Showdown in Crisisland


Wallingford, CT – 7.21.2007

Commentary is provided by Leonard F. Chikarason, Chris Hero, Eddie Kingston, UltraMantis Black, and Bryce Remsburg.

Leonard F. Chikarason is walking around backstage. Colin Olsen presents him with a phony doctor’s note saying that he is lactose intolerant and therefore cannot wrestle Los Ice Creams tonight. Jimmy Olsen comes out eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. Colin runs away when trying to be fed some of the ice cream. Chikarason takes a bite and states that the match is still on.

El Hijo del Ice Cream {IC} & Ice Cream Jr. {IC} vs. Colin Olsen {OT} & Jimmy Olsen {OT}

Colin presents referee Bryce Remsburg with another phony doctor’s note, this time written on a paper plate. Bryce rips it up. Jimmy still has the pint of ice cream with him. Colin uses his illness to bait Jr. into a knee to the stomach. Jr. gives him the two scoop slam. Jr. dances with Colin causing Colin to do the robot. Colin wants the shenanigans to end. Hijo ties his tassles togther. Jr. trips him to the mat. Colin wants Jr. to work with him on a leapfrog but takes a slam off of Jr.’s shoulders instead. Hijo and Jimmy tag in. Hijo kicks him in the stomach when asking for a handshake. He elbows him in the corner. Jimmy overhand chops him. Hijo kicks him in the hamstring and pinches his buttocks. He kisses Jimmy after poking him in the eyes. He slaps Colin and monkey flips Jimmy. Colin gets knocked off the apron three times before deciding to jump off the apron himself. Jimmy whips Hijo in the mat and drops an elbow for two. The Olsens team up on Hijo. Hijo rolls to the floor without the Olsens noticing. However, the Olsens are also able to isolate Jr. when he comes in. Jimmy begins eating ice cream on the apron as Colin works over Jr.’s cone. Jimmy accidentally shoves a spoonful of ice cream into Colin’s mouth! This weakens Colin. Hijo gives Colin a jawbreaker and a kick to the face with the spoon still in his mouth. Jr. dropkicks him in the chest. Hijo armdrags Jr. into a cannonball senton. They pull Colin out into a double slam. He takes El Asesino which sends him to the floor. Jimmy takes some quick bites of ice cream before entering the ring. He succombs to brain freeze, leading to his demise. The Cold Stone Stunner and Jack N’ Jill Hammer get Los Ice Creams the win at 11:14. To this day this is one of my favorite comedy matches in all of CHIKARA. The Olsens did the best job incorporating the unique nature of their opponents into the match, making for a fun and crazy story. What a way to debut in a new market. ***

Player Uno vs. Ophidian

This is Ophidian’s CHIKARA “debut”, although he wrestled in Camden, NJ a few weeks before in a match not released until a few months later. Uno takes him down with a couple armdrags. He tries a few pin attempts but comes up short. He gives Ophidian the Hadouken to the stomach. Ophidian blocks a running knee with an elbow strike. He spin kicks Uno from the apron and comes in with a slingshot senton. Double knees to the clavicle get him a two count. He grinds his forearm into Uno’s face. Uno responds with some chops. Ophidian comes off the second rope with a kick to the face. Ophidian knocks down Uno in the corner. He gives Uno some headbutts to the ribs. He misses a diving headbutt, hitting the bottom turnbuckle. Uno gets in some strikes before taking a spin kick. He gives Ophidian the River City Ransom for two. He places Ophidian on the top rope and hits the Shoryuken. Ophidian jabs Uno in the throat. He misses a cannonball legdrop. Uno pumphandles him into a backbreaker for two. He calls for the Dig Dug Driver. Ophidian fights out. Uno gives him an enzuigiri. Ophidian flips out of the Dig Dug Driver again and puts on the Ophidian Death Grip! Uno passes out at 6:43. Ophidian was able to get over his submission in his debut while Uno also got to look more competent than usual. I approve. **

Fire Ant {C}, Soldier Ant {C} & Worker Ant {C} vs. Icarus {F}, Gran Akuma {F} & Max Boyer {KOW}

Soldier Ant sends Boyer to the floor with an armdrag and follows with a saluting suicide dive. Akuma and Fire Ant go back and forth. Fire Ant also armdrags Akuma to the floor. Icarus and Worker Ant come in. Icarus asks to slow things down with a test of strength. Worker Ant ends up getting the better of the exchange and hip tosses Icarus into a Falcon Arrow. He drops Icarus with a neckbreaker. Akuma kicks Worker Ant from the apron. Icarus follows up with an enzuigiri. The Kings of Wrestling wear down Worker Ant until He ducks one of Akuma’s kicks and tags in Fire Ant. Fire Ant crossbody’s Akuma and forearms both Boyer and Icarus. He drops Boyer with a fireman’s carry. He gets two with a Beach Break. Boyer responds with a clothesline. He goes up top. Fire Ant throws him off with a super fireman’s carry. Soldier Ant comes off the top with a saluting headbutt for two. Boyer slides out. Icarus German suplexes Soldier Ant and spears him for two. Boyer stomps on Fire Ant on the floor. Worker Ant powerslams Icarus. He and Soldier Ant go for the Ants Marching neckbreaker. Boyer kicks out Soldier Ant’s legs. Akuma then assists Icarus with a Frankensteiner on Worker Ant. He Pedigrees Soldier Ant. Akuma goes for a moonsault but Worker Ant stops him. Akuma gives him the Spider exploder suplex. He moonsaults onto Worker Ant for two. Worker Ant comes back with an enzuigiri. He and Soldier Ant hit the Ants Marching neckbreaker on Akuma. Boyer breaks the pin. He gets sent out with Akuma. The Ant Hill puts Icarus down, but again Boyer makes the save. Worker Ant and Soldier Ant dive out onto Akuma and Icarus. Fire Ant prawn holds Boyer for the pin at 11:08. This trios match was the first true sign of the long lasting feud between these factions. This was nonstop action from bell to bell and served as a good catalyst for Boyer’s exit from the Kings of Wrestling group. Icarus and Akuma leave him high and dry. ***¼

NWA World Heavyweight Championship Tournament; Quarter-Final Round
Claudio Castagnoli {KOW} vs. Sicodelico Jr.

This is part of the NWA’s “Reclaiming the Glory” tournament, which will crown a new NWA World Heavyweight Champion due to the organization cutting ties with TNA Wrestling. In the opening round, Claudio defeated Pepper Parks in Danver, MA while Sicodelico Jr. defeated Roughneck Ryan in Lebanon, TN. The winner of this match wins the Terry Funk bracket and moves on to the semi-finals of the tournament to face Brent Albright.

Sicodelico stomps on Claudio’s hands. Claudio responds in kind. An intense lock-up is cleanly broken in the corner. Claudio knees Sicodelico in the stomach and brings him down in a side headlock. Sicodelico puts on a headscissors. Claudio escapes and reapplies the headlock. They both end up back on their feet once Sicodelico escapes the hold. Sicodelico armdrags Claudio to the floor. Claudio key locks the legs. Sicodelico turns over and puts on a chinlock, transitioning into a headlock. When Claudio puts on a headscissors Sicodelico pops out. He headscissors Claudio to the floor. Angry, Claudio shoves him to the mat. Sicodelico kicks him in the hamstring twice and knocks him down with a shoulder block. A Lucha exchange leads to Sicodelico once again sending Claudio out with a headscissors. Back in the ring, Sicodelico back elbows Claudio for two. Claudio goes to Sicodelico’s eyes and stomps him down in the corner. He starts to unlace Sicodelico’s mask before giving him a bodyslam. He throws Sicodelico to the mat by his mask. A diving European uppercut to the neck gets him two. Claudio legdrops Sicodelico on the ring apron and stands on his chest. He slingshots Sicodelico’s throat into the bottom rope. He puts on a Camel Clutch while going after Sicodelico’s mask again. He gets two with a fallaway slam. Same goes for a suplex. He goes up top only for Sicodelico to catch him with a kick to the head. Claudio falls off and Sicodelico covers him for two. Claudio comes back with the Match Killer. He nails a top rope elbow drop for two. Sicodelico catches him in the corner with a sunset flip. He nails a high crossbody. He misses a spin kick. Claudio puts him away with the Ricola Bomb in 14:21. This was a much more methodical match than you would typically see in CHIKARA. The crowd responded well to it and had no issue booing Claudio even if he was a part of the “home team.” I appreciated the work put in, even if they never got out of first gear. ***

Mike Quackenbush, Jigsaw & Shane Storm vs. Shayne Hawke, Jagged {2.0} & Shane Matthews {2.0}

Matthews and Jigsaw trade wristlocks. Matthews remains sturdyfrom Jigsaw’s shoulder blocks. When he goes for one of his own Jigsaw trips him. He snaps off a pair of armdrags before delivering a headscissors and dropkick. Jagged throws some punches to Jigsaw in the corner. All three Tecnicos get in some shots to Jagged in the opposite corner. Quackenbush trips him into a Boston Crab. Jagged grabs the ropes. Quackenbush sweeps out his legs and puts on Lightning Lock Omega. Jagged again gets the ropes. He knees Quackenbush in the stomach. He misses an elbow drop. Quackenbush attacks Jagged’s chest causing him to fall. Storm goes for a wristlock but gets poked in the eyes. Matthews and Hawke illegally add leverage to Jagged’s abdominal stretch. Hawke tags in. Storm puts him in an abdominal stretch. He gets leverage from his partners and fans. Bryce is tied up with 2.0 and doesn’t notice. Storm holds up STOP/SLOW sign which ends up causing 2.0 to crash into one another. Hawke gets tossed onto them. All three Tecnicos dive onto their opponents. Back in the ring, 2.0 catch Jigsaw with a knee to the back and a neckbreaker. He gets isolated in the Rudos corner. Jigsaw escapes a double suplex and tags Quackenbush. He comes in with a springboard dropkick to both Jagged and Matthews. He clotheslines Hawke into a bulldog clothesline. Off the top he comes with double knees. Jagged breaks the cover. Jagged knees Quackenbush in the side of the face. 2.0 give him a double DDT. Storm hits That Japanese Move on Jagged. Matthews backs Storm to the corner. Quackenbush climbs his back and superplexes Hawke. Jagged super sunset flips Jigsaw. Quackenbush drives his knees into Matthews’ chest. Hawke ducks That Japanese Move. He gives Storm the TomaHawke for the upset victory at 13:04. Another really fun trios match and easily the best 2.0 and Hawke have looked in CHIKARA so far. Them getting a win over the King of Trios is a big deal and served it’s purpose of making Hawke look strong. ***¼

After the match, Chris Hero, Icarus, and Gran Akuma shake Hawke’s hand. Backstage 2.0 and Shayne Hawke are together. Matthews reminds us that the team they just defeated beat them during King of Trios, but they replaced Max Boyer with Shayne Hawke and became successful. That’s a very important thing to note, as it makes Hawke look that much better. Hawke says although Shane Storm tried, he couldn’t get the job done. Jagged tells a tale from 1992 when he came home and smelled pie his grandmother was baking. However, he was upset when he found out the pie he was eating was humble pie. He says he served up a slice of that to Quackenbush and his crew tonight. BOO YA!

Eddie Kingston is sitting in the back. He’s upset that although CHIKARA is a company he helped build that they would be inclined to give him the match he wants; a bout with Hallowicked. Instead they give him Tim Donst. Because of that, he is going to make Donst pay for CHIKARA’s mistake.

Tim Donst vs. Eddie Kingston {BO}

As Donst is about to get into the ring Kingston boots him in the head. He throws some forearms and chokes Donst with his sweatshirt. In the ring Donst valiantly takes Kingston’s chops and throws some of his own back. Kingston strikes him in the throat. He steps on Donst’s throat in the corner. After a headbutt he takes off Donst’s amateur headgear. He open hand slaps Donst across the face. Kingston’s yelling at Chikarason at commentary while throwing chops. Donst blocks a clothesline with a Peterson roll-up. Kingston pokes Donst in the eyes. He throws him over with a suplex. He pulls down Donst’s singlet straps. He throws more chops and clubs Donst in the back. Donst throws some chops and Kingston SMACKS Donst in the face hard. He dumps Donst on his head in a Dragon suplex. Kingston gives him some headbutts and a yakuza kick. He throws a forearm. Fans are telling him to stay down but Donst shakes his head in refusal. Donst picks up Kingston by his legs and takes him down. On the floor Kingston smacks him again. He knocks down Donst with a lariat! Donst makes it back into the ring right before the twenty count. Kingston laughs as he smacks Donst again. His face turns into disbelief when Donst takes a couple more. Donst takes Kingston off his feet and throws some forearms to the face. He drops him with an STO for two. Kingston nails the Backfist to the Future for the pin at 9:36. This was a beating of legendary proportions. It’s a match still talked about to this day and arguably made Donst’s career. Kingston did an amazing job not only dishing out punishment, but giving Donst his due when he was able to keep coming back from all the damage he took. You rarely see matches like this making this encounter all that more special. ***¾

The Order of the Neo-Solar Temple are enjoying Crossbones’ piano stylings. Mantis says they will do a little jig on the graves of Hallowicked, Cheech, and Cloudy when all is said and done.

Hallowicked {I}, Cheech & Cloudy vs. UltraMantis Black {ONT}, Hydra {ONT} & Crossbones {ONT}

Cheech almost gets a surprise pin on Mantis out of a grounded full nelson. Cheech gives him an armdrag and dropkick. Cloudy and Hydra tag in. They show off their power in a lock-up and test of strength. Eddie Kingston takes a seat ringside to watch Hallowicked. They get in a shoulder block battle. Cloudy slams Hydra and takes him over with a suplex. Hallowicked and Crossbones tag in. Mantis kicks Hallowicked from the apron. Hydra does the same. Hallowicked runs the ropes to armdrag Crossbones out of a courting hold. Hallowicked hip tosses all three Order members out of the corner, though he needs Cloudy’s help for Crossbones. Nobody is able to pin all three Order members, not even referee Derek Sabato. Crossbones and Hydra even try to pin each other which displeases Mantis. Hydra uses various armdrags to send all opponents to the floor. Cheech tries the Hydra Lock. Hydra breaks it and sends Cheech to the Order’s corner. The Order bullies Cheech, utilizing some excellent tandem offense. Cheech ducks Hydra’s lariat and gives him a scoop brainbuster. Hallowicked tags in and gives Mantis a Rydeen Bomb. He suicide dives after him. Hydra gets sent to the floor. Crossbones eats Partly Cloudy with a chance of Cheech. They give Hydra a tandem backbreaker and a superkick/enzuigiri combo. Mantis breaks the cover. He gives Cloudy the Praying Mantis Bomb while Crossbones drops Cheech with the Friggin’ Sweet Driver. Cloudy kicks out. The Order gangs up on Hallowicked. Hallowicked rolls out to avoid a triple boot. He gets distracted by Kingston while Cloudy and Cheech dive onto Mantis and Crossbones. Hydra attacks Hallowicked from behind. Kingston grabs Hydra’s boot by accident. Go 2 Sleepy Hollow and a yakuza kick to the back of the head gives Hallowicked the win at 15:38. Even though the Order looked really proficient when on offense, the focus being on a competitor not in the match weakened the bout as a whole. I think this would have been better served as a big win for the Order but I guess Hallowicked winning works too. **¾

Kingston circles the ring once Hallowicked is the only one left. He’s about to step in when he decides to take a walk. He says that he does things on his own time.

Lince Dorado vs. Chris Hero {KOW}

Hero armdrags Dorado to end the opening exchange. Hero puts on a hammerlock. Dorado flips out and sends Hero to the floor in a satellite headscissors. Hero slams Dorado and holds onto his legs. Dorado tries a shoulder block upon escape. Hero taunts Dorado, causing Dorado to fake Hero out with an armdrag. He flips to avoid a legsweep and dropkicks Hero in the face. Hero absorbs Dorado’s chops. He throws one of his own. Dorado avoids the Alabama Slam with a headscissors. He kicks Hero to the floor. Hero boots Dorado from the apron to avoid a dive. He slams Dorado off of his shoulders. He falls into a senton. He boots Dorado off the top and to the floor. He drops Dorado throat first onto the top rope. Two sentons back in the ring earn Hero a two count. Dorado pops up from Hero’s attacks, falling to a knee strike to the head. Dorado tries a small package. Hero chokeslams Dorado into a senton for two. Hero gets in a few chops. Dorado throws some back but takes a chinbreaker for his troubles. Dorado uses the ropes to slide out of a Manhattan Dump. However, Hero dumps him out to the floor. Hero comes off the top rope with a double axe handle. Hero maintains control. Dorado comes off his shoulders with a neck-tie headscissors. He armdrags Hero to the floor. He suicide dives out into another armdrag on the wooden floor. Dorado lands the Lynxsault back in the ring for two. He goes for a quesadora maneuver but gets slammed mid-move out of a full nelson. Hero German suplexes him across the ring for two. Dorado makes his way to the apron. He slingshots in with a headscissors. He gets a two count with a huracanrana. Hero blocks a boot. He nails Dorado with a rolling elbow and a release suplex. The running Liger Bomb only gets him two, which Hero can’t believe. Dorado elbows Hero off the second rope. Dorado comes down with a corkscrew press. He puts Hero in the CHIKARA Special! Hero taps out at 16:15. This was a nice singles win for Dorado and another embarrassing blemish on Hero’s win/loss record. The match itself was good but the crowd seemed to have worn themselves out by this point which in a small way brought the match down. The win from Dorado was put over as being a big deal, but after what we saw Donst endure earlier, this just couldn’t hold up to that. I understand why this was the main event but one of the two earlier Trios matches would have ended the show on a higher note. **¾

Many of the Tecnicos come out to congratulate Dorado. Quackenbush thanks the fans for their hospitality. They respond with a nice “CHIKARA” chant.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: