Laying in the Gutter, Looking at the Stars


Cleveland, OH – 9.21.2008

Commentary is provided by Bryce Remsburg, UltraMantis Black, Leonard F. Chikarason, Dr. Keith Lipinski, Louden Noxious, Jimmy Olsen, and Mike Quackenbush.

Buck Hawke says he’s angry because Mitch Ryder isn’t with him this weekend. He’s going to take out that anger on Willie “da Bomb” Richardson. He says Richardson may be big, but Hawke hopes he doesn’t take him lightly. Hawke says if he can beat a guy like Claudio Castagnoli, then Richardson will be relative slim pickings.

Willie “da Bomb” Richardson {ST} vs. Buck Hawke {FT}

C-Red is in Richardson’s corner. Richardson ducks Hawke’s sneak attack and throws him into all four corners. He gives Hawke an atomic and Manhattan drop before smacking him on the bottom. Richardson then drops Hawke right on his buttocks, sending him to the floor. Hawke side swipes C-Red! Richardson gives Hawke some bionic elbows before throwing him back into the ring. He gets two with a snap suplex. An elbow drop also yields a two count. He picks up Hawke by his nose. Hawke forearms him in the head. He knocks Richardson twice in the ear. Richardson gives Hawke the Pounce. He places Hawke on the top rope. Richardson has referee Jon Barber check on C-Red who is still knocked down. Hawke punches Richardson in the throat with a chain for the pin at 4:30. Boy was that finish ever contrived. Aside from the size differentiation between the competitors there was nothing to this. ½*

Gran Akuma is munching on a cookie. Icarus wants to know why he’s doing this before a big match. Akuma wants to know if Icarus is really worried about their match. He reminds Icarus that they rule CHIKARA and fires him up. Icarus says Incognito and Helios are done.

Helios & Incognito vs. Icarus {F} & Gran Akuma {F}

The luchadores dropkick F.I.S.T. to the floor and suicide dive after them. In the ring Incognito chops up Icarus. Icarus leaps to the apron and comes in with a slingshot Frankensteiner. Incognito comes off the ropes with an alita and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Akuma arm whips Helios. Helios pulls off some armdrag variants. He sends Akuma to the floor with a Frankensteiner. Icarus kicks Helios from the apron. Akuma follows up with a fallaway kick. Helios gets worn down by F.I.S.T. until Helios fights out of the Wings of Icarus and spins out Icarus in a Cobra Stretch slam. Incognito tags in. He overshoots Akuma on a high crossbody but lands a moonsault. Helios Tiger walks up Akuma. He hits a cannonball senton and Incognito follows in with a dropkick. Helios slingshots Icarus across his knees for a tumbleweed senton from Incognito. Akuma breaks the pin. He goes for the Tenchi Crash. Helios rolls through for a two count. Akuma blocks Helios’ kick and picks him up for a slam. He hits a frog splash for two. Akuma avoids an attack from Incognito. Incognito however brings him in from the apron into a sit-out Razor’s Edge across his knees. Icarus dropkicks Incognito as he ascends the ropes. Akuma brings him down with a super reverse Frankensteiner. Icarus flies in with a huracanrana for the pin at 9:25. I was surprised at how much Lucha F.I.S.T incorporated, but given their opponents that was the right call. Despite a couple slight missteps from Incognito this was quite fun. **¾

Jimmy Olsen vs. Johnny Gargano

The split crowd displeases Gargano. He attacks Olsen as Olsen poses in the corner. He applies a wristlock and rams his shoulder into Olsen’s. Olsen reverses the wristlock so Gargano gets the ropes. He shoulder blocks Gargano twice and delivers a dropkick. He backdrops Gargano who bails to the floor. Olsen chases him back in the ring. Gargano slides through Olsen’s legs and drives his face into the ring apron. He hits Olsen with a Dr. Cube balloon. Olsen fights back with until Gargano knees him in the stomach. Gargano gets two with a slingshot splash. Olsen stops his oncoming attack with a boot. Gargano however puts him in a top rope abdominal stretch.Olsen hip tosses his way free. He goes back up top for a missile dropkick. Olsen ducks Gargano’s chops and lays in some of his own. Gargano knees Olsen in the stomach. Olsen takes him over with a Frankensteiner and gets two with a superkick. Gargano throws Olsen’s leg to Bryce Remsburg. Gargano kicks Olsen in the leg and gives him a backpack stunner. Olsen kicks out. Gargano goes for another backpack stunner. Olsen fights out and lands a German suplex for two. He punches Gargano in the corner. Gargano slips out and dropkicks his legs. He brings Olsen out of the corner with a twisting STO for two. He calls for the Hurts Donut. Olsen stops it. He powerbombs Gargano for the pin at 10:09. You could tell Olsen was going for the Overbomb but he recovered enough for it to not to be too egregious. Both men looked good and had a great back and forth contest. It’d take a few more years for Gargano to really show all he had, but you saw the potential he possessed here. **¾

Marshe Rockett {ST} & Acid Jaz {ST} vs. Amasis {OP} & Ophidian {OP}

C-Red is in Da Soul Touchaz’s corner. Amasis and Jaz have a dance off to Punjabi MC before the match. Upset at the fans’ choosing of Jaz, Amasis charges at his foe. Jaz gives him a couple armdrags. Rockett side Russian leg sweeps Ophidian. Jaz legdrops him twice before breakdancing into a fist drop. Rockett slams Ophidian into his own legdrop for two. He slams Jaz onto Ophidian for two. Amasis trips Jaz as he goes for a slingshot maneuver. He kicks Jaz a few times on the floor. He snaps Rockett’s neck on the top rope. Ophidian drives his knees into Rockett’s chest. The Portal beat down Rockett as Jaz recovers. When Jaz does recover, the Portal mock him as they continue their attack on Rockett. Rockett ends up blocking Amasis’ clothesline and dropping him with the M-80. Jaz finally tags in and cleans house with clotheslines. He drops Amasis with an X-Factor. He pulls out the Swiss Mist. Before he can spit it, Ophidian hypnotizes him. Rockett knocks down the Portal, but a still dazed Jaz spits the Swiss Mist into his partners own eyes! As Rockett recovers, the Portal give Jaz a double facebuster. The Osirian Sacrament gets them the win at 8:19. These two teams had fun with each other and it showed. The Portal’s beat down segment was heated while also entertaining and the hypnosis mixed with Swiss Mist was genius. **¾

Lince Dorado vs. Sami Callihan vs. Shiima Xion

Callihan takes both Xion and Dorado down in a double waistlock. Each man goes for a quick pin reaching a stalemate. Xion boots Callihan. Callihan goes for a pin after a back elbow. Dorado breaks it up and runs the ropes for a Frankensteiner. He Russian leg sweeps Callihan for two. Xion assists Dorado with a headscissors to Callihan. Xion comes off the top with a dropkick to Dorado. All three men exchange chops and forearms. Dorado takes both Callihan and Xion over with a Frankensteiner on the ropes. He hits a tandem tiger feint kick and Lynxsault for two. Callihan pops up Dorado for a mid-air spear from Xion. Callihan short-arm lariats Xion for two. Xion comes back with a tornado DDT. He misses the Mary Lou Retton. Dorado’s shooting star press on Xion gets him the win at 5:16. All three guys looked like deer in headlights and none of the action was all that interesting. Just three guys killing time. ½*

Crossbones and UltraMantis Black are displeased with them having to team with random folks this past month. Mantis says he will not get in the crosshairs of Mike Quackenbush and he goes after the UnStable. They are in it for the Order and nobody else.

Mike Quackenbush, Tim Donst {SD}, Fire Ant {C}, Soldier Ant {C} & Worker Ant {C} vs. Vin Gerard {U}, STIGMA {U}, Colin Delaney {U}, UltraMantis Black {ONT} & Crossbones {ONT}

Gerard and Worker Ant engage in a Lucha sequence. Worker Ant leg lariats Gerard to the floor. Soldier Ant avoids being squashed by Crossbones. He dropkicks Crossbones out. Quackenbush looks to control Mantis by his legs. Mantis applies a wristlock back on his feet. Quackenbush turns it into a courting hold and int a rear-naked choke. Mantis gets the ropes. Donst uses his amateur background to control Delaney. Delaney cuts him off with a chinbreaker. Donst however snaps his neck across the top rope. They exchange forearms on the floor. Mantis drops Donst throat first on the guardrails. Gerard and Fire Ant look to lock-up when STIGMA attacks Fire Ant from behind. Fire Ant comes back with an armdrag and some chops in the corner. He uses the ropes for a headscissors and gets two with a tornado clutch. He kicks STIGMA to the floor and suicide dives after him. Delaney rolls the now injured Donst back in the ring so the Rudos team can isolate and take control. Donst falls to the floor after having his groin demolished against the ring post. Gerard cuts off Worker Ant as he runs in. He also gets his hamstrings and groin damaged against the ring post. Soldier Ant takes down Gerard with rolling forearms. Quackenbush, Donst, Fire Ant, and Worker Ant use the audience to stretch out Gerard’s legs in the ring post. Quackenbush goes for the Black Tornado Slam on Mantis. Mantis counters with a crucifix pin. Quackenbush counters the Praying Mantis Bomb with a backslide. Fire Ant crossbody’s Gerard as he runs in. Worker Ant then crossbody’s all of the UnStable who catch him. Soldier Ant dropkicks him to knock them down. The Colony triple dropkick The UnStable to the floor. Fire Ant gets Antapulted after them. Quackenbush suplexes Mantis into a sit-out powerbomb from Donst. Crossbones breaks the cover but eats a superkick for his troubles. Donst hits Mantis with the Donst Cap and then dives onto him outside the ring. Worker Ant antzuigiri’s Gerard. He gets two with a brainbuster. Soldier and Worker Ant kick out Gerard’s legs. Donst tries an Oklahoma Roll. Quackenbush slingshot sentons onto Gerard. Fire Ant sneaks in a regular senton for two. STIGMA electric chair drops Worker Ant into a backcracker from Delaney while the Order double suplex Fire Ant. Quackenbush, Soldier Ant, and Donst dropkick all but Gerard to the floor. A super Ant Hill is formed in the corner. Fire Ant crashes down on Gerard for the pin at 16:12. It was cool seeing all these rivalries together in one ring, and the heat segment was more inspired than usual, but something did feel somewhat off. Worker Ant getting the pin on Gerard would have made more sense, but for what this was it was a fun exhibition that the crowd was into. ***

Claudio Castagnoli vs. Drake Younger

Younger is replacing the originally scheduled El Oriental. They trade wrist and hammerlocks. Younger avoids a corner uppercut and delivers five punches. Claudio carries him to the opposite corner where he lays in his own punches. They engage in a double knuckle lock leading to some calisthenics. They criss-cross the ropes and entangle in a hip toss attempt. When they get to the ropes Claudio delivers an uppercut. He puts Younger in a side headlock. No matter how hard he tries, Claudio keeps it on like a pitbull. Younger finally breaks it. He strings a hip toss and armdrag together. After ten punches in the corner he powerslams Claudio for two. Claudio Giant Swings Younger. He goes for the Ricola Bomb. Younger blocks it and lands a Death Valley Driver for two. Claudio ducks a clothesline and hits Swiss Chin Music. The Ricola Bomb gets him the pin at 8:29. The headlock stuff was very reminiscent of Claudio’s battle with Bryan Danielson in PWG a couple years back. They didn’t play it up as much here, but it was still pretty fun. I really think these two could have an exceptional match but tonight was not the time or place it would seem. **½

Campeonatos de Parejas
Delirious {I} & Hallowicked {I} (Campeones) vs. Player Uno {SSB} & Player Dos {SSB}

Delirious freaks out at the bell. Uno still hasn’t forgiven Delirious for what he said about Princess Peach and plans to take his belts tonight. Delirious calls Uno Glass Joe while he is King Slender. Delirious apologizes and it’s water under the bridge. They exchange shoulder blocks. Delirious pauses Uno and shoulder blocks him, getting the first fall in a scant 2:45! Dos is displeased. He ducks Delirious’ clotheslines and headscissors him to the floor. Uno chops up Hallowicked. Hallowicked armdrags Uno out of a courting hold. Uno uses the ropes for a tornado clutch. Hallowicked kicks out. He takes over Dos with a step-up Frankensteiner. Incoherence make rapid fire tags as they strike Dos in their corner. Dos is able to catch Hallowicked with a facebuster after awhile. Uno clotheslines Delirious multiple times and catches him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Uno gives Hallowicked a neckbreaker in the ropes. He gives him the Goomba Stomp. Dos flies in with a frogsplash for the second fall at 9:09. The bell at the third fall fires up Delirious. Dos gets sent out while Uno falls to the Sidewinder. Dos makes the save. The Smash Bros. send Delirious into the crowd. Dos tope con hilo’s after him! Uno hits the Dig Dug Driver on Hallowicked for two. Dos misses a cancun press on Hallowicked. Hallowicked DDT’s him. Uno reverse DDT’s Hallowicked only for Delirious to hit him with a diving clothesline right after. The Smash Bros. drop him with a reverse DDT/side slam combo. Dos misses a corner attack. Delirious boots Uno into the Rydeen Bomb from Hallowicked. Delirious hits Chemical Imbalance II but Dos interrupts the pin just in time. Dos takes a double flapjack. After a spinebuster, Hallowicked gets two with a Magistral cradle. Hallowicked tosses Dos into Go 2 Sleepy Hollow from Delirious. Uno re-emerges to save the fall. Delirious pitches Uno back to the floor. Dos hits Incoherence with stereo Pele kicks. He assists Uno with a double Shiranui. Delirious throws Dos into the corner to stop Uno from ascending the ropes. He Panic Attacks them both. Shadows Over Heck on Uno gets two thanks to Dos jumping in. Hallowicked yakuza kicks Dos. Uno takes a double chokeslam. Delirious puts on the Cobra Stretch. Uno gets the ropes. He waterwheel slams Delirious into a back cracker from Dos. Hallowicked ascends the ropes. Dos brings him down with the B13, the same move Dos pinned him with yesterday. This time Hallowicked kicks out. Delirious however falls victim to Pac-Man Fever, giving the Smash Bros. the final fall and the belts at 21:09! This was a step up from their initial encounter a few months ago, namely because the stakes were so much higher. They also played into that previous match and last night’s 10 man tag making it a very cohesive package overall. The crowd came and went, but in the end they made the title switch come off as a big deal. Not a bad defense for Incoherence to go out on. ***½

The Super Smash Bros. celebrate their win with the Cleveland crowd. They say winning the belts is better than winning Jeopardy and that their quest is over.


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