Vanity & Violence

vanityviolence

Philadelphia, PA – 8.10.2008

Commentary is provided by Larry Sweeney, Bryce Remsburg, UltraMantis Black, Leonard F. Chikarason, Louden Noxious, Eddie Kingston and Mike Quackenbush.

Chiva II & Chiva III vs. El Hijo del Ice Cream {IC} & Ice Cream Jr. {IC}

Hijo arm whips II. II gives him a chop which causes Hijo to retreat into Jr.’s arms. Las Chivas use their soccer flag as a bullfighting flag, baiting Jr. to trip and fall. Hijo suffers the same fate. III bites Hijo in the bottom, causing him to run and accidentally backdrop Jr. Los Ice Creams run scared through the backstage and back to the ring. III pins Hijo as he comes back in for two. He digs his knee into Jr.’s back and stretches his arm. Derek Sabato catches Hijo trying to break the hold. Hijo finally kicks III in the back to free Jr. Jr. eats a corner dropkick and two cannonball sentons. Jr. slides to the floor. III follows only for Hijo to dive onto him from the apron. Los Ice Creams bully Chiva III back in the ring. They foolishly whip III to his own corner. II spears both Ice Creams at the same time. Las Chivas his stereo leg lariats. They both drop toe hold Los Ice Creams into tandem Magistral cradles for two. They apply stereo submissions. Hijo gets the ropes to break his Kimura. Jr. backs his Chiva to the ropes to break an abdominal stretch. Hijo hits the Cold Stone Stunner on II. El Asesino puts III away at 10:56. This is the kind of match where I wanted the comedy cranked up to 11. Instead we got a moment of humor and some average, and at times sloppy, wrestling. Wasted potential! *

Fire Ant {C} vs. Chuck Taylor {F}

Fire Ant neckdrags Taylor. Taylor claims hair pulling and gets the crowd to do the Chuck Taylor clap. Fire Ant armdrags him and Taylor claims tight grabbing. Another armdrag is snapped off. Fire Ant kicks Taylor out of the corner and follows with a crossbody off the second rope. Taylor wants a handshake. Instead of accepting, Fire Ant gives him another armdrag. Taylor rakes his eyes. Fire Ant dropkicks Taylor to the floor. He wants a Frankensteiner but Taylor powerbombs him onto the ring apron. In the ring he gives Fire Ant a backbreaker. He drops a fans grenade sign as if it were a real grenade and drops an elbow on Fire Ant’s back. He chops up Fire Ant in the corner. Fire Ant fires back with his own chops but gets kicked in the stomach and face. Taylor chokes him with his boot. He snapmares Fire Ant into a chinlock. Taylor wins a strike exchange. Fire Ant comes up with a series of flying forearms. He antzuigiri’s Taylor and goes for the Beach Break. Taylor counters with Sole Food. Fire Ant ducks a boot and takes him over with a fireman’s carry. He Burns Down the House for two. Fire Ant comes off the top and Taylor catches him with a powerbomb for two. They fight for a big offensive maneuver. Fire Ant catches Taylor with the Beach Break for the pin at 8:14. Good back and forth wrestling, but not the best they’re capable of (as we would see in many many tags, trios, and other matches). This was the right mix of goofy and solid wrestling. **½

You can watch this match in its entirety here.

Vin Gerard comes into the ring with the Young Lions Cup. He introduces us to someone who holds two victories over Mike Quackenbush: Shane Storm. Gerard slow claps as Storm makes his way to the ring. He’s holding the Equinox mask Gerard gave him last night. Like last night, he tells Storm that sometimes you win in losing. Despite Storm losing his partners and friends, he won his last two matches. Gerard says something has changed in Storm and that his destiny is clear. Gerard heads out back. Storm seems conflicted as he heads backstage.

Sara Del Rey & Bobby Dempsey {ROH} vs. Mitch Ryder {FT} & Buck Hawke {FT}

Larry Sweeney is in Sara and Dempsey’s corner, supporting his Sweet N’ Sour Inc. comrades against his former CHIKARA stablemates. Dempsey playfully places Hawke on the top rope, showing his size advantage. Hawke is angry. Dempsey trips him face first into the mat. Hawke stomps on Dempsey’s foot in the hopes of Irish whipping him. Dempsey reverses it and gives Hawke a bodyslam. He gets some encouragement from Mitch Ryder. Hawke turns around only to eat three dropkicks from Sara. Ryder tags in. He’s instantly taken down with an armdrag. Ryder rakes Sara’s eyes to break an armbar. Sara throws some kicks to the chest. Ryder drops her with a spinebuster. He misses an elbow drop and is once again armdragged into an armbar. Ryder backs Sara to the corner where he dishes out an elbow to the head. Sara avoids a corner attack. She gets a few two counts on Ryder before he bails to the floor. Hawke comes in, eating an armdrag instantly. Sara and Dempsey ping pong Hawke between them between her boots and his stomach. Ryder kicks Dempsey from the apron. Hawke rakes Dempsey in the eyes and the Fabulous Two go to work double teaming him in their half of the ring. Dempsey countered a slap from Hawke with a hard slap of his own, giving him the opportunity to tag in Sara. She knocks down Ryder and Hawke with forearms and boots. Dempsey and Sara hit stereo corner splashes. Dempsey cannonball sentons Hawke. He tosses him overhead with a suplex. Ryder breaks the cover. Sara pitches him to the floor and follows. Sweeney goes to grab Hawke’s leg as Dempsey whips him to the ropes. What he doesn’t realize is that Hawke had reversed and he grabbed Dempsey’s leg instead. The distraction allows Hawke to hit the Tomahawke for the win at 11:49. I loved the dynamic these two teams had with them being on the opposite sides of Sweeney’s coin. The story was solid Tecnico vs. Rudo stuff and the finish was perfect for the story they were trying to tell. Sara looked fantastic in the comeback too. Sweeney accidentally costing his team a tag team title shot was perfect. **½

Mitch Ryder calls Sweeney a loser again, saying he’ll always be a loser no matter what side of the fence he’s on. He recommends Sweeney get out of the wrestling business, because he doesn’t think Sweeney has what it takes.

Worker Ant {C} vs. Jimmy Olsen

Worker Ant comes out to Stan Hansen’s theme music. Eddie Kingston does not approve. Worker Ant gives Olsen a Baba Chop. Olsen responds with some strikes. He drops Worker Ant with a modified spinebuster. Worker Ant backdrops Olsen and powerslams him for two. He misses an antzuigiri. Olsen back suplexes Worker Ant and goes after his mask. He chokes Worker Ant in the corner. He goes after the mask again. Worker Ant throws some forearms. Olsen ducks a clothesline and forearms Worker Ant in the back. He gives him a back chop. Olsen kicks Worker Ant in the head a couple times. Worker Ant ducks a clothesline. He gives Olsen an atomic drop and a facebuster onto his knee. A lariat and headbutts follow. The antzuigiri connects. Worker Ant gets two with a DDT. He waterwheel slams Olsen and goes for a brainbuster. Olsen rakes his eyes to escape. He cracks Worker Ant with a superkick. Olsen lands his own brainbuster for the pin at 5:10. Hey, Olsen actually won one of these singles matches! This was as solid as five minutes of action could be. **¼

Olsen once again goes after Worker Ant’s mask. Soldier Ant comes in to make the save. Olsen goes after his mask but gets thwarted in the end.

Player Uno {SSB} & Player Dos {SSB} vs. Icarus {F} & Gran Akuma {F}

Uno puts an NES Karate Kid cartridge in Dos’ tights. Dos rolls away from Akuma’s offense and punches him to the corner. Icarus is frightened by his karate moves. Uno puts him in a hammerlock. Icarus elbows free. He comes off the second rope with an armdrag. Uno gets a couple pinfall attempts. They avoid each others’ offense leading to a stand off. Icarus snapmares Uno into a dropkick. Another dropkick gets him a two count. Akuma does damage to Uno’s legs. He knocks Dos off the apron and grabs their Yoshi stuffed animal. He places Yoshi on Uno before landing a senton! Icarus and Akuma continue their onslaught on Uno. Uno catches Akuma with an inverted DDT. Icarus knocks Dos off the apron before he can tag out. F.I.S.T. wishbone Uno’s legs. Akuma lands some more kicks in the corner. Uno catches Akuma’s boot and hits him with an enzuigiri. He ducks Icarus’ clothesline and tags in Dos. He spinwheel kicks Icarus and gives Akuma a spin-out facebuster. He spins Icarus out into a chest slam. Dos lands a backbreaker to Akuma on Uno’s knee. Uno follows up with an STO. Icarus knocks Dos to the floor after breaking Uno’s pin. Icarus drops Uno with the Shiranui. A lungblower and Death Valley Driver follow for two. Uno eats an enzuigiri and spear combo in the corner. Dos tornado DDT’s Akuma while dropkicking Icarus into a reverse brainbuster from Uno. Akuma makes the save. He missile dropkicks Uno. Akuma strings a backbreaker and snapmare driver together on Dos. Uno breaks the pin. He gives Akuma the River City Ransom. He calls for the Dig Dug Driver. Akuma counters with the Cheetah Swipe. Uno avoids the Falcon Arrow. Akuma tries the Rubix Cube but Uno spikes him with a reverse Frankensteiner! Icarus cuts off Uno with a spear. He calls for the Wings of Icarus. Dos enzugiri’s Icarus and dives onto Akuma. The lights go dark and “FINISH HIM” from Mortal Kombat plays over the sound system. Uno puts Icarus away right after with the Dig Dug Driver at 13:13. This got really good in the end. Akuma’s backbreaker/snapmare driver combo needs to make a comeback. The Smash Bros. looked fantastic against the most veteran team in CHIKARA and the finish is of course very memorable. ***

Vin Gerard wants to know what Drake Younger has done to deserve a shot at the Young Lions Cup. He says Drake may be good with barbed wire and weapons, but none of that will do him any good. He wonders how Younger will do when he has to rely on wrestling. Gerard says that Younger will lose.

Young Lions Cup
Vin Gerard (Champion) vs. Drake Younger

Gerard hits the floor scared when Younger doesn’t flinch at Gerard throwing his t-shirt at him. When he comes back, Younger takes him to the mat and looks for a crucifix pin. He wrenches on a wristlock. Gerard gets the ropes. Younger cleanly breaks a lock-up in the corner. Gerard tries to ambush him but gets caught with an armdrag. Gerard slaps Younger which he regrets. Younger dishes out forearms and chops. He strings together a hip toss and backdrop. More chops and forearms. Gerard catches Younger with a back elbow. Younger tosses him out of a t-bone suplex. He drops Gerard with a delayed vertical suplex and clobbers him in the face with inner forearm strikes. He clotheslines Gerard to the floor. Younger follows with a somersault senton off the apron. He comes off the apron again with a Cactus Jack elbow. He suplexes Gerard onto the floor. Gerard shoves Younger into the ring post. He gets some offense back in the ring until Younger suplexes him into the corner. Younger gets a two count with an Angle Slam. Shane Storm appears ringside. Gerard slides off of Younger’s shoulders and STO’s him into the mat. Younger ducks a clothesline. He deposits Gerard onto his head with a half-nelson suplex. He goes for Drake’s Landing. Gerard slips out and rolls up Younger for two. He then slaps on the STF. Younger gets the ropes. Gerard curb stomps him thrice. He calls for the 2k1 Bomb. Younger turns it into the Drake’s Landing! Storm comes in and sentons Gerard, disqualifying Younger at 10:47. Younger worked hard and brought a good fight to Gerard. The finish here made sense because it seemed like there was no way Gerard was going to win without Storm’s interjection. Younger beating the crap out of Gerard is just fun. ***

Younger is understandably upset, shoving Storm and asking what his problem is. He leaves in a huff. Gerard tells Storm that he no longer goes to the locker room, but outside with him. Both men head out the front door of the arena.

Mike Quackenbush, Tim Donst {SD} & Hydra {SD} vs. UltraMantis Black {ONT}, Crossbones {ONT} & Dr. Cube {KBB}

Hydra goes after Crossbones with forearms. Crossbones shoves him away. Hydra headscissors him to the ropes and dropkicks him twice. Quackenbush and Cube tag in. They exchange wristlocks. Quackenbush turns his Cube head around and ties him up in a cueball on the mat. He kicks Cube free and Mantis adjusts his head. Mantis knees Quackenbush in the stomach. Quackenbush controls Mantis by his arm, snapping off a suplex to release. Quackenbush rolls through a hip toss. He sends Mantis to the apron and superkicks him to the floor. Crossbones evades a superkick and backs to the corner. Donst takes Crossbones down into a crossbow stretch. He turns him over into a Skayde schoolboy for two. Donst forearms Crossbones to the floor. Mantis throws Donst to the mat by his headgear. Crossbones lariats him down. The Order and Cube bully Donst for awhile. Donst is able to slip to the floor when giving Crossbones a neckbreaker on the top rope. However, Mantis tosses Donst back in the ring and Crossbones disposes of Hydra who came in with a crossbody but was caught. Donst gets his chance to escape again when he drops Crossbones with an STO. Hydra and Crossbones trade overhand chops. Hydra grabs his and Mantis’ hand and runs the ropes to knuckle drag them both. Hydra suicide dives onto Mantis. Quackenbush missile dropkicks Crossbones. He blocks Mantis’ kick and gives him the Black Tornado Slam. Crossbones breaks the cover. He attacks Donst. It takes some effort, but Donst does get Crossbones over with the Donstitution. Hydra puts Cube in the Hydralock! Mantis comes to clothesline Hydra. Hydra ducks and puts Mantis in the Hydralock! Mantis flips Hydra forward. The Praying Mantis Bomb gets him the win at 12:51. I expected more story here than Mantis just trying to avoid Hydra at times. However was under the Dr. Cube hood was very emotionless, which is a real pity considering how much charisma Cube typically brings. The action ebbed and flowed but was generally fine. The finish was super cool though. **¾

Lince Dorado says he took Kingston’s best shot last month. As Kingston was standing tall, Dorado called him back, and Kingston left instead. Dorado says he’ll still be standing after tonight’s battle, but this time he will be standing as the winner.

Lince Dorado vs. Eddie Kingston

Dorado runs in during his entrance. Although he gets in a few shots, Kingston fires back with slaps and tosses him to the floor. He drives Dorado into the ring post twice. Referee Nick Papagiorgio stops him from using a chair. As Kingston beats down Dorado on the floor, he calls Dorado a fool for trying to the fans appreciation since they boo him even though he almost died in front of their eyes. He continues his beat down back in the ring as he calls the fans scumbags. He powerbombs Dorado mid-ring. Kingston tells Dorado that he will not disrespect him and slaps him in the face. He chokes Dorado on the middle rope. Dorado tries fighting up, but Kingston slaps him back down and chokes him with his hand, all while saying that the fans don’t care about him. He rapid fire chops Dorado and slaps him in the face. Kingston goes for a yakuza kick. Dorado boots Kingston to block it. He unleashes forearms and headbutts before double stomping Kingston. He hits a tiger feint kick. He flubs a springboard spinwheel kick. He bites at Dorado’s mask. He misses a corner splash. Dorado goes for a dragonrana but gets caught. He spikes Kingston in a reverse Frankensteiner. He hits a shooting star press. Kingston kicks out. Dorado tries a crossbody. Kingston catches him. He hits the Backfist to the Future. Dorado gets his arm up. Kingston tries a second pin but Dorado kicks out. Dorado spikes Kingston with a tilt-a-whirl DDT. When Kingston kicks out he tries a headscissors. Kingston tosses Dorado out of it. He gives him a Saito suplex and a second Backfist to the Future. He puts on a chickenwing with a bodyscissors. Dorado passes out at 12:04. It’s crazy how much this push is backfiring on Dorado. The people love Kingston, and to be honest, a lot of what he says about them is true. I wonder if it’s backlash from Dorado being pushed down people’s throats too fast or him flubbing moves like the spin kick that make them grow resentful. Perhaps a combo of both. No matter the case, they sure do love seeing Kingston beat the piss out of him, and so do I. Dorado has an uphill climb, but all is not lost. A big step up from last month. **¾

Like last month, Dorado begs Kingston to keep fighting. Kingston is set to leave. He walks back when he sees Dorado crawling on the floor. Dorado begs Kingston to hit him, but Kingston just shakes his head and walks to the back. Dorado hads to the back himself.

Claudio Castagnoli, Delirious {I} & Hallowicked {I} vs. Brodie Lee, Amasis {OP} & Ophidian {OP}

Claudio and Lee slug it out on the floor before the bell. Claudio throws uppercuts back in the ring to officially start the match. He smacks Lee who takes a powder outside. Hallowicked and Amasis engage in some Lucha. Hallowicked tries a super snapmare. Amasis counters with a neck-tie headscissors. He comes off the second rope with a shoulder block. He ducks the yakuza kick and pitches Hallowicked to the floor. Amasis crossbody’s after him. Ophidian and Delirious hiss at each other. Delirious takes him over with an armdrag after controlling him on the mat. Ophidian armdrags Delirious to the corner and Skins the Snake. They face off after they each fail to get a pin. Hallowicked side slams Ophidian for two. He and Claudio double suplex Ophidian. Incoherence and Claudio form a chain of offense on Ophidian in the corner. Hallowicked ends it with a senton for two. Amasis missile dropkicks Hallowicked. Ophidian puts him in a legged full nelson. Lee gets in some shots before choking Hallowicked on the middle rope. Hallowicked takes over Amasis with a step-up Frankensteiner. Delirious gives Amasis a Manhattan Drop and a twisting neckbreaker. He snaps his neck across the top rope before coming off the top with a clothesline. Amasis prevents Delirious from tagging out. Lee body blocks him and knocks both Hallowicked and Claudio off the apron. Lee double underhook suplexes Delirious. Lee and The Portal aggressively work over Delirious while diligently preventing him from tagging out. Their efforts are thwarted when Lee accidentally clotheslines his own partners off the apron and Delirious slides through his legs to tag in Claudio. Claudio mows through all of his opponents. Lee forearms him from behind but quickly takes a backdrop soon after. Claudio goes for the Ricola Bomb. Lee escapes it, but Claudio crossbody’s himself and Lee to the floor. Ophidian trips Hallowicked. As he gets up, Ophidian comes off the top with double knees. The Portal hit the Osirian Sacrament. Delirious makes the save. Amasis tries a shoulder block but Delirious headbutts him in the stomach. Lee sends Claudio into the ring steps. Delirious hits Amasis with the Panic Attack. Shadows Over Heck follows. When Amasis kicks out, Delirious puts on the Cobra Stretch. Ophidian breaks the hold. He drives Delirious into the mat with the Duat Driver for two. Delirious tosses Ophidian into Hallowicked’s Go 2 Sleepy Hollow. He calls for the Graveyard Smash. Lee goes to boot him, so Hallowicked gets out of the way. He drops Lee with a Rydeen Bomb. Ophidian stops the pin. Amasis stops Hallowicked from giving Ophidian the Graveyard Smash. Claudio nails Ophidian with Swiss Chin Music for two. Ophidian locks on the Death Grip. Claudio pops Ophidian into Swiss Death for the pin at 16:51. This was a really fun, exciting match. Claudio and Lee were kept apart for almost the entire match making the pre and post-match action even more epic. The Portal and Incoherence have always worked well together and this was no exception. A fine main event and one leaving you wanting more. ***½

Lee and Hallowicked continue to fight after the bell. The Portal and Incoherence try to break them up but it’s of no use. Soon, other members of the CHIKARA roster are out to join in trying to pull them apart. Leonard F. Chikarason gets on the microphone. He says every time he puts Claudio and Brodie in a ring together they break all the rules. He says the only thing he can do to contain them is put them inside a Steel Cage next month when they return to Philly. Lee jumps back in and goes after Claudio as soon as the announcement is made. Lee gets taken to the floor. Claudio dives onto him and all the wrestlers around him! They have a stare down as Claudio is kept ringside while Lee is brought backstage.

We then see Eddie Kingston standing behind the arena where it’s raining. He can’t believe Lince Dorado kicked out of the Backfist. Yet, the people boo him. Kingston doesn’t get it. He loathes Dorado because he still tries to impress the fans so that they will accept them. He doesn’t understand because none of them will be with him at his funeral or with him in his casket when he passes. Kingston also doesn’t like that Dorado wants to win the acceptance of the fans through him. He says he’ll make sure Dorado gets their acceptance by burying him.

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