The New Batch


Gibsonville, NC – 3.19.2016

Championship Rundown
Grand Champion: Princess Kimberlee
Campeones de Parejas: N_R_G (Race Jaxon & Hype Rockwell)
Young Lions Cup Champion: The Estonian Thunderfrog

Commentary is provided by Mike Quackenbush and Bryce Remsburg.

Prakash Sabar admits he and the Boar are lactose intolerant, but Los Ice Creams also make them sick because of the Golden Opportunity they won in the 2015 Challenge of the Immortals. 2016 is the Bloc Party’s year. The Boar says Los Ice Creams will have to ask themselves “are we ready?” when looking across the ring at the them, and that the Bloc Party has two words for Los Ice Creams in response to that question: United. (2 words?)

El Hijo del Ice Cream {IC} & Ice Cream Jr. {IC} vs. The Proletariat Boar of Moldova {BP} & Prakash Sabar {BP}

Sabar kicks Hijo in the stomach to stop his dancing and grabs a side headlock. Boar blind tags in as Hijo backs Sabar to the ropes. Hijo pinches their fanny’s and slaps Boar in the face. He gives Sabar a running hip attack and tags in Jr. He gives Sabar the two scoop slam when his attempt to slam Boar does not go well. Hijo boots Boar out before Boar can strike Jr. Sabar slaps Jr. Jr. chases Sabar, baiting him into a strike from Boar. Hijo boots Sabar and slams tongue first into two corners. Sabar accelerates Hijo to the corner and hits the Busted Bronco. The Bloc Party wear down Hijo until Jr. jumps into help Hijo from a corner attack. Some friendly fire causes Los Ice Creams to argue. Boar Gore’s Jr., and now he and Sabar go to work on him in their corner. Hijo bandera’s to the apron and knocks Boar down. He avoids a legdrop from Sabar. Boar is able to intercept Jr.’s tag with a pounce, but that sends him out of the ring and brings in Hijo as the legal man. Hijo avoids a Gore from Boar and gives Sabar an atomic drop, sending him to the floor. Hijo gives Boar a uranage slam and a seated splash for two. He tries the Cold Stone Stunner but Boar sends him out of the ring. He drops Jr. with the Baconator, then drops Sabar onto Jr. with a Dominator for the pin at 9:03. This match was all to set up the Bloc Party for the Tag World Grand Prix, and with their great offense and smart team work, it succeeded. You can tell there has been marked improvement in the team over the course of their tenure. This also had the trademark stuff from Los Ice Creams in terms of humor and action, which the crowd was into. The two teams blended together remarkably well, and this was a fun way to start the show. **½

Officer Warren Barksdale vs. Devo Riggs

Barksdale backs Riggs to the corner and pats him down. Riggs grabs a waistlock, but Barksdale brings him to the corner and finds a metal object in his boot! Riggs claiming he was holding it “for his boy.” Barksdale goes to book him but Riggs delivers a pair of right hands. Barksdale goes up and over in the corner to evade an attack. Barksdale whips him across the ring and follows in with a knee strike, then a jumping back elbow. A running splash called Cease & Desist leads to a Dominator into a DDT (called Obey the Law) for the pin in 2:28. These short, simple matches to get the new characters over are smart and seem to be working. Barksdale has his shtick down to a tee. I think once he finds himself more ingratiated into CHIKARA’s tapestry, he’ll have some fun stuff to offer. *

Amasis says that Rock Lobster impresses him, and that he’s done his scouting to prepare himself for tonight. He says he has been to the promised land of 3 points before, and once you taste it, you want nothing more than to go back. He will do what it takes to get another Grand Championship opportunity, starting with a win over Rock Lobster tonight.

Amasis {OP} vs. Rock Lobster

Lobster offers a handshake, then pokes Amasis in the eyes when he accepts. Amasis reels Lobster into a dropkick. He goes to the stage. Lobster punches him, but Amasis gives him an enzuigiri. Lobster snaps the middle rope into Amasis’ groi. Lobster picks up speed on the ropes, only to sit down on a chinlock. Amasis breaks free, but Lobster takes out his legs and hits a springboard knee strike to the back of the head for two. Lobster drives Amasis throat first into the ropes for two. He whips Amasis to the corner and meets him with an enzuigiri off of the second rope for two. Lobster grinds Amasis’ face into the metal part of the turnbuckle. He goes to stomp his face in, but Amasis moves and crotches Lobster on the top turnbuckle. Amasis follows up with a high crossbody, back elbow, and leg lariat for two. Lobster responds with a Manhattan drop. He goes for a release suplex, but Amasis escapes. He cracks Lobster in the face with a knee strike and hits the 540 kick for two. Lobster stops Amasis as he looks to ascend the ropes. He hits Total Anarchy for two. Lobster brings Amasis to the top rope. Amasis holds the ropes to avoid a Frankensteiner, causing Lobster to crotch himself and crash to the mat. Amasis hits the 450 splash for the pin at 7:42. Rock Lobster is really great. His offense is both innovative, believable, and he looked totally comfortable in the ring with a senior member of the roster. The story of the match was also quite unique for CHIKARA and I thought it played out very well. As much as I like the Portal, I find Amasis to be an underrated singles competitor. ***

Argus knows that the Hermit Crab doesn’t always walk a straight and narrow path, and that he uses his pincers and his hard shell in battle. He’s also aware that Hermit Crab isn’t pleased that Argus eliminated him from the Young Lions Cup tournament. Despite that, Argus is relentless, and he wants to know if the Crab’s shell can stop him from “this lizard’s offensive blizzard.”

Argus vs. Hermit Crab

Argus controls Crab in a wristlock and side headlock. He turns Crab’s front facelock into a hammerlock and grounds him. Argus adds a bridge to the hammerlock and then tries pinning him down. Crab takes Argus to the corner and drives his pincer into his shoulder. Argus unloads some forearms and splashes Crab in the corner.Argus goes up top, but Crab throws him off with his pincers. He digs them into Argus’ back and delivers a Crab Hug slam. He applies a half crab which Argus escapes. He puts a claw hold onto Argus’ lower back. Argus catches him with an enzuigiri. Argus rolls through a whip and German suplexes Crab twice. He looks for a fisherman’s suplex but Crab turns it into a Lateral crab. Argus grabs the ropes to escape. Crab blocks a German suplex and chokeslams Argus. He misses the Naniwa elbow. Argus German suplexes Crab and locks on the Tazzmission. Crab taps out at 6:51. This was a rough watch at times. They did quickly recover from the lapses in cohesion, however. Argus has improved, so seeing him get a singles win pleases me. Crab still has a ways to go. **

Oleg the Usurper reminds Blaster McMassive that he “offed” the head of Flex Rumblecrunch last month. While he usually is fine settling for a three count, tonight he plans to make Blaster suffer.

Oleg the Usurper vs. Blaster McMassive {DC}

Oleg wins the slugfest at the bell, causing McMassive to bail outside. Oleg chases him back inside where McMassive catches him with a dropkick to the shoulder. He overhand chops Oleg in the corner. Oleg unleashes his own chops and drives his shoulder into McMassive’s mid-section. McMassive sends Oleg shoulder first into the ring post. From there, he works over Oleg’s left arm back inside the ring. Foolishly, Oleg throws a chop with his bad arm, and McMassive jams down on the shoulder before going back to work on the arm. Oleg is able to clothesline McMassive to the floor. McMassive drags Oleg out and forearms him in the face. He grabs a chair, but Oleg kicks him in the stomach before he can use it. Oleg punches McMassive in the stomach with his good hand. He chops McMassive against the post. He misses the second time, hurting his right hand. McMassive once again grabs a chair. He swings but Oleg moves, and the impact of the chair on the post hurts McMassive’s fingers. He misses double knees in the corner back inside the ring. Oleg kicks his leg out and smashes McMassive’s face into the top turnbuckle twenty times. He builds up speed with the ropes, but McMassive cuts him off with the Boss Man Slam for two. McMassive calls for Lariat Tubman. He ducks and takes down McMassive with the Usurper Kick. Oleg hits Off With His Head, but his arm is so hurt he can’t pin him right away. McMassive slips to the apron. Oleg tries pulling him back in, but McMassive jams Oleg’s arm across the top rope. McMassive comes off the top with a Superfly Splash, but Oleg kicks out. McMassive goes back to the top rope. This time Oleg grabs him by his throat. Oleg brings him down with a super chokeslam for the pin at 12:47. This was a really heated slugfest with some excellent storytelling and emotion. Blaster had a stand-out match with Silver Ant last year, and I think this was just as good if not slightly better. This match felt like a breakthrough for Oleg, not just as a big win, but the defining singles match of his career (so far). This is not a match you should overlook. ***½

Campeonatos de Parejas
Race Jaxon {NRG} & Hype Rockwell {NRG} vs. Lucas Calhoun {BB} & Missile Assault Man {BB}

N_R_G have been champions since 9.27.2015 and this is their third defense. Jaxon avoids Calhoun’s karate and Calhoun avoids Jaxon’s superkick. Jaxon brings down Calhoun in a snapmare and does a mock karate pose. Calhoun catches Jaxon off guard right a right hand punch. Jaxon dropkicks him to the corner. Both Rockwell and Missile tag in. Rockwell stops his charge with a shoulder block. Missile takes two splashes in the corner before taking a clothesline from Rockwell. Calhoun enters N_R_G takes his legs out before delivering tandem dropkicks. Jaxon leaps off of Rockwell’s back for a splash onto Battleborn on the floor. Back inside, Calhoun gives Rockwell a chinbreaker. Rockwell goes for the Hyperwheel on Missile. Missile slips out and holds onto Rockwell’s leg. While referee Larry Peace is busy with Jaxon, Calhoun cracks Rockwell in the head with Missile’s entrance helmet! This allows Missile to schoolboy Rockwell to score the first fall in 4:00. Missile kicks Jaxon off the apron so he and Calhoun can isolate Rockwell, targeting his ribs and lower back. Rockwell is able to roll to the floor when he ducks a double clothesline. Jaxon comes in with a dropkick to both men off the top. He splashes Missile, but misses one on Calhoun. Missile rocks Jaxon with a running uppercut and Calhoun delivers an enzuigiri. He pump-handles Jaxon into a backbreaker. Calhoun goes for a splash, but Jaxon cuts him off with a superkick for a pin and the second fall at 10:37. Missile throws Jaxon outside and grabs Rockwell. Once again he and Calhoun focus on his back and ribs while keeping Jaxon at bay. Rockwell catches Calhoun coming off the ropes with an exploder suplex. Missile comes in and gives him two Northern Lights suplexes. He goes for a third but Rockwell counters with another exploder suplex. He spears Calhoun off the apron and to the floor. Jaxon nails a flying forearm off the top rope and the Generator clothesline. He superkicks Missile for two. Jaxon climbs up top. Missile cuts him off with an uppercut. He goes for the Missile Launcher but instead tosses Jaxon outside! Rockwell avoids it, and Jaxon lands on Calhoun and some staff. Rockwell goes for the Hyperwheel. Missile schoolboys him again for two. Missile furiously stomps on Rockwell. He goes for the Missile Launcher. Rockwell shoves Missile away. Rockwell hits the Hyperwheel for the third and final fall at 18:59. Rockwell being isolated instead of Jaxon added some variety to this defense. Not that all of N_R_G’s matches are identical, but it’s nice to freshen up the act once and again. They had the crowd behind them which was good (and not always the case), and Missile and Calhoun served as excellent opponents. They also carried a story thread throughout the falls which is always appreciated and made for another fun defense for the team. ***½

Encore Match
Ophidian {OP} vs. Chuck Taylor™

Chuck Taylor™ is introduced as “the only man to be kicked out of Destiny’s Child.” Taylor™ says he’s not going to sing tonight because he doesn’t have any soul. Ophidian ducks a clothesline and bicycle kicks Taylor™ to the corner. He comes in with double knees. Taylor™ avoids a second helping of knees, but does take a shoulder block. Taylor™ comes back with a leaping back elbow and uranage slam for two. Taylor™ sings as he stomps on Ophidian. He heads up top, but Ophidian catches him. He teases Taylor™ before throwing him to the mat. Ophidian lands a quebrada for two. He superkicks Taylor™, but Taylor™ rebounds into a chop and a German suplex! Ophidian kicks out. Taylor™ calls for Soul Food. He’s too short to get his leg up, so Ophidian sweeps his leg out, causing Taylor™ to crash face first into the canvas. Ophidian hits an enzuigiri and drives his knees into Taylor™’ chest in the corner once again. Ophidian headstands into another double knee strike. He comes off the top with Meteora for the pin at 3:41. How can you not LOVE Taylor™? He got to show a lot more offense in this match than he did in last month’s squash, showing he’s more than just a promo (steak to that sizzle, if you will.) Ophidian’s routine was par for the course, which in his case is a compliment. *½


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