The Sordid Perils of Everyday Existence

sordidperils

Hellertown, PA – 11.17.2007

Commentary is provided by Mike Quackenbush, Leonard F. Chikarason, Chris Hero, Mitch Ryder, Bryce Remsburg, UltraMantis Black, and Shayne Hawke.

Pre-Show Match
Retail Dragon vs. Lance Steel

They exchange holds on the mat. Steel escapes a headscissors and attempts a pin. Dragon and Steel argue over who the better friend of Dragon Dragon was. Dragon’s shoulder block attempts don’t budge Steel at all, so he sends him to the floor with an enzuigiri. Dragon follows out and delivers an armdrag. He then hits a cannonball senton while Steel is seated on a chair. He chops Steel right in his armor which hurts his hand. In the ring Steel gives him a side slam and goes for the Boston Crab. Dragon gets the ropes before it is applied. He foolishly chops Steel again. Dragon hurts his knees on a lungblower attempt. Steel applies the Boston Crab and Dragon gets the ropes again. Dragon rips of Steel’s armor. He gives Steel a quesadora bulldog onto the armor for two. He goes for a Dragonrana. Steel catches him with a powerbomb and then puts on the Boston Crab. Dragon taps at 6:40. It was nice seeing these characters again. They had a fun showcase bout that the crowd was appreciative of. **

Shayne Hawke notices that opponents of Soldier Ant’s typically say that they either hate ants or soldiers. He has no problem with either. The thing that bothers Hawke is that he comes out to “Soulja Boy (Tell Em)” by Soulja Boy, and he has no idea what “superman that Robocop” means. It keeps him up at night. Therefore, he will defeat Soldier Ant tonight with the Tomahawke.

Soldier Ant {C} vs. Shayne Hawke

Fire Ant is in Soldier Ant’s corner. After vying for position, Soldier Ant snapmares Hawke to the corner. Hawke puts on a grounded waistlock. Soldier Ant army crawls out, then crawls in the ring ropes. Hawke misses a running double axe handle. Soldier Ant armdrags him, then takes him down with a saluting satellite headscissors. He hits a rolling saluting forearm and gets two with a crossbody. Hawke salutes Soldier Ant, baiting him into an eye poke. He puts on a top wristlock. Soldier Ant leapfrogs over Hawke as he comes off the ropes and snaps off an armdrag. Hawke counters a hip toss with a DDT. Hawke ducks a rolling forearm and hits an enzuigiri for two. He throws some punches. Soldier Ant throws some back as well as a saluting elbow. Hawke traps him in the corner and hits the Tribute to Professionalism. He hits a Swanton bomb for two. Soldier Ant kicks out. Hawke goes for the Tomahawke. Soldier Ant counters with the TKO for the pin at 7:55. Solid back and forth wrestling, which was interesting considering I suspected a lot of comedy given the participants. I’m happy to see that Hawke has come into his own after the Kings of Wrestling dissolved. **½

Shane Storm vs. Hydra {ONT}

UltraMantis Black is in Hydra’s corner. After trading headlocks, Storm gives Hydra some armdrags using the ropes. He delivers a forearm in the corner and a spinwheel kick for two. Storm hops over Hydra and armdrags him into an armbar. He rolls him up for another nearfall. He misses a corner splash. Mantis distracts Storm so Hydra can chop block his leg out. He chokes Storm on the ropes and hits the Earthquake Splash for two. Hydra tries a suplex. Storm turns it into a small package. He throws some forearms. Hydra drops Storm with a Complete Shot for two. Hydra’s clotheslines don’t do much. Storm drops him in a modified Jackhammer. He throws some more forearms. Storm chases Hydra around the ring outside. Mantis sends Storm into the ring post when Hydra distracts Bryce Remsburg. Storm avoids a double attack from Mantis and Hydra. He hops back in ring and dives out onto them. In the ring Hydra catchers Storm on the top rope. Mantis waves some sort of item in Hydra’s face while reciting a chant. Hydra falls off the second rope, seemingly knocked out. Storm covers him for a three count at 9:34. Little did we know just how massive a moment this would be in the grand scheme of the company at the time. The match itself was touch and go. Both guys have a tendency to be hesitant and sloppy at times, which happened with Storm on a couple of occasions. The crowd was forgiving but they had trouble keeping cohesion or any real semblance of a story. Again, the finish is what mattered most. More on that later. Much later. *½

Lince Dorado & El Pantera vs. Amasis {OP} & Ophidian {OP}

Dorado and Pantera enter this with three points. If they lose, they’re back down to zero. Pantera shoves Ophidian to the ropes. Ophidian takes him down with an armdrag, but Pantera locks his legs around his and rolls him into a nearfall. Dorado and Amasis tag in. Dorado breaks a lock-up in the corner. Amasis angrily shoves him. This leads to a back and forth exchange leading to a stand-off. Ophidian and Pantera tag back in. Ophidian ducks some offense before taking a spinwheel kick. He gives Ophidian a butterfly backbreaker. He uses the ropes for a dropkick in the corner. Dorado and Amasis come back in. Dorado armdrags Amasis and comes off the top with a high crossbody. He sends Amasis out with a Frankensteiner. Dorado gets in some shots on the floor. Back in the ring, Ophidian uses hypnosis. Amasis plays with him in his entranced state before delivering a nice right jab. The Portal beat Dorado down until he and Amasis catch each other with stereo clotheslines. Ophidian tries to stop him but Dorado armdrags him away. Pantera gives both Portal members tilt-a-whirl backbreakers. He crossbody’s both of them. Dorado flips onto his shoulders and then gives the Portal stereo Frankensteiner’s. Dorado and Pantera hit stereo tiger feint kicks. The Portal kick out of their tandem top rope offense. Amasis gives Dorado a neckbreaker across his knee. Ophidian gives him double knees. They hit a splash/legdrop combo and Pantera breaks the pin. Pantera and Dorado rowboat their legs. Pantera splashes Dorado onto Amasis. Pantera Oklahoma rolls Ophidian for two. Mitch Ryder distracts Dorado. Ophidian rolls him up in a Ranhei for the pin at 11:38. Ryder costing Dorado his title shot was a nice way to add just a little more heat to their blow off match tomorrow. Dorado and Pantera meshed much better with the Portal then they did with the Olsens the night before. The finishing stretch was a little all over the place and could have finished stronger but the action was on point for most of the match. **¾

Passion Hasegawa cuts a promo in Japanese. His chest is still red from the chops Brodie Lee gave him the night before.

Passion Hasegawa {TX} vs. Chuck Taylor {F}

Hasegawa dances his way out of a wristlock exchange. Taylor and even referee PJ Drummond do some dancing. Taylor kicks Hasegawa when it looks like they’re about to lock-up. He snapmares Hasegawa into a chinlock. Hasegawa reverses into a hammerlock and then a side headlock. Taylor gets them to their feet where they continue to exchange holds. He chops Hasegawa in the corner. Hasegawa comes off the second rope with an armdrag. He takes Taylor down with a headscissors and dropkick for two. Taylor offers a handshake while crossing his fingers behind his back. He pulls Hasegawa into the second rope and stomps him to the floor. Taylor gets in some shots before bringing Hasegawa back into the ring. Hasegawa throws some punches to the stomach and drops him with a DDT back in the ring. Hasegawa sunset flips Taylor. Taylor rolls through but takes a drop toe hold. Hasegawa basement dropkicks Taylor out of the ring and follows with a suicide dive. In the ring Hasegawa comes off the top rope with a headscissors. Taylor counters an Irish whip with Sole Food. He gets two with a mouse trap pin. Hasegawa punts Taylor in the face. Taylor kicks up and skins the cat to the top rope. Hasegawa throws him down and gets two with a huracanrana. He also gets two with a Magistral cradle. Taylor distracts the referee so he can rake Hasegawa’s eyes. He hits the Awful Waffle for the pin at 11:05. Hasegawa got much more of a chance to show off his skills here than he did with Brodie. The crowd really enjoyed his and Taylor’s antics, making for a very nice comedy and wrestling hybrid. **¾

Claudio takes a break from the Kings of Wrestling to dance. Back to business! Tonight he faces MIYAWAKI. He’s looking forward to the match, and he hopes MIYAWAKI brought his A game, because he brought his European game. BAM!

Claudio Castagnoli vs. MIYAWAKI {KD}

Claudio and MIYAWAKI look for control, both of them going after the others’ leg. A test of strength leads to MIYAWAKI putting on a full nelson. It takes a few tries, but he eventually knocks Claudio down with a running shoulder block. He goes back to Claudio’s leg. Claudio fights up but gets taken down with a dragonscrew leg whip. MIYAWAKI tries it a second time but gets taken over with a gutwrench suplex. Claudio uppercuts him in the shoulder blades for two. He stretches MIYAWAKI across his knee after a backbreaker. He lifts MIYAWAKI up into a back suplex for two. MIYAWAKI blocks another suplex with a brainbuster. He strings a hip toss, slam, and t-bone suplex together for a two count. He dropkicks Claudio’s knee out and puts on a figure four leg lock. Claudio turns it over to transfer the pain. MIYAWAKI turns it back around. Claudio escapes and hits the Match Killer. He hits Swiss Chin Music for two. Claudio goes for an uppercut. MIYAWAKI counters with a Complete Shot. He lifts up Claudio into a German suplex. Claudio hits Swiss Death! Both men are down. They trade shots when they get to their feet. MIYAWAKI gets two with a backslide. He tries going for Claudio’s leg but Claudio rolls him up. Claudio hits a running uppercut for two. MIYAWAKI gets two with a reverse DDT. They trade strikes on the top rope. Claudio knocks MIYAWAKI down and follows with a diving uppercut. The Ricola Bomb gets him the win at 13:56. That was a terrific big man match. They treated the crowd to a slug fest, excellent mat work, and some surprisingly agile stuff. MIYAWAKI taking Swiss Death is a sight to be seen. This is an underrated gem from 2007 and worth checking out. ***½

Mike Quackenbush, Tim Donst, Player Uno {SSB} & Stupefied {SSB} vs. Icarus {F}, Gran Akuma {F}, Mitch Ryder & Robbie Ellis

This is Stupefied’s CHIKARA debut. Quackenbush locks up Ryder’s legs. Ryder maneuvers his way to the ropes, very clearly in pain from being contorted. Quackenbush then puts on an Octopus stretch. Ryder again makes his way to the ropes. Quackenbush gets two with a Magistral cradle. Akuma and Donst tag in. They trade a series of nearfalls causing Akuma to bail to the floor. Uno and Ellis come in. Uno gets two with a bodyslam and again with a suplex. Ellis headscissors Uno to the ropes. He delivers some chops before giving Uno a reverse DDT. Icarus kicks Uno in the stomach. Uno reverses a hip toss into a fireman’s carry. Stupefied comes in with a springboard crescent kick to the ribs. Icarus blocks some offense but gets caught with a backbreaker and a Frankensteiner Stupefied hits a tornado DDT. He tries a monkey flip. Akuma holds onto Stupefied so Icarus can escape and give him a back cracker. Stupefied gets bullied by the Rudos until he catches Akuma with a crescent kick. Quackenbush backdrops Ryder. Ryder rolls to the floor. Icarus and Akuma tag in. Quackenbush avoids a double Irish whip. He armdrags Akuma and sweeps out Icarus so that he dropkicks his own partner. Quackenbush follows them to the floor with a tope con hilo. Ellis gets in some shots on Uno. Quackenbush assists Uno with a forearm strike. Uno slingshots in onto Ellis and Icarus. Stupefied springboard splashes onto both of them and Akuma. Donst top rope dropkicks Ryder into Akuma and Icarus. Donst rolls Ryder up for two. Uno tags in. He gets Ryder in a backslide for two. Ryder gives him a piledriver for the pin at 14:36. As is the norm for these types of Atomicos, this was fun, filled with great action, and the crowd really dug it. Stupefied looked strong in his first outing and certainly earned future repeat showings. ***

Young Lions Cup
Helios vs. Fire Ant {C}

Soldier Ant is in Fire Ant’s corner. Helios puts on a Gory Stretch. Fire Ant fips out and puts on an Octopus Stretch. Helios cartwheels out of a headscissors attempt. Each guy evades the other’s quebrada press attempts and standing moonsault attempts. Fire Ant sends Helios to the floor and tope con hilo’s after him. Back in the ring he gets two with a senton splash. Fire Ant locks Helios’ legs and stretches out his back and neck. Helios turns it into a cradle to escape. Fire Ant nails a clothesline. He enzugiri’s Helios on the apron. He misses a pescado. Helios comes out with a Fosberry Flop. He Tiger walks up Fire Ant and nails an enzuigiri. Fire Ant avoids a dive and dropkicks Helios to the corner. He misses a cannonball splash. Helios hits a tiger feint kick. Fire Ant throws him off the top rope with a fireman’s carry for two. He calls for the Beach Break. Helios instead gives him a tornado kick. He gets two with a huracanrana. Fire Ant kicks out his knee. After an antzuigiri he hits a brainbuster for two. Fire Ant places Helios on the top rope and looks for a Burning Hammer. Helios elbows out and hits The Sky is Falling. Heliocentricity gets the win in 7:31. The back and forth in the beginning was awesome. With more time these guys could have had a really terrific match, but given that it was a surprise addition to the card they did the best they could with the allotted time. **¾

Chris Hero remembers how twice in Reading, PA Equinox was able to defeat him. Last night when Equinox pinned him, Hero felt a moment of embarrassment and self-pity he has never felt before. After that, he took Equinox back into the ring to show his dominance. When he began tearing at his mask, Hero felt so much joy. When he removes the mask tonight, Equinox will be no more, and Chris Hero will still be the best.

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Lucha de Apuesta – Mask vs. Hair
Equinox vs. Chris Hero

If Equinox loses he must unmask and if Hero loses he will have his head shaved. Equinox doesn’t step down from Hero’s initial shove. Hero stomps on his foot and shoves him down. Equinox gets a couple quick nearfalls. He snaps off an armdrag. Hero chops him to block a toreador. He gets in a few stomps. Equinox goes back to armdrags. Hero catches his headscissors attempt and delivers a side slam. He tosses Equinox off of his shoulders and into a senton. Hero stretches out his neck, arms and legs across his back. Hero tosses Equinox to the floor and comes off the apron with a stomp. Equinox dropkicks Hero into the wall. Equinox charges. Hero pops him up, causing Equinox to land on the ring ropes. Hero gets two with a folding press. He suplexes Equinox out of a cravate. Hero tears a portion of Equinox’s mask. Hero taunts Equinox for it while Bryce reminds him that tearing off the mask would be a disqualification if done before the match concludes. Equinox fires back with forearms. He gets in a boot. Hero chops Equinox but Equinox absorbs them. He throws a flurry of forearms. He blocks Hero’s boot and rolls him into a Magistral cradle for two. Equinox comes off the second rope with an ardmrag. He hits a standing shooting star press for two. Hero catches him with a rolling elbow. He releases him out of a suplex for two. Equinox boots Hero to avoid a corner attack. He comes off the second rope with a headscissors and dropkicks Hero to the floor. Equinox armdrags Hero into a few rows of chairs! Equinox avoids being whipped into a railing. He instead uses it to give Hero a neck-tie headscissors. Back in the ring he gets two with a huracanrana. Hero rolls through a crossbody. He suplexes Equinox out of a cravate. He gives him the Cravate Buster for two. Equinox comes back with a tornado clutch. Hero catches him with the Hero’s Welcome. Equinox kicks out! Angry, Hero tries a cravate suplex. Equinox backslides Hero to block, but unlike last night, it only gets two. Equinox drops him with a reverse DDT. When Hero kicks out he locks on the CHIKARA Special. Hero kicks Equinox in the side of the head to escape. Quackenbush on commentary states that Hero should not know that counter. Hero throws some forearms and powerbombs Equinox. He then puts on the CHIKARA Special himself! Equinox taps out at 17:04 and must be unmasked. What a battle. Far and away the best match of Equinox’s career. It’s fitting that in his last battle he would put up the best fight. This match is quite historic and has set the stage for the rest of CHIKARA’s future. What people seem to forget was how good the match itself was. Very good work by both competitors. ***½

Leonard F. Chikarason comes into the ring to make sure the stipulation is upheld. Hero grabs the microphone and tells Equinox to unmask. Equinox does so, but buries his face. Hero grabs the mask and demands that Equinox show his face. Hero mocks Equinox for not being the real luchadore he claimed to be. Hero said he had a hunch about who Equinox really was. He was a guy who couldn’t handle the CHIKARA Wrestle Factory so he went under a mask and lied about his identity to get onto the roster. Hero is going to let Equinox bask in his humiliation. Hero calls him a fraud as he grabs his mask and heads to the back. The now unmasked Equinox is greeted by The Colony, Lince Dorado, and Shane Storm as he tries to head backstage. They toss his him bag and point to the exit. Equinox leaves through the side door in a huff.

Incoherence speak incoherently about their match with Cheech and Cloudy for Los Campeonatos de Parejas. They seem confident that they will be victorious in their first defense.

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Campeonatos de Parejas
Hallowicked {I} & Delirious {I} (Campeones) vs. Cheech & Cloudy

Cheech and Cloudy are cosplaying as Incoherence. Delirious does not appreciate it. He and Cheech freak out at the bell. The teams get confused and start shoving everyone. Delirious gets some rolls up on Cloudy then tells “little stem” to get out of here. Hallowicked and Cheech tag in. Cheech mimics Delirious’ previous actions. The real Delirious gets in Cheech’s face leading to a shoving contest. Cheech mimics his moves leading to the them trading elbows to the neck and then a stand-off. Hallowicked and Delirious tag in the wrong partners. They go with it, with Hallowicked taking down Cloudy with a shoulder block and a roll-up. Cloudy also rolls Hallowicked up. They armdrag one another. Cloudy wants a slam, but Hallowicked’s body weight causes him to fall down. Hallowicked gets the first pin that way at 6:43. Delirious and Cheech freak out at the bell for the second fall, running backstage. Hallowicked and Cloudy go after their partners. Cheech and Cloudy re-emerge in their proper attire. When Bryce informs them that they’re down one fall they can’t believe it. Cheech puts Hallowicked in a courting hold. Hallowicked armdrags his way out of it. Cheech and Cloudy double suplex Hallowicked. Cheech hits a slingshot senton for two. After a double facebuster they hit the Tidal Wave for two. Hallowicked gives Cloudy a step-up Frankensteiner. Delirious takes him down with multiple clotheslines. He gives Cloudy a belly-to-back suplex for two. Incoherence drop him on the top rope so Hallowicked can hit the Koppu kick for two. Same goes for a step-up enzuigiri. Hallowicked accidentally forearms Delirious. Cloudy comes off the top with a dropkick to Hallowicked. Delirious stops him from tagging out. Cloudy eventually escapes Incoherence’s grasp when he headscissors Delirious to the floor and DDT’s Hallowicked. Cheech STO’s Hallowicked and Superman spears Delirious. He superkicks Hallowicked and uses Delirious’ back to hit a Frankensteiner. Cheech hits Delirious with the Deluxe to tie up the match at one fall a piece at 17:39.

As Incoherence re-group on the floor, Cheech tosses Cloudy onto them! Cheech then follow with a Fosberry Flop. Cloudy gives Hallowicked a super Frankensteiner for two. Hallowicked dumps Cloudy to the floor. Cheech gets attacked in the corner. Incoherence hit him with the Sidewinder for two. Cheech tosses Hallowicked out. Cloudy accidentally splashes his partner. Delirious hits them both with the Panic Attack. Hallowicked Rydeen Bombs Cloudy for two. Cloudy blocks the Graveyard Smash. Cheech clotheslines Hallowicked into Cloudy’s Ranhei. Delirious makes the save. Cheech and Cloudy suplex Delirious onto his neck. They hit Hallowicked with an enzuigiri/superkick combo for two. Hallowicked blocks Cloudy’s tiger feint kick. He hits him with Go 2 Sleepy Hollow. Delirious comes off the top with Shadows Over Heck. When Cloudy kicks out Delirious locks on the Cobra Stretch. Cloudy gets his foot on the ropes. Delirious gives Cloudy a tombstone piledriver onto Cheech’s mid-section. Both of them kick out. Cheech and Cloudy try some tandem pins to no avail. Hallowicked takes Partly Cloudy with a chance of Cheech. They hit Death by Knee. Delirious makes the save just in time. Delirious blocks Cloudy’s DDT. He hits Chemical Imbalance II. Cheech breaks the cover. Hallowicked yakuza kicks him. The Graveyard Smash puts him away at 25:04. These two teams have always had fantastic chemistry, and when it counted most, all four men brought their A game. The first fall was really funny, the second fall set the stage for the third, and the third was phenomenal. The crowd was losing it for the nearfalls and believed either team could take it at any moment. This was possibly the best Campeones de Parejas defense up to this point, and still one of the best to this day. ****

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