Bakabella gets in a cheap shot after Smashmaster chokes Fire Ant with his foot. He tosses Fire Ant into a senton splash for two. He muscles Fire Ant up into a suplex for two. Smashmaster collides into Fire Ant with a corner splash. Fire Ant tries to fight back with some shots, only for Smashmaster to knock him down with a boot. Even still, Fire Ant gets his shoulder up before the three count. He throws Fire Ant to the floor so Bakabella can give him the boots and a backrake. Smashmaster lifts Fire Ant in from the apron into a bodyslam. A body splash only gets Smashmaster a two count. Fire Ant is able to duck a clothesline and maneuver his way up into a tornado DDT. Fire Ant comes off the top with a high crossbody for two. Smashmaster catches the Yahtzee Kick and gets to his feet. He muscles up Fire Ant into a powerbomb. Smashmaster misses a Swanton bomb. Fire Ant hits the Yahtzee Kick. Bakabella distracts Fire Ant. Fire Ant tries to roll back up Smashmaster, but half way up Smashmaster cuts him off with a tombstone piledriver for the pin at 8:10. Like the opener, this was a really fun match, but with a totally different dynamic. Fire Ant was his usual resilient self, but Smashmaster was too dominant and had Bakabella to lend a helping hand, and in the end it was too much for Fire Ant to overcome. Max comes away from this looking like THE force to be reckoned with in CHIKARA. **¾

The Closers (Rick Roland & Sloan Caprice) plan to be the first ever co-winners of the Infinite Gauntlet. They will hand that Golden Opportunity to the Boss. Roland says nobody will be able to pin them or throw them over the top rope.

The Infinite Gauntlet

The Rules are similar to the Royal Rumble. 33 people come in at 88 second intervals. Eliminations occur when a competitor is pinned, submitted (which was not the case in the first Infinite Gauntlet), or thrown over the top rope and to the floor where both feet much touch for the elimination to be official. The winner gets a “Golden Opportunity” to be used at any point.

Order of Entry

1. Rick Roland
2. Sloan Caprice
3. Ice Cream Jr. {IC}
4. Worker Ant {C}
5. Ophidian
6. Heidi Lovelace
7. Wani
8. The Proletariat Boar of Moldova {BP}
9. Rock Lobster
10. Juan Francisco de Coronado
11. Solo Darling
12. Hermit Crab
13. Ashley Vox
14. “Juke Joint” Lucas Calhoun
15. El Hijo del Ice Cream {IC}
16. Nytehawk {X2K}
17. Cajun Crawdad
18. Razerhawk {X2K}
19. Donald Kluger {DP}
20. Travis Huckabee
21. Jeremy Leary
22. Jasper Tippins {DP}
23. Delmi Exo
24. Oleg the Usurper
25. Bullet Ant
26. Mark Angelosetti {T}
27. Dasher Hatfield {T}
28. Officer Warren Barksdale
29. Kobald
30. Icarus
31. Missile Assault Man
32. Hallowicked
33. UltraMantis Black

Order of Elimination

1. Ice Cream Jr. is thrown over the top rope by Rick Roland and Sloan Caprice.
2. Worker Ant is thrown over the top rope by Rick Roland and Sloan Caprice.
3. Rock Lobster is thrown over the top rope by Ophidian.
4. Sloan Caprice is thrown over the top rope by Rick Roland.
5. Rick Roland is thrown over the top rope by “Juke Joint” Lucas Calhoun.
6. Ashley Vox is pinned by Juan Francisco de Coronado.
7 & 8. Travis Huckabee eliminates himself and The Proletariat Boar of Moldova over the top rope.
9. Cajun Crawdad is thrown over the top rope by Dez Peloton.
10. Hermit Crab is thrown over the top rope by Donald Kluger.
11 & 12. Sylverhawk & Razerhawk are thrown over the top rope by Oleg the Usurper.
13. Solo Darling is thrown over the top rope by Oleg the Usurper.
14. Wani is thrown over the top rope by Oleg the Usurper.
15. El Hijo del Ice Cream throws himself over the top rope due to a scare from Oleg the Usurper.
16. Bullet Ant is submitted by Juan Francisco de Coronado.
17. “Juke Joint” Lucas Calhoun is thrown over the top rope by Juan Francisco de Coronado.
18. Delmi Exo is thrown over the top rope by Mark Angelosetti.
19. Jeremy Leary is thrown over the top rope by Officer Warren Barksdale.
20. Jasper Tippins is pinned by Mark Angelosetti. At the exact same time…
21. Donald Kluger is pinned by Dasher Hatfield.
22. Heidi Lovelace is thrown over the top rope by Juan Francisco de Coronado.
23. Ophidian is thrown over the top rope by Missile Assault Man.
24. Officer Warren Barksdale is pinned by Hallowicked.
25. Oleg the Usurper is thrown over the top rope by Kobald.
26. Kobald is pinned by UltraMantis Black.
27. UltraMantis Black is thrown over the top rope by Hallowicked.
28. Missile Assault Man is thrown over the top rope by Mark Angelosetti with an assist from Juan Francisco de Coronado.
29. Hallowicked is thrown over the top rope by Icarus.
30. Icarus is thrown over the top rope by Juan Francisco de Coronado.
31. Mark Angelosetti is thrown over the top rope by Juan Francisco de Coronado.
32. Dasher Hatfield wins the Infinite Gauntlet, last eliminating Juan Francisco de Coronado by throwing him over the top rope at 1:01:47.

Notes:

– The Closers (Caprice & Roland) convinced Wani to help them out when Ophidian and Lovelace were the only other two competitors in the ring.
– Ophidian eliminating Rock Lobster continues their issue that began at “Orientation.”
– Roland eliminating Caprice was a communication accident, perpetrated by Lucas Calhoun.
– Travis Huckabee was fired up seeing Boar mess with Solo Darling (a callback from “Orientation”) and a clothesline sent the Boar and himself to the floor for the double elimination.
– Icarus was back in his pre-hexing attire. We almost saw a Dasher’s Dugout reunion, but Juan spoiled it by tossing Heidi out just as the four former teammates were looking at one another.
– Oleg the Usurper was about to hit Kobald with “Off With His Head”, but refused to do, still keeping his vow to “never harm” Kobald. Kobald poked Oleg in the eyes and dropped the top rope, sending Oleg stumbling to the floor.
– Icarus saved UltraMantis Black from Hallowicked on multiple occasions, and was the man to eliminate Hallowicked from the match.
– Juan Francisco de Coronado was thrown outside by both Throwbacks, but only foot touched the ground. He hopped his way back into the ring and clotheslined Angelosetti to the floor.

This Infinite Gauntlet was more top heavy than the last, with most of the significant players coming in the last third of the contest. We got some nice nods to rivalries past and present, and some teases of what may be to come, making everything feel substantial. Dasher winning here makes a lot of sense. In my eyes, he already earned a Grand Championship match after pinning Hallowicked in the Cibernetico, so this win expedites the process and allows Hatfield to leap overall the three point ruling and get right to the title bout. One thing I missed here that was in the previous gauntlet was the inclusion the “blast from the past” entrants, as that added a bit of unpredictability and fun for fans like myself. There was a little too much down time between eliminations, making for a crowded ring at times, and while that was a bit off putting at times, the eliminations were much more clear this time around. ***¼

In a post-credits scene, Ophidian is backstage talking to Fire Ant. Ophidian says they both lost brothers in Chicago (Amasis and Soldier Ant). Ophidian says they can’t let that happen again. They need to assemble, and Ophidian is putting a team together. Mike Quackenbush comes by and asks what’s going on. Ophidian asks Mike who is going to avenge Amasis and prevent CHIKARA from being invaded again? Mike says he has a contingency plan in place. Fire Ant cuts Mike off. He says he and Ophidian have been talking for a while and he agrees that Ophidian’s solution is the right one. He tells Ophidian he’s “in”, shakes his hand, and walks off.

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