Wit, Verve, And A Bit O’ Nerve


Easton, PA – 3.20.2010

Commentary is provided by Bryce Remsburg, UltraMantis Black, Gavin Loudspeaker, Colin Delaney, and Leonard F. Chikarason.

The show opens with Gavin Loudspeaker in the ring with his guitar preparing to play a song. Claudio Castagnoli and Ares hit the ring. Ares smashes the guitar while Claudio bullies Gavin. Ares cuts a promo in German. Claudio demands Gavin brings The Colony out so they can have the Campeones de Parejas match now. The Colony come out, but so do the rest of The Brüderschaft. The Colony enter the ring and the BDK enter. Many Tecnicos come out even up the sides. The Director of Fun Dieter VonSteigerwalt comes out and says The Colony will have to wait to lose later. Quack and Jigsaw lunge, and The Brüderschaft bail. They pose at the entrance way. The Tecnicos finally leave, leading us to our first match.

El Hijo del Ice Cream {IC} & Ice Cream Jr. {IC} vs. Sara Del Rey {BDK} & Daizee Haze {BDK}

Sata and Haze attack the Ice Creams as they enter, sending them to the floor. A fan hands Hijo sprinkles. Sara points it out and the referee checks. Junior and Hijo pass them back and forth on the apron to get away with it. Haze and Hijo begin. Hijo fakes locking up with Haze a couple times, blowing a kiss to Sara as well. Haze applies a side headlock and fails knocking Hijo down with a couple shoulder tackles. Hijo grabs her hair and Haze strikes him in the cone. He kicks Haze in the back of the leg. Sara comes in and kicks Hijo and Haze hits a chinbreaker for two. Hijo pinches Haze’s bottom as he comes off the ropes. Sara boots down Hijo and tags in. Hijo goes to the floor to dust himself off, but gets kicked on his way in. The ladies of BDK bully Hijo in their corner till he tags in Junior. Junior gets sent to the floor immediately by Haze. Sara throws him back in and Haze bits him in a chinlock. Sara and Haze ping pong Junior with strikes. Haze gives Junior a Mind Trip. He rolls out and Hijo comes in. Haze blocks an eye poke and pokes Hijo in the eyes. The ladies of the BDK take turns beating on Hijo. Hijio swings Haze around by her hair and slams her. Junior tags in, and they double team Haze (wrestling wise). Sara comes in and drops Junior on his head with a piledriver. Haze follows up with a German suplex for the pin at 9:24. A fun opening match that got the fans in a good mood, so I have no problem with this. I enjoyed the Los Ice Creams schtick and the ladies of BDK continue to look strong and believable. **

Green Ant {C} vs. Tursas {BDK}

The battle of the biggest and one of the smallest members on the CHIKARA roster. Green Ant runs at Tursas and gets thrown out. Green Ant tries a few offensive maneuvers to no avail whatsoever. Tursas blasts Green Ant with a huge lariat. Tursas bullies Green Ant for a little while longer, with some resistance by Green Ant, until finally getting the pin with a Kreuzes Bomb at 4:28. This match made Tursas look real strong, while also revealing that the best way to take him out is via submission. I wonder if that will come into play somewhere down the line. Not much of a match, rather than an extended squash. ½* Tursas makes sure to give Green Ant a big splash before leaving.

Amasis {OP} & Ophidian {OP} vs. Vin Gerard {U} & STIGMA {U}

Amasis rubs Gerard with a moist towelette. Amasis does a call-back session with the fans before locking up with STIGMA. STIGMA places Amasis on the top rope after a headlock. Amasis takes STIGMA down with some armdrags. STIGMA gives Amasis a hurricanrana. Ophidian comes in and lays in some chops to STIGMA. Ophidian takes STIGMA down with a roll-up armdrag. STIGMA stops him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Gerard tags in and boots Ophidian off the second rope. Gerard gives Ophidian a double underhook suplex. Ophidian headbutts Gerard in the stomach and Gerard knees him in the face. Gerard arm whips Ophidian. Gerard knocks Amasis off the apron and comes off the post with a moonsault. STIGMA comes in, and Ophidian dives onto Gerard. Amasis comes in with a crossbody to STIGMA. STIGMA gives him a tilt-a-whirl slam and a senton to Amasis’ lower back. The UnStable trap Amasis in the ring taking turns beating down on the funky pharaoh concentrating on his back. The UnStable mocks Ophidian while doing it as well. Amasis gives STIGMA and enzugiri on the apron to the floor. Amasis follows with a dive tagging in Ophidian. Ophidian comes in with a slingshot hurricanrana and schoolboys Gerard for two. Ophidian gives Gerard a helicopter headscissors and a spinwheel kick. Ophidian makes it so Amasis has Gerard give STIGMA a DDT. Ophidian gives Gerard a fisherman’s suplex for two. The Unstable double team the Portal. Ophidian drops STIGMA with double knees, and Gerard drops Ophidian with a 2k1 Bomb for two. Gerard whips and spears Ophidian in the corner. Amasis comes in and the Portal give Gerard the Pyramid suplex for two when STIGMA breaks the pin. STIGMA and Ophidian trade forearms. Ophidian gives STIGMA a spinwheel kick and STIGMA drops him with a spike DDT. Gerard gives Ophidian a suplex, and Amasis comes off the top with a 450 legdrop. Amasis grabs his knee. Amasis gives Gerard a rolling forearm and rolls up Gerard for the pin at 11:38. Man, I sure hope Gerard and STIGMA continuing performing like this. Its matches like this and the Atomicos from “The Mint Condition” that will help them improve their condition in CHIKARA. The Portal were great as well making for a great match. ***

Backstage, The UnStable meet up with the Osirian Portal. Gerard asks Amasis how his knee is, and he says it’s fine. Gerard says thank you to the Portal for the opportunity tonight, and best of luck with three points. STIGMA shakes their hands and walks off. The Portal look confused, as am I. Maybe they’re getting back on the good graces of the CHIKARA guys?

We then shift to Lince Dorado who talks about how he and Jimmy “Equinox” Olsen were a successful tag team. He says they lost King of Trios 2009 because of him and now they’re opponents. Dorado says he’s going to continue Equinox’s losing streak tonight.

Equinox {TFN} vs. Lince Dorado {BDK}

Dorado waits as Equinox makes his entrance. Equinox ducks Dorado’s sneak attack. They trade strikes around ringside. Dorado holds up a chair as Equinox goes for his patented right punch. Dorado throws Equinox in to officially start the match. Dorado gives Equinox a high crossbody and a Lynxsault. Jakob Hammermeier holds up a score card for Dorado’s moves. Dorado hits a senton for two. Equinox trips Dorado and drops him on the top rope. Equinox comes off the top with a perfect missile dropkick for two. Dorado elbows Equinox and hits a rolling double stomp for two. Dorado twists on Equinox’s ankle. Dorado gives Equinox a kneeDT. Dorado chops and chokes Equinox in the corner. Dorado gives Equinox a dropkick to the gut for two. Equinox escapes from a headlock and drops Equinox with a dropkick for two. Dorado lays in some more shots. Equinox evades a dropkick and rolls up Dorado for two. Equinox sunset flips Dorado for two. Equinox backdrops Dorado for two. Equinox chops Dorado in the corner. Dorado kicks Equinox. Jimmy gives Dorado a powerbomb and then an overbomb. Equinox follows up with a German suplex for two. Equinox misses a crossbody in the corner. Dorado gives him a knee and then a backflip into a dropkick for two. Equinox gets ready for a right punch, so Dorado bails to the floor. Equinox comes with a dive, and Dorado puts a security guy in the way. Dorado gives Equinox a corkscrew moonsault. In the ring Dorado only gets a two count. Equinox fires up from Dorado’s shots and lays in some of his own. Dorado sole butts Equinox and follows with an enzugiri. Equinox punches Dorado in the back of the head. Equinox drops Dorado with a Saito suplex and gives him a superkick for two. Equinox locks on the CHIKARA Special. Dorado breaks it and Equinox locks it right back on and Dorado escapes again. Dorado gives Equinox a flipping DDT. Dorado hits a shooting star press on Equinox’s back for the pin at 10:47. Really good stuff out of both guys. They make as good of opponents as they did partners and would not mind these guys in more matches against one another. ***

Loser Leaves CHIKARA
Jagged {2.0} & Shane Matthews {2.0} vs. Brad Badd & Chad Badd

The Badd Boyz enter first. 2.0’s music hits and they don’t come out. The Badd’s force Bryce to count them out. The Badd Boyz win in a forfeit at 0:00. 2.0 are now out of CHIKARA. Brad Badd grabs the microphone and asks how many of the fans wanted to see 2.0 tonight. Brad says they have something to get off their chests. The Badd Boyz reveal that they themselves are indeed 2.0! You’re shocked aren’t you? Shane Matthews (aka Brad) says that four years ago they debuted in CHIKARA and were funny guys. However, they didn’t win many matches so they decided to pose as the Badd Boyz. Since then, they actually won matches. They say it wasn’t because of the denim but because they were acting like themselves. Shane announces that he and Jagged are back but are now known as 3.0 since they’re new and improved. Icarus and Gran Akuma come out to break up the party. Icarus says Akuma and him have teamed longer than any other team in the company. He calls 3.0 goofballs with no heart and dedication. He says they don’t have what it takes and no matter what they’re called, it won’t matter. Jagged and Shane call them into the ring but F.I.S.T. leave. Jagged says one day down the line they will feel the flow of 3.0.

Backstage, Tim Donst says the Tecnico irritate him because they’re robots that follow the fans lead. Donst says Dasher Hatfield is the ultimate robot since he was created by the fans. Donst says he will crush his goals and aspirations before the fans eyes. Donst says under Dasher’s mask is a scared little boy who doesn’t know who he is while Donst is the Young Lions Cup champion. Donst is the best Rudo in the company right now by far.

Young Lions Cup
Tim Donst {BDK} (Champion) vs. Dasher Hatfield {T}

Hatfield eats some Big League Chew before the match. Hatfield ducks some punches and lays in some of his own. Hatfield chops Donst in a couple corners. Hatfield places Donst on the top rope and lays in an underhand slap. Donst comes off with a splash which Hatfield side-steps. Hatfield wipes his cleats on Donst’s back. He tries for a slingshot La Magistral, but Donst stomps on Dasher’s hand. Dasher gives Donst a wheelbarrow armdrag to the floor and follows with a baseball slide. Hatfield gives Donst some forearms and chops outside the ring. Hatfield accidentally hits the ring post with an overhand chop. Donst targets Hatfield’s hand while on offense. Hatfield escapes an armwhip. He gives Donst a sole butt and s spinning neck breaker. Hatfield goes for the Russian Sickle (which Moscow used to do) but misses, hitting his hand on the mat. Donst takes Hatfield back to the floor, still working over his arm. Donst traps Hatfield’s hand under the ring steps and stomps on the steps. In the ring, Donst chokes Hatfield with his own jersey. Donst slams Hatfield with Hatfield’s arm trapped behind his back for two. Donst crotches Hatfield face first in the corner. Donst gives Hatfield the Donst Cap (a jumping back elbow in the corner). Donst puts Hatfield in the tree of woe and twists his nipples. Donst puts on Hatfield’s jersey and mocks him with a baseball slide. Donst misses and crotches himself. Hatfield gives Donst a wet willy. Hatfield and a chain of fans crotches Donst in the corner. Hatfield (in the ring) gives Donst a Manhattan Drop and an Atomic Drop. Hatfield looks for the Grand Slam, but Donst gives Hatfield a bulldog from the top rope. Hatfield blocks a leg drop to his crotch and locks in a leg lock submission. Donst grabs the ropes to escape. Donst drops Hatfield with a twisting neckbreaker for two. Donst applies the Hydralock. Hatfield escapes and prawn holds Donst for two. Hatfield gives Donst the Hydralock. Donst escapes and Hatfield gives Donst’s Hydra’s clothesline in which he drops the opponent. Hatfield tries a chokeslam, but Donst bites his hand. Each guy knocks each other to the floor with tandem shoulder tackles. Both men trade blows on their knees. Hatfield gives Donst a polish hammer, a wind up chop and a baseball punch. Hatfield splashes Donst in the corner. Donst sends Hatfield to the floor. Hatfield stops Donst from going to the floor, leaving Donst hanging in a tree of woe. Hatfield hits three baseball slides. He gives Donst a shot to the side of his head as if he’s hitting a baseball. Hatfield places Donst up top. He hits the Grand Slam but only gets two as Donst gets his foot on the ropes. Htafield looks for the Razor’s Edge, but Donst gives Hatfield a backslide with his feet on the ropes for the pin at 18:20. Somewhat mild finish, but a real good match otherwise. Donst and Hatfield keep improving with every show and had the fans connected to this match the entire way through. Good stuff all around. ***1/2

Mike Quackenbush, Jigsaw {TFN}, Hallowicked {I}, & Frightmare {I} vs. Icarus {F}, Gran Akuma {F}, UltraMantis Black {ONT}, & Crossbones {ONT}

Crossbones and Hallowicked kick things off, but Hallowicked boots Mantis off the apron to start. Hallowicked lights up Crossbones with some chops. Crossbones kicks down Hallowicked. Crossbones misses a splash in the corner and Wicked gives him a step-up enzugiri and step-up Frankensteiner to the floor. Wicked teases a dive. Jigsaw and Akuma tag in. Icarus attacks Jigsaw from behind to trade places. Jigsaw gives Icarus a toreador and a back elbow. Jigsaw tries a crucifix pin and gets two. Jigsaw and Quack double team Icarus. Quack tags in and gives Icarus a leg lariat and double knee drop. UltraMantis Black tags in and also gets double teamed by Jigsaw and Quack. Crossbones comes in and gets sent to the floor with a hurricanrana by Jigsaw. Quack follows up with a tope con heilo. Akuma and Frightmare tag in and trade armdrags. Frightmare gives Akuma a step-up Frankensteiner. Back and forth Akuma and Frightmare go with rolls, till Icarus spears Frightmare. Frightmare gets beaten down in the Rudos corner for a good while until Frightmare hops off Icarus’ back to give Akuma a Frankensteiner and follows with a headscissors. Jigsaw comes in with a crossbody to Icarus. Jigsaw brings in Mantis as well. He gives Mantis an enzugiri and a double stomp. He gives Icarus a forearm in the corner and lays in some stomps. Akuma comes in and gives Jigsaw a sole butt. He ducks Jigsaw’s superkick and looks for the Rubix Cube. Jigsaw gets sent to the corner but comes out and with Quack gives him double superkicks. Crossbones and Quack go back and forth and then Crossbones drops Quack with the Friggin’ Sweet Driver. Jigsaw saves him and Mantis comes in. Mantis gives Jigsaw a jawbreaker and Mongolian chops. He drops Jigsaw with the Cosmic Disaster and Frightmare breaks the pin. Icarus comes in and drops Frightmare with the EVO. Hallowicked breaks up the pin. Akuma eats the Go Too Sleepy Hollow. Akuma ducks the Yakuza kick and kicks Wicked in the face. He hits a Falcon Arrow for two. A series of guys miss top rope moves till Quack crushes Icarus with a senton. Quack drops Icarus with the Quackendriver III. Crossbones kicks Quack in the back and Frightmre superkicks Crossbones. He drops Crossbones with a neck breaker and gives him the kneecolepsy for the pin in 14:03. CHIKARA again delivers a very good Atomicos match. It was slightly down form last month’s efforts, but that’s because Crossbones was very sloppy. Still though, with so many good guys, it’s hard to go wrong. ***1/4

Quackenbush grabs the microphone and proceeds to put over Frightmare. He says Frightmare should start thinking about the Young Lions Cup and that the guy who held the Cup for the longest time in the company speaks his language (Hallowicked). The crowd approves of Frightmare holding the Cup and asks for a speech. Frightmare speaks his gibberish much to the fans delight. Quackenbush says every time they come to Easton they get better and they truly appreciate them. I guess that’s a way to satiate their appetite since the earliest CHIKARA comes back to Easton is Autumn.

Backstage, Jigsaw and Quack are talking. UltraMantis approaches and says with the emergence of the BDK, that the Rudos and Tecnicos should ban together to fight them off. Quack says Mantis brought the BDK onto CHIKARA and shouldn’t form an alliance with Mantis since he’s teaming with his enemies Hallowicked and Frightmare at King of Trios. Quack reiterates he owes Mantis nothing and leaves with Jigsaw.

Campeonatos de Parejas
Fire Ant {C} & Soldier Ant {C} (Campeones} vs. Claudio Castagnoli {BDK} & Ares {BDK}

Tursas, Lince Dorado, and Pinkie “Pink Ant” Sanchez accompany Claudio and Ares. They all beat down The Colony before the match. Nice touch by the camera man showing the little kid on his mom shoulders with a Fire Ant mask on watching. Tursas throws Soldier Ant into the wall with the Kreuzes Bomb. Claudio throws Fire Ant in the ring. Ares drops him with a Tiger Driver for the pin in 0:05. The Brüderschaft are up one fall to zero.

Fire Ant tries to fight back, but Claudio and Ares bully him while his partner Soldier Ant lay dead outside. Fire Ant is able to low bridge Ares to the floor. Ares then gets a headscissors from Soldier Ant, who finally became conscious. Fire Ant kicks Claudio and rolls to the floor. Soldier Ant comes in with a saluting crossbody. Soldier Ant lays in some forearms then hits a flying saluting headbutt. Ares comes in and cuts Soldier Ant off. Soldier Ant dropkicks Claudio to the floor. Ares whips Soldier Ant to the corner. Soldier Ant evades his attack and hits a saluting dive onto Claudio. Soldier Ant snapmares Ares on the top rope and follows with a top rope saluting headbutt for two. Soldier Ant sunset flips Ares for two. Soldier Ant locks Ares in the CHIKARA Special. Claudio kicks Soldier Ant but Soldier Ant holds on. Claudio nails him with an uppercut to break it. Claudio rams Ares into Soldier Ant with a spear, then follows up with a running European uppercut. Soldier Ant gets the bottom rope to escape the pin. Claudio give him a deadlift German suplex for two. Fire Ant rolls up Claudio as he tries the Ricola Bomb on Soldier Ant. Ares brings Soldier Ant to the floor and beats him down. Claudio pops up Fire Ant, and Fire Ant rolls through into a small package for two. Fire Ant wheelbarrows up but then Claudio gives him the pop-up European uppercut for two. Fire Ant fires up but gets mowed down by a lariat and a Ricola Bomb. Fire Ant kicks out as Soldier Ant and Ares continue to brawl on the floor. Claudio gives Fire Ant the U.F.O. and Fire Ant gives Claudio a wheelbarrow stunner. Fire Ant gives him a couple Antzugiri’s. Fire Ant goes up top and gets cut off by Claudio. Soldier Ant cuts off Claudio and The Colony hit a top rope powerbomb/neckbreaker combo. Ares breaks the pin. Soldier Ant lays in some headbutts, but Ares gives Soldier Ant a spin-out slam for two. Ares then hits a swinging fisherman’s neck breaker for two. Fire Ant cuts off Ares as he goes up top. Claudio pulls Fire Ant to the floor. Claudio gives Soldier Ant Sweet Schwinn Music and Ares comes off the top with a somersault senton for two. Claudio runs head first into the ring post trying to attack Fire Ant. Soldier Ant blocks the Tiger Driver allowing Fire Ant to come in with the Heat of the Moment. Fire Ant goes onto Claudio with a springboard senton. Soldier Ant drops Ares with a TKO. Tursas brings Bryce Remsburg to the floor to break the pin. Bryce is busy throwing Tursas out when Claudio picks up the ring steps. Ares throws Soldier Ant’s head into the steps. The Brüderschaft give Soldier Ant a Doomsday Device with a European Uppercut instead of a clothesline for the pin and the titles at 17:01. The Colony’s comeback was very well orchestrated and made them also look like guys who could inevitably help take down the BDK in the end. Claudio and Ares of course are a fine tag team and will have some great defenses in the future. ***1/2

Shortly after this, Bryce Remsburg posted a blog on CHIKARA’s website saying it was his lack of judgment in the moment that failed him to call the second fall a disqualification. Bryce believes there should be a rematch in order to set things straight. Hopefully soon we’ll get an answer. My instinct is we’ll get a rematch (perhaps a one fall match) during Aniversario weekend.


One Response to Wit, Verve, And A Bit O’ Nerve

  1. The post-match segment with Mantis, Quack and Jigsaw is pretty funny in hindsight when you consider that Mantis would be the leader of Team CHIKARA in the Cibernetico, with Quack, Jigsaw, Hallowicked and, of all people, STIGMA, the guy who was the mole that enabled Chris Hero to break the CHIKARA Special back in 2007 which was one of the events that set the whole storyline into motion in the first place.

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