Philadelphia, PA – 8.7.2016
Championship Rundown
Grand Champion: Hallowicked
Campeones de Parejas: Vacant
Young Lions Cup Champion: The Estonian Thunderfrog
Commentary is provided by Mike Quackenbush and Leonard F. Chikarason.
Ophidian {OP} vs. Hermit Crab
This is a rematch from “Aniversario: The Chamber of Secrets.” We also saw tempers flare between these two at “When Nature Calls.” Crab shoves Ophidian with his pincers. Ophidian maneuvers Crab into a courting hold. He flips him forward into a legged full-nelson. Crab tries leaning back to try and pin Ophidian’s shoulders, but Ophidian resists and transitions into a crucifix, then a reverse bodyscissors with a back bridge. Crab drives Ophidian into the mat, but Ophidian Kiwi rolls Crab before he can be freed. Ophidian bounces off the ropes with his upper body into an armdrag. Angry, Crab runs across the ring instead of crab walking. Ophidian escapes his trajectory and backslides Crab with a bridge for two. After a failed seatbelt pin, he attempts a grounded Death Grip. Crab stands up and drives Ophidian back first to the corner to escape. Crab unloads with forearm strikes. He continues to pummel Ophidian on the mat. Crab throws Ophidian back of the head first into the mat. Ophidian covers up as Crab throws punches. Ophidian fires back with chops and palm thrusts to the chest. Ophidian ends a strike exchange with a spinwheel kick. He follows up with a bicycle kick and an enzuigiri and scores with a quebrada for two. Crab stops Ophidian by grabbing his tights and applying a flat Crab. Ophidian grabs the ropes to escape. Ophidian escapes a Boston Crab attempt and small packages Crab for two. Ophidian bicycle kicks Crab to the corner and comes in with running double knees. Crab rolls away to avoid headstand knees, and avoids a Meteora as well. Crab rolls Ophidian into the Flat Crab. Ophidian grabs the ropes but Crab refuses to release! The referee disqualifies Crab at 8:28. I adore this new vicious side of Crab. It’s exactly what he needed to help him transition from a mostly comedic newbie to a legitimate competitor. Ophidian taking him seriously and going for a lot of different pinning combinations helped to establish that as well. While their first match was fun, I think this was world’s better for Crab’s sake. **¼
Argus runs out. Crab finally releases the Flat Crab and runs for the hills. Argus checks on Ophidian and carries him out of the ring.
Scott Holiday is standing by with Sidney Bakabella. Sidney said Oleg took food off of his wife and kids’ table when he tried to murder him at King of Trios 2015. Sidney bided his time and waited to the Infinite Gauntlet to unleash his monster Abominous Rex. Bakabella promises on August 21st that Oleg will feel pain like he never felt before. Everybody thought Sidney was gone from CHIKARA, but he’s just getting started.
Princess Kimberlee vs. Suplex Steven
Steven and Kimberlee fight for a German suplex, a battle which Kimberlee wins. Five more German suplexes follow. After a pop-up powerbomb, Kimberlee pins Steven with the Alligator Clutch at 3:04. Somebody on Twitter said Suplex Steven was a set of instructions for Kimberlee in this match, which is very true. This gave her a dominant win and her second point before going up against Heidi Lovelace on August 21st, so it was three minutes well spent. ½*
Scott Holiday is with Argus, who says Hermit Crab is completely rotten. He’s interrupted by the Devastation Corporation of Blaster McMassive and Flex Rumblecrunch. They’re here because they have 3 points and won the Tag World Grand Prix but have not been brought back to CHIKARA since then. With all the talk about who the rightful Campeones de Parejas are, and because their requests for a title shot have been ignored, they came here to hijack the show until Director of Fun Mike Quackenbush addresses them. Quackenbush comes out and decides to add the Devastation Corporation to the scheduled Los Ice Creams vs. N_R_G Campeones de Parejas match on August 21 to end all disputes over who the champions should be.
Silver Ant {C} & Worker Ant {C} vs. Sonny Defarge & Cornelius Crummels
Defarge rubs his armpit into Silver Ant’s face in the corner. Silver Ant controls Defarge by a wristlock before applying a straightjacket choke. Defarge escapes into a wristlock, but Silver Ant snapmares him into a back kick. Worker Ant wears out Defarge’s shoulder before dropping him with a back suplex uranage for two. The Colony double team him in the corner. Silver Ant slams him into a legdrop and Worker Ant delivers a senton splash for two. Crummels tags in but is taken to the Colony corner quickly. Silver Ant slams him into a leaping elbow drop for one. Silver Ant puts him in a standing Octopus, twisting back on Crummels arm before pushing him into a Mouse Trap pin for two. Crummels weaves out of an Irish whip from Worker Ant. He sneezes into his hand before giving Worker Ant some knife edge chops. Worker Ant comes back with a clothesline. Defarge distracts Worker Ant long enough for Crummels to take control, by yanking Worker Ant off the second rope by his leg and causing the back of his head to crash into the top turnbuckle. Defarge and Crummels wear down Worker Ant in their half of the ring until he reverses a suplex on Defarge and kicks Crummels away. Silver Ant cleans house and gets a two count on Crummels with a clothesline. Crummels avoids a corner splash and throws some kicks to Silver Ant’s ribs. Silver Ant catches a kick and gives Crummels a dragonscrew leg whip. Worker Ant gives Crummels a rolling elbow to the back of the head into a Michinoku Driver from Silver Ant. Defarge breaks up the pin. The Colony is about to give Crummels the Ants Marching dropkick when Kobald appears. He distracts Silver Ant as Worker Ant dropkicks Defarge. Defarge aids Crummels with a headscissors on Worker Ant. They hit Great Expectations on Worker Ant for the pin at 12:52! Crummels and Defarge had another good showing, but with the way the finish was executed, it seemed like they only won because of Silver Ant’s incompetence rather than earning it themselves. While I think the structure could have been stronger, it drove home Crummels and Defarge’s finisher, which is never a bad thing. **
Kobald goes for a spear on Silver Ant. Silver Ant cuts him off and dishes out a series of strikes. Icarus in a Frightmare mask attacks Silver Ant from behind with a chair. He does damage to Silver Ant’s arm using the chair to hit the arm into the ring post! Icarus and Kobald are ready to Pillmanize his arm when Officer Warren Barksdale comes out to stop them! He challenges either one of them to match now, and Kobald accepts.
Officer Warren Barksdale vs. Kobald {B}
Barksdale takes the opening slugfest, capitalizing with a triumvirate of armdrags. Kobald hits the floor, pie facing Barksdale upon re-entering the ring. Barksdale takes a Lucha exchange with an alita off the middle rope and a dropkick which sends Kobald to the floor. Barksdale chases him back into the ring, but unfortunately Kobald catches him with a series of running elbow drops. Barksdale fires up with punches in the corner. He follows him across the ring with a running shoulder block to the stomach. He goes for a second, but Kobald moves and Barksdale goes shoulder first into the ring post. Kobald comes off the apron with a standing Demon’s Toilet to the floor! In the ring he gets a two count with a slingshot splash. He stretches out Barksdale’s back before stomping him into the mat. Kobald applies an Octopus. Barksdale elbows out, only to be taken down with a running hip attack. Kobald strings a Regalplex and facebuster together for two. He drives his posterior into Barksdale before stacking him up in a folding press for two. Kobald puts on the Rings of Saturn. Barksdale gets up to his feet with Kobald on his back and drops him into the canvas! After a western lariat and corner shoulder block, he sends Kobald out with a jumping back elbow. He follows Kobald with a pescado. In the ring he hits Cease and Desist for two. Kobald escapes Obey the Law and drops Barksdale with a Death Valley slam. He comes off the second rope with a frog splash for two. Barksdale fights Kobald off the ropes and hits a top rope splash for two. Kobald backdrops his way out of Obey the Law and hits an Ace Crusher. Kobald misses the Demon’s Toilet. Barksdale hits Obey the Law for the pin at 16:15. This was a case where both competitors came out looking strong. Kobald had some awesome looking offense and was relentless in going for the win, while Barksdale looked resilient in fighting back from the beating and scoring a big win in spite of it. He also erased Kobald’s 3 points which is a feat in and of itself. On paper this isn’t a match you would expect much from, but they overachieved and had an excellent main event. ***¼
The CHIKARA Special 