Creatures From the Tar Swamp


Brooklyn, NY – 3.13.2011

Commentary is provided by Bryce Remsburg, Steve “The Turtle” Weiner, Wink Vavasseur, Gavin Loudspeaker, and Leonard F. Chikarason.

Green Ant {C} vs. Jakob Hammermeier {BDK}

BDK official Derek Sabato is the referee for this bout. In case you were wondering, Jakob Hammermeier indeed does the ring intro for himself. Tursas is ringside. Green Ant kicks Hammermeier as he goes for his ring coat on the mat. Green Ant springboards into a wheelbarrow armdrag. Green Ant applies an abdominal stretch. Green Ant then rolls into a modified figure four leg lock, but he breaks it when Sabato counts his shoulders to the mat. Green Ant applies a stump puller/ankle lock combo. Sabato breaks the hold for no real reason. Green Ant applies a modified Anaconda Vice and transitions into an ankle lock. Hammermeier uses his tie to choke Green Ant. Hammermeier then chokes Green Ant with his shirt. He comes off the top rope but gets met with an atomic drop. He forearms Hammermeier and applies a cloverleaf. Pinkie Sanchez and Tim Donst distract Sabato while Tursas gives Green Ant a crossbody. Tursas puts Hammermeier on top of Green Ant, and Hammermeier scores the pin at 4:25. This crowd was in a frenzy for this bout and wanted to see Hammermeier get killed. They were legitimately mad when he won, so I have to consider this a success. *

With the BDK celebrating in the ring, The Osirian Portal come out for their scheduled trios match against them.

Amasis {OP}, Ophidian {OP}, & Hieracon {OP} vs. Tim Donst {BDK}, Tursas {BDK}, & Pinkie “Pink Ant” Sanchez {BDK}

Donst gets upset with Amasis’ dance-based defense. The fans ask Donst to do the Truffle Shuffle due to his…you know…whatever. Amasis dances out of a hammerlock into a full nelson. Amasis dances some more before smacking Donst in the face. Hieracon and Sanchez tag in. Sanchez does the old Rick Rude hip swivel. He calls Hieracon a Gary Coleman look alike. Sanchez takes him down with a hip toss and Hieracon responds with a tilt-a-whirl armdrag. Amasis tags in and helps Hieracon take Sanchez down. Sanchez rolls to the floor to bring in Tursas. Ophidian tags in and gives Tursas a few chops. Tursas blocks an armdrag and tosses Ophidian to the corner. Ophidian evades a bask splash and does a headstand in the corner. Ophidian comes down and rolls to the corner where Tursas catches him with a splash. Ophidian sends Tursas to the floor with a huracanrana. Donst comes in and Ophidian tries a Duat Driver. Donst instead pops him into a backslide position, but Ophidian armdrags him down. Ophidian déjà vu’s into the Ophidian Death Grip onto Tursas. Donst clotheslines Ophidian off of Tursas’ back into a backbreaker. The BDK pummel Ophidian in their corner, keeping him away from his partners. Ophidian drops Sanchez with the Duat Driver to escape. Hieracon tags in and gives Donst a Polish Hammer. Hieracon reverses a suplex into a DDT. Sanchez hits a big boot and Hieracon responds with a spin kick. Amasis knocks Sanchez down and Hieracon hits a standing shooting star press. Donst breaks the pin and throws Hieracon to the floor. Donst bulldogs Amasis. Amasis clotheslines him in the neck and Tursas breaks the pin. Hieracon tries to give Tursas a stunner, but Tursas throws him into Amasis in the corner. Tursas splashes both of them. Donst tries an avalanche Donstitution but Hieracon escapes. He hops onto Tursas who slams him. Amasis puts Ophidian on his shoulders. Ophidian fights Tursas off, but Donst brings him down with an ace crusher. Donst puts Ophidian in the Inverted CHIKARA Special and Hieracon breaks the hold. Sanchez and Donst get in an argument over who will attack Hieracon. Hieracon sends Donst to the floor. Sanchez gives Hieracon a superkick. Amasis gives him an atomic drop and Ophidian and Hieracon hit tandem kicks to the head. Amasis suplexes Sanchez and Ophidian hits a top rope legdrop. Hieracon drops Sanchez with the Lightning Spiral for the pin at 14:13. This was a great match, reminiscent of the opening trios match from the last Brooklyn show. The Osirian Portal have to be front runners to win King of Trios, and they certainly have the talent and skill to back that name up. ***1/4

Donst and Tursas leave Sanchez lying in the ring, calling him a loser

Scott “Jagged” Parker {3.0} & Shane Matthews {3.0} vs. Vin Gerard {U} & STIGMA {U}

The UnStable come out for the match. Gerard blows a kiss to a female in the crowd. He begins to walk away, but hops into the crowd over to the female instead. 3.0. enter, with Shane Matthews running down the ramp and into the crowd to attack Gerard. Matthews and the female head outside the building as does Jagged after a short scuffle with Gerard. STIGMA checks on Gerard. No match occurred due to this transaction, but I certainly am curious as to what direction this feud will take next.

Toshie Uematsu {PWW} vs. Sara Del Rey {BDK}

Sara refuses to shake Uematsu’s hand. Sara attacks her from behind. She takes Uematsu CHIKARA shirt she wore to the ring and taunts her with it. Uematsu begins to cry as Sara wipes the shirt on her armpits. Uematsu stomps on Sara’s foot and folds the shirt with respect. Sara hits Uematsu with a basement dropkick and a hip attack. Sara claws Uematsu’s face and throws her to the mat. Sara hits a suplex for two. She rubs Uematsu’s face into the mat and pulls her hair. Sara does the old Earthquake taunt for her Japanese opponent, in light of recent events. Sara elbows her down for two. Uematsu tries to make a comeback, but Sara puts that to a halt with a boot to the gut and an axe kick to her head. Sara pie faces Uematsu and shoves her down. Uematsu does the Three Stooges nose trick, just as she did last night. Uematsu face washes Sara in the corner. Uematsu rolls up Sara for two. Uematsu heads up top, but Sara catches her with a Koppu Kick. Uematsu reverses a powerbomb with a huracanrana for two. Uematsu face washes Sara and follows out to the floor. Uematsu hits a top rope dropkick for two. Uematsu comes off the top rope with a splash for two. Sara gives Uematsu the Olympic Slam for two. Sara gives Uematsu a bridging German suplex for two. Uematsu follows up with a superkick before going back up top. Uematsu sees that Sara has put her feet up, so Uematsu hops down and screams in her face. Uematsu small packages Sara after ducking an elbow for two. Sara blocks a superkick and powerbombs Uematsu down hard for two. Sara hits the Royal Butterfly for the pin at 9:46. Uematsu really did well in her CHIKARA debut, and I hope she comes back sometime. Sara truly is awesome in her role and had the crowd wrapped around her finger the whole time. The nearfalls were quite exciting in the ending stretch and the Brooklyn crowd goes 2-0 in great women’s matches. ***

Uematsu cuts a promo in broken English which the fans appreciate. She then talks a bit in Japanese and says on last thank you before leaving to the fans cheering “Arigato!”

A video package plays of the Throwbacks and Roughnecks feud. Tonight, they’ll meet in a Lumberjack Match. I’d like to point out while this was advertised as the first ever Lumberjack match in CHIKARA history, it is not, for Mike Quackenbush and Jigsaw had a Lumberjack match back in 2004.

We then cut to the Throwbacks backstage. Hatfield says they finally put the kibosh on the feud tonight. Dunkerton says while they can’t claim to be the best team, they certainly can claim to be tougher than The Roughnecks. Dunkerton says asks for the Roughnecks to bring everything they have so that everyone will found out who the tougher team truly is. The Lumberjacks include: Icarus, The UnStable, The Batiri, Steve “The Turtle” Weiner, Da Soul Touchaz, Hallowicked, & UltraMantis Black.

Lumberjack Match
Dasher Hatfield {T} & Sugar Dunkerton {T} vs. Brodie Lee {R} & Grizzly Redwood {R}

Redwood aggressively brings Hatfield to the corner. Hatfield gives him a pair of a chops and a pair of wind-up chops as well. Hatfield throws Redwood head first into the second turnbuckle. He slingshots into a cradle and follows up with a baseball slide. Dunkerton tags in and drops Redwood with a neckbreaker for two. Redwood knocks him down with a rolling axe handle. Lee tags in. Dunkerton blocks a splash and comes off the second rope with an X-Factor. Lee clotheslines both Hatfield and Dunkerton down simultaneously. Lee throws Dunkerton to the floor where The Batiri maul him. Hallowicked and Mantis fend them off while Richardson helps Dunkerton back to his corner. Meanwhile, The Roughnecks double team Hatfield in their corner. Dunkerton tags in and trades chops with Lee. Dunkerton fires up and hit Lee with a big boot. Dunkerton punches him in the corner until Redwood powerbombs him out of the corner for two. Dunkerton gets worn down by the Roughnecks until Dunkerton drops Redwood with a DDT. Hatfield tags in and takes Redwood down with a series of armdrags. He gives Redwood a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and a Dragon suplex. Lee breaks the pin. He misses a big boot in the corner. Dunkerton and Hatfield push him to the floor where Da Soul Touchaz get in a few shots. The Throwbacks hit a modified Hart Attack for two. Lee superkicks Hatfield and Redwood catches him with a headscissors. Lee drops Hatfield with a half-nelson suplex. The Roughnecks hit The Truck Stops Here. Dunkerton breaks the pin at the last second. Lee dropkicks Dunkerton and Dunkerton goes to the second rope. The Roughnecks drop Dunkerton with a Doomsday Device variation for two. Hatfield sends Lee to the floor with a double axe handle. Dunkerton and Hatfield dive onto Lee and the lumberjacks. Icarus throws Dunkerton back into the ring. Lee gets on the apron where Dunkerton dropkicks his leg out. Hatfield tapes Lee’s legs around the ring post so he can’t move. Redwood schoolboys Dunkerton for two. Hatfield takes a baseball bat and slams it into Redwood’s mid-section. He hits the Suicide Squeeze. Dunkerton comes off the top rope with a back senton for the pin at 14:16. This was a perfect way to end the Roughnecks/Throwbacks feud. The stipulation was clever, forced these four to keep the match in the ring, and Hatfield got retribution for Redwood destroying his bat. Not to mention that it was a fun, well executed bout to boot. ***1/4

Young Lions Cup
Frightmare {I} (Champion) vs. Obariyon {B}

Obariyon earned this match by pinning Frightmare in a trios match last month. Obariyon comes out in his druid garb…or so we think. He disrobes and it turns out to be Kodama in the ring with Frightmare. From behind comes Obariyon who hits him with a forearm to the back. He throws Frightmare ribs first into the ring post. Obariyon suplexes him for two. Obariyon snapmares Frightmare into an elbow drop for two. Frightmare slips out of a suplex. Obariyon turns a full nelson into a gordbuster for two. Obariyon puts Frightmare in an Octopus Stretch. Obariyon releases and hits the Chaos Theory for two. Frightmare and Obariyon trade forearm strikes. Frightmare blocks a back cracker with an atomic drop. Obariyon rolls to the floor and Frightmare follows out with a tope con hilo. In the ring, Frightmare drops Obariyon with a pump-handle driver for two. He misses the Kneecolepsy. Obariyon hits an inverted Go Too Sleep for two. On the apron, Obariyon gives Frightmare the back cracker. Frightmare makes it back into the ring right before the count of 20. Frightmare blocks the flying DDT with a Northern Lights suplex for two. Frightmare follows up with the Kneecolepsy for the pin at 8:19. This win makes Frightmare the most successful Young Lions Cup champion in CHIKARA history, defending the Cup six times. This was a fast, fun match that could have used just a bit more time to become something special. As it was, it was a very good match between two great young wrestlers. ***

UltraMantis Black is backstage. He says while Kizarny says that Mantis crossed him, it was Kizarny who stole the Dark Army from him. Mantis says he has moved on after the “mission of the Envoy” became clear in his mind. Mantis says The Envoy will right all of the wrongs in CHIKARA and that he will vanquish Sinn Bodhi from the planet.

UltraMantis Black vs. Sinn “Kizarny” Bodhi

Kizarny knocks Mantis down with a shoulder block. Kizarny grabs at Mantis’ mask and backrakes him. Kizarny suplexes Mantis so hard that Mantis flies to the floor. Kizarny hangs like a bat in the corner and grabs Mantis’ mask once again. In the ring, Kizarny hits a basement dropkick and rips at the mask some more. Mantis blocks a boot and flips Kizarny to the floor. Mantis follows and Kizarny throws Mantis face first into the ring steps. Kizarny slingshots Mantis’ face into the steps. Kizarny breaks the count before hanging Mantis up on the ropes. He rips at Mantis’ mask and chops him in the chest. Mantis slams Kizarny face first iinto the ring apron and into the stage. Mantis chokes Kizarny with a chair. In the ring, Mantis looks for the Praying Mantis Bomb. Kizarny escapes to the floor again. Kizarny trips Mantis on the apron and rips off one eye of Mantis’ mask. Kizarny rips the eye hole open to expose more of Mantis’ face. Kizarny rips a good chunk of the mask off and distracts the referee so he can choke Mantis with his butcher apron that he’s wearing. Kizarny double underhooks Mantis on the apron. Mantis throws Kizarny back into the ring. He throws Kizarny face first into the ring corner multiple times. Mantis knocks Kizarny down with a clothesline and back elbow. Kizarny blocks Cosmic Doom and boots Mantis. He turns Mantis’ mask around and hits the Tullullah Mae for the pin at 9:25. Really interesting match here, as I would have guessed Mantis would have taken this bout. The idea of Mantis’ mask being ripped to the shreds to the point of revealing his face was surprising. I wonder what will come of it. Kizarny really has become the perfect head of the Dark Army and has helped keep the feud with Mantis and Incoherence interesting. **1/2

Los Campeonatos de Parejas
Mike Quackenbush & Jigsaw (Campeones) vs. Fire Ant {C} & Soldier Ant {C}

Quackenbush takes Soldier Ant to the mat in a headscissors/wristlock combo. Quackenbush keeps on Soldier Ant’s shoulder after breaking the submission. Quackenbush twists on Soldier Ant’s right ankle while placing his knee on Soldier Ant’s other leg. Quackenbush continues to put Soldier Ant in a variety of submissions, though Soldier Ant manages to escape each one. Soldier Ant catapults into a wheelbarrow armdrag and wrenches on Quackenbush’s left ankle. Quackenbush armdrags Soldier Ant, reaching a stand-off. Soldier Ant salutes to prevent Quackenbush from transitioning out of a courting hold. He brings Soldier Ant to the mat for two and then stretches Soldier Ant’s arms behind his back. Soldier Ant catches Quackenbush with a Skayde schoolboy to win the first fall at 6:22. Quackenbush begins the second fall by trying a succession of pinfalls, visibly nervous that his team is down one fall. Fire Ant comes in with a sunset flip. Quackenbush rolls out to tag in Jigsaw. They exchange armdrags. Fire Ant sends Jigsaw to the floor with a fireman’s carry. Quackenbush goes up top with Fire Ant. Fire Ant pushes him off and double stomps Quackenbush’s arm on the top rope. Quackenbush slams Fire Ant and shakes off the pain in his hand. Quackenbush ducks a Yahtzee kick and monkey flips Fire Ant to the floor. Soldier Ant flies in with a cradle for two. Quackenbush catches Soldier Ant with a Kido Clutch for the pin at 9:54, tying up the match and one fall each.

Jigsaw throws Soldier Ant to the floor. Fire Ant blocks a superkick and gives him an antzuigiri. Jigsaw hits an enzuigiri from the apron, and slingshots in with a double stomp. Fire Ant turns a brainbuster into a stunner. Soldier Ant throws Jigsaw with a German suplex. The Colony hit the Ants Marching neckbreaker for two. Jigsaw ducks the Colony’s corner attack. He and Quackenbush hit Soldier Ant with stereo superkicks. Quackenbush palm strikes Fire Ant on the top rope. Quackenbush hits a superplex. Jigsaw comes off the top with a legdrop for two. Quackenbush drops him with the Quackendriver III for two. Fire Ant blocks Quackendriver I and pushes Quackenbush into a TKO from Soldier Ant. Jigsaw comes in with a cradle attempt, and Soldier Ant reverses into the CHIKARA Special. Jigsaw escapes before it is fully applied. Soldier Ant reverses a Jig N’ Tonic with a sunset flip. He then applies the CHIKARA Special. Quackenbush breaks it and applies a CHIKARA Special of his own. Fire Ant kicks Quackenbush to break it. Quackenbush smacks Fire Ant. He fires up and hits the Yahtzee Kick. Jigsaw drops him with a German suplex. Soldier Ant hits him with a rolling saluting forearm. Fire Ant looks for a Beach Break on Quackenbush. He evades, but Jigsaw gets thrown into them. They both fall to the floor and Soldier Ant baseball slides them into the crowd. Fire Ant leaps onto them with a springboard tope con hilo. In the ring, Fire Ant catches Quackenbush in the arm with the Heat of the Moment. Fire Ant drops him with a Beach Break for two. Fire Ant applies a short-armscissor. Quackenbush rolls back into a pin for two. Quackenbush palm strikes him. Quackenbush puts Soldier Ant in a tree of woe and Jigsaw hits a coast-to-coast dropkick for two. Fire Ant cuts off Jigsaw on the top rope. Jigsaw brings Fire Ant down with an avalanche torture rack bomb for the pin and victory at 19:38. Things got a little awkward when Fire Ant and Jigsaw got introduced into the match, but by the end things had really kicked into high gear and had the fans going. They did a great job convincing the audience that The Colony had a realistic chance at winning the titles, and when you can bring emotion like that in a seemingly predictable match, I have to give the guys credit. ***3/4

A music video plays chronicling Eddie Kingston and Claudio Castagnoli’s feud from King of Trios 2009 to present day. We then cut to Claudio Castagnoli talking to the five BDK members in attendance tonight. Claudio’s yelling at them. Pinkie says something snide and Claudio brushes him off. Claudio says failure will not be tolerated and storms off.

Eddie Kingston vs. Claudio Castagnoli {BDK}

BDK referee Derek Sabato is the official for this bout. Kingston attacks Claudio from behind in the middle of the ring. Kingston chokes Claudio against the guardrail. Jakob Hammermeier gets in Kingston’s way on the floor, so Kingston knocks him down. Kingston puts the Puerto Rican flag over Claudio’s face and punches him. Claudio catches Kingston with some stomps and forearms in the ring. Claudio hits a pair of uppercuts. Kingston throws him overhead with a belly-to-belly suplex. Sara Del Rey runs out and grabs Kingston’s leg. Pinkie Sanchez comes out too, and Kingston throws their heads together. Kingston ducks a dive and sends Claudio to the floor. Kingston dives out onto him. Kingston gives Claudio three yakuza kicks. Tim Donst comes out to prevent a superplex. Claudio chokeslams Kingston off the second rope. Claudio throws Kingston’s head multiple times into the mat. Claudio pitches Kingston to the floor and drops him neck first on the guardrail. Claudio slaps Kingston silly and rams his knee into Kingston’s face multiple times. Claudio whips Kingston into the opposite guardrail. Kingston gets back in the ring before the twenty count. Claudio destroys a Kingston t-shirt and chokes Kingston with it. Claudio hangs him over the top rope while choking him. Kingston and Claudio exchange forearms when Claudio lets him go. Claudio bicycle kicks Kingston off the apron, causing Kingston to fall throat first onto a guardrail. Kingston gets back in the ring. Claudio hits him with an uppercut and the Alpamare Waterslide for two. Claudio instructs Sabato to look away so that he can apply a shirt-assisted sleeper hold. Kingston fights up, so Claudio gives him the U.F.O for two. Kingston is fired up, asking for Claudio to hit him. Claudio taunts him with a few boot scrapes. Claudio pokes him in the eyes and poses. Claudio slams and legdrops Kingston for two. Kingston and Claudio knock each other down with stereo clotheslines. Kingston lights up Claudio with chops. Kingston suplexes Claudio overhead. Claudio hops off the middle rope and Kingston catches him with a uranage suplex for two. Kingston gets in Sabato’s face for slow counting and headbutts him down. Bryce Remsburg runs down from the commentation station and into the ring to take over refereeing duty. Kingston hits an exploder suplex for two. Claudio hits him with Swiss Chin Music for two. Claudio deadlifts Kingston into a German suplex for two. Kingston clotheslines Claudio to avoid a chokeslam. Kingston connects with the Sliding D for two. Claudio and Kingston trade slaps to each others face. They boot each other in the face. Claudio hits the Swiss Chin Music and Kingston refuses to go down. Claudio takes down his kneepad and hits a flying knee strike, but Kingston stays up again. Claudio chokeslams Kingston for two. Kingston avoids the Ricola Bomb and hits the Backfist to the Future. Tursas comes down and gets chopped off the apron. Kingston dives onto him from the top rope. Claudio tries an inside cradle for two. He hits the Ricola Bomb for two. Kingston blocks another Ricola Bomb and hits another Backfist to the Future. He hits Saito suplex. Derek Sabato pulls Bryce Remsburg out of the ring and throws him into the guardrail! Tim Donst throws a chain to Claudio. He wraps the chain around his arm and blasts Kingston with a European uppercut to pick up the win at 23:24. I felt this match dragged quite a bit in the middle, so perhaps shaving 8 or so minutes off would have been best for the match overall. That being said, the Brooklyn crowd also deflated half way through the match and never came back to the excitement level they had at the beginning. To me this just fell flat and didn’t feel as epic as it should have. ***1/4

The BDK stand over the fallen Kingston. Claudio takes off Kingston’s belt and begins to whip him as Tursas and Donst hold him down. While the BDK approve of this beatdown to begin with, everyone except Donst becomes concerned and tries to stop Claudio after he relentlessly lashes Kingston over and over again. They begin to tell Claudio to stop, and try to physically do so. Sanchez gets shoved down as the other BDK members look worried. Donst rubs Kingston’s forehead as the rest of the BDK leave him and Claudio in the ring. They’re too focused on Kingston to even notice they’re gone. Claudio spits in Kingston’s face before he and Donst leave him lying in the ring.


One Response to Creatures From the Tar Swamp

  1. In re Pinkie objecting to Claudio’s post-match whipping of Kingston: I once had the misfortune of watching a completely disgusting “match” between Veda Scott and Stan Stylez from Beyond Wrestling which consisted mostly of Stylez moving himself or Veda into every sexual position possible while the assholes in the crowd were chanting “No means no.” Yes, they did an intergender match where rape was treated as a joke, and the woman lost. I mention this because Pinkie was at ringside, and he objected to Stylez’ actions. Let’s face it, when someone as out of his mind (At Through Savage Progress Cuts the Jungle Line, LFC and Bryce both said that they’d tried having conversations with him and both had given up on it) as PINKIE SANCHEZ thinks you’ve gone too far….

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