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Limoilou, QC – 8.16.2014

Commentary is provided by Mike Quackenbush, Dasher Hatfield, Bryce Remsburg, Gavin Loudspeaker, Scott ‘Jagged’ Parker, and UltraMantis Black.

On the August 1st Event Center, Director of Fun Mike Quackenbush declared that challengers for the Grand Championship would be decided the same way Los Campeonatos de Parejas are: a competitor must acquire three points (three successive singles victories) to earn a shot. This ruling retroactively dates back to “You Only Live Twice” when Quackenbush officially took office.

Elimination Match
UltraMantis Black {SE} & Hallowicked {SE} vs. Amasis {OP} & Ophidian {OP} vs. Jaka {TWC} & Qefka the Quiet {ODD} vs. Ivan Sullivan & Stefan Sullivan

Mantis shoves Stefan to the ropes. Stefan shoves Mantis away after he breaks cleanly. Stefan slaps Mantis to escapes a wristlock and gives him a chop. Mantis Mongolian chops him, then sweeps his leg to land a back senton. Amasis does some dancing after teasing a test of strength with Ivan. Ivan knees him in the stomach and gets in an uppercut and chop. Jaka superkicks Ivan as Amasis rolls to the floor. Jaka however backrakes Amasis and tosses him back in the ring. He stomps on Amasis before choking him with his boot. He catches him with a headbutt to the stomach. Stefan trips and drags Jaka to the outside. Ivan and Hallowicked trade blows. Ican trips Hallowicked, allowing Stefan to give him a basement dropkick. Ivan looks to charge at Hallowicked. Qefka puts up an invisible door and pokes Ican in the eyes. He pokes Hallowicked in the eyes as well. He Mongolian chops Ophidian before dropping him with a DDT.Jaka and Qefka double team Ophidian in their corner. Ophidian avoids an attack from Jaka who hits the Sullivan Bros. This causes them to get in a fight with Jaka and Qefka. Qefka drops Ivan with an STO. Jaka headbutts Stefan in the stomach. He accidentally headbutts Qefka, allowing Ivan to schoolboy Qefka for the pin at 6:52. Amasis lights up Ican with kicks and strikes. Stefan cuts him off with a lariat. He gives Amasis a back suplex into a back cracker on Ivan for two. Ophidian jumps in and drops Stefan with a DDT. He enzuigiri’s Ivan to the corner and drives his knees into his chest twice. He comes off the top with double knees to eliminate the Sullivan Bros. at 8:03. Ophidian maneuvers around Hallowicked until catching him with a spinwheel kick. Mantis comes off the second rope with a tornado clutch for two. He drops Ophidian with a DDT. Amasis flips over Mantis’ back and sends him out with a double knee strike. Hallowicked runs the rope sto armdrag out of Amasis’ courting hold. He tries a super snapmare. Amasis cracks him with a forearm, but Hallowicked takes him over with a step-up Frankensteiner. A step-up enzuigiri follows. The Rydeen Bomb would lead to a pin, but Ophidian interrupts with double knees of the top rope. Mantis drops Ophidian with the Cosmic Disaster for two. The Envoy look for the Catacombs of Abbadon. Amasis enzuigiri’s Hallowicked and tornado kicks Mantis to stop it. The Portal bring Hallowicked off the top with a Pyramid superplex. The Osirian Sacrament gets the pin and the victory at 10:59. They fit a lot of action into this match, and the last two teams really brought the goods. The Portal now have two points. **¾

Ashley Remington is admiring a plant backstage. He says Kodama might enjoy a quick plunge in a murky bog, he enjoys a long sail down the Saint Lawrence river. Kodama may rummage through dumpsters and munch on garbage, while he enjoy a platter of fine meats and cheeses from all over the world. While Kodama enjoys Rob Zombie films, he enjoys Jimmy Stewart. Remington’s point? They aren’t that different. They’re just trying to sail smoothly down the river of life. Remington is looking forward to meeting him in a sporting contest tonight.

Ashley Remington vs. Kodama {B}

Kodama breaks a lock-up in the corner at the count of four. Remington however breaks a lock-up in the corner at the count of one. Kodama charges but Remington takes him down with a pair of armdrags. He rolls up Kodama into a finger gun. Kodama comes in from the apron with a slingshot armdrag. Remington is impressed. They sweep each others’ legs out. Remington offers to help Kodama up and does so. Kodama kicks him in the stomach and throws some forearms. He boots Remington to stop a charge, then sends him to the apron. Remington knocks him off, but catches Kodama before he can hit the floor. Kodama holds the ropes for Remington. Remington comes in, but Kodama tosses him to the apron and kicks him in the side of the head twice. Kodama lands a dropkick for two. He comes off the top with a tumbleweed senton press for two. He throws Remington into the mat by his hair. Kodama bites Remington in the back. He goes for a flying DDT, but Remington catches him and tosses him overhead in a belly-to-belly suplex. Remington dropkicks Kodama to the corner. He follows in with a knee lift. He spins Kodama out into a Boss Man slam for two. Remington looks for a German suplex. Kodama elbows his way free. He nails a clothesline to Remington’s shoulder blades. Kodama lifts him up into a sit-out spinebuster for two. Remington catches Kodama with the Fair Winds. He locks on Anchor’s Away. Kodama taps out at 8:34. Kodama’s character isn’t suited for matches with somebody like Remington. People also aren’t used to seeing him in singles contests, which is why I think it was tough for the crowd to truly get into what they were doing. They did the best they could, but the odds were against them before the bell even sounded. **

Remington gifts Kodama the plant he was admiring backstage. Kodama returns the favor by giving him a brown sack. Remington pretends to enjoy it, but by the look on his face indicates that he is disturbed by what’s inside.

Silver Ant {C} vs. The Proletariat Boar of Moldova {BP}

Silver Ant ducks a charge from Boar and schoolboys him for two. He grabs a Fujiwara armbar. Boar rolls Silver Ant away, but Silver Ant puts on a wristlock. Boar knees Silver Ant in the stomach and drives his shoulder into his midsection twice. Boar goes for another charge. Silver Ant cuts him off with a tiger feint kick and a slingshot senton. He unwinds Boar into a standing armbar. Boar takes him to the corner and drives his forearm into Silver Ant’s face. He tries tossing Silver Ant to the floor. Silver Ant lands on the apron. Boar misses Silver Ant and hits the floor, allowing Silver Ant to land a suicide dive. Silver Ant tries a dive off the apron. Boar catches him and drives him back first into the ring post. He side slams Silver Ant and chokes him on the middle rope. Silver Ant tries to fight back, but the Boar mows him down with a big boot. Silver Ant headscissors Boar to the corner. He kicks him in the leg and side of the head. Silver Ant ascends the ropes. Boar kicks him to stop his attack. He brings Silver Ant down with a running Samoan Drop. Boar chokes him with his hand. He powerslams Silver Ant for a two count. Boar locks on a Boar Hug. He drives his shoulder into Silver Ant’s mid-section a few times in the corner. Silver Ant rolls away to avoid a corner splash. He headbutts Boar from the corner. He does a double springboard dropkick. Silver Ant ducks a clothesline and bicycle kicks Boar. Boar knees Silver Ant in the abdomen. Silver Ant scoops him up into the Michinoku Driver. He applies an ankle lock. Boar picks him up into a spinebuster off of his shoulders. Silver Ant evades a Gore and takes him over with a fisherman’s suplex. He hits a frog splash for the pin at 10:04. The two styles in this match didn’t mesh perfectly, and while there was some targeting of the midsection by the Boar, it didn’t amount to anything except a move off the top rope that utilized the mid-section from Silver Ant to win the match. Odd. It was alright, but Silver Ant needs the right guy to truly strut his stuff and the Boar isn’t that guy. Not yet, anyways. **½

The Flood of Jimmy Jacobs, 17, and the Shard make their way to the ring. Jacobs says we are witnessing a war. In any war there are casualties, most recently, the Estonian Thunderfrog. Jacobs says as they thin out the CHIKARA side the Flood needs to be thinned out as well. Falling short of expectations lead to dire consequences. Jacobs then turns to the Shard saying he lost Los Campeonatos de Parejas, which were power for the Flood. He tells 17 that he can leave. He then tells the Shard that while falling short of expectations is punished, exceeding expectations leads to being rewarded. Eddie Kingston comes out. Jacobs tells Shard he has consequences to face. He then tells Kingston he can have “her” back if he exceeds expectations; he promises. He tells Kingston to show him that he loves “her.”

Eddie Kingston vs. The Shard {G}

Shard attacks Kingston with punches and uppercuts. Kingston takes him down with a lariat. Shard rolls out. Kingston thinks of a dive but decides against it. Shard forearms Kingston on the apron before giving him a DDT. He then comes off the apron with a double stomp on the floor. In the ring he comes off the top with a frog splash for two. Shard lays in kicks to Kingston’s chest against the ropes. Kingston pulls Shard into a uranage slam. Kingston decides against a shotgun lariat, allowing Shard to enzuigiri him twice. Shard gives him a modified TKO for two. Jacobs angrily gets on the microphone asking Kingston what he is doing and questions if he even loves “her.” Shard has on an ankle lock. Jacobs says he doesn’t care, Shard can break his leg if he wants. Kingston kicks Shard away. 17 and Nøkken appear ringside. Kingston deposits Shard with a Saito suplex and hits him with an American D. Deucalion now appears. Kingston hits the Backfist to the Future. Jacobs, per Deucalion’s orders, instructs Kingston to Backfist him again. Icarus runs out and attacks 17 and Nøkken. Jacobs jumps in to help Kingston leading to Bryce throwing the match out at 4:07. Obviously not much of a match, but more a means to an angle. Is this all they feel Kingston is good for? This guy pulled out some incredible matches during his Grand Championship reign. Seeing him in these short, meaningless matches is very disheartening. ¼*

The brawl continues. Latvian Proud Oak and Lithuanian Snow Troll join the fray. Jacobs feeds the Proud Oak to Deucalion for a chokebreaker. Kingston held onto the Snow Troll, forcing him to watch the decimation of his partner. Troll begs for mercy. Deucalion pulls out a chain and tosses it on the floor. Troll puts the chain around his neck, as if he were Deucalion’s pet, surrendering himself to the Flood. Deucalion hands the chain to Jacobs, signifying that he’s in charge of the Troll now. Deucalion, Jacobs, and Kington leave with the Troll in tow. The Throwbacks, The Colony, Archibald Peck, and Scott ‘Jagged’ Parker carry the Proud Oak’s body to the back. It would be the last we would see of him in CHIKARA.

3.0 say they have been at the top of the mountain before. Tonight they plan to get one more point to get back to the Promised Land. Jagged says it’s fitting they’re a stones throw away from the plains of Abraham where the English defeated the French in one of the greatest battles of all time. Just like that war, they will lead themselves into battle to get one step closer to exterminating the Flood. Shane Matthews tries an ending line about points being sweet and winning wars being even sweeter, but ultimately Jagged dislikes it and closes with the typical BOO YA!

Scott ‘Jagged’ Parker {3.0} & Shane Matthews {3.0} vs. Missile Assault Ant {CXF} & Orbit Adventure Ant {CXF}

Orbit slams Matthews and yells out his name. He hip tosses Matthews to the corner and snaps off an armdrag. Matthews slams, hip tosses, and armdrags Orbit before dropkicking him to the floor. Jagged blocks Missile’s pump kick. He catapults up into a double wrist clutch drag. Missile back elbows Jagged and throws a trio of lifters. Jagged weaves underneath an Irish whip and leg lariats Missile to the floor. He follows with a dropkick through the ropes. Matthews Manhattan drops Orbit into an enzuigiri from Jagged. 3.0 drop Missile with a tandem straightjacket choke. They double Side Russian legsweep Orbit. 3.0 launch Missile into Orbit with a shoulder tackle. Matthews tries a Boston Crab on Orbit. Missile stops him. Orbit cracks Jagged with a pump kick. The Colony: Xtreme Force wear down Jagged in their half of the ring. Jagged and Missile collide heads in the corner. Orbit tags in. Jagged slips through his legs and tags in Matthews. Matthews clotheslines Orbit. He headscissors Missile, then Orbit to the floor. Jagged headscissors Missile when he comes back in. Matthews drop toe holds Missile into an elbow drop from Jagged to the back for two. Missile kicks Matthews into a back cracker from Orbit. Jagged string a chinbreaker and enzuigiri together on Orbit. Missile strings three rolling Northern Lights suplexes together for a two count. Orbit gives Matthews a TKO. Missile charges in with two fists to Matthews’ chest. Parker breaks the cover. Jagged shoves Orbit down to avoid a superplex. Missile goes for a Rocket Launcher on Matthews. Matthews slips off and hoists him up. Jagged comes off the second rope with the Sweet Taste of Professionalism for the pin at 7:59. This was a little sloppy at times, but you saw some shades of good stuff out of Missile. 3.0 winning was a foregone conclusion but seeing them in their home country is fun. **¼

Juan Francisco de Coronado says it was a ritual in Ecuador to feed the band geeks to the lions of Ecuador. He’s bringing that tradition back tonight when Peck gets fed to him; THE lion of Ecuador.

Archibald Peck vs. Juan Francisco de Coronado

Coronado currently has 3 points. If he wins this bout, he will challenge Icarus for the Grand Championship tomorrow. Coronado goes for a slap, but Peck catches his hand and shakes it. Peck grabs a side headlock. Peck holds onto Coronado’s bow tie to stop him from breaking it. Peck then slaps him in the face. When Coronado charges, Peck takes him over with a hip toss. He back elbows Coronado thrice in the corner. He then slams Coronado’s face into all three turnbuckles in one corner before giving him a facecrusher. Coronado kicks out and rolls to the floor. Peck teases a pescado. He ends up going for a kick. Coronado catches it and drives Peck knee first into the apron. Like a shark smelling blood, Coronado drives Peck’s injured knee into a ringside table before targeting the leg back in the ring. Peck catches Coronado with a kick and low bridges the top rope to send him outside. Coronado comes back in but is caught with a couple rolling punches. Peck drops him with the Snow Plow for two. He calls for the New Move. Coronado turns Peck over. He wants the Coronado Clutch but Peck rolls forward to escape. He rolls up Coronado for two. Coronado elbows Peck’s knee to turn the match back in his favor. Peck takes him back down with a hooking clothesline. He heads up top for the Cranial Crescendo. Coronado follows him and looks for a superplex. Peck headbutts Coronado to the canvas. The Cranial Crescendo connects, but a lot of body weight came down on his left leg, so he nurses the knee instead of trying an immediate cover. When he does go for a cover, Coronado counters into a crucifix pin. He drops Peck with the Tiger Driver for two. Peck escapes a German suplex attempt, tripping Peck and putting on a modified Sugar Hold. Coronado lifts up Peck onto his shoulders to escape. Peck victory rolls him for two. Coronado kicks Peck’s left leg and chop blocks it out. He brings in a chair which referee Dan Yost disposes off. While he’s doing that, Coronado uses his Ecuadorian flag to hit his bad leg! He wastes time waving the flag, allowing Peck to crotch Coronado on the middle turnbuckle. Peck breaks the flag against the ring post! He puts Coronado in a tree of woe. Coronado gets himself loose and puts on the Coronado Clutch. Peck taps out at 13:41. The final portion of this match was superfluous. The flag stuff was unnecessary and took away from the main focus of the match. Had they ended it just a couple minutes early it would have been much better. As it was, it’s still a good back-and-forth wrestling match that just happened to shoot itself in the foot. ***

Icarus says he, The Throwbacks, and the Colony will take care of some business tonight. Dasher says he’s tired of the Flood killing his friends. Angelosetti says the playing field isn’t in their favor, but that doesn’t mean they’re going to give up. Fire Ant reiterates Angelosetti’s point.

Icarus, Dasher Hatfield {T} & Mark Angelosetti {T}, Fire Ant {C} & Worker Ant {C} vs. Jimmy Jacobs {TF}, 17 {G}, Max Smashmaster {DC}, Flex Rumblecrunch {DC} & Nøkken {BDK}

We start off with a ten man brawl. Jacobs chokes Worker Ant in the corner. His Flood partners join him in beating Worker Ant down. Worker Ant pulls 17 in to a back suplex uranage. Fire Ant comes in with a high crossbody to Rumblecrunch. He hits the Yahtzee Kick. He goes to Burn Down the House but Rumblecrunch fights him off. The Colony hit him with the Ants Marching dropkick. Smashmaster mows them both down with clotheslines. Angelosetti fights off both Devastation Corporation members. He succombs to a running crossbody from Smashmaster, leading the Flood wearing him down. Hatfield jumps in to save Angelosetti from being pinned by Smashmaster. He pummels Rumblecrunch in the mid-section. He charges at him and Smashmaster with forearms. Jacobs cuts him off, sending him into a running body block from Smashmaster. Smashmaster gets two with a senton splash. The Flood isolate Hatfield from his partners. Hatfield fights out of an electric chair position and victory rolls Smashmaster. Jacobs breaks the pin and Smashmaster lariats him to continue the beat down. Rumblecrunch accidentally hits Smashmaster with a top rope shoulder block, allowing Icarus tot ag in. He lights up Nøkken with chops and knees him to the floor. He bodyslams Smashmaster! Rumblecrunch tries a claw slam. Icarus instead gives him a TKO onto his knee. Jacobs breaks the pin and tosses Icarus outside. Rumblecrunch drops Worker Ant with a modified spinebuster. Worker Ant comes back with a uranage slam. Smashmaster clobbers him from behind and slams him. Smashmaster heads to the top rope. He misses a Swanton Bomb. The Throwbacks give Smashmaster the 3D! Nøkken bicycle kicks Angelosetti and chokeslams Hatfield. Fire Ant Burns Down the House on Nøkken . Jacobs spears Fire Ant. Icarus spears Jacobs and reigns down with punches on him. He drops Jacobs with the Shiranui. 17 and the Dev Corp break the pin. Nøkken gives Icarus a double underhook powerbomb. Jacobs dismisses the rest of the Flood saying the pin is his. Icarus however kicks out at two. Icarus backdrops Jacobs to the floor and follows with a suicide dive! Worker Ant slingshot dives onto Nøkken while Fire Ant springboard sentons onto the Dev Corp. 17 rolls up Hatfield for two. The Throwbacks hit 17 with Prime Time for the pin at 14:24. This was about on par with some of the better 10 Man Tags. It got a little dull with so many heat segments, but it was acceptable. **¾

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