Chicago, IL – 12.3.2016

Championship Rundown
Grand Champion: Hallowicked
Campeones de Parejas: Moustache Mountain (Trent Seven & Tyler Bate)
Young Lions Cup Champion: ThunderFrog

Commentary is provided by Mike Quackenbush.

Bullet Ant was originally scheduled to team with Silver Ant for the opening contest, but unfortunately he was unable to appear Therefore, we go to the hat to pull out a new partner for Silver Ant. Joe Maddon and John Cusack are not around, but Space Monkey is! He will take Bullet Ant’s place in our opening contest.

Silver Ant {C} & Space Monkey vs. Juan Francisco de Coronado & Wani

Monkey eats a banana as he ducks Coronado’s clotheslines. He uses Wani as a diversion so Coronado can strike Monkey from behind. Monkey ducks a double clothesline and dropkicks Coronado and Wani simultaneously. Monkey uses the banana peel to make Wani slip. Coronado disposes of the peel but takes a monkey flip. Silver tries teaching Monkey to attack Wani’s arm from the top rope, as he does, but Monkey just bites Wani each time. Wani goes to Silver Ant’s eyes to stop the onslaught. Wani takes a chop exchange. They evade one another’s kicks until Silver Ant sends Wani outside with an enzuigiri. Coronado halts Silver Ant’s dive, so he tags in Monkey. Monkey takes Coronado over with a Frankensteiner. Wani holds onto Coronado’s waist so that Monkey’s monkey flip fails. Coronado slingshots Monkey into a neck snap across the top rope from Wani for two. Juan y Wani work over Space Monkey in their corner until he slides out of a double back suplex and tags in Silver Ant. Silver Ant takes out Wani with a flying forearm. Silver Ant tiger feint kicks Coronado in the corner and comes off the top with a falling splash. Wani breaks the pin. Wani superkicks Silver Ant into a Tiger Driver from Coronado. Monkey is well enough to jump in for the rescue. Monkey evades a double clothesline and takes both of them down with a moonsault block for two. Monkey misses a tail whip. Wani superkicks Monkey. Silver Ant bicycle kicks Coronado before he can give Monkey a Tiger Driver. Silver Ant pops Wani into Monkey’s upturned feet before diving out onto Coronado outside. A roundhouse tail to the face gives Monkey the pin over Wani at 11:24. Monkey was a nice surprise and more than deserves at least a semi-regular roster spot. He and Silver Ant had surprisingly good chemistry too. This was a fun, high energy match to kick off the show and the Chicago crowd responded favorably. **¾

We see Jeremy Leary combing his hair backstage. He reminds us that he was in the Young Lions Cup tournament earlier this year. At the tournament, he and the fans had a good time, and yet, he has not been back in CHIKARA since. In that period, he’s gone from young lion to angry hyena. He’s going to take out all of the beloved members of the CHIKARA roster one by one, starting with Officer Warren Barksdale. He’s going to fight the law and win.

Officer Warren Barksdale vs. Jeremy Leary

Leary comes out charging, only to be met with armdrags and hip tosses. Barksdale dropkicks Leary to the floor which angers the returning Young Lion. Barksdale tries to hook him up in the ropes, but Leary slips away in fear that his hair will be compromised. Inside, Barksdale lands a running crossbody for two. Leary protects his hair in the corner, so Barksdale checks him for foreign objects. He finds a switchblade comb in Leary’s boot. Leary pulls out a second comb and they circle each other while the fans sing “Beat It.” They almost re-enact the knife fight, but referee PJ Drummond puts a halt to it. Leary uses the ‘68 Comeback Special on Barksdale. He drives Barksdale’s head into his knee. He boots Barksdale in the face from the apron and gets a two count with a running boot. After a Death Valley Driver, Leary hits a low superkick on Barksdale for two. Barksdale tries to fight Leary off, only for Leary to take him down with a powerslam for two. Leary picks up momentum off the ropes, only to take a knee and grab a chinlock. He then brings Barksdale to his knees with a double knuckle lock. When Barksdale fights up, Leary catapults up into a Fame-Asser for two. Barksdale fights off Leary when he is taken to the top turnbuckle and comes down with a flying clothesline. He takes over Leary with a German suplex for two. Barksdale tries for Cease & Desist but Leary puts his shins up to block. Leary teases a GTS put just pops Barksdale down into a punch. Out of anger, Barksdale takes off his two gloves and drops Leary with a flapjack. He messes up Leary’s hair before giving him a 2k1 Bomb. Leary rolls outside before Barksdale can go for a pin. Leary grabs his comb and tosses it into the ring. While PJ Drummond is taking care of it, Leary passes his other comb into Barksdale’s hand to frame him. The distraction allows Leary to O’Connor Roll Barksdale and hold his tights to get the pin at 12:42. That finish was very dissatisfying and contrived, which is a shame because Leary had a pretty strong showcase otherwise. If he isn’t put against Lucas Calhoun soon, something is wrong with this world. **

Chuck Taylor™ claims that when Michael Jackson said “this is it”, he was talking about him and DUSTIN winning the Campeones de Parejas. Sooner or later they’re going to be the champs. DUSTIN walks off, not necessarily thrilled about the prospect of him and Taylor™ being Campeones.

Race Jaxon {NRG} & Hype Rockwell {NRG} vs. DUSTIN & Chuck Taylor™

N_R_G don’t know what to make of Taylor™’s chicanery and singing. He shots to Rockwell’s stomach have no effect. Rockwell grabs a courting hold, transitioning into a wristlock. Taylor™ tries to roll out, but Rockwell tumbles with him. Taylor™ shoves Rockwell, so Rockwell shoves him back, causing Taylor™ to roll back into his corner. DUSTIN decides to come in when Taylor™ rolls outside. He and Jaxon have a fast paced, but even exchange. Taylor™ boots Jaxon in the stomach upon entering, but Jaxon quickly takes him to the corner where he and Rockwell take him over with a double suplex and double basement dropkicks. DUSTIN evades a corner attack and overhead suplexes Jaxon onto Rockwell. Fired up, he takes off his sweater and gives it an elbow drop. Taylor™ over the microphone instructs DUSTIN to put it back on, which DUSTIN begrudgingly agrees to do so. That distraction allows N_R_G to take back over with corner splashes and an enzuigiri/corner dropkick combo. DUSTIN sends them outside. He’s poised to dive when Taylor™ stops him. He does some singing to N_R_G, then DUSTIN hits a tope con hilo onto them. Rockwell is sent crashing into Jaxon on the apron. As Rockwell checks on him, Taylor™ chop blocks Rockwell’s leg out. Taylor™ and DUSTIN work over Rockwell’s leg. Rockwell tried to tag out before DUSTIN became involved, but Jaxon denied him the tag! Despite taking the Brodie Knee, Rockwell has the wherewithal to catch DUSTIN with a spinning powerslam. Jaxon decides to come back on the apron as Rockwell takes down Taylor™ with a pump-handle slam. Jaxon blind tags in and comes off the top with a dropkick. Jaxon goes for a corner splash, but Taylor™ moves and DUSTIN cracks him with a gamengiri from the apron! He does the deal with a Falcon Arrow but Rockwell saves his partner. Rockwell goes to send Taylor™ into a rolling forearm from Jaxon, but Taylor™ reverses and Jaxon hits Rockwell instead! Jaxon doesn’t seem bothered, but is knocked down with a back elbow from Taylor™. Taylor™ tries the New and Improved Sole Food on Rockwell. Rockwell blocks. He goes for the Hyperwheel. DUSTIN comes in with a springboard dropkick on Rockwell, and Taylor™ pins him at 14:50! This was so much fun. People love the pair of Chuck Taylor’s and the team made the most of the adulation. Jaxon’s slow turn on Rockwell is progressing at the right rate and the crowd responded accordingly. The action itself was solid too, making this an overall success. ***

Dasher Hatfield was proud to bring Mark Angelosetti into CHIKARA. Despite his cheating, dastardly ways, Dasher made Mark his project. When Dasher discovered that Mark had been loading the elbow pad he was gifted at the end of the Challenge of the Immortals, he promised himself he wouldn’t be fooled into thinking Mark was a good person ever again. When they wrestled in Philadelphia last month, he saw a dead in Mark’s eyes he had never seen before. That proved to Hatfield that Mark truly was hexed and not acting on his own will. Dasher apologizes for not believing Mark before that match, and vows to do whatever it takes until Mark is a part of his family once again.

Torneo Cibernetico
Dasher Hatfield, Heidi Lovelace, Princess KimberLee, Fire Ant {C}, ThunderFrog, Ophidian, Missile Assault Man & Oleg the Usurper vs. Hallowicked, Mark Angelosetti, Obariyon {B}, Frightmare, Jigsaw, Kodama {B}, Icarus & Kobald {B}

Because of the nature of this match, there will be no play by play. I’ll list the eliminations (in order) and other interesting and important notes of the match.

The Rules

Lucha tags are in effect, meaning in addition to physically contacting a wrestler, leaving the ring counts as a legal tag. Each team has a batting order that must be followed. That means that the wrestler in the ring must tag out to the next man in the batting order. Only the next wrestler in the batting order is up on the apron while the remaining teammates on each team wait on the floor. If the batting order is broken, the team can be disqualified. The order in which the participants are listed above is the batting order for both teams. The match is under elimination rules by pinfall, submission, disqualification or count out. There can only be one winner, so if more than one person on a team survives when all members of another team have been eliminated, those teammates must wrestle each other to determine the winner.

UltraMantis Black is in the corner of Hallowicked’s team.


– Oleg the Usurper is eliminated in 31:45 by Hallowicked via Never Wake Up. Twice through the team’s rotation, Oleg chose not to strike Kobald. When things broke down and multiple participants were diving outside, Oleg went to dive but was stopped by Kobald. While Oleg thought about potentially striking Kobald, Hallowicked snuck in and dished out the first elimination.
– Frightmare is eliminated in 36:30 by Ophidian with an Egyptian Destroyer. With Frightmare taking Amasis’ mask earlier in the day, their exchange was quite heated. Ophidian got the better of it with the Destroyer which evened up the odds between the teams.
– ThunderFrog is eliminated in 39:37 pinned by Kodama after he and Obariyon him with the Seventh Circle. After the ThunderFrog used the Hammer of Peace to rid the ring of the heXed Men, he and Kimber Lee almost had their kiss they had teased since “King of Trios.” Instead, the Batiri spoiled the moment and eliminated the Young Lions Cup champion.
– Heidi Lovelace is eliminated in 43:23 by Mark Angelosetti. Heidi went for her rebound tornado DDT, but Angelosetti turned it into an over the shoulder cutter (similar to the Big Ending) to eliminate her.
– Princess KimberLee is eliminated in 45:01 by Icarus via Blu-Ray. After Heidi was eliminated, KimberLee unloaded with German suplexes to all of the heXed Men. Icarus however was able to take her down during the frenzy.
– Obariyon is eliminated in 51:19 by Fire Ant. Fire Ant had been isolated by the heXed Men for a while when Obariyon decided to unwisely yell to Fire Ant that he was a disappointment to Soldier Ant. Fire Ant moved out of the way of Obariyon’s top rope attack, then struck before drilling Obariyon with a brainbuster to send him packing.
– Kodama is eliminated in 52:37 by Fire Ant via brainbuster. Kodama falls the same way his tag partner did, moments after Jigsaw saved himself from being pinned by rolling to the floor after a Yoshi Tonic.
– Kobald is eliminated in 53:19 by Fire Ant via tornado DDT. Fire Ant eliminates all 3 Batiri members in a row! Kobald fell victim after missing a spear. With these three eliminations, the teams were once again even.
– Fire Ant is eliminated by Hallowicked in 55:12 via Never Wake Up. Fire Ant tried another tornado DDT, only for Hallowicked to cut back and hit his kill move.
– Ophidian is eliminated in 56:23 by Jigsaw. As Ophidian was coming off the top with double knees to Angelosetti, Jigsaw caught him mid-air with a superkick and dropped him with a brainbuster afterwards for the elimination. Right after this elimination, Dasher Hatfield was taken out by Icarus on the floor with a Pedigree.
– Jigsaw is eliminated by Missile Assault Man in 1:01:29 via schoolboy. After taking a lot of damage, Missile baited Jigsaw in by begging him to strike. Jigsaw went for a superkick, Missile evaded, and rolled Jigsaw up for the elimination and a big roar from the crowd.
– Icarus is eliminated by Missile Assault Man in 1:03:06 with the Missile Launcher. Attacked by all the remaining heXed Men at Jigsaw’s elimination, Missile managed to send Hallowicked and Angelosetti outside long enough to take out Icarus. The two sides were once again even.
– Missile Assault Man is eliminated at 1:04:23 by Hallowicked via Never Wake Up. Despite a strong effort, Missile would not be the first person to kick out Never Wake Up. The only man left on the CHIKARA side is the unconscious Dasher Hatfield.
– Mark Angelosetti is eliminated in 1:09:22 by Dasher Hatfield via running Liger Bomb. Hatfield found new life after kicking out of a pin after he was brought back in from the outside. He scored a big suicide dive onto both Hallowicked and Angelosetti on the floor. Hallowicked and Angelosetti tried a double superplex, but Hatfield fought them off and brought down Angelosetti for the elimination.
– Dasher Hatfield wins the 2016 Cibernetico, last eliminating Hallowicked at 1:11:27 with a super Jackhammer, countering Hallowicked’s attempt at a super Never Wake Up. This came after Hallowicked tried turning his mask askew and submitting him to the CHIKARA Special. As Ophidian foretold, Hatfield was the one to lead CHIKARA to victory.

The entire CHIKARA’s Mightiest Heroes team celebrates with Hatfield. All of them head to the back, except Ophidian. Ophidian rips off the Eye of Tyr from around Mantis’ neck and tells Mantis to “be free.” Mantis holds his head in anguish, but then stands up out of his wheelchair! He sees Hallowicked in the ring, points at him, then enters the ring himself. Hallowicked exits. Much like Delirious did in 2012 when Mantis freed him of the Eye of Tyr’s spell, Mantis informs Hallowicked that “he remembers everything.” Mantis then runs to the back.

This was a match in which the parts were greater than the overall sum. The small story threads with Oleg and Kobald, Fire Ant’s trifecta of eliminations, Frightmare and Ophidian’s small flurry, Missile Assault Man’s coming out party as a tried and true Tecnico, and Mantis being freed from Nazmaldun were all really fun to watch. The rest of the match had good, solid wrestling but was mostly just background noise to fill time between the narrative pieces. It’s not the best Cibernetico, but a good one with some memorable moments. Part of me wishes that more things were paid off instead of built for future execution, but that’s more of a personal preference than a slight. ***½

Drew Gulak comes out for the encore match. He says in 2004 he and his brother started training at the CHIKARA Wrestle Factory in Allentown, PA. He became a full-time student within six months, and twelve years later, both he and his brother still wrestle. Gulak has had some pretty big opportunities coming to him as of late. In the middle of these opportunities, Director of Fun Mike Quackenbush asked Gulak for a list of people he’d like to wrestle on his way out. The first name on that list was his brother Rory Gulak, who could not be in Chicago for the night. He begins to mention the second name when Mike Quackenbush’s music hits!

Encore Match
Mike Quackenbush vs. Drew Gulak

Gulak takes Quackenbush over in a suplex while holding onto a double knuckle lock. Quackenbush catapults up into a monkey flip, all while keeping his fingers interlaced with Gulak’s. Gulak uses his legs to bring down Quackenbush in a figure four leg submission. He kneels on Quackenbush’s back while his legs are locked, but Quackenbush is able to grab the bottom rope to escape. Quackenbush uses a headscissors to escape Gulak’s side headlock. Gulak pops out of the headscissors, delivers a forearm to Quackenbush’s chest and applies a front facelock. Quackenbush takes down Gulak by his neck and rolls him into a sunset cradle for two. Gulak tries a standing chinlock, but Quackenbush grabs a toe and ankle hold instead. Gulak clobbers Quackenbush in the side of the head twice. Frustrated, Quackenbush hits him twice with forearms and brings him up in a side headlock. Quackenbush almost counters a backdrop with a sunset flip, but Gulak rolls under that and gets his own pin attempt. Quackenbush sits down to avoid being whipped to the corner. Gulak pulls him up but Quackenbush sends him to the corner. Gulak bandera’s to the apron and comes off the top with a flying clothesline. He then slams Quackenbush into the ropes thrice! Gulak hooks Quackenbush in the Trailblazer. Quackenbush grabs the ropes, but Gulak quickly pulls him back and puts on a bow and arrow stretch. Quackenbush escapes, but is clearly in pain. Gulak kicks at Quackenbush’s leg. Quackenbush catches one of his legs, taking out Gulak with a dragonscrew and a spinning toe hold. Gulak pummels Quackenbush repeatedly with forearms in order to get back to his feet. Gulak gutwrenches Quackenbush up into a Gory Stretch, pushing Quackenbush’s shoulders and elbows together. Gulak takes him down and gets a nearfall, grabbing a side chinlock after the kickout. He Jon Woo dropkicks Quackenbush to the corner upon releasing the hold. A second dropkick only gets a two count. Gulak uses the bottom rope for leverage on three consecutive stomps. Quackenbush gets in multiple shots to the chest, ending with a high impact clothesline off the ropes. He sits down with another spinning toe hold and applies an Indian Death Lock. He slaps Gulak in the face and releases the hold. He palm strikes Gulak repeatedly in the chest before tries an Octopus Stretch. He brings down Gulak in a mouse trip pin instead for another two count. They go to the ring apron where Gulak eggs on Quackenbush to hit him. Gulak headbutts Quackenbush in the chest and head before giving him a backbreaker on the apron! Despite the immense pain, Quackenbush makes it back into the ring before the twenty count. He headbutts Gulak in the stomach. Gulak catches him coming off the ropes with a slam. He then applies a crossface, adding some elbows to the side of the head as well. Quackenbush rolls Gulak onto his shoulders for two. Gulak tries to dive off the top with a clothesline. Quackenbush scouts it and when Gulak hits the mat, Quackenbush gives him the Black Tornado Slam for two. Quackenbush goes up and over in the corner. He uses his legs to bring Gulak down, leading into a series of pin attempts which ends with Gulak catching Quackenbush in a sunset flip out of a leapfrog. Quackenbush catches Gulak on the middle rope with a palm strike. He looks for Quackendriver I, but Gulak slips out and puts him in the Gu-Lock! Quackenbush taps out at 19:43. This was fantastic. Of course the counter wrestling was excellent, but it was the aggression and emotion from both men that made this so much fun to watch. Even little things like Gulak kicking at Quackenbush’s leg in the same way Kingston did in the“High Noon” match were a nice touch, even potentially coincidental. The action escalated to the right crescendo and was an awesome, memorable match for Gulak to exit CHIKARA on. The last match of CHIKARA’s calendar year is also one of their best of the year. ****

The CHIKARA locker room surrounds the ringside area, with some in tears. Gulak thanks them for the memories and thanks Quackenbush for the match as he shakes his hand. Quackenbush says he, the fans, and everyone who has wrestled and trained with Gulak has known how skilled and talented he is, and now the rest of the world will get to find out. Gulak shakes hands with the roster ringside before saying thank you to the fans one last time.

In a post-credits scene, Ophidian is with the ThunderFrog. He says it’s time to destroy the Eye of Tyr. ThunderFrog places the Eye on a tree stump, and as ThunderFrog lifts the Hammer of Peace to smash it, the scene goes to black as his hammer comes down.


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