Café Culture


Hellertown, PA – 5.17.2008

Commentary is provided by Bryce Remsburg, Leonard F. Chikarason, Louden Noxious, Shayne Hawke, Mike Quackenbush, and UltraMantis Black.

Louden Noxious opens the show with a song about Hellertown and CHIKARA.

Mitch Ryder says it’s irrelevant who they are wrestling, but what is relevant is that after tonight they will have two points. Shayne Hawke says they’re wrestling Create-A-Nobody and Player Doesn’t Matter. Ryder says they’re hungry for the tag titles and they won’t leave without what he feels are their points. If that means hurting somebody, then that’s what they’re going to do.

Player Uno {SSB} & Create-A-Wrestler vs. Mitch Ryder {FT} & Shayne Hawke {FT}

Ryder knees Wrestler in the stomach and forearms him across the back. Wrestler responds with a hip toss and armdrag. Ryder claims tight pulling. Wrestler puts on a wristlock. Uno blind tags in and gives the arm a double axe handle before re-applying the wristlock. Ryder forearms free and tags in Hawke. Hawke gets taken down with a drop toe hold immediately. He gets in a shoulder block but is tripped a couple of times. Uno lays in some chops. Wrestler tags in. Hawke claps his ears together. Ryder and Hawke take turns wearing Wrestler down. Wrestler is able to catch Hawke with a spinebuster. Both men tag out. Uno cleans house with strikes. He backdrops Hawke and slams Ryder. He goes for the River City Ransom. Hawke blocks it at first but Uno gets it on the second try. Hawke comes back with a superkick. Uno rolls to the floor. Wrestler tosses Hawke out. Ryder grabs Wrestler. Hawke comes back in and with Ryder gives him a spike piledriver for the pin at 8:34. Not much to see here, just the video game dudes serving as fodder for the Fabulous Two. Super weak finish too with Uno looking kind of clueless on the floor while Wrestler easily got put down. *½

Bobby Dempsey {ROH} vs. Ophidian {OP}

Like in ROH, Dempsey is quite beloved by the crowd. He uses his power advantage to shove Ophidian to a couple different corners. Ophidian tries a shoulder tackle, but Dempsey’s obviously is more effective. He gives Ophidian a couple headbutts. Ophidian hypnotizes Dempsey and takes him down with double knees for two. He wears down Dempsey’s right arm. He headbutts him a few times in the ribs. He goes after the left arm. Dempsey escapes. He fires up, picking up Ophidian from the mat and giving him an overhead suplex. He throws some shots to the stomach. He dropkicks Ophidian into a sitting position. Ophidian gets in a spin kick from the apron. Dempsey catches his crossbody attempt and slams him. He pulls down the straps and hits a cannonball senton. He goes for a Death Valley Driver. Ophidian slips out and puts on the Death Grip. Dempsey passes out in 6:35. Seeing Dempsey get a real chance to wrestle was fun. Ophidian made him look really good, and obviously Ophidian winning was the right call. *½

Hallowicked {I} vs. Amasis {OP}

The Portal face Incoherence for the Campeones de Parejas tomorrow, so this is a good chance for Amasis to do some damage. An aggressive lock-up sees Hallowicked bring Amasis to the mat by the arm. Back on their feet, Hallowicked tries a small package. Some back and forth sees Amasis armdrag Hallowicked to the corner. Hallowicked again tries a small package to no avail. He biel’s Amasis out of the corner. He runs the ropes in a courting hold and armdrags Amasis across the ring. They reach a stalemate after Hallowicked tries another small package. Amasis drives Hallowicked’s left arm into the canvas. He continues to work over the arm for a very long time. He calls for a 450 splash. Hallowicked cuts him off with a super snapmare. He lights up Amasis with chops. He takes him over with a step-up Frankensteiner. La Magistral cradle gets him a two count. Amasis avoids a yakuza kick and comes off the ropes with a diving shoulder tackle. He does some more damage to Hallowicked’s arm in the ropes. He counters the Rydeen Bomb with a Frankensteiner. He hits a running knee strike for two. After an elbow strike Amasis climbs the ropes again. He hits the 450 splash. Hallowicked gets his foot on the ropes. As Amasis argues with Bryce Remsburg, Hallowicked recovers. He hits a yakuza kick and the Rydeen Bomb for the pin in 10:48. I like how competitive Amasis looked and that he did significant damage to Hallowicked leading into tomorrow night’s title contest, but the finish was not terribly convincing. Hallowicked recovered that fast from a 450, hit two of his non-finishing moves and that’s that? Not a great conclusion, but good action before that. **½

Pelle Primeau {ROH} vs. Icarus {F}

Icarus grabs a waistlock. Primeau escapes with a wristlock, transitioning into a hammerlock. Icarus grabs his hair to break it. Icarus puts on his own hammerlock. Primeau trips his way free. He also armdrags out of a wristlock. He uses the ropes to pull off a headscissors takedown. He misses a crossbody and is caught with a spear. Icarus delivers a hard clothesline in the corner. He gets two with a fisherman’s suplex. He drives his body weight across Primeau’s throat on the second rope. Back in the ring he chokes him with his boot. Icarus strings a side Russian leg sweep into a seated Octopus stretch. Primeau punches his way free. He ducks a clothesline. Primeau gets a couple quick pinfall attempts before taking some knees to the stomach. Primeau catches Icarus with a schoolboy for the pin in 4:27! That was quite the surprise. Primeau got to long pretty darned strong against one of CHIKARA’s veterans and had a fun match to boot. **¼

Leonard F. Chikarason invites Pelle Primeau into the Young Lions Cup next month due to his win.

Kaientai Dojo representative PSYCHO points and grunts at the CHIKARA banner.

Rey de Voladores Semi-Final Elimination Match
Lince Dorado vs. Helios vs. PSYCHO {KD} vs. TJ Cannon

Cannon’s attempt to strike before the bell backfires as he gets sent out with double enzuigiri’s. PSYCHO and Dorado go back and forth. Cannon drags PSYCHO to the floor and Dorado suicide dives after him. Helios dropkicks Cannon out, then dives onto PSYCHO and Dorado with a Sasuke Special. Cannon gets caught with a sunset flip by Helios. Cannon uses the ropes to flip over and give him a DDT. He gives Dorado a couple of backbreakers. He gives him a Finlay Roll. Cannon snapmares PSYCHO from the apron and stomps on his neck. He misses a shooting star press but lands on his feet. PSYCHO gets in a series of kicks before hitting a beautiful springboard Swanton to eliminate Cannon at 4:02. Helios axe kicks PSYCHO to the floor. Dorado sends Helios out with a springboard Frankensteiner. PSYCHO dropkicks Dorado out with him and follows with a pescado. In the ring PSYCHO drops Dorado with a somersault cutter. Helios shoves PSYCHO to stop his springboard attempt. PSYCHO however tries a victory roll for two. Dorado hops onto his shoulders. He pins PSYCHO with a huracanrana in 5:50. Helios dropkicks Dorado’s legs out. He uses the same high speed prawn hold/flipping square driver from last month that he defeated Dorado with, but Dorado kicks out this time. Dorado kicks out Helios’ legs and spin kicks him for two. He palm strikes Helios on the top rope. Helios however brings him down off the second rope with The Sky is Falling. Heliocentricity gets him the win at 7:54. Fast and sloppy; those are really the only words to describe this. Helios and Dorado held things together by the end but it was pretty rough before that. **¼

As Louden Noxious was getting ready to introduce the next match, Eddie Kingston makes his way to the ring. He tells the crowd that he isn’t booked tonight, to which a fan replies “you should be.” Kingston quickly corrects him, stating that if he were booked, he would not have shown up since that is what he’s known to do now. He says he won’t tell the audience why he has been no showing events, but he will tell them why he is back in CHIKARA. He says that he is back to pop everyone’s bubbles they live in and wants to know who in the back wants to get there’s popped first. Shane Storm comes out, looking to exact revenge from his and Eddie’s bloody battle from back in January at “Two Eyebrows Are Better Than One.” Eddie says he won’t wrestle tonight, but he will face him in Philadelphia tomorrow night.

UltraMantis Black is standing with the Order of the Neo-Solar Temple. Mantis says Donst, who is turned around in a robe, is the chosen one. He will bring the Order the gold. He has Hydra fetch his foot wear.

Fire Ant {C}, Soldier Ant {C}, Worker Ant {C} & El Pantera vs. UltraMantis Black {ONT}, Hydra {ONT}, Crossbones {ONT} & Tim Donst {ONT}

Donst has his face half-painted, hair darkened and longer in length, and is wearing a blue singlet with the Order logo on the front and “dONST” on the back. Worker Ant’s knee is still hurt from the attack Bull Pain and Vin Gerard gave him. Hydra proudly powers Soldier Ant to the corner. He wants approval from Mantis but he’s not looking. Soldier Ant takes control of him on the mat. Hydra manuevers him into a headlock and punches him in the face. He ends of test of strength by stomping on Soldier Ant’s foot. Soldier Ant gives him a backdrop. Mantis sends Donst in with Fire Ant. Donst controls him on the mat. Fire Ant gives him an armdrag. He tries a Lucha roll, but Donst sits down on it and goes to the arm. He rolls Fire Ant into an amateur pin for two. Donst blocks a kick but gets sent across the ring with a springboard armdrag. Mantis and Worker Ant tag in. Worker Ant gets in a couple armdrags and a dropkick. Mantis tags Donst back in. Worker Ant tries talking some sense into him. Donst doesn’t listen, chopping Worker Ant and giving him a suplex. He goes after Worker Ant’s injured knee. The rest of the Order follows suit. Worker Ant escapes by catching Donst with a forearm. Fire Ant dropkicks Crossbones off the apron. He goes for a wheelbarrow on Donst, only for Donst to counter with a wheelbarrow suplex. Fire Ant now finds himself trapped in the Order’s corner. Crossbones accidentally splashes Donst. Fire Ant enzuigiri’s Crossbones and tags in the fresh Pantera. He takes out everyone in the Order. He sends Crossbones out with a running knee. He fakes a dive. The Colony give Mantis triple boots. Fire Ant Burns Down the House on Donst. Donst then eats the Ants Marching dropkick. He falls victim to G.I. Ant for two. Pantera dives onto Donst, Mantis, and Crossbones. Hydra puts Fire Ant in the Hydralock. Worker and Soldier Ant hold him up for the Ant Hill. A guy in a Spider Man mask who turns out to be Vin Gerard runs in to break it up! Worker and Soldier Ant chase him. Mantis holds Fire Ant in a crucifix pin for two. He then hits the Praying Mantis Bomb for the pin at 17:24. This accomplished a few things: it firmly entrenched Donst in the Order, showed Mantis’ favoritism towards him as well as Hydra’s jealousy, and continued Gerard’s issue with the Colony. The four man Order gelled really well and did a great job when they had to beatdown Worker and Fire Ant. Keeping Pantera out of the ring was a good call. Good stuff all around. ***

Mike Quackenbush says he and Storm are on their way to three points. Storm seems apprehensive about facing F.I.S.T., but Quackenbush reminds Storm that they won the King of Trios last year, Storm held the YLC longer than Chuck Taylor, and he was the one to take Gran Akuma’s mask. Quackenbush reiterates that they’re going for the tag titles.

Mike Quackenbush & Shane Storm vs. Gran Akuma {F} & Chuck Taylor {F}

Quackenbush snaps off a suplex on Taylor. Taylor says he pulled his hair, tights, and touched his butt. Quackenbush controls him by his wrist. Taylor turns it into a hammerlock. Quackenbush butt bumps out of it. After a child gives Taylor some grief, he reveals his plan to kill everybody under 10 in the building post-match. Quackenbush gets in a chop. He rolls Taylor into a rear-naked choke. Akuma breaks it up with a dropkick. Storm and Quackenbush double team Taylor in the corner. Storm armdrags Taylor to the floor. He gives Akuma a wheelbarrow armdrag and a snapmare off of his shoulders. He suplexes Akuma twice. He slingshots Akuma into a bulldog from Quackenbush. Storm hits a standing somersault senton for two. Akuma stops Quackenbush’s wheelbarrow attempt. Akuma accidentally sends Quackenbush into a dropkick to Taylor. Storm and Quackenbush hit stereo dives onto F.I.S.T. on the floor. Back in the ring, Akuma catches Storm with a DDT. He and Taylor wear down Storm in their half of the ring. Storm leapfrogs over Taylor and takes him down with a knee strike. Quackenbush tags in, throwing chops at Taylor. He blocks a clothesline and drops Taylor face first into the mat. He drops Akuma with a Tiger Driver for two. He and Storm hit a version of the Total Elimination. Akuma slides to the floor. Taylor sends Quackenbush out with a single leg dropkick. He overhead suplexes Storm to the corner. Storm throws some forearms and drops Taylor with a DDT. Akuma delivers a springboard dropkick. He rolls Quackenbush up into a tombstone. He pops him up into an Ace Crusher from Taylor. Storm breaks the pin. He wants the Air Raid Crash at Akuma. Akuma turns it into the Yoshi Tonic position. Taylor gives Storm Sole Food, assisting with the Yoshi Tonic (cleverly named “Dinner and Drinks”). Quackenbush breaks the cover. He palm strikes Taylor, then palm strikes Akuma to the floor! Taylor wants Sole Food. Quackenbush counters with a Magistral Cradle. Taylor shoves him to the corner for an enzuigiri from Akuma. Taylor brings him down with a Frankensteiner. Akuma hits a frog splash for two. Taylor calls for the Awful Waffle. Quackenbush backdrops out of it. Akuma prawn holds Quackenbush for two. Storm take sout Taylor on the floor. Quackenbush German suplexes Akuma. Storm and Quackenbush deliver a double stomp/Air Raid Crash combo for the pin at 16:57. This was really fun. Both teams looked strong, had some excellent teamwork, and the crowd really dug a lot of what they did. Taylor was also strong on his comedy game at times early on to add icing on the cake. Akuma and Taylor made an awesome team and I’m sad we didn’t see that combo more often. ***½

Claudio Castagnoli mentions the last time he wrestled Skayde it was the 2006 Tag World Grand Prix. A lot may have changed since then, but one thing Claudio says won’t change is the outcome; him being victorious.

Claudio Castagnoli vs. Jorge “Skayde” Rivera

They reach a stalemate on the canvas. Out of a double knuckle lock, Claudio locks Skayde’s arms under his own arms. Skayde brings Claudio down in a wristlock and twists on his neck. Claudio wheelbarrows Skayde up, who armdrags Claudio to the corner. Claudio tries pinning Skayde’s shoulders to the mat. Skayde monkey flips him while holding onto his knuckles. Claudio armdrags him away. Skayde trips him. We reach another stalemate. Skayde applies pressure to Claudio’s arms. He armdrags Claudio to the ropes. Skayde tricks Claudio by going for a handshake, then bringing him to the mat. Back on their feet Claudio sends Skayde to the floor with a toreador. Skayde catches Claudio with a legdrop when he comes back in. Claudio delivers an uppercut. He puts on a courting hold. Skayde uses the ropes to escape with an armdrag. He armdrags Claudio to the floor. Back in the ring Claudio gives Skayde a couple gut busters. He snaps his leg across the ring apron. Claudio works over the leg back in the ring. Skayde trips Claudio into a reverse pendulum stretch. He then stretches out Claudio’s arms using his legs. He rolls Claudio into a grounded body stretch. Claudio gets his foot on the ropes. He comes back with the Match Killer for two. He goes for the Ricola Bomb. Skayde counters with an Octopus Stretch. Claudio turns it into a Stretch Muffler. Skayde grabs the ropes. Claudio gives him an uppercut. Skayde cartwheels out of the corner into a pinning combination. Claudio kicks out. Skayde pulls on his legs. He tries a jackknife pin. Claudio picks him up for the Ricola Bomb and the pin at 12:19. This was alright for an exchange of moves but Skayde’s stuff seemed to have little rhyme or reason. This is another one of those matches that sounds good on paper but in execution was only OK. **¾

Incognito says he is here to win the Rey de Voladores tournament. Well, yeah.

Rey de Voladores Semi-Final Elimination Match
Sonjay Dutt {TNA} vs. Stupefied {SSB} vs. Incognito vs. Turbo

Incognito and Dutt fight for control. After some armdrags. Incognito drop toe holds Dutt into a front facelock. He goes for the leg and Dutt headscissors him forward. Dutt gets put in a Gory Stretch down to his shoulders. Dutt turns it into a sunset flip. He pulls off a Frankensteiner. He sends Incognito out with Deja vu. Stupefied Frankensteiner’s Dutt to the floor. Turbo armdrags Stupefied to the floor. He follows with a tope suicida. Dutt goes for a pescado but Incognito grabs the ropes so that he hits the floor. Stupefied tries a crossbody. Incognito catches him. Stupefied cleverly hits a reverse DDT. Incognito responds with a backbreaker. He drives Stupefied back first into the corner. Each of the competitors team up against Stupefied, working over his back. Incognito holds him up for a lungblower from Turbo, which Dutt puts the exclamation point on with a moonsault. Incognito heads up top with Stupefied. Dutt follows them up and brings Incognito down with a super Frankensteiner. Stupefied missile dropkicks Dutt. He throws some punches at Turbo. Dutt accidentally dropkicks Turbo out. Stupefied dropkicks Dutt out as well. He follows with a cancun tornado press onto everyone. In the ring he hits a standing moonsault senton on Turbo for two. He spins Turbo out into a facebuster. Dutt enzuigiri’s Stupefied. He tries a few pinning combinations to no avail. After a standing Shiranui he goes up top. He hits a Phoenix Splash, eliminating Stupefied at 11:26. Dutt gives Incognito a cutter and turns it into a Camel Clutch. Incognito gets the ropes. He clotheslines Turbo and powerbombs Dutt. He forward rolls Dutt in a surfboard stretch. Dutt submits at 12:22. Turbo cascades up Incognito into an armdrag. He hops up the ropes and sends Incognito out with a Frankensteiner. Again he comes out with a tope suicida. Turbo tries a dropkick back in the ring but is caught mid-air with a dropkick. Incognito gets two with a sit-out powerbomb. After a slam he lands a springboard Swanton and a quebrada combo. Turbo kicks out. Incognito gets in a couple boots. He catches Turbo with a sit-out slam. Turbo almost catches Incognito with a wheelbarrow pin. Incognito places him on the top rope. He tries a super Razor’s Edge but Turbo counters with a super Frankensteiner. Incognito kicks out. Turbo goes back up top. Incognito catches him with a super fallaway moonsault for the pin and the win at 18:05. He’ll face Helios in the finals tomorrow night. The psychology and crispness of the moves in the beginning make this a much better quarter-final than what we saw earlier. Incognito and Turbo as the final two however slopped up the match again at points. They salvaged things in the end with some really great highspots but also undid some good will from earlier on. **¾


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