Philadelphia, PA – 2.4.2017 (Air Date; Film Date Unknown)

Championship Rundown
Grand Champion: Hallowicked
Campeones de Parejas: Moustache Mountain (Trent Seven & Tyler Bate)
Young Lions Cup Champion: ThunderFrog

Commentary is provided by Mike Quackenbush.

The show opens with Princess KimberLee taking a seat in a barbershop. She tells the barber (who we can’t see) what she wants done to her hair. The barber asks what’s been going on in her life. She states “don’t even get me started, there’s a lot to talk about.” It’s worth noting the camera shows a metallic skull wearing a crown in the barbershop.

Missile Assault Man vs. Hiptoss Hank

Hank falls victim to a series of uppercuts. Hank tries a headscissors but is cut off with a backbreaker. Missile attacks with a running uppercut to the shoulders, then a second to the chest. Hank back elbows Missile to stop another attack. Missile however drops him with a rolling fireman’s carry slam. He puts Hank in the Sharpshooter and Hank taps out at 1:37. I’m all for keeping the Missile Assault Man momentum train going.

Solo Darling asks Princess KimberLee for advice against the Proletariat Boar of Moldova, since KimberLee has faced larger opponents on many occasions. Kimberlee tells her to get out of the way if they’re going to fall on her; getting your knees up won’t be enough. When they hit you, hit them back just as hard if not harder. Finally, if the opportunity presents itself, go for a roll-up, as it may be their demise. Knowing Solo’s love of candy, Princess KimberLee presents her with some peanut M&M’s.

Solo Darling vs. The Proletariat Boar of Moldova {BP}

Travis is the referee for this match. You may remember Travis remained steadfast in his decision to award Solo Darling her match against Max Smashmaster at “Supremacy”, despite Max and Sidney Bakabella bullying Travis after the fact, insititng his foot was on the ropes at the three count. Boar stops Darling from getting a sugar rush from her sugar drink before the bell. Angry, Darling lights him up with some shots to the chest. Boar knocks her down with a clothesline for two. He chokes her with his boot before driving the back of her head into the mat twice. He slams Darling into an elbow drop, pulling her shoulder up before a three count can be registered. Boar whips her to the corner before spinning her out into a side slam. Once again he pulls Darling’s shoulder up, raising Travis’ ire. Boar knocks her down with the boot. Travis calls for the bell, disqualifying Boar for castigo de excesivo, giving Darling the win. This accomplished what it needed to, furthering whatever relationship Darling and Travis have. ½*

Unhappy with his call, Boar pie faces Travis. Travis gives him a punch, and pulls off his shirt looking for a fight! Unfortunately, the Boar takes him down with a spear. As Boar is pummeling Travis, Darling leaves and quickly returns with Princess KimberLee. Boar flees, and Darling and KimberLee make sure Travis is okay.

Dasher Hatfield {T} vs. Heidi Lovelace

Commentary states that Lovelace requested this match as she wanted to test herself against CHIKARA’s finest. Hatfield shakes Lovelace’s hand to start. They trade holds until Hatfield gets Lovelace in an Oklahoma Roll for two. They fight for a hip toss. Lovelace tumbles through but falls to a pair of armdrags and a double wrist clutch drag from Hatfield. Lovelace comes back with some armdrag variants of her own as well as a satellite headscissors. Hatfield halts a Saito suplex. He evades a dropkick and rolls Lovelace down into a waistlock, applying pressure to her mid-section. Lovelace is able to escape. She tries Deadly Nightshade. Hatfield takes a kene and schoolgirls her for two. He puts her in a Rings of Saturn before stacking her up onto her shoulders for another two count. Hatfield catches Lovelace coming off the ropes, bringing her down with a low flying headlock. He tries getting a pinfall while keeping the headlock applied, but Lovelace keeps her right shoulder up. She turns a lariat attempt from Hatfield into a crucifix pin. She then puts on her own Rings of Saturn when Hatfield kicks out. Hatfield gets up to his feet and maneuvers Lovelace forward so he can transition into an abdominal stretch. He rolls her down into a seated pendulum stretch, rocking her back and forth. He then gets to his feet for a proper pendulum stretch, which she rolls forward into a prawn hold for two. Hatfield evades an attack of the top rope. Despite this, Lovelace knocks Hatfield down with a clothesline. He whips through a clothesline, but Lovelace successfully pulls off the Deadly Night Shade. A super senton splash gets Lovelace another two count. She throws chest kicks before attempting a Heidi-Can-Rana. Hatfield stops that. Lovelace goes for a Yoshi Tonic. Hatfield halts it and backslides Lovelace for an incredibly close two count. Hatfield blocks her knee strike. She escapes a Jackhammer attempt. Hatfield uses the ropes for a slingshot belly-to-back suplex. She brings Hatfield down from the top turnbuckle with a Frankensteiner for two. She tries for a tornado DDT, but Hatfield brings her down into a small package. The two of them roll around on the mat until Hatfield is able to hold Lovelace’s shoulders down for a three count at 14:18. You could tell by what Hatfield said before shaking hands with Lovelace that this was her farewell match. They stayed competitive with chain wrestling, but never struck each other. Lovelace only kicked Hatfield near the end when the time was right. If you’re going to have a match between friends, this was a good way of doing so. ***¼

Jasper Tippins says he and Donald Kluger got embarrassed by Crummels and Defarge in Chicago. Tippins tells Kluger they lost because Kluger isn’t following the exercise regimen he made for him. Kluger tells Tippins to check his quads to prove he is following the regimen. Tippins apologizes for doubting him. It occurs to Tippins that they need a cheat day in their diet. Perhaps some Ice Cream. Kluger tells Los Ice Creams that they respect them for being long standing CHIKARA roster members, but tonight, they’re taking their cheat day.

El Hijo del Ice Cream {IC} & Ice Cream Jr. {IC} vs. Jasper Tippins {DP} & Donald Kluger {DP}

Los Ice Creams pinch Dez Peloton’s buttocks’ before the bell. Fired up, Tippins goes after Hijo and ends up being tripped. He gets schoolyard tripped over Hijo and Jr. thrice. Kluger trips Tippins and brings him to the floor. Dez Peloton avoid a sliding dropkick from Jr. and drive his face into the apron. Hijo teases a dive and then slaps Dez Peloton’s backs. In the ring, Hijo slaps Kluger’s back. Kluger slingshots Hijo into a boot from Tippins. Tippins drives his posterior into Hijo’s chest and across Kluger’s knees. They try the Broken Arrow on Jr. Hijo trips Tippins and sneaks in behind Kluger, picking him up by the legs. Tippins headbutts Hijo, knocking down everyone. Tippins and Hijo fight on the apron. Tippins simply moves out of the way of an Hijo attack, causing Hijo to crach onto the ring apron. Tippins timber falls onto Hijo. Jr. and Kluger airplane spin each other. Hijo tags Kluger, entering the match and attacking his own brother. He gives Jr. and Tippins Cold Stone Stunners, only for Kluger to enter and hit Hijo with the Cold Stone Stunner. Everybody recovers looking for a tag. When they realize all four corners are empty, they charge at one another in a quadruple clothesline. Kluger drapes his arm onto Jr. and Dez Peloton get the win at 5:40! This was as goofy as I wanted it to be. If there was ever a match that could have used more time, it was this one. *

N_R_G are backstage. Race Jaxon says they didn’t end Season 16 so great, but feels they’re unstoppable when they’re on the same page. Jaxon says they’re going to start Season 17 strong. Hype Rockwell quotes Rockwell’s hit song “Somebody’s Watching Me” before telling Jaxon that they are decidely not on the same page. He leaves, and Jaxon is visibly angry at this sentiment.

Ophidian vs. Rock Lobster

Ophidian decides to trip Lobster instead of accepting his test of strength. Some quick Lucha action sees Lobster roll on the top rope for an armdrag. He showboats instead of following up, allowing Ophidian to take him down with a headscissors. Lobster responds with some right hands. Ophidian grabs a nerve hold before landing an enzuigiri. Lobster baits Ophidian to the apron for a shoulder block to the stomach. Ophidian jabs Lobster in the throat to stop a second rope suplex. Ophidian comes off the top with Chocolate Rain. He drives his knees into Lobster’s chest. Ophidian headscissors up. Lobster gets up and spins out Ophidian off of his shoulders into a slam. Lobster tries multiple lateral presses but only gets two counts. Ophidian rolls up from the apron. Lobster trips Ophidian as Ophidian hits the ropes. Lobster slingshots in with a splash for two. Lobster teases the People’s Elbow, but instead tries another lateral press. Ophidian comes off the second rope with a Duat Driver. Ophidian escapes another trip. Lobster however gamengiri’s him from the apron for another two count. Ophidian spin kicks Lobster in the side of the head. He uncorks an enzuigiri and drives his knees into Lobster’s chest twice. Lobster rolls out of the way from Chocolate Rain and jams Ophidian’s throat into the middle rope. Lobster is too busy taunting the crowd to notice Ophidian coming through the ropes with a dropkick. Ophidian capitalizes with an Asai moonsault. Ophidan tries to throw Lobster back in. Lobster instead uses the apron and bottom rope for a tiger feint kick. He suplexes Ophidian on the apron. Ophidian rolls off the apron and tornado DDT’s Lobster on the floor. Ophidian gets to his feet first, but Lobster holds onto his foot so he can’t enter the ring. Both men are counted out at 7:13. This was fast paced, energetic craziness that the crowd ate up. Amidst the action they kept their character traits in tact and told a fun little story. I’m confident the double count out is leading into a larger narrative, so it didn’t bother me. This felt like a genuine coming out party for Rock Lobster. ***

The Batiri (Obariyon & Kodama) are standing by, still in red and black paint and attire. Kodama says they are nobody’s pawns or toys to be manipulated. Obariyon says Hallowicked may try to place blame on Nazmaldun, but they hold him solely responsible for everything that transpired last season. They will make Hallowicked pay.

Hallowicked {LOR} & Frightmare {LOR} vs. Obariyon {B} & Kodama {B}

Obariyon and Kodama don’t wait for a bell before attacking their former allies. The Batiri absorb a pair of boots and clothesline the Legion of Rot to the floor. The Batiri take both of them down with a Manhattan Drop/running knee strike combo when they re-enter the ring. The Legion of Rot retreat but the Batiri suicide dive after them. The Legion turn things around outside by sending Obariyon into a ring post. They capitalize by keeping Obariyon isolated in their half of the ring. Twice Obariyon was so close to tagging in his partner, only for him to be halted on the first instance, and Hallowicked pulling Kodama off the apron to prevent the tag the second time. The second time Hallowicked tries to do this, Kodama wisely sees it coming and punts Hallowicked, giving Obariyon, who just slammed Frightmare, the all clear to tag out. Kodama slams Frightmare’s face into the canvas before hitting a neckbreaker. Hallowicked breaks his cover, but takes a springback Ace Crusher for his troubles. Frightmare breaks his count this go around. Kodama fights them off and hits a double springback Ace Crusher. He pins Hallowicked for two. Hallowicked stops Obariyon’s reverse Go 2 Sleep and hit him with an assisted Go 2 Sleepy Hollow. The Legion of Rot try the Headless Horsemen on Kodama. Obariyon fights them off, taking them down with differing knee strikes. Hallowicked halts Obariyon on the top rope with a step-up enzuigiri. Obariyon falls victim to the Headless Horseman. Kodama jumps in to stop the pinfall. Frightmare holds Kodama in the corner so Hallowicked can hit him with a step-up enzuigiri. Frightmare flies off the middle rope with a back cracker, pinning Kodam at 11:23. These two teams always have great chemistry as partners and opponents and this was no different. Everyone was on top of their game and put together a fun and engaging contest. ***¼

Kobald comes out on the entrance ramp, looking conflicted as to whether or not to save his Batiri cohorts. He stays put as Hallowicked drops Kodama with Never Wake Up. Kobald heads backstage as Hallowicked hits Kodama with Never Wake Up a second time. Kodama has to be carried out by Obariyon and multiple CHIKARA staff members. With Kodama now on the inactive CHIKARA roster page, this may be his final appearance in the company.

After the credits, we see Mike Quackenbush exiting his office in the Wrestle Factory. Referee Travis shoves his referee shirt into Quackenbush’s chest and says “I’m ready.”


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