Tomorrow Never Dies


Philadelphia, PA – 12.6.2014

Commentary is provided by Leonard F. Chikarason, Bryce Remsburg, and Mike Quackenbush.

Young Lions Cup XI Finals
Missile Assault Ant {CXF} vs. Heidi Lovelace {SOR}

This match took place on the Pre-Show-A-Go-Go and is presented by Wrestling is Fun! Arctic Rescue Ant and Orbit Adventure Ant are in Missile’s corner. Missile slaps Lovelace’s handshake attempt away. He boots her down for a two count. He throws some uppercuts in the corner. Lovelace gives Missile some strikes to the chest. He responds with a shoulder to the stomach. Lovelace uses her legs to drive Missile’s head into the second rope. Arctic and Orbit distract Lovelace, allowing Missile to catch her mid-air with an uppercut. He gives her the Missile Assault stomp. He chokes Lovelace on the bottom rope. Lovelace gets in some shots but Missile uppercuts her again. He repeatedly drives his knee into Lovelace’s stomach. She throw seperated punches to the stomach and a couple forearms to the face. Missile strings three Northern Lights suplexes together. She gets up, but Missile hits the Jon Woo dropkick for two. They slap each other in the face. Lovelace throws more shots to the chest. Missile catches her kick, but she lands an enzuigiri. Arctic trips her as she hits the ropes. Missile throws more uppercuts. He looks for a superplex but gets shoved off. Instead of diving onto Missile, Lovelace dives to the floor onto Artic and Orbit! She tries coming off the top with double knees. Missile catches her. He looks for the Missile Launcher. Lovelace shoves him into Orbit on the apron. She drives him head first into the apron with a Frankensteiner for the pin at 8:02. I’m really happy to see Heidi win, as she’s had a tremendous 2014 and absolutely deserves it. The match got a little repetitive, but was a solid outing for the Pre-Show. It’s cool to see the Young Lions Cup back in play and to see history made, as she is the first female YLC holder. **¼

Ashley Remington vs. Juan Francisco de Coronado

The match can only be won via pinfall following a German suplex. Coronado comes out with two women in jester like outfits to counteract Ashley’s angels, but Remington has FOUR angels with him instead of the usual two. This is a rubber match stemming from “Thunderball” and “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service.” Coronado pulls Remington into a waistlock out of the handshake. Remington gets the ropes. Remington gets on his own waistlock. He breaks on one when Coronado grabs the ropes. Remington shoots some finger guns at Coronado. Coronado kicks him and puts on a side headlock. He shoulder blocks Remington. Remington trips him and goes for a German suplex. Coronado escapes but takes another finger gun. Coronado gets sent face first into the turnbuckles. Remington catches him from falling off the apron to the floor. He then looks for a German suplex on the floor! Coronado backs Remington into the ring apron and tries it himself. Remington backs him into the ring post on the apron. Coronado spears Remington back to the floor! In the ring he drives his shoulder into Remington’s back a few times. Remington grabs the ropes to avoid a German suplex. Coronado forearms him in the back thrice and hits a lariat. Remington comes back with a pair of his own clotheslines. He hits a high knee in the corner. Coronado slips out of a bulldog and lands a dropkick. Remington catches Coronado on his shoulders and spins him into a facebuster. Coronado puts on the Coronado Clutch. Remington gets the ropes. Coronado tries a German suplex, then lands a neckbreaker when that does not work. Coronado successfully German suplexes Remington for a two count. He German suplexes Remington on the ring apron! When he recovers, Remington drives Coronado back first to the corner. Coronado dives off the second rope but is caught in a belly-to-belly suplex. Remington misses a running knee strike. He falls to the floor and Coronado follows with a suicide dive. Coronado goes to whip him into the ring, but Remington uses the ropes for a swinging Frankensteiner on the floor. He German suplexes Coronado in from the ring apron into a bridge for the pin at 12:22. This was an excellent way to end the feud. They wisely focused on the back in nearly all of their offense and had enough teases for the finish to make it seem like a big deal when Remington finally pulled it off. Both guys are said by many to be the best new aspects of CHIKARA in 2014 and I have to agree. ***

Remington presents Coronado with a fruit basket. Coronado leaves it in the ring.

Eddie Kingston vs. Jimmy Jacobs {TF}

Volgar and the Lithuanian Snow Troll are in Jacobs’ corner. Jacobs misses a spear before the bell. Kingston pummels him down. Jacobs comes back with punches and bites Kingston in the head. Kingston tosses him to the floor and whips him into the guardrails. Jacobs backs Kingston into the guardrails and throws a flurry of punches. Kingston sends him into the rails again. Kingston punches Volgar and Backfists Jacobs, giving Jacobs time to recover. He gives Kingston a Contra Code on the floor! Back in the ring, Jacobs lands a top rope senton splash for two. He locks on the End Time. Kingston gets his foot on the ropes. Jacobs stomps on his stomach. They slap each other in the face. Jacobs bites him in the head again. He goes for the Contra Code. Kingston tosses Jacobs down. He clotheslines Jacobs a couple times before hitting a Northern Lights suplex for two. Jacobs hits the floor. Kingston goes for a suicide dive. Jacobs tosses Volgar in the way. Kingston however rams Jacobs back first into the ring post. Volgar grabs Kingston’s leg, allowing Jacobs to spear him off the ring apron! Back in the ring, Kingston catches Jacobs on the top turnbuckle and superplexes him off. They headbutt each other. Jacobs throws punches. Kingston misses the Backfist. Jacobs drops him with a springback Ace Crusher for two. Kingston blocks a spear. He gives Jacobs a brainbuster for two. Jacobs gets two with a schoolboy. Kingston lands two Backfist’s to the Future for the pin at 9:58. A very satisfying conclusion to this part of the CHIKARA/Flood story. Kingston got his three points and a Grand Championship shot (which is what he’s wanted all along) and Volgar and the Troll only came into play at the right times, taking nothing away from the bout. The action was good and consistent and the finish was perfect. ***

Kid Cyclone runs out as soon as the match ends and hits Kingston with a wrench! He drops Kingston with a DDT. Kingston is helped to the back. Cyclone says CHIKARA is supposed to be fun, but there’s nothing fun about watching your brothers die. He says on September 20th, Eddie Kingston helped feed his friends to a known killer, but the fans still cheer him due to tradition. Tradition dictates that when Kingston screws up, he apologizes and he is forgiven. Cyclone says their is nothing honorable about him. Cyclone says tradition dictates to wear and honor the mask, but tonight he is breaking tradition. He unmasks and states that his real name is Kevin Condron. He finishes his speech saying he will right Kingston’s wrongs and holds the wrench in his hand. He demands that Jacobs gives him his cape back. Condron pulls it out of his hands as Jacobs sits in the corner. Condron then frees the Snow Troll from his chain and the Snow Troll runs to the back, presumably free from the Flood’s clutches.

Campeonatos de Parejas
Dasher Hatfield {T} & Mark Angelosetti {T} (Campeones) vs. Max Smashmaster {DC} & Blaster McMassive {DC}

Sidney Bakabella is in the Devastation Corporation’s corner. Hatfield and McMassive exchange holds looking for control. McMassive slaps Hatfield so Hatfield smacks his bottom. He armdrags McMassive and uses the ropes for a double wrist clutch drag. He armdrags him in a courting hold for two. Angelosetti smacks Smashmaster and dropkicks him to the corner. Angelosetti comes off the second turnbuckle with a Thesz Press. Smashmaster slams him. He misses a senton and Angelosetti hits a running elbow strike. He splashes onto Smashmaster thrice and misses the fourth. A running splash gets him a one count. McMassive nails Angelosetti with a forearm strike. The Throwbacks double hip toss him into stereo falling headbutts. Smashmaster slams Angelosetti. Hatfield dropkicks Smashmaster into a Yoshi Tonic from Angelosetti. McMassive breaks the pin. The Throwbacks quesadora armdrag the Dev Corp to the floor and follow with stereo dives. In the ring, McMassive mows down Angelosetti with Lariat Tubman. The Death Blow scores the Dev Corp the first fall at 8:06. Smashmaster tosses Hatfield to the floor so that he and McMassive can isolate and continue to wear down Angelosetti, focusing on his back and ribs. Angelosetti escapes their grasp after giving McMassive a spinebuster and Smashmaster a leaping clothesline off the second turnbuckle. Hatfield runs roughshod with elbows and forearms. He knocks McMassive down in the corner and tosses Smashmaster onto him. Hatfield baseball slide dropkicks into both of them. The Throwbacks give McMassive a double Muscle Buster for two. McMassive sends Angelosetti to the floor. The Dev Corp hit Hatfield with the Death Blow. While Smashmaster is pinning Hatfield, Angelosetti Oklahoma Rolls him up, tying the match at two falls a piece at 19:07. Angelosetti gets in some shots on Smashmaster. Everyone but McMassive ends up being clotheslined to the floor, so McMassive tope con hilo’s onto all of them. The Throwbacks make their way back into the ring right before the twenty count. The two teams exchange strikes. Angelosetti and Smashmaster end up on the floor where Smashmaster hot shots Angelosetti on the guardrails. Hatfield gives McMassive a Jackhammer. Smashmaster breaks the cover. Hatfield eats the Death Blow and kicks out! Angelosetti attacks both Dev Corp members in opposite corners. McMassive lays him out with a Boss Man Slam. Angelosetti is set up for the Death Blow. Hatfield dives to the top rope. Angelosetti fights off McMassive and suplexes him. Smashmaster falls victim to a super 3D. Bakabella grabs Jonathan Barber’s arm to stop the three count. Angelosetti grabs Bakabella. Bakabella tries retreating, so Angelosetti pulls his wig off! Smashmaster disposes of Hatfield. The Dev Corp hit the Master Blaster (a Demolition Decapitation variant) for the third fall and the titles at 25:31. This was fantastic. It had a good story that was easy to follow, great action, some really exciting high spots, and an enthusiastic crowd. It was one of the best matches either team has had and one of the best Campeones de Parejas title matches ever. ****

Loser Leaves CHIKARA
UltraMantis Black {SE} vs. Delirious

Delirious knees Mantis and goes right for the Praying Mantis Bomb. Mantis drives Delirious to the corner where they throw forearms and chops. Mantis clotheslines Delirious to avoid a corner attack. He hits the Praying Mantis Bomb for two. Delirious rolls to the floor. Mantis suicide dives after him. Mantis looks for the Praying Mantis Bomb on the floor, but Delirious drives him into the ring apron. In the ring, Delirious hits the move for two. Delirious bites at Mantis’ face and chokes him on the middle rope. He chokes Mantis while digging his forearm into his face. He twists up Mantis’ neck. Mantis fires back at Delirious with forearms. Delirious drop toe holds Mantis to the corner and hits the Panic Attack. He hits Shadows Over Heck for two. He goes for the Praying Mantis Bomb. Mantis shifts his weight but still comes down on his head, yet still kicks out at one. Mantis absorbs Delirious’ chops. Delirious accidentally clotheslines referee Jonathan Barber. Mantis dumps him with a modified Regalplex. Delirious recovers and hits Mantis with his own skull staff! Delirious hits the Praying Mantis Bomb. Derek Sabato runs out in a CHIKARA referee’s shirt to take Barber’s place and counts two. Mike Quackenbush on commentary notes that a “deal is a deal” in regards to him being re-hired. Mantis jackknife pins Delirious for two to avoid another Praying Mantis Bomb. They knock each other down with three simultaneous clotheslines. They trade forearms upon getting back to their feet. Mantis headbutts Delirious repeatedly. The Cosmic Disaster and Praying Mantis Bomb gets him the pin at 11:38. They did a fine job teasing the Mantis Bomb as the finish, but it kind of loses it’s luster when you hit it so many times and don’t show many ill effects. It was heated, fun, and didn’t overstay it’s welcome, but not as epic as I think some anticipated. **¾

Hallowicked and Frightmare come out to celebrate Mantis’ victory. When Mantis is basking in the crowd’s cheers, Delirious grabs Hallowicked and uses the Eye of Tyr on him! When Mantis comes down from the ropes, Hallowicked yakuza kicks him! Frightmare is reeling and grabbing his head, apparently feeling the Eye’s effects as well. As Frightmare is a creation from Hallowicked’s mind, it would make sense that he would be affected too. In clear English, Hallowicked says Frightmare’s name and they leave together. Delirious laughs at Mantis and also heads to the back.

Torneo Cibernetico
Fire Ant {C}, Silver Ant {C}, Worker Ant {C}, Obariyon {B}, Kodama {B}, Ophidian {OP}, Amasis {OP} & Jervis Cottonbelly vs. Jakob Hammermeier {BDK}, Oleg the Usurper {TWC}, Jaka {TWC}, Sir Oliver Grimsly {ODD}, Nøkken {BDK}, Volgar {TF}, Flex Rumblecrunch {DC} & Soldier Ant {TF}

Because of the nature of this match, there will be no play by play. I’ll list the eliminations (in order) and other interesting/important notes of the match.

The Rules

Lucha tags are in effect, meaning in addition to physically contacting a wrestler, leaving the ring counts as a legal tag. Each team has a batting order that must be followed. That means that the wrestler in the ring must tag out to the next man in the batting order. Only the next wrestler in the batting order is up on the apron while the remaining teammates on each team wait on the floor. If the batting order is broken, the team can be disqualified. The order in which the participants are listed above is the batting order for both teams. The match is under elimination rules by pinfall, submission, disqualification or count out. There can only be one winner, so if more than one man on a team survives when all members of another team have been eliminated those teammates must wrestle each other to determine the winner.


– Jaka is eliminated by Worker Ant with a rolling clothesline in 15:40.
– Volgar is eliminated by the Batiri’s Skull Bronzing in 17:05.
– Kodama is eliminated via powerbomb after a buckle bomb by Flex Rumblecrunch in 17:31.
– Jervis Cottonbelly is eliminated by a rolling forearm from Soldier Ant in 19:12.
– Oleg the Usurper is eliminated via sunset flip from Worker Ant in 20:24.
– Sir Oliver Grimsly is eliminated by double bicycle kicks from the Osirian Portal in 21:37.
– Amasis is eliminated by Nøkken via double underhook piledriver in 22:21.
– Worker Ant submits to a cross-legged submission from Soldier Ant in 24:06.
– Obariyon is eliminated by a 2k1 Bomb from Soldier Ant in 25:29.
– Ophidian is eliminated by a sleeper hold from Soldier Ant in 26:05.
– Nøkken submits to the CHIKARA Special: Green from Silver Ant in 27:42.
– Flex Rumblecrunch is eliminated via prawn hold from Fire Ant in 29:14.
– Silver Ant is eliminated by a haymaker from Jakob Hammermeier in 31:45.
– Jakob Hammermeier is eliminated by Fire Ant’s Beach Break in 32:57.
– Soldier Ant wins the 2014 Torneo Cibernetico, pinning Fire Ant with a chokeslam in 34:18.

Additional Notes

– Much like he did with Tursas back in 2011, Silver Ant impressively bodyslammed the great Nøkken before eliminating him from the contest.
– The Colony was the epicenter of this match. Soldier Ant eliminated both Worker and Fire Ant, as well as facing off with Fire Ant early on in the contest. Silver Ant tried talking some sense into him, but it was of no use. Soldier Ant also seemed as if he had the ability to absorb more pain than he would have in the past.
– After the match, Soldier Ant decides to leave through the CHIKARA entrance way instead of the Flood entrance way.

While there was something to sink your teeth into when it came to Soldier Ant against his Colony mates, there was nothing else to this in a way of a story, unless you’re VERY invested in the CHIKARA vs. Flood storyline. Even if you are, none of the big Flood heavy hitters (though you could count Jakob and Soldier Ant I suppose) were on their team, making it seem weak from the get-go. That being said, they did a really good job with the order of eliminations and in deciding who eliminated whom. The action was consistent, and since the match was relatively short, nobody had the opportunity to get stale. Fingers crossed for a Fire Ant vs. Soldier Ant battle at Aniversario. ***¼

As the steel cage is being constructed for the main event, Chuck Taylor confronts Director of Fun Mike Quackenbush. Chuck says he wants to cash his three points against Grand Champion Icarus at the Season 15 premiere on January 25th in Philadelphia. Quackenbush agrees and the match is signed.

Steel Cage Match
Icarus vs. Deucalion {TF}

Icarus has the Estonian Thunderfrog’s hammer of peace. He was presumably the one who was worthy enough to pick up the hammer, as shown in this video. He places the hammer ringside before heading into the cage. Icarus violently throws forearms and chops at Deucalion in the corner. Deucalion and Icarus avoid being thrown into the cage. Deucalion shoves him into the cage to avoid a Shiranui. He throws Icarus into another cage wall. He chokes Icarus with his boot. Deucalion misses a punch, hitting the cage wall. Icarus slams the arm into the cage multiple times. He wears down the arm with some forearm strikes. He sends Deucalion face first into the cage. Deucalion catches Icarus and powerbombs him into the cage. He steps on Icarus’ back whilst pulling his hair. However, when Deucalion pulls him up, Icarus once again unloads with chops. He throws Deucalion face first into the cage. He chokes him with both of his feet. Deucalion pulls Icarus off the top rope, causing him to crash to the canvas. Icarus gets his feet up to block an oncoming charge. He double stomps Deucalion’s injured right arm. Icarus’ spear has no effect. Deucalion catches him with a knee strike. He tries to lawn dart Icarus into the cage. Icarus slides off his back and shoves Deucalion into the cage. The spear this time takes Deucalion off his feet. The CHIKARA Tecnicos come out to support Icarus. Icarus hits a few enzuigiri’s for barely a one count. Deucalion grabs Icarus by the throat. Icarus turns, uses the cage for a Shiranui and gets a two count. Deucalion fights out of the Blu-Ray. Icarus lands a superkick, then successfully hits the Blu-Ray into the cage for two. Icarus punches Deucalion’s bad arm ten times in the corner. He goes for a Frankensteiner. Deucalion counters by tossing Icarus into the cage. He only gets a two count, causing Deucalion to get angry with referee Bryce Remsburg. He grabs Bryce his throat. Icarus jumps on Deucalion’s back and applies a sleeper, saving Bryce from potential doom. Deucalion backs Icarus into the corner to escape. Icarus tells Deucalion to ascend the ropes with him, calling him a coward. He climbs to the top rope. He lifts up Icarus, but Icarus takes him off the top with a Frankensteiner. Deucalion kicks out. Icarus re-applies the sleeper hold. Deucalion once again backs him to the corner. This time, Icarus Mongolian chops his shoulders. Deucalion catches him climbing up the cage in the Chokebreaker position. Icarus however rolls Deucalion down into the CHIKARA Special! Deucalion taps out at 15:23. This was fabulous storytelling from start to finish. The crowd was really into everything, and it helped that the match had a big fight feel to it. They did a great job with Icarus working over the arm and countering the deathly Chokebreaker (which is WAY over) and using the CHIKARA Special to win. It was the perfect way to end the show and the season. ***½

Deucalion calls for the Flood to come out. They do, with Pinkie Sanchez of all people in front. As this is happening, the CHIKARA Tecnicos from the floor hand Icarus, who is now near the top of the cage, the Hammer of Peace. Jimmy Jacobs comes out and stops the Flood from making a move. He says that Deucalion will kill them all if he gets the chance. He tells Deucalion that he made his bed and now he will die in it. Icarus comes off the top rope and nails him with the Hammer of Peace! Jacobs tells the rest of the Flood that they are survivors and to leave Deucalion laying. They do just that.

After the credits, we cut to someone’s house. A man is talking to his Mom over the computer telling her that they’re going to be millionaires. He says he’s invented the rogaine of corn. We hear thunder in the background. The boy goes back out. He says lightning scorched his land, but he found something in the middle of it. He shows her a frog wearing a cape just like one the Estonian Thunderfrog used to wear.


4 Responses to Tomorrow Never Dies

  1. While it normally wouldn’t be a good thing for the Flood to win the Torneo Cibernetico, it’s great that Soldier Ant was the one who won the match, since it makes him relevant again. By having Soldier Ant run through so many tecnicos, ending with his old partner Fire Ant, it suggests that next season we might FINALLY get a resolution of Soldier’s issues with the Colony, particularly how Wink’s “CHIKARAbermetrics” nonsense led to Soldier being reassigned to the Swarm and assailANT going to the Colony, and eventually becoming accepted and renamed Worker Ant. This situation was left unresolved via Soldier leaving CHIKARA in 2013 and the shutdown.
    I’m also curious about what happens to Hallowicked and Frightmare with Delirious gone. Who will control the Eye of Tyr now?

    Good riddance to Deucalion.

  2. Jason Hepler says:

    There’s one important note you forgot to make on the Cibernetico, Soldier Ant no sold everything.

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