An Optimistic View of a Pessimistic World


Easton, PA – 10.17.2009

Commentary is provided by Bryce Remsburg, Leonard F. Chikarason, Louden Noxious, UltraMantis Black, Vin Gerard, and Mike Quackenbush.

Louden Noxious opens the show, singing a song about his past as Gavin Loudspeaker. Well, this makes more sense in retrospect now. Crazy.

The Future is Now are backstage. Lince Dorado says lately they have been wrestling and winning like a team, but now, they need to look like a team. Dorado gifts Helios and Equinox with wrist gauntlets. Jigsaw enters the picture. Helios shows off the wrist gauntlets. It turns out that Dorado did not get a pair for Jigsaw. Jigsaw hangs his head sadly.

Lince Dorado {TFN} vs. Vin Gerard {U}

Originally, Lince and Helios were supposed to face the Badd Boyz, but since they got held up at the Canadian Border, they’re off this weekends shows. This is a rematch from “Grit & Glory.” Gerard is wearing a doctor’s mask to cover his face and acts fatigued, as if he had the swine flu. Gerard coughs on Dorado as they lock up. He also coughs on Dorado to break a wristlock. Dorado grabs his hand and uses the ropes for a knuckledrag. Gerard shoulder blocks Dorado. Dorado responds with a dropkick. He headscissors Gerard to the floor and follows with a pescado. Back in the ring, Gerard pops Dorado up and allows him to crash into the canvas. He rubs his swine flu mask onto Dorado’s face. Gerard back elbows Dorado into a senton splash for two. He sticks his finger in his mouth, then into Dorado’s mouth. Gerard chokes Dorado with his boot. He hits Dorado with an axe handle, mocking Dorado’s daredevil style in the set-up. Gerard gets two with a snap suplex. He drives his fist into Dorado’s stomach for two. Dorado responds with a back handspring elbow and a Frankensteiner. He kicks Gerard from the apron, then slingshots in with a Thesz Press. He lands a spin kick. Dorado rolls through a sunset flip and dropkicks Gerard. He misses a shooting star press. Gerard hits the 2k1 Bomb for the pin at 5:57. This was last minute filler and nothing more. *

Claudio Castagnoli vs. Player Uno {SSB}

They start by trading wristocks. Claudio brings Uno to the mat and applies a side headlock. Uno shoots him off, but Claudio knocks him down. He goes for a powerslam, but Uno slides off and armdrags Claudio. He uses the ropes for a monkey flip. Claudio catches Uno with a dropkick. He misses an elbow drop, but drills Uno with a clothesline for two. He slams Uno and climbs up the ropes for a top rope elbow drop. Uno kicks out. Claudio deadlifts Uno into a gutwrench suplex. He applies a chinlock, then picks up Uno for a suplex. Uno slides out and gives Claudio a neckbreaker. Claudio places Uno on the top rope and uppercuts him. Uno comes off the ropes with a dropkick. He knee strikes Claudio in the corner and lands a cannonball senton for two. Uno headscissors Claudio to the floor and follows with a cannonball suicida. In the ring, Uno misses the M. Bison Stomp. He rolls up Claudio after accidentally bumping into referee Nick Papagiorgio. Uno has a visual pin. Claudio gives Uno Swiss Chin Music. The UFO gets him the pin at 6:26. That was outstanding, fun, and had non-stop action. The match flew by and Uno looked incredibly strong. What a gem. ***

Amasis says that the Portal suffered their greatest loss last month in Nashua, NH. Ophidian says they have learned their mistakes and that they now have the opportunity to earn three points tonight. Amasis tells the Colony to shine up the belts, because they will be returning to Egypt soon enough.

Elimination Match
Dasher Hatfield {T} & Sugar Dunkerton {T} vs. Nick Jackson {YB} & Matt Jackson {YB} vs. Amasis {OP} & Ophidian {OP} vs. Icarus {F} & Chuck Taylor {F}

This is Sugar Dunkerton’s CHIKARA debut. Icarus keeps going for his basketball, so Dunkerton has Nick Papagiorgio tip off the ball between the two of them. Dunkerton catches Icarus with a Manhattan Drop as he jumps in the air. He avoids a spear, sending Icarus into the corner. Hatfield sends Dunkerton into Icarus with a cannonball senton. Hatfield runs the bases and baseball slides into Icarus. Hatfield throws a double axe handle and a wind-up slap to Taylor. The Bucks double hip toss Taylor into stereo dropkicks. The Portal give Taylor a double front leg trip. As Ophidian and Matt are about to lock up, F.I.S.T. attack them both. Taylor gets in some shots to Matt. Matt assists Nick with a spin kick to Taylor. Amasis gives Taylor a backbreaker. Ophidian drives his knees into Taylor’s chest and Amasis splashes him. Icarus breaks the pin. Dunkerton throws a trifecta of punches to Taylor. Icarus kicks Dunkerton into Sole Food from Taylor. This allows F.I.S.T. to wear down Dunkerton. Dunkerton ends up ducking a clothesline from Icarus and tagging in Hatfield. Taylor sends Hatfield and Amasis to the floor. Taylor fights off Ophidian’s Egyptian Destroyer. He and Icarus deliver F.I.S.T. Kicks. Taylor boots Matt into a back cracker from Icarus. Nick superkicks Icarus. Taylor belly-to-belly suplexes Nick. Dunkerton tries a crucifix driver on Taylor. Taylor fights out. Dunkerton clotheslines him to the floor. Hatfield slingshots in with an Oklahoma Roll on Icarus, eliminating F.I.S.T. at 7:19. Ophidian attacks Dunkerton from behind. Hatfield avoids a headscissors. The Throwbacks double backdrop Amasis. Hatfield flapjacks Dunkerton onto Matt. They hit the Alley Oop on Nick. Dunkerton assists Hatfield for a Grand Slam on Ophidian. Ophidian fights out of it. Amasis tosses Dunkerton off the top rope. Ophidian Frankensteiner’s Hatfield onto him. The Portal “charm” Dunkerton. Hatfield German suplexes both Portal members! He pins Ophidian for a two count. Amasis shoves Hatfield into Dunkerton who is still out of it. Amasis gives Dunkerton the Egyptian Conniption for the pin at 10:06. The Portal and Young Bucks trade strikes with each other. Matt pops Nick up into a double dropkick to both Portal members. The Bucks give Ophidian a tandem backdrop, then a neckbreaker over Nick’s knee. Amasis hops off the second rope, shoulder tackling both Bucks. Matt takes the Slave Initiation. The Portal Pyramid suplex him for two, thanks to Nick breaking the pin. Nick back elbows Amasis to the floor and follows with a moonsault off the ring apron. Matt holds Ophidian in a wheelbarrow position allowing Nick to slingshot in with an X-Factor. Amasis makes the save. He and Nick trade shots. Nick nails him with a tornado enzuigiri. Ophidian stops Nick from ascending the ropes. Matt picks up the Portal and electric chair drops them both to stop Nick from taking a Pyramid suplex. Nick hits a 450 splash on Amasis for two. Ophidian headscissors Nick on the floor. Amasis and Matt exchange strikes. Matt sends Amasis out. Ophidian Deja Vu’s Matt into a prawn hold. Nick picks him up, but Ophidian puts him in the Death Grip. Matt helps him break free. Nick accidentally knee strikes Matt. Ophidian deposits Nick with a Cobra Clutch suplex. The Osirian Sacrament get them the win at 15:38. This was hot, action packed, and exciting; exactly how these elimination matches should be. It was also a great debut for Dunkerton, who fit right in with the rest of the roster and looked strong as a unit with Hatfield. Really fun stuff. ***½

Hallowicked {I} vs. Helios {TFN}

Helios takes Hallowicked down in a side headlock. Hallowicked grabs a waistlock. Helios escapes and rolls up Hallowicked’s shoulders. He rolls him forward. Helios applies a courting hold. Hallowicked uses the ropes to armdrag his way free. Helios boots Hallowicked to stop a corner attack, then headscissors him to the corner. Hallowicked avoids a Tiger walk. Helios flips over into an armdrag.Hallowicked evades a leapfrog and rolls up Helios for two. Helios headscissors him for two. He sends Hallowicked to the corner. Hallowicked blocks a potential Tiger walk with a yakuza kick. He ties up Helios’ arms. Helios jackknife pins Hallowicked for two. Hallowicked gets his own two count with a roll up. Helios nails a jumping knee strike. Hallowicked counters a headscissors with a backbreaker. He gives Helios a super snapmare for two. Helios fights to get the Burning Screwdriver. He drops Hallowicked with a hammerlock DDT and lands a standing shooting star press for two. Helios tries a catapult and ends up in Hallowicked’s Go 2 Sleepy Hollow. Helios manages to kick out. Helios climbs the ropes. Hallowicked tries climbing up but gets kicked off. Helios lands a 630 splash for the pin at 7:32. These two looked really awkward together. It got a lot better in the last few minutes, but before that it was pretty chaotic and ugly. A shame, really. **

Jigsaw {TFN} vs. STIGMA {U}

STIGMA attacks Jigsaw as he’s entering the ring. They brawl around the ringside area and into the crowd. Jigsaw hops off the bleachers and gives STIGMA a Frankensteiner! In the ring Jigsaw lands a missile dropkick for two. Jigsaw calls him Shane Storm as he lights up STIGMA with chops. STIGMA fights off a brainbuster. He sends Jigsaw to the apron and clotheslines him to the floor. STIGMA rolls out and slaps Jigsaw instead of diving onto him. In the ring he back elbows Jigsaw. He lands a back senton for two. He clotheslines Jigsaw and delivers a legdrop for two. STIGMA avoids a backslide and a brainbuster. He shoves Jigsaw to the corner and forearms him. They each throw chops. STIGMA goes for the Stigmata. Jigsaw fights out and nails an enzuigiri. Jigsaw throws some elbows and kicks out STIGMA’s knee. He goes for That Japanese Move. STIGMA catches Jigsaw and looks for the Jig N’ Tonic. Jigsaw grabs the ropes to escape. He nails a flying boot for two. STIGMA fights off a tornado DDT and gives Jigsaw a neckbreaker across his knee. They trade blows when they get back to their feet. STIGMA releases Jigsaw out a German suplex. He scrapes his boot across Jigsaw’s face. Jigsaw blocks the facewash kick. STIGMA blocks the superkick and buckle bombs Jigsaw. The facewash kick connects. Jigsaw rolls STIGMA into an enzuigiri. He finally hits the brainbuster, but STIGMA kicks out. Jigsaw misses a double stomp. STIGMA avoids a yakuza kick. He sets Jigsaw up on the top rope. Jigsaw brings STIGMA off the top rope with a sunset bomb for the pin at 10:27. This was actually much better on a rewatch. The match felt heated, they had some fun teases, and the brainbuster tease paid off…kind of. That should have been the finish, especially since Jigsaw won just a few moments later anyhow. That said, it was one of STIGMA’s better singles outings and Jigsaw looked good as per usual. **½

As soon as the match ends, Gran Akuma runs in and gives Jigsaw a half-nelson suplex right onto his neck! He leaves with a smile while Jigsaw is helped to the back.

Backstage is Sal Rinauro. He says that his beautiful face needs something equally beautiful around his waist to compliment it; the NWA World Junior Heavyweight Championship. He says Mike Quackenbush has been ducking him, but now that he’s facing him tonight, he’s bringing the belt back to the deep South where it belongs.

NWA World Junior Heavyweight Championship
Mike Quackenbush (Champion) vs. Sal Rinauro

Rinauro does a hip swivel after taking his shirt off. Quackenbush goes for a quick jackknife pin. He picks his ankle. Rinauro kicks Quackenbush away, so Quackenbush takes him over in a side headlock. Rinauro reverses it. Quackenbush slips out and sends Rinauro to the canvas. He reapplies the headlock. Quackenbush avoids a trip and brings Rinauro to the mat in a headlock. Rinauro leapfrogs over Quackenbush. Quackenbush mocks him and once more takes him down in the headlock. Rinauro tries tripping him again when he shoots Quackenbush off. Quackenbush stomps on his back, kicks him in the chest, and the headlock is once again put on. Quackenbush pops out of Rinauro’s headscissors reversal. He shoulder blocks Rinauro down, then takes him over in the headlock. Rinauro reverses. Quackenbush wiggles his way free. Rinauro doesn’t notice. Quackenbush punts him in the back of the head. Rinauro rolls to the floor. He gets in a verbal confrontation with some fans. Quackenbush pats him on the shoulder to get his attention. Rinauro notices and tries running away, but ends up running head first into the ring post. Quackenbush drags him in with a headlock, then releases before the five count, causing Rinauro to hit the mat. Quackenbush takes him down in a side headlock for the pin at 5:38. Gotta love all that headlock work amounting to a victory. It’s something you wouldn’t have expected, but it worked, and produced a fun match along the way. *

UltraMantis Black, looking dapper, says he has put together a strong army which may or may not include Vökoder. Crossbones wonder if that’s a good idea, and if they can be certain that he can see the future or not. Mantis dismisses his skepticism. He says that anybody who crosses the Order’s path will rue the day they do so.

Green Ant {C} & Carpenter Ant {C} vs. UltraMantis Black {ONT} & Crossbones {ONT}

Green Ant controls Mantis by his arms. He takes him down into a seatbelt pin for two. The Colony double boot Mantis and deliver stereo basement crossbody headbutts. Crossbones tags in. Carpenter Ant ducks his offense. He trips Crossbones and kicks the inside of his leg. He snaps his leg and tags in Green Ant. Mantis blind tags in. He DDT’s Green Ant into an elbow drop from Crossbones. Mantis follows up with a senton splash for two. The Order beatdown Green Ant in their corner. Crossbones misses a second rope back splash. Green Ant takes a shot at Mantis before tagging in Carpenter Ant. He comes in with a double axe handle off the top to Crossbones’ chest. He forearms Mantis and pitches him to the floor. He Mongolian chops Crossbones and dropkicks him out with Mantis. Carpenter Ant dives after them with a twisting tope. He grabs Mantis’ staff, seemingly looking for the Eye of Tyr on it. Crossbones clobbers him from behind. Mantis and Crossbones attack him in the corner. They whip Carpenter Ant across the ring. Green Ant double crossbody’s onto them. Carpenter Ant missile dropkicks Mantis. Crossbones avoids Green Ant’s schoolboy. Mantis stops Green Ant’s small package attempt. Carpenter Ant tosses him out. Crossbones uses the ropes for a slingshot suplex. Green Ant splashes Crossbones from the top rope for two. Mantis Cactus clotheslines Carpenter Ant. Green Ant tries a super sunset flip on Crossbones. Unlike in July, Mantis breaks the pin. Vökoder distracts the referee. Mantis hits Green Ant with the skull staff and hits the Praying Mantis Bomb for the pin at 8:40. That accomplished what it needed to do in terms of the overall narrative, and it was a fine tag match, but fairly by-the-numbers action. **½

Mantis is pacing backstage. He asks Crossbones what happened. Mantis had to save him three times from being pinned. Crossbones apologizes. Mantis says if he didn’t have people attacking him from all angles, he isn’t sure he would keep him around. Mantis walks off and Crossbones follows after him.

Young Lions Cup
Player Dos {SSB} (Champion) vs. Frightmare {I}

Hallowicked is in Frightmare’s corner. After a wristlock exchange, they exchange headlocks and headscissors on the mat. Frightmare snaps off a pair of armdrag variants. They back elbow one another. Frightmare takes Dos over with a step-up Frankensteiner. He sends him to the floor with a headscissors. Frightmare follows with a tope con hilo. Dos regains control back in the ring, earning a two count with a belly-to-back suplex. He also gets two with a legdrop. Dos gives him a backbreaker. Frightmare blasts Dos with a cartwheel double Pele kick. Dos baits Frightmare to the floor and suicide dives onto him. In the ring he suplexes Frightmare for two. Dos snapmares him into a dropkick to the back of the head for two. He spin kicks Frightmare as Frightmare comes off the ropes. Dos catches Frightmare’s crossbody attempt and slams him onto his chest and face for two. Frightmare fights out of a slam and nails an enzugiri. Three clotheslines, with the third being off the middle rope, follow suit. Dos pulls of his bodyslam soon after. Frightmare comes back with a spike Frankensteiner. Dos kicks out. He gives Frightmare a dragon suplex. Frightmare fights up and lands a crucifix driver for two. Dos superkicks Frightmare twice. He pulls Frightmare up to the top rope. Dos brings him down with the B13 for the pin at 10:16. This lacked heart and spirit and ended up as a collection of offense, but not even some of the more exciting, dramatic stuff these two are generally capable of. It was lacking in substance but had some quality wrestling. **½

Campeonatos de Parejas
Fire Ant {C} & Soldier Ant {C} (Campeones) vs. Brodie Lee {R} & Grizzly Redwood {R}

Redwood chops Fire Ant in the corner. He misses a second chop and gets armdragged out to the middle of the ring. Fire Ant takes him over with a pair of fireman’s carry’s. Redwood throws a couple more shots. Fire Ant nails a dropkick and Redwood hits the floor. Redwood insists on continuing and not allowing Lee to come in. Soldier Ant cleanly breaks a lock-up with Redwood in the corner. Redwood shoulder blocks him down. Redwood grabs a front facelock. Soldier Ant shoves him to the corner. The Colony give him a tandem hip toss, followed by a back senton/falling saluting headbutt combo for two. Redwood shoulder blocks Fire Ant. Lee holds open the second rope so that Redwood would fall to the floor and allow him to enter. Lee drops Fire Ant with a modified TKO and knocks Soldier Ant off the ring apron. The Roughnecks continue to bully Fire Ant, looking over at Soldier Ant during the process to make him even more heated. Fire Ant creates some distance when he antzuigiri’s Redwood. He manages to tag in Soldier Ant, who dropkicks Lee off the apron after Redwood decides to remain the legal man. Redwood double axe handles him in the mid-section. Fire Ant Burns Down the House on Redwood and lands a springboard somersault senton onto Lee outside. Soldier Ant dives into the corner with a headbutt to Redwood. The Colony double boot Redwood before hitting the Ants Marching dropkick. Fire Ant brings Redwood to the second. Redwood comes off with a headscissors. Lee half-nelson suplexes Fire Ant. Redwood takes the cover but only gets two. Lee and Redwood get into an argument about whose pin it was. Lee tosses Redwood onto the Colony outside of the ring. Lee then suicide dives onto all three of them. Back in the ring, Lee pops up Fire Ant, but Fire Ant catches him on the way down with a Frankensteiner. He gives Fire Ant the Yahtzee Kick. Redwood double axe handles both Fire and Soldier Ant down. Redwood tornado DDT’s Fire Ant for two. Fire Ant antzuigiri’s Redwood as he ascends the ropes. Soldier Ant assists Fire Ant with a spike Beach Break, giving the Colony the first fall at 15:58. Lee drags Redwood out so he can fight off the Colony on his own. He big boots Fire Ant and superkicks Soldier Ant. Lee tosses Soldier Ant with a neck hang suplex. He pops up Fire Ant into a wheelbarrow suplex for two. Fire Ant tries an antzuigiri. Lee catches him and powers him up into the Liger Bomb. Soldier Ant breaks the pin. Lee cracks him with a couple hard right hand slaps. He chokes Soldier Ant on the middle rope. Lee misses a big boot, crotching himself on the top rope. Fire Ant hits him with the Heat of the Moment. Soldier Ant TKO’s Lee. Lee rolls to the floor. Redwood rolls up Soldier Ant but Soldier Ant is close to the ropes. Fire Ant antzuigiri’s Redwood. Once again the Colony give him a spike Beach Break. Soldier Ant wipes out Lee with a suicide dive as Fire Ant pins Redwood for the victory at 19:21. They told some good stories with the Roughnecks’ growing dissension taking place during their isolation of Fire Ant, as well as Redwood losing both falls with the same move. Lee looked awesome on offense and they cleverly took him out in order for the falls to happen organically. It’s not the best title match ever, but it’s very fun and underrated. ***¼


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