Wrestling is Fun!: The Allentown Potassium Massacre


Allentown, PA – 10.27.2012

Commentary is provided by Leonard F. Chikarason, UltraMantis Black, and Chuck Taylor.

Note: From now on, I will only be reviewing matches from the “Wrestling Is” companies that involve CHIKARA Wrestle Factory graduates. Granted, the majority of the matches will have them, but the ones without students usually aren’t noteworthy, so why bother?

Gavin Loudspeaker kicks things off with a song that parody’s “I Touch Myself” by the Divinyls. Gavin always does a tremendous job with these.

Mike Quackenbush makes his way to the ring. He was scheduled for a rematch from last month’s show against “Mr. Touchdown” Mark Angelosetti. He puts the blame on Veronica Ticklefeather for his loss last month, prompting Angelosetti and Veronica to come out to the ring. Quackenbush insists that Veronica has to be banned from ringside if they wish to have a fair contest. Angelosetti calls Mike the Master of a thousand excuses. He refuses to leave Veronica behind. He says if Quackenbush won’t have a singles match with him without Veronica, than they can have a trios match instead. Quackenbush responds by giving Angelosetti an Ace Crusher. As Angelosetti lays on the floor, Quackenbush says that he will “see Mark later.” Our main event has now changed from a singles match to a trios bout.

UltraMantis Black vs. STIGMA

Mantis tells the fans that he will hand out treats from his satchel. STIGMA attacks him from behind and damages the satchel before that can happen. Mantis trips him and brings him to the floor. He does some damage around ringside. STIGMA responds with forearms. Mantis takes control again and throws him into the wall. STIGMA responds in kind. In the ring he delivers more strikes. He spins Mantis around to absolutely no reaction. Both guys end up dizzy on the ground. STIGMA brings a fan into the ring who is wearing a Mantis mask in confusion. The fake Mantis rolls up STIGMA and the real Mantis counts three. Referee Jon Barber ensures that that is not the real pin. STIGMA then rolls up Barber. Mantis rolls up STIGMA for the real three count at 6:02. STIGMA has seemingly given up. The fans could not have possibly cared less, which says a lot when a guy like Mantis is involved. Mantis is good but can only do so much. *

Saturyne vs. Juan Francisco de Coranado

Coranado is the former Johnny Ego. He is now some sort of aristocrat, complete with an elaborate entrance, bowtie, and a manservant named Herbert who wipes down the ropes for him. Coranado demands Saturyne to lay down. She kicks him in the stomach and takes him over with a couple of huracanranas. She sends Coranado to the floor with a headscissors. He asks for a test of strength, suckering Saturyne into a knee to the gut. Coranado ducks her spin kick and kicks her hard in the face. Saturyne hops off the second rope into a quesadora roll. She headscissors Coranado back to the floor. Saturyne goes for a crossbody and ends up wiping Herbert out. Corando drives her back into the ring apron. He continues to work over her back in the ring. He misses a corner splash. Saturyne misses a spinwheel kick. Coranado puts her in a torture rack and Samoan drops her for two. Saturyne slips out of a powerslam and shoves Coranado to the corner. He knocks her down with a clothesline. Saturyne huracanrana’s him for two. Coranado tries for a Kondo Clutch but gets rolled into the ropes. Saturyne drives his head into the mat with a quesadora bulldog. Saturyne axe kicks him in the head for two. Coranado blocks another quesadora with a German suplex. He successfuly puts on the Kondo Clutch and Saturyne taps at 8:20. Coranado is still one of my favorite guys on the whole roster. His back work was tremendous and him adopting the Kondo Clutch is terrific. This is also possibly the best Saturyne match I’ve seen. She didn’t stall in between moves, rely on yelling “Come On!” or botch like usual. Really good stuff. ***

Gran Akuma vs. Ophidian

Ophidian tries to sneak attack before the bell but Akuma side steps him. He throws some kicks and suplexes Ophidian for a one count. He puts on the Romero Special, transitioning into a chin lock. He puts Ophidian in the Gory Stretch. Ophidian armdrags his way out of it. He runs the ropes and drives Akuma’s arm and shoulder across the top rope. Ophidian does more damage to Akuma’s shoulder. He chokes him with his sash right in front of referee Dan Yost. When Akuma throws some kicks, Ophidian grabs his trapezius and delivers an enzuigiri. He applies an armbar which Akuma breaks by getting to the ropes. They chop each other in the corner. Ophidian nails a dropkick and drives his knees into Akuma’s chest. Akuma puts him in the Tarantula. He let’s go and missile dropkicks Ophidian across the ring. He misses an elbow in the corner but is able to hit the Cheetah Swipe for two. Ophidian slips out of the mp4 and hits the Duat Driver for two. He appliees for the Death Grip on the mat. Akuma picks him up and transitions him into a Falcon Arrow. He headbutts Akuma on the top rope. He brings Akuma down with a Frankensteiner. He misses a double knee strike, allowing Akuma to pick him up into the Tenchi Crash. He gets the pin with the Death Valley Driver at 9:02. I appreciated how competitive this was and how smartly it was worked by both guys. They have a rematch coming up in “Wrestling is Respect” and after seeing this match I’m looking forward to it. **3/4

The Estonian Thunderfrog vs. Kobald

This is the Thunderfrog’s debut match. He’s this giant frog with a Thor hammer. From Estonia. Kobald does not posses the power to lift the hammer. Kobald chops him out of the corner. Thunderfrog throws some kicks to Kobald’s legs and mid-section. He double leapfrogs over him and knocks him down with an Estonian Hammer (instead of a Polish version). Kobald slaps him in the face. Thunderfrog baits him into a double axe handle. He calls for the frog splash. KObald shoves him to the canvas and dropkicks him to the floor. Kobald tries hiding from Thunderfrog to no avail. Back in the ring however he keeps control. He hits a spear for two. He applies a seated abdominal stretch. Thunderfrog escapes and kicks Kobald in the back. On the floor he tosses Kobald onto some chairs in the front row. In the ring he delivers a Thesz Press and a hip toss. He rolls into a hip attack, then gets a two with a bridging Northern Lights suplex. Kobald cgoes back to the abdominal stretch. Thunderfrog hip tosses his way out of it. He leaps into a legdrop for two. Thunderfrog drives his knee into Kobald’s chest. He lifts him up into a powerbomb for two. Kobald goes to his eyes and gets two with a suplex. Thunderfrog responds with a powerslam. When he sets up for the frog splash, Obariyon runs out and shoves him off the top rope. This gives Thunderfrog the win by DQ at 9:29. That finish was totally unnecessary, but Thunderfrog is a good wrestler in spite of his ridiculous (yet fun) gimmick. **1/2

Dasher Hatfield vs. assailANT

Hatfield snaps off a few different armdrags. He gets two with an Oklahoma Roll. He blocks assailANT’s hip toss with another armdrag. Another Oklahoma Roll yields another two count. He places assailANT in the tree of woe, running the bases into a dropkick. On the floor, assailANT throws Hatfield into a ring post. He then backdrops him onto the ring apron. In the ring he hits a DDT for two. assailANT connects with a crossbody headbutt as Hatfield hits the ropes. Hatfield fires back with some forearms. assailANT back elbows him to the mat. Hatfield sends him to the floor and baseball slides him into the crowd. He then suicide dives after him. In the ring he delivers a backbreaker. assailANT blocks a Jackhammer with a modified belly-to-back suplex. Hatfield O’Conner rolls him for two. assailANT catches Hatfield coming out of the corner with a Death Valley Driver for the pin at 7:50. The wrestling was good but the finish came out of nowhere. I’m glad to see assailANT found a way to showcase his personality through the mask. Hatfield has to be considered one of the top guys in Wrestling is Fun, making this a fairly substantial win for the Big Blue ant. **1/2

Mike Quackenbush & The Colony (Fire Ant & Green Ant) vs. Mark Angelosetti & The Batiri (Obariyon & Kodama)

Veronica Ticklefeather is in the Rudo corner. Angelosetti tags in Obariyon instead of starting with Quackenbush. Quackenbush puts Obariyon into a courting hold and takes him down in a key lock and an armbar. He goes after the foot after that. When he goes for a monkey flip, Angelosetti shoves Quackenbush to the floor. Green Ant chops him up in the corner. He splashes Angelosetti and sends him out with a bulldog. The Colony double hip toss Kodama into a splash/senton combo. Quackenbush drops double knees onto his chest for two. He dropkicks Kodama to the floor. Obariyon ambushes Quackenbush and Kodama knocks The Colony to the floor. The Rudos keep Quackenbush isolated until The Colony dropkick Angelosetti to the floor and double flapjack Kodama. Quackenbush then poses on his shoulders while The Colony lock his arms. Veronica weakly throws a football to try and stop them to no avail. Green Ant gets ready to the throw the football when Angelosetti suplexes him from behind. Now Green Ant gets beaten down in the Rudo corner. Green Ant escapes after slipping off Angelosetti’s shoulders and delivering a superkick. Fire Ant tags in and crossbody’s Obariyon. He tilt-a-whirl DDT’s Kodama. Angelosetti pounces Fire Ant to the floor. Quackenbush comes in a house of fire. He dropkicks Angelosetti and gives him a spin kick. He nails Kodama with a running basement dropkick. Quackenbush spins him out in the Black Tornado Slam. He calls for a Quackendriver I but gets tossed to the floor by Kodama. The Colony send The Batiri to the floor and dive after them. Angelosetti gets set to dive but gets back dropped by Quackenbush onto everyone. Quackenbush Asai moonsaults after them. In the ring he Swanton Bombs onto Angelosetti. The Batiri and Colony knock each other down. Green Ant lariats Angelosetti for two. He applies an ankle lock. Kodama trips Green Ant into the Skull Bronzing. Fire Ant kicks Obariyon to the floor. Quackenbush and Fire Ant tandem slam Obariyon. Angelosetti wipes them out with a springboard shoulder tackle. He brings Quackenbush out of the corner with a spinebuster for two. Quackenbush and Angelosetti collide heads, sending Quackenbush out while Angelosetti recovers in the ring. The Colony and Batiri trade strikes. Kobald tries to interfere, but The Estonian Thunderfrog neutralizes him! The Colony send the Batiri to the floor. Fire Ant springboard crossbody’s onto them and Kobald. Quackenbush superplexes Angelosetti. He follows up with the Quackendriver III for the pin at 20:07. That was your typical fun, fast, and exciting trios match that the CHIKARA gang is capable of putting on. It was a smart way to raise Quackenbush before the Banana Championship match with Angelosetti and set up the Thunderfrog as a new foil for the Batiri. ***1/2


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