The Secret of the Ooze


Gibsonville, NC – 3.19.2016

Championship Rundown
Grand Champion: Princess Kimberlee
Campeones de Parejas: N_R_G (Race Jaxon & Hype Rockwell)
Young Lions Cup Champion: The Estonian Thunderfrog

Commentary is provided by Mike Quackenbush, Dr. Rod Diamondfire, and Bryce Remsburg.

Eddie Kingston says Pinkie Sanchez is a lamb being brought to the slaughter by Jakob Hammermeier. He’s going to run through the BDK, starting tonight, and ending with Jakob Hammermeier. Kingston says Jakob has messed with the wrong man and he will pay for it.

Eddie Kingston vs. Pinkie Sanchez {BDK}

This is a rematch from “Eye to Eye” back when Ares and Claudio Castagnoli were heading up the BDK. Current BDK leader Jakob Hammermeier is in Sanchez’s corner. Kingston immediately boots Sanchez at the bell. He lays in chops and strikes before tossing Sanchez to the floor. Sanchez jabs Kingston in the throat from the ring apron, but Kingston catches him with a belly-to-belly suplex when Sanchez re-enters the ring proper. Kingston looks at Jakob as he lays in shots and suplexes Sanchez. When Kingston comes charging at Sanchez in the corner, Sanchez kicks out Kingston’s notoriously bad knee and hits the Shiny Hiney for a one count. Sanchez tries a suplex, which Kingston counters with a bodyslam. Sanchez ducks the Backfist to the Future and delivers a spinwheel kick. He climbs the ropes and comes down with a standing doublestomp that drives Kingston into the mat for two. Sanchez again jumps off the top, but this time falls into a uranage suplex from Kingston. A shotgun lariat and Backfist to the Future get Kingston the pin at 4:31. Kingston stares down Jakob as he pins Sanchez, but Jakob simply looks away, then walks away after the pinfall is made. At first I was slightly disappointed this was so short, but given that they told the entire story they needed to, I can’t be. Brevity is the soul of wit according to William Shakesman, and I think ultimately they told the most succinct story while also providing some fun wrestling. What’s not to like? **

Icarus & Mark Angelosetti {T} vs. Juan Francisco de Coronado & Wani

Despite being his partner, Icarus is hesitant to participate in the pre-match cheer, but does eventually concede. Icarus and Coronado reverse a chinlock to start. Icarus snapmares Coronado into a back kick and grabs a standing wristlock. Angelosetti tags in. Coronado breaks the wristlock right away and tags in Wani. Angelosetti ignores Wani and attacks Coronado on the floor. Wani jumps out and attacks Angelosetti from behind. Icarus dives off the apron onto everybody. Wani sends Icarus into the ring post while Coronado and Angelosetti throw furious punches back in the ring. Coronado cuts off Angelosetti with a boot, but Angelosetti comes right back with a clothesline. Coronado bandera’s Angelosetti to the apron. Wani yanks down Angelosetti, causing him to crash face first into the ring apron. He feeds Angelosetti to Coronado and trades some shots with Icarus. Wani and Coronado take turns wearing down Angelosetti while Icarus looks on. Wani even boots Icarus during the proceedings, which quickly raises Icarus ire. At the same time, Angelosetti is able to block an O’Connor Roll from Coronado and slingshot Wani into the ring. Angelosetti sends his opponents into another and tags in Icarus. He gives Coronado a vertical suplex but Coronado is able to fight off the Shiranui. Icarus is however able to hit the Michinoku Driver, but Wani breaks his pin attempt. Icarus dropkicks Wani in the corner. He then comes off the middle rope with a crossbody. Coronado rips off a turnbuckle pad and claims Angelosetti did so. Referee Larry Peace falls for it, and while he’s admonishing Angelosetti, Coronado reverses Icarus’ small package so that Wani is the one making the pin. Angelosetti jumps in a second too late, and thanks to him holding onto the tights, Wani pins Icarus at 8:45. The action was good but the finish felt cheap instead of clever. It also felt like this had a few more minutes of steam left, but ended too soon. It was a solid effort, but I think this story needs to do a little evolving. Otherwise, Angelosetti’s matches are in danger of becoming stale, and he is way too talented for CHIKARA to allow that to happen. **½

While Vlad Radinov is promoting the Wrestle Factory, he is cut off by Chuck Taylor™. Taylor™ sings his “Dinner For You” theme song as he saunters around ringside. Taylor™ asks for the music to be turned down just a little bit, communicating with the DJ for a very specific level. He tells a “very special someone” that no matter how many times he texts, e-mails, or faxes his mama, he will never get his name back. Taylor™ calls himself the Velvet Teddybear, the new and improved Chuck Taylor (™). He has the music turned back up and continues singing his song before heading out of the area.

Fire Ant {C} vs. Jaka {BDK}

Jaka and Fire Ant fight over an intense lock-up. Jaka throws shots to Fire Ant’s mid-section when backing him against the ropes and corner. He rakes Fire Ant’s back twice and delivers a chop before mowing him down with a running shoulder block. Some Lucha rolls lead to an alita armdrag from Fire Ant. He comes in from the apron with a courting hold armdrag, but Jaka stops his momentum. Fire Ant however uses the ropes for a wristlock drag. Jaka stops Fire Ant with a smack to the face and a German suplex. Fire Ant rolls to the floor and Jaka follows with a suicide dive. Jaka absorbs Fire Ant’s strikes and slams Fire Ant face first into the canvas. He bites Fire Ant’s antennae. Back in the ring he keeps Fire Ant grounded with shots and kicks. Fire Ant throws some forearms, but again Jaka absorbs them. He chokes Fire Ant on the middle rope. Jaka headbutts Fire Ant on the top of his head for two. Fire Ant fires up, giving out some chops and forearms. Jaka sends him to the corner and lands a splash. He violently whips Fire Ant back first into the opposite corner for two. He does so again. The third time, Fire Ant is able jump to the apron. He kicks Jaka in the head and comes back in with a high crossbody. Fire Ant delivers some running forearms and goes for a headscissors into a DDT. Jaka cuts him off and looks for the Jumanji Bomb. Fire Ant counters with a Frankensteiner. He dropkicks Jaka to the floor. Fire Ant takes a moment to rest. He bicycle kicks Jaka off the apron and lands a springboard somersault senton to the floor. Back in the ring Jaka catches Fire Ant in his grasp. He tries the Jumanji Bomb, which again Fire Ant stops. Jaka stops Fire Ant from Burning Down the House, but succumbs to the headscissors DDT. Fire Ant wants a brainbuster. Jaka fights free. However, Fire Ant ducks the T’Challa Kick, and drops Jaka with the brainbuster for two. Jaka ducks the Yahtzee Kick. He gets in some shots. Fire Ant responds with his own. Jaka chops away at Fire Ant’s neck and face. Fire Ant throws many overhand chops to the chest. Jaka takes a shot at Fire Ant’s stomach and neck once more. A leaping knee strike and enzuigiri seemingly daze Jaka, but Jaka sneaks in a headbutt to stop Fire Ant as Fire Ant charges off the ropes.The Jumanji Bomb connects and gives Jaka the win and his third point at 13:22. These two told an excellent story, with Jaka dominating and Fire Ant showing moments of hope and fire to keep the crowd invested. They also teased the Jumanji Bomb before ultimately paying it off in the finish. Naturally, having Jaka look so dominant also makes him a huge threat for the Grand Champion, with whom he has now earned a championship opportunity. This match did an excellent job setting up Jaka as a major challenger while also keeping Fire Ant strong. ***¼

Flex Rumblecrunch is a sports fan and a wrestling fan, but never did he imagine he would get the chance to wrestle a bootlegged version of Mr. Met. He reminds us that Hatfield got one-up on him in September, and Rumblecrunch doesn’t like when someone gets one-up on him. Today he gets a rematch back down South close to where their first match happened, but Rumblecrunch claims tonight will have a different result. Just like when he played wiffle ball as a kid, Rumblecrunch is going to line up Hatfield’s head and hit it a country mile.

Dasher Hatfield {T} vs. Flex Rumblecrunch {DC}

This is a rematch from “The Marta Complex.” The girl who stole Sidney Bakabella’s fork at “Out On a Limb” taunts Rumblecrunch with it. Rumblecrunch and Hatfield engage in a ferocious collar-and-elbow tie-up which spills to the floor. They break, but go back at it when they get back inside the ring. Rumblecrunch shoulder blocks Hatfield after sending Hatfield to the ropes. Hatfield snaps off two armdrags. Rumblecrunch halts Hatfield and calls for a test of strength. A knee to the stomach helps Rumblecrunch in taking Hatfield to one knee in a double knuckle lock. Hatfield reverses. Rumblecrunch headbutts Hatfield in the stomach and takes him over with a one-legged monkey flip. Hatfield goes up and over Rumblecrunch and dropkicks him in the corner. He looks for a baseball slide but Rumblecrunch cuts him off with a boot. Hatfield ducks some leapfrogs and throws multiple punches to Rumblecrunch’s stomach. Although Rumblecrunch stops him against the ropes, Hatfield backdrops Rumblecrunch to the floor. He looks to dive but Rumblecrunch meets him with a forearm strike mid-air. Rumblecrunch charges and ends up face first in the ring post. Regardless, he buys a moment of time by backdropping Hatfield onto the ring apron. He boots Hatfield in the face before bringing him back into the ring for a two count. Rumblecrunch digs his boot into Hatfield’s chest after stomping him down. Hatfield finds his way off of Rumblecrunch’s shoulders and locks in a Magistral Cradle for two. A spinebuster from Rumblecrunch gets him a two count as well. Hatfield looks for the Jackhammer, but Rumblecrunch fights out and goes for a powerbomb. Hatfield slides out of that and gives Rumblecrunch a Cyclone neckbreaker. Once again Hatfield goes for the baseball slide. Rumblecrunch intercepts and violently drives Hatfield into the corner. He lays in multiple shoulder blocks. He charges, but Hatfield ducks under and is able to sneak in a running powerbomb out of the corner for two. Rumblecrunch counters a Jackhammer attempt with a TKO. He superkicks Hatfield and heads up top. He goes for the rope-walk shoulder tackle. Hatfield catches him with a mid-air Ace Crusher and finally hits the Jackhammer for the pin at 11:40. This was very similar in structure to the match that preceded it, but the offense was more even between the wrestlers and the crowd was a bit more lively. Like Jaka with the Jumanji Bomb, Hatfield built up the Jackhammer for the entire match, ultimately paying it off in the finish. Rumblecrunch has improved immensely, and has done a tremendous job transitioning from “the third guy in the Dev Corp” to the face of the group in Max’s absence. He and Hatfield had a really fun, engaging match, that had me believing it was either man’s contest to win. This was a rare instance where the follow-up was better than the original. ***¼

Jakob Hammermeier claims that he has absolute power. He has the crown jewel of the Wrecking Crew, the Nightmare Warriors, and…Pinkie Sanchez. The Batiri will serve as an example to how Jakob plans to runs roughshod on CHIKARA. He says Hallowicked and Frightmare will serve their King and make sure they do not lay a hand on him. When he asks if they understand, Hallowicked states “We obey.” Hammermeier says that’s how a King rolls.

Obariyon {B}, Kodama {B} & Kobald {B} vs. Jakob Hammermeier {BDK}, Hallowicked & Frightmare

Hammermeier used the Eye of Tyr on Hallowicked “Evil Ways”, and now he and Frightmare are seemingly under his control. Hammermeier kicks Obariyon to escape a wristlock, but Obariyon mows him down with a flying elbow strike. Obariyon strings a running boot and knee strike together. Hallowicked throws Obariyon to the floor. Kobald catches Hallowicked off guard with a Prawn Hold for two. Hallowicked goes for Go 2 Sleepy Hollow which Kobald counters with a tornado clutch. Kobald also blocks a step-up enzuigiri and catches him in a huracanrana. He goes for the Acid Drop, but Hammermeier stops him with a Haymaker. Hammermeier goes to chop Kobald but hits his partners instead. Obariyon comes in with a crossbody to Hammermeier. Again Hammermeier hits his partners instead of Obariyon. The Nightmare Warriors admonish him. They want to strike Hammermeier, but Hammermeier tells them not to. Obariyon and Kobald double chops Hammermeier and toss him to the floor. A Lucha exchange between Frightmare and Kodama ends with a dropkick from Kodama. The Batiri triple team Frightmare. Both Hammermeier and Hallowicked run in and suffer the same fate. They all hit the floor, but Obariyon and Kodama follow with suicide dives. Kobald then tope con hilo’s after them. In the ring, Hammermeier begs off before giving Kobald the Skullcrusher. Hammermeier and the rest of his team isolate Kobald from the rest of his team until he moves out of the way of a stomp attempt from Hallowicked and spears him. Frightmare grabs his leg, but an enzuigiri sends him off. Kobald tags in both Obariyon and Kodama who clean house. They nail the Skull Bronzing on Hallowicked. Frightmare accelerates off of Hammermeier’s back from the stage into a double DDT on the Batiri into the ring. Kobald hits the Acid Drop on Frightmare. Hammermeier and Hallowicked break his cover. Hallowicked looks for Go 2 Sleepy Hollow. Hammermeier demands he put him down so he can take the glory. Hallowicked obeys. Hammermeier tosses him to the corner where he takes some boots from the Nightmare Warriors. Kodama Jon Woo dropkicks Hallowicked, leading to him be assaulted by many boots. Kobald gives him a seated senton but Hammermeier stops his folding press pin. Obariyon drop toe holds Hammermeier on the middle rope and cracks him with a knee to the head. He and Kodama nail Redrum on Frightmare. Kobald delivers the Demon’s Toilet. Hammermeier drags Obariyon and Kodama outside while Hallowicked stops Kobald’s pin. Hallowicked hits Never Wake Up for the pin at 14:25. This was on par with the other really fun multi-man matches CHIKARA has had all year. The action was non-stop and all the competitors were on fire (sans Hammermeier, but that’s purposeful to an extent.) The Nightmare Warriors and the Batiri always work well together, and Hammermeier’s involvement added a new ingredient to their usual formula. ***¼

Hammermeier tells Hallowicked he did well. He asks for Hallowicked to pledge his allegiance to Hammermeier and kiss his hand. Hallowicked grabs his hand and shakes it. He then says “Hallowicked obeys” and squeezes Hammermeier’s hand! Hammermeier screams in agony. Hallowicked says he only obeys Nazmaldun, and Frightmare grabs the box containing the Eye of Tyr and leaves! Hammermeier cries for them to come back as he holds his hand in pain. The fans chant “King of Nothing”, angering Hammermeier as he heads to the back.

Heidi Lovelace says her and Princess Kimberlee have been friends for a long time. She was so happy to watch Kimberlee win the Grand Championship at the ECW Arena, because she knows Kimberlee earned it. But in the back of Heidi’s mind, she was a bit jealous, and even angry. Not angry at Kimberlee, but because Kimberlee was in the position Heidi could have been in had Mr. Touchdown not ruined the Challenge of the Immortals for them. Tonight her and Princess Kimberlee make history by competing in the first all-female Grand Championship match, but for Heidi that is not enough. She needs to win.

Grand Championship
Princess Kimberlee vs. Heidi Lovelace

Princess Kimberlee has been champion since 12.5.2015 and this is her third defense. Kimberlee offers a handshake. Lovelace says she was Kimberlee’s friend before the bell, and will be after the bell, but kicks her hand away to signify that the friendship is on hold during this match. They break an intense lock-up cleanly. In a test of strength, Lovelace backs Kimberlee to the ropes. They both crash into each other against opposite ropes with running forearm strikes. They both also deliver running knees to the stomach. Lovelace clobbers Kimberlee with a right hand. Lovelace stops a German suplex and spikes Kimberlee with a crucifix bomb for two. Kimberlee goes to the floor. Lovelace tells Kimberlee “this is what it takes to be a champion” before clocking her with another right hand. She drags Kimberlee back in the ring and cinches on a Muta Lock. Kimberlee escapes. Lovelace throws some kicks while Kimberlee is on the ground. Kimberlee goes for a powerbomb, but she crumbles and Lovelace’s body weight lands on her chest and stomach. Lovelace scissors Kimberlee’s upper body while applying a chinlock. Kimberlee uses the ropes to escape. Lovelace chops Kimberlee in the corner, to which Kimberlee responds in kind. Lovelace drives Kimberlee face first into the middle turnbuckle with her knees. She then drives her knees into Kimberlee’s back and gets a two count. Lovelace misses Meteora, causing her knees to crash into the canvas. She favors her left leg. Kimberlee notices and twists that leg around her own. Lovelace grabs the ropes. She drives Lovelace’s knee into the canvas twice. Kimberlee applies a half crab. Once again Lovelace gets the ropes. Lovelace is able to send a charging Kimberlee to the apron. She drops Kimberlee neck first across the top rope, then slowly climbs up the ropes. Lovelace crossbody’s onto Kimberlee on the floor! Both women crawl back into the ring just before the twenty count. They go nose to nose as they get to their feet. Lovelace strikes first, taking Kimberlee to a knee with three kicks to the head with her good leg. Lovelace wants Kimberlee to stay down, but Kimberlee refuses, so she kicks her in the head three more times. Kimberlee finds the energy to get her shoulder up. She throws more kicks to the head. Kimberlee blocks one and tosses Lovelace with six German suplexes. Her back and neck are too worn down to keep a bridge. They exchange waistlocks, where Kimberlee delivers her seventh German suplex. Multiple Rudos from the locker room surround the ring, then the Tecnicos. Two more German suplex from Kimberlee follow, but Lovelace tells Kimberlee to bring it. With that, Lovelace takes three more German suplexes. She holds the bridge on the third, but Lovelace kicks out of it. Lovelace throws some kicks to Kimberlee’s leg. Kimberlee kicks out her bad knee and hits the Ganso Bomb. Lovelace kicks out! Lovelace comes back with a high enzuigiri. The Heidi-Can-Rana only gets two. Lovelace goes for a tornado DDT. Kimberlee shoots her off and rolls up Lovelace. Lovelace kicks out and locks on the CHIKARA Special! Kimberlee makes her way to the bottom rope. Lovelace goes for the Heidi-Can-Rana. Instead, Kimberlee cuts her off with a pop-up powerbomb. Instead of the Alligator Clutch, Kimberlee puts on a modified bow and arrow, stretching Lovelace’s leg far enough to almost touch her head. Lovelace submits at 20:09. This was fantastic for many reasons. Both competitors took us on an emotional rollercoaster from start to finish. They both had a course of action that they stuck with and paid off. The CHIKARA Special being applied played into history, as it’s what Heidi used to eliminate Kimberlee from the Young Lions Cup XI tournament in 2014, and how Kimberlee won the Grand Championship. Not only that, but the wrestling itself was top notch and the crowd played a big role in adding to the big fight atmosphere. It’s one thing to put two women in a main event and claim it as history, but these two worked their butts off to make it as special as they claimed it would be in the build-up. This will be one of the best matches for CHIKARA this year. ****

Encore Match
Ophidian {OP} & Shynron vs. Lucas Calhoun {BB} & Missile Assault Man {BB}

The Snake Pit duck the Battleborn’s double clothesline and send them outside with stereo headscissors. They go for stereo pescado’s. Shynron connects on Calhoun, but Missile moves. Missile uppercuts Ophidian back in the ring. Ophidian sends him back out with Deja vu. Ophidian palm strikes Calhoun in the chest repeatedly until he gets to the ropes. Calhoun kicks Ophidian in the stomach and gives him a pumphandle backbreaker. Shynron comes off of Calhoun’s shoulders with a neck drag. He headstands into a double back kick in the corner. Shynron climbs the ropes, but Calhoun pulls him down into a Samoan Drop. He karate chops Shynron and Ophidian. Shynron holds Ophidian so he can hypnotize both Battleborn members amd referee Larry Peace. This leads to dancing from everybody in the ring, and Calhoun dipping Missile. Missile dances all the way to the back. Ophidian kicks Calhoun to stop the trance. Shynron uses the beam in the ceiling to deliver a Frankensteiner. Ophidian follows up with a Meteora for the pin at 4:31. This was a fun way to end the night and decompress from the emotional main event. Missile Assault Man dancing backstage was especially amusing. *¾


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