Man Makes Plans, and God Laughs


West Springfield, MA – 9.12.2009

Commentary is provided by Mike Quackenbush, Louden Noxious, Leonard F. Chikarason, Bryce Remsburg, and UltraMantis Black.

Frightmare {I} vs. Brendan Michael Thomas

This is a rematch from “Young Lions Cup VII, Night I.” Thomas fights off Frightmare’s Frankensteiner attempt and kicks him in the face. Thomas does some damage to Frightmare’s back. He snapmares him into a back kick. He throws some kicks to Frightmare’s stomach and forearms his back before choking Frightmare on the middle rope. Thomas catches him with a gutbuster for two. Frightmare finally gets in the Frankensteiner. After a second one, he hits the Kneecolepsy for the pin at 3:14. This accomplished the goal of getting Frightmare his win back and absolutely nothing else. ½*

The Badd Boys said they had heard of CHIKARA and decided to check it out. They’ve heard everybody in CHIKARA has bad attitudes. They all love funny business while the Badd Boys are all about the business of kicking butt – and business is booming. They put everyone in CHIKARA on notice.

Fire Ant {C} & Green Ant {C} vs. Brad Badd & Chad Badd

Chad attacks Fire Ant from behind as he’s about to lock-up with Brad. The Badd Boys pummel Green Ant. They knock him down with a double shoulder tackle. Fire Ant fights them both off. Brad drops down the top rope to send Fire Ant back out. Green Ant gives Chad a wind-up overhand chop. Chad absorbs it. Brad clotheslines Green Ant. The Badd Boys drape Green Ant on the top rope and Chad kicks him in the chest. The Badd’s continue to beat down Green Ant. Green Ant manages to roll outside after a few minutes, tagging in Fire Ant. He unleashes antzuigiri’s to both Badd’s. He ducks a double clothesline and dropkicks Chad to the floor. He rolls up Brad with a prawn hold for two. Chad double axe handles his back and tosses him to the floor. Green Ant splashes Brad. Chad gives him a Manhattan Drop and a lariat. They hit the Badd Move on Green Ant for the pin at 6:14. The Badd Boys beating someone senseless is very fun to watch. It’s a shame that their ISW charm is somewhat lost given CHIKARA’s family friendly environment, but as a team of ass kickers they fill the role well. *½

Steve “The Turtle” Weiner vs. Grizzly Redwood {R}

Redwood refuses a handshake. He also refuses to lock up with Weiner. Weiner hypes up the crowd. He backsplashes Redwood in the corner. Redwood and Weiner shove one another. Redwood throws right hand. Weiner avoids a corner attack. Redwood kicks him in the groin for the DQ at 1:51. Yeah. sure, why not? ¼*

Colin Delaney says he can’t dwell on his loss to Player Dos at the Young Lions Cup. That weekend, he also defeated Dasher Hatfield in his big coming out party. He gets to face Hatfield tonight, and he hopes he brought his A game, not his Triple A game.

Dasher Hatfield vs. Colin Delaney {U}

Hatfield is wearing an away jersey. He neckdrags Delaney across the ring twice. Delaney ducks a clothesline. He avoids a swinging double axe handle, but Hatfield schoolboys him for two. After some forearms Hatfield tries a wind up. Delaney blocks it. Hatfield backdrops him. He sends Delaney to the floor with a clothesline. He misses a baseball slide. Delaney lands a right hand. Hatfield gives him a couple of overhand chops around ringside. Delaney steps on Hatfield’s chest as Hatfield tries a sunset flip. Delaney delivers a Northern Lights suplex. He chokes Hatfield on the second rope. He drives his elbows into the sides of Hatfield’s head. Delaney bodyslams him. Hatfield gets his knees up to block the diving lariat. Hatfield Oklahoma Rolls Delaney for two. Delaney clubs him and applies a chinlock. Hatfield breaks free but takes a knee to the stomach. Delaney pins him like the Undertaker for two. He drives his knee into Hatfield’s chin. Delaney lands a leg lariat for another two count. Delaney tries a leapfrog in the corner. Hatfield catches Delaney with one arm and slams him. Hatfield nails a wind up punch. A clothesline and one-legged dropkick follow. Hatfield drives Delaney’s knees into the canvas. He baseball slides Delaney’s legs out, then baseball slides him in the side of the head. Delaney avoids a dropkick and hits the diving lariat for two. He also hits the Twist of Fate. He calls for the Swanton. Hatfield gets up, so Delaney comes off the top rope and hits the RKO. He misses a punt. Hatfield rolls him, but Delaney rolls up and punts him in the face. Hatfield kicks out. Delaney places Hatfield on the top rope. Hatfield however counters with the Grand Slam for the pin at 10:24. Much like the opening match, this served it’s purpose of getting Hatfield his win back. It was a fine back and forth match, but without anything at stake like their Young Lions Cup semi-final, it was hard to sink your teeth into it. Hatfield is over like rover, though. **¼

UltraMantis cuts a paranoid promo, spurned on by the man in white from last month. He claims he is not a fool, looks around, then leaves.

Player Uno {SSB} & Player Dos {SSB} vs. UltraMantis Black {ONT} & Delirious {ONT}

Dos’ chops have no effect on Delirious. Delirious knees him in the stomach. Dos takes him over with a headscissors and a Frankensteiner. Delirious back elbows Uno after shooting off his side headlock. Uno comes back with a clothesline, back elbow, and leg lariat. Delirious gives him a chinbreaker. Mantis clotheslines him in the back of the head. Uno blocks a clothesline. He tosses Mantis’ leg to Bryce and gives him a neckbreaker. The Smash Bros. double back elbow Mantis into a standing moonsault/fist drop combo. Dos slams Mantis into a knee strike for two. Uno chops Mantis against the ropes. Mantis low bridges the top rope, sending Uno out. Dos high crossbody’s Mantis for two. Mantis backs Dos to the corner. Some double team offense turns the match in the Order’s favor. Their tandem offense allows them isolate Dos in their corner. Dos manages to send Mantis to the floor and drop Delirious with a reverse DDT. Mantis however pulls Uno off the apron before Dos can make the tag. Delirious does some damage to Dos’ back. Dos reverses a double Irish whip with a tandem Pele Kick. He moonsault blocks onto Delirious and spins out Mantis with a reverse DDT variant. Un slides in and gives Delirious a Blue Thunder Bomb for two. The Smash Bros. hit their springboard reverse DDT/side slam combo. Mantis pitches Dos out. Uno sends Delirious out and gives Mantis a haymaker. Dos tope con hilo’s onto Delirious. Uno gives Mantis the Pitfall for two. Uno and Dos try to set up Mantis for a double team. Uno accidentally drives Mantis’ feet into Dos’ face. Delirious hits Dos with the Panic Attack. Mantis drills Uno with the Praying Mantis Bomb for the pin at 9:40. This was a fun tag match, and a solid way to show some mild dissension in the Smash Bros before their Young Lions Cup bout tomorrow. **½

Tim Donst says people have been asking him all week why he turned his back on Hydra. Donst says he wasn’t sure he made the right choice. Perhaps he let his insecurities and shortcomings get the best of him. But then, he got backstage after attacking Hydra, and nobody gave him any encouragement or advice. He says no longer being on the Tecnico roster means losing some things, but being a Rudo allows him to gain a few things as well. He says he’s going to be that guy who plays outside the rules. He’s in it for himself.

Hydra vs. Tim Donst

Donst checks Hydra off of the ring apron as he’s entering the ring. He chokes him on the floor. Donst applies a chinlock and drives his elbow into Hydra’s face. He sends Hydra face first into the ring apron. He drives Hydra back first into the ring post and once again face first into the ring apron. Donst gives him an open hand slap. They head into the ring to officially begin the match. Donst slams Hydra and puts on a full nelson with a bodyscissors. Hydra submits in 0:11. A strong way to showcase Donst as a Rudo and continue his narrative with Hydra.

Donst refuses to break the hold. The referee finally makes him let go.

In the following six man tag, Chuck Taylor was supposed to team with the UnStable, reprising their triumvirate from “Young Lions Cup VII, Night III.” Because of an injury Gran Akuma suffered, Taylor will take his place later on tonight, and Taylor’s spot is open. As is tradition, a new name will be pulled from the hat. After Angelina Love and “The Duke of Dorchester” Pete Doherty are unavailable, Daizee Haze’s name is drawn. She is present, and will take Taylor’s spot. The UnStable are not pleased.

Mike Quackenbush, Jimmy ‘Equinox’ Olsen {TFN} & Lince Dorado {TFN} vs. Vin Gerard {U}, STIGMA {U} & Daizee Haze

STIGMA resists Dorado’s shoulder block attempts. Dorado takes him over with a Frankensteiner and a second rope armdrag. Gerard tries to attack, but Dorado maneuvers the UnStable so that they attack each other. He armdrags STIGMA and tags in Equinox. STIGMA fights off a double suplex. They dropkick his legs out and hit stereo dropkicks to the side of the head. Gerard tosses Equinox out. Dorado slides out. Quackenbush comes in with an armdrag to STIGMA. He cannonball backsplashes onto STIGMA and sends Gerard out. He follows with a suicide dive. STIGMA misses a pescado. Quackenbush comes out onto him with a tope con hilo. Haze boots Quackenbush. He looks to palm strike her, but his chivalry stops him. Haze second rope dropkicks Quackenbush to the floor. Equinox lights up Gerard with chops in the corner. He suplexes Gerard for two. Haze grabs Equinox’s leg, allowing STIGMA to kick him into an STF from Gerard. The UnStable and Haze wear down Equinox in their corner. Equinox sends STIGMA to the floor and blasts Gerard with a haymaker. Quackenbush gets a tag. He lays in chops to Gerard. He clotheslines Gerard and drops him with a bulldog. He backdrops Gerard. Gerard bails to the floor. Quackenbush drops STIGMA and drives his knees into his chest. Dorado and Quackenbush double superkick Gerard and STIGMA. Quackenbush assists Dorado with a tope con hilo. Haze kicks the middle rope into Quackenbush’s groin! Haze plays damsel in distress, stopping Equinox from giving her a haymaker. She avoids a springboard attack from Dorado and slaps him. Quackenbush palm strikes Haze! Quackenbush is regretful. He bocks Haze’s boot and goes for the Black Tornado Slam. She counters with a roll-up. She low bridges the rope, sending Quackenbush out. Dorado blocks Haze’s Frankensteiner. Haze spikes her with the Mind Trip. Equinox breaks the pin. STIGMA attacks Equinox from behind. Equinox gives him a spinebuster, then gives Gerard a spinebuster onto STIGMA. Dorado hits a Lynxsault onto them both. The Future is Now hit stereo shooting star presses for two. Gerard tries unmasking Equinox. Quackenbush palm strikes Gerard and superplexes him. STIGMA gives Dorado the Stigmata. Equinox missile dropkicks STIGMA and hurts his leg on the landing. Gerard puts him in the STF and Equinox immediately taps at 11:54. This was a solid trios match with some good action out of the Tecnicos. Haze’s involvement seemed odd at the time, but was a nice wink as to what she would become by season’s end. ***

Amasis says they can beat whatever iteration of F.I.S.T. they’re put up against. This is because Chuck Taylor is replacing Gran Akuma. He asks Ophidian if he is healed. Ophidian lifts up his bandaged arm and says he is ready after many months of rehabilitation. Amasis says they’re coming for F.I.S.T.

Amasis {OP} & Ophidian {OP} vs. Icarus {F} & Chuck Taylor {F}

Ophidian and Taylor trade holds and attempt some pinfalls to start off. Ophidian key locks Taylor’s legs and applies pressure by leaning back. Ophidian headscissors Taylor to the floor. Icarus and Amasis exchange side headlocks and wristlocks. Amasis kicks his way out of a waitlock. Icarus shoves him down. Amasis dances and slaps Icarus in the face. The Portal hit Icarus with the Slave Initiation. Amasis brings him out of the corner with a spinebuster. Taylor dropkicks Amasis. Ophidian Skins the Snake on Taylor. Icarus boots Ophidian. Ophidian boots him back. Taylor jams Ophidian’s bad arm on the top rope. Amasis shoves Ophidian out of the way so that he takes Icarus’ spear instead of Ophidian. Taylor slams Ophidian’s arm into the floor as Icarus suplexes Amasis into a front facelock. F.I.S.T. wear down Amasis while Ophidian recovers. Amasis manages to roll to the floor, bringing in Ophidian with a crossbody to Icarus. After a spin kick, Ophidian hits the Duat Driver. Taylor breaks the cover. Amasis comes off the top with a shoulder tackle to Taylor. Ophidian dives over the top rope onto him. Amasis ducks Icarus’ clothesline. Icarus avoids a diving shoulder tackle and gives him the EVO for two. Ophidian goes for the Death Grip but can’t get it on. Icarus tries the Pedigree. Ophidian slips out and gets the Death Grip on. Taylor pulls him off of Icarus looking for the Awful Waffle, but Ophidian puts the Death Grip on him! Amasis schoolboys Icarus for two. Icarus disposes of Amasis and enzuigiri’s Ophidian. Amasis hits Icarus with the Twist of Funk for two. Amasis goes for a Frankensteiner on Taylor. Taylor instead powerbombs him. F.I.S.T. hit Shooty McGee for two. Ophidian comes off the top with double knees to Taylor. Icarus sends Ophidian to the floor. He goes for the Shiranui on Amasis. Amasis slips out. The Portal give Icarus a chop block/shoulder tackle combo before hitting Mummification. Taylor breaks it up. They call for the Osirian Sacrament on Icarus. Icarus gets his knees up to stop Icarus while Taylor pulls Ophidian off the top and jacks his arm on the ropes. Taylor gives the arm Sole Food. Icarus delivers the Blu-Ray for the pin at 15:01. Really fun back and forth action. They made it seem like either team could take it, and Taylor focusing on Ophidian’s arm was smart, textbook stuff. It also was a nice dry run for the Portal’s Tecnico stint. ***

Claudio Castagnoli vs. Hallowicked {I}

Hallowicked and Claudio exchange control of one another’s arm. Hallowicked applies a side headlock. Claudio headstands his way free. Hallowicked snapmares out of a hammerlock. Claudio applies a courting hold. Hallowicked turns it into a small package for two. Claudio holds onto the hold. Hallowicked works out of it. He puts on a chinlock whilst digging his knee into Claudio’s back. Claudio rolls him into a sunset flip position. Hallowicked picks his ankle. Claudio ties up Hallowicked’s legs but Hallowicked turns him over and puts on a reverse cravate. Claudio puts on a bodyscissors. Hallowicked rolls him into a seated parachute stretch. Claudio rolls forward, sending Hallowicked to the floor. Hallowicked gets on a straight-jacket choke. Claudio takes him to the mat in a hammerlock. Hallowicked gets to his feet and rolls up Claudio for two. Claudio goes back to the grounded hammerlock. Hallowicked maneuvers his way into a headscissors, sending Claudio to the corner. A Lucha sequence ends with Hallowicked armdragging Claudio to the floor. Back in the ring Claudio wrenches on a headlock. Claudio misses Swiss Chin Music. Hallowicked rolls him into a two count, then puts on a front facelock. Claudio digs his knee into Hallowicked’s back while stretching out his arms and right leg. Hallowicked armdrags his way free. He looks for a Rings of Saturn variation, then tries a crucifix pin. Claudio headbutts him in the ribs. He digs his fist and elbow into the kidneys before stretching Hallowicked out. Claudio applies a Liontamer variation. When Hallowicked turns over he tries to re-apply it. Hallowicked grapevines one leg while pulling on the other. Claudio drives his elbow into Hallowicked’s body while locking his leg around his chin. He then deadlifts Hallowicked into a gutwrench suplex for two. Hallowicked tries a yakuza kick. Claudio ducks it and delivers a belly-to-back suplex. He then applies a chinlock. Hallowicked elbows his way free. He and Claudio big boot each other down. Claudio blocks a yakuza kick and a step-up Frankensteiner. Hallowicked blocks an uppercut. They fight for a backslide. Neither get it. Hallowicked ducks Swiss Chin Music and snaps off a step-up Frankensteiner for two. Claudio tries the UFO. Hallowicked rolls him up instead. Claudio hits Swiss Chin Music for two. He successfully pulls off the UFO for another two count. Hallowicked and Claudio end up rolling around on the mat in various pin attempts. Claudio ends that with a Giant Swing. He calls for the Ricola Bomb. Hallowicked resists and hoists Claudio onto his shoulders for Go 2 Sleepy Hollow. Claudio elbows his way free. Hallowicked yakuza kicks him, then hits Go 2 Sleepy Hollow. He goes for the Graveyard Smash. Claudio flips out, but takes the Rydeen Bomb. Claudio kicks out. He backs Hallowicked to the corner to avoid the Graveyard Smash. Hallowicked boots him in the face, but Claudio responds with a desperation uppercut. He goes for the Ricola Bomb. Hallowicked tries turning it into a victory roll. Claudio turns it into a reverse folding press for the pin at 20:47. This was a great textbook counter wrestling bout. It had great counters, a good story, and a surprise finish that made sense given the type of match they produced. Hallowicked’s always been underrated, but I’m glad he and Claudio got to showcase their talents in this main event match. ***½


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