All That Glitters


Reading, PA – 8.9.2008

Commentary is provided by Mike Quackenbush, Bryce Remsburg, Mitch Ryder, UltraMantis Black, Chuck Taylor, Louden Noxious, and Leonard F. Chikarason.

Louden Noxious opens up the show with a song about the Podcast-A-Go-Go.

The Super Smash Bros. are backstage. Player Uno says something has changed to make them winners. They’re not just partners and teammates, but now they’re brothers, as Stupefied is now wearing a mask and is known as Player Dos. They do an intricate high five before heading off.

Player Uno {SSB} & Player Dos {SSB} vs. Amasis {OP} & Ophidian {OP}

Amasis ducks some of Uno’s clotheslines and stretches out. Uno helps him out by applying an abdominal stretch. As Uno and Amasis try to whip each other off, “Beat It” plays and they re-enact part of the knife fight from the music video with chops. Amasis ducks the Hadouken at the end. Ophidian and Dos tag in. They each snap off an armdrag. Ophidian runs the ropes for a double wrist clutch drag. He locks on a crossbow. When he releases Uno tags in. Uno tags out to give Dos a second chance. He places a Karate Kid cartridge in his tights. Ophidian avoids his kicks but succombs to a leg sweep and menacing fist to the face. He trips Amasis as he runs in. The Smash bros double elbow him into a fist drop/standing moonsault combo. They catch Ophidian’s dropkick and slam him face and chest first into the canvas. The Portal try a double charge but the Smash Bros give them stereo leg lariat’s. Uno slams Ophidian, then poses on Dos’ leg. Ophidian trips Dos from the floor. The Portal double team Dos until he clips them both with a double Pele kick. Uno dishes out clotheslines. He catches Ophidian with a quebradora. Ophidian spin kicks Uno in the side of the head. Uno gives him the River City Ransom. He drops Ophidian with a backpack stunner while simultaneously giving Amasis a uranage. Dos gives Amasis a neckbreaker onto Uno’s knee. The Smash Bros. give him a slam/neckbreaker combo but Ophidian breaks the cover. The Portal hit Uno with the Slave Initiation. Amasis follows with a spinebuster. Dos makes the save. He makes the save again after Uno takes a legdrop/splash combo. Dos catches Ophidian and spins him out into a slam. Uno drops Amasis with a brainbuster. Uno and Dos spike Ophidian with Pac-Man Fever for the pin at 13:16. This was a really fun re-introduction for the Smash Bros. They worked well with the Portal and the win came off as a big deal. They also did a good job teasing a few moments of miscommunication to show that the Smash Bros. have overcome their obstacles. Good times all around. **½

Vin Gerard makes his way into the ring with the Young Lions Cup. He says there is one man in the back he knows isn’t busy since no one wants to be around him or talk to him: Shane Storm. Gerard says Storm blew him off in Philadelphia, but he would have done the same if he had just been beaten half to death by Mike Quackenbush. Gerard calls out Storm now before his match happens. Storm makes his way to the ring. Gerard says all he wanted to do was congratulate Storm on his “big win”, then points out it’s been awhile since he had any big wins. Gerard remembers that Storm beat Hydra the same night that Gerard was unmasked as Equinox. He says it was odd because he was able to beat Chris Hero with the CHIKARA Special before, but that night it turned out that Mantis had taught Hero the reversal to the CHIKARA Special because Shane Storm gave the secret away…to beat Hydra. Gerard says his dream of being a wrestler almost ended because of Shane Storm. His demeanor changes when he says thank you to Storm for freeing him from the tyranny of Equinox. He holds up the Cup saying he was able to win it because of Storm. Gerard asks Storm what it’s like to be in the back when nobody wants to talk to you or cares about you. He knows what it’s like to feel that way because he’s been kicked out of the locker room despite being Young Lions Cup champion. He’s not asking Storm to be his friend, but does think they should stick together. Gerard believes that some time you win in losing. He tells Storm that he’s lost everything; what else does he have to lose? One day, Gerard says he’ll be there to tell Storm that answer. He heads back outside as Storm heads to the back.

Ultimo Breakfast vs. Brodie Lee

Lee powers Breakfast to the corner. Breakfast takes Lee to another corner but Lee thrusts his hands into his throat. Breakfast sneaks in a pair of armdrags. He throws some headbutts to Lee on the mat. He spins Lee around before trying a flapjack. Lee avoids it but gets sent to the floor. Breakfast follows with a slingshot senton. Back in the ring Lee catches Breakfast with a superplex. Lee gets in some strikes before sending Breakfast to the floor with a shoulder tackle. Breakfast snaps Lee’s neck across the top rope and gets two with a slingshot Oklahoma Roll. Lee mows him down with a clothesline. He chokes Breakfast on the bottom rope. Breakfast ducks a clothesline and successfully flapjacks Lee. Breakfast drops him with a swinging reverse DDT for two. He lands a diving headbutt to the ribs for two. Lee misses a big boot. Breakfast applies a sleeper. Lee throws him off and nails the big boot for the pin at 4:47. Breakfast actually got in quite a showing before succombing to the big boot. Considering how well he’s been doing, I’m glad he wasn’t just fodder. *¼

Fire Ant {C} vs. Jimmy Olsen

Olsen side steps Fire Ant’s dropkick and instantly goes for his mask. Fire Ant tosses him face first into the corner. He takes him down with a crossbody and some armdrags. He dropkicks Olsen to the floor and follows with a tope con hilo. Olsen whips Fire Ant into the ring post. Olsen gets in some kidney shots and suplexes him for two. He throws some chops. Fire Ant fires up but eats a clothesline. He catches Olsen with the Stop, Drop, and Roll. Olsen tosses him into the corner with an Overbomb. He goes up top. Fire Ant throws him off with a fireman’s carry. He throws some forearms. Olsen gives him a chinbreaker. Fire Ant avoids a corner crossbody and dropkicks Olsen to the floor. He comes off the apron with the Yahtzee Kick. Back in the ring Fire Ant gets two with a senton. He goes to Burn Down the House but Olsen drops him to the mat. He unties the laces on Fire Ant’s mask. Fire Ant backs him to the corner. Olsen catches him mid-air with a dropkick. Olsen tries the Overbomb. Fire Ant looks to counter with the Beach Break. Olsen takes his mask off and gets disqualified at 8:03. We knew the result since it followed the pattern of Olsen’s matches as of late, but they kept the action fun until then. **½

Mike Quackenbush talks about how pro wrestling is an art, a human chess piece where you try to think ahead of your opponent. Tonight is an exception. Tonight, pro wrestling will be Shane Storm fighting for his life.

Mike Quackenbush vs. Shane Storm

Quackenbush tackles Storm right at the bell. He puts on an armbar. Storm gets the ropes. He and Quackenbush trade chops. Storm kicks Quackenbush’s leg he worked over last month. Quackenbush however is able to come back with the Kangaroo Buster. He chops up Storm ringside until Storm kicks out Quackenbush’s leg. He hammers away at his kneecap. Back in the ring he puts on a half crab. Quackenbush escapes but Storm lands a senton on the leg. He kicks Storm out of the corner and nails a hard clothesline. Storm ducks a palm strike. Quackenbush avoids a German suplex. Storm escapes Quackendriver III. Quackenbush slides out of the Air Raid Crash and hits the palm strike. Storm rolls to the floor. He sweeps Quackenbush’s leg out to bring him to the floor as well. After trading strikes, Storm looks for a powerbomb. Quackenbush counters it into the Jig N’ Tonic! Derek Sabato is busy counting Shane Storm out when Vin Gerard runs in. He low blows Quackenbush and nails him with the Young Lions Cup. Storm crawls back in and Storm gets the pin at 7:24. An excellent follow up to their first encounter. I don’t know if people expected this be to a clean fight, but I think Gerard interfering and Sabato once again costing Quackenbush a rightful victory are both interesting developments. I enjoyed watching this and look forward to the next chapter. **¾

Gran Akuma says F.I.S.T. will be facing Lince Dorado and Las Chivas tonight. Icarus says the last time they wrestled the goats, they lost via castigo de excesivo. However, they did a lot of damage. He will shut down Lince Dorado’s nimbly bimbly moves (great “Super Troopers” reference). They will be recognized as CHIKARA’s most dangerous trio.

Lince Dorado, Chiva II & Chiva III vs. Icarus {F}, Gran Akuma {F} & Chuck Taylor {F}

After a short exchange, II goes for multiple pin attempts on Taylor. III headbutts Taylor’s arm. Icarus forearms III in the back. III puts on a wristlock and tags in II. Las Chivas use their Chivas soccer flag as a bullfighting flag. Icarus gets outsmarted by their tactics and ends up being sent packing. Akuma offers a handshake to Dorado. He doesn’t buy it. He blocks Akuma’s kick with a dragonscrew leg whip. Both Chivas land slingshot snetons. Icarus gives III a back cracker, allowing F.I.S.T. to isolate and destroy. Akuma misses a frogsplash allowing Dorado to tag in. He lights up Icarus with rapid fire chops. He comes off the second rope with a back elbow. Dorado sends Icarus to the apron. Icarus thumbs Dorado in the eyes. He brings him to the floor. II clotheslines Icarus. Dorado comes in with a springboard quebrada. Taylor breaks the cover. All six men are now fighting in the ring. II brings down Akuma with La Mistica. III applies a Muta Lock. Taylor breaks both submissions. Akuma breaks another submission from III. He tosses III into an Ace Crusher from Taylor. III eats F.I.S.T. kicks. Dorado tornado DDT’s Taylor. He goes for a crucifix driver on Dorado but Icarus counters it into a Death Valley Driver for two. Akuma misses the Cheetah Swipe on Dorado. Dorado drop toe holds him but misses a flipping legdrop. Akuma shin strikes him in the face. He does the deal with the Falcon Arrow for two. Dorado sends Icarus and Akuma to the floor and dives after with a tope con hilo. III looks for a dive. Taylor knocks him down. He gives II Sole Food and the Awful Waffle for the pin at 15:13. I don’t really know what the point of this match was, but it turned into a fast-paced fun fracas by the end of things. ***

Claudio Castagnoli says he’s gone through a lot in wrestling, but he would never had suspected someone would try to burn his face. Mitch Ryder took it too far last month when he threw a fireball. He says many people tell him that he’s too nice, but he’ll show Ryder why you don’t want to step in the ring with him when he’s angry.

Mitch Ryder and Buck Hawke come out. Ryder says he told Claudio if he could muster the courage to show up, he would give Claudio a match against one of the Fabulous Two. Claudio charges and Ryder bails. Ryder informs Claudio that he will be wrestling Buck tonight.

Claudio Castagnoli vs. Buck Hawke {FT}

Hawke attacks Claudio from behind, but very quickly Hawke finds himself in the Giant Swing. Claudio gives him multiple punches in the corner. He cracks Hawke with an uppercut. Hawke hits the floor when Claudio whips him to the floor. Claudio chases Hawke and Ryder around the ring. Ryder grabs Claudio’s ankle. As Derek Sabato is reprimanding Ryder, Hawke hits Claudio with an unseen foreign object. He pokes Claudio in the eyes and chokes him on the middle rope. Ryder gets in a cheap shot. Claudio knees Hawke in the stomach and hits the Match Killer. He calls for the Ricola Bomb. Hawke counters with a jackknife cradle. Ryder holds Hawke’s legs, allowing him to get the pin at 4:32. This was nothing more than storyline fodder, but at least people are into it. *

Worker Ant says he said 2008 would be the year of the ants. Vin Gerard thinks he may have ruined the year, but they’ve been pretty successful in spite of him. Tonight he plans to take one step towards bringing the Young Lions Cup back to the Colony.

Worker Ant {C} vs. Vin Gerard

Gerard has referee Derek Sabato spray him with mosquito repellant before the match. Worker Ant steps in and punches Gerard to the outside. Worker Ant delivers a one legged dropkick and ten punches in the corner. Gerard ducks a spinning clothesline and gives Worker Ant a suplex and senton. He chokes Worker Ant and pulls at his mask. Gerard goes for a running knee in the corner. Worker Ant avoids it, but Gerard nails him with a diving clothesline and rams his head repeatedly into the mat. They exchange forearms. Worker Ant counters an STO with a DDT. He lands an antzuigiri and slams Gerard for two. Gerard connects with his running knee in the corner after avoiding an Irish whip. The Rude Awakening gets him a two count. Gerard puts some Raid ant traps in the middle of the ring. He looks for the 2k1 Bomb on them. Worker Ant blocks it. He gives Gerard the waterwheel slam. He drops Gerard with a brainbuster on the traps for the pin at 6:18. Much shorter than I expected, but it was pretty action packed and the crowd dug it. **¼

Campeonatos de Parejas
Delirious {I} & Hallowicked {I} (Campeones) vs. Tim Donst {SD} & Hydra {SD}

Delirious flips out at the bell. He and Donst fight over a double knuckle lock. Delirious surprisingly takes the upper hand with some mat wrestling. Hallowicked tags in when Delirious has Donst in a nelson. He rolls up Donst for two. Donst stretches out Hallowicked’s hamstrings before tying him up in a figure seven with a back stretch. Hallowicked fights his way out. Hydra’s large frame allows him to forcefully shoulder block Hallowicked a few times. Delirious is fearful of getting in the ring with Hydra, allowing the Sea Donsters to wear down Hallowicked for an extended period. Delirious gets tagged in when Donst is in the ring. He gives him a quick neckbreaker for two. Donst throws some chops. Delirious drop toe holds him into the Panic Attack. Hydra drops Delirious with a hook clothesline. Hallowicked takes him out with the Rydeen Bomb. Donst rolls up Hallowicked for two. He hits the Donstitution for two. Delirious drop toe holds Donst into a Gedo Clutch. Hydra looks for a Batista Bomb. Hallowicked stops Hydra with a big boot, giving Incoherence the first fall at 12:31. Hydra is revived with water before the second fall. He tries to double chokeslam Incoherence but ends up getting double flapjacked. Hydra catches Hallowicked with a chinbreaker. The Donsters double suplex him. Donst slams Hydra onto Hallowicked for two. The Donsters use a reverse version of La Bombe de Rougeau for another nearfall. Hallowicked recovers and looks for a super fisherman’s buster on Donst. Hydra powerbombs Hallowicked to counter but Delirious makes the save. Delirious nails multiple clotheslines. Hydra dishes them right back at him. He gets two with a splash. Donst goes for an STO on Delirious. Delirious picks him up and tosses him into Hallowicked’s Go 2 Sleepy Hollow. Donst avoids a corner attack. He forearms Hallowicked in the opposite corner and snapmares him into a pin attempt. Incoherence each strike Donst in the corner, leading to him being worn down in their corner. As Donst sneaks in some elbow strikes to Hallowicked, UltraMantis Black and Crossbones appear in the entrance ramp. Hydra tries to get them to leave. Donst notices Hydra being distracted when he goes for a tag after giving Hallowicked an STO. Delirious sneaks in with the Chemical Imbalance #2 on Donst, giving Incoherence the win in two straight falls at 22:01. As much as I and the crowd love the Sea Donsters, there was never a realistic chance they were walking out with the belts. That said, because of the love, this worked. The action was consistent, the time flew by, and they spent the perfect amount of time with the comedy at the beginning before transitioning into the meat of the match itself. The finish was somewhat deflating because it made the Donsters look kind of foolish and in a way set them up as not being taken as serious tag contenders from this point forward. For a Reading crowd this was an acceptable main event. ***


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