Pick Up Or Delivery

4.9.2004 – Emmaus, PA

When our two participants for the next match get in the ring, Cavalier Jones (from the CHIKARA Board of Directors) presents Jolly Roger with a Young Lions Cup medallion for entry into the CHIKARA Young Lions Cup II tournament in July.

Darkness Crabtree vs. Jolly Roger

Roger comes out to a super sped-up version of “Sandstorm”. Crabtree shows off his dance moves at the beginning and tells Roger he got served. Roger responds with his own dance routine and tells Crabtree he got served. Crabtree says “it’s on like Vietnam”. Roger hits an armdrag and dropkick for two. Roger gives Crabtree ten punches in the corner. Roger looks for “It Came From The Sea”, but Crabtree pushes Roger from the top rope to the floor. Crabtree throws him back in for two. Crabtree gets a fireman’s carry and rakes Roger’s face with his boot. Crabtree chokes Roger with his boot and snapmares him into a chin lock. Roger hurricanrana’s Crabtree and hooks the legs for the pin at 3:51. Decent match, and happily kept short. *1/4

Crabtree gives Rogers a stunner and steals his Young Lions Cup medallion afterwards.

Ash vs. Cody 45

Both these guys are from the “Squared Circle” promotion out of Canada. Wristlocks and hammerlocks are traded. Ash flips over a drop down attempt. Cody flips over Ash’s back after a back-and-forth and Ash calls shenanigans. Cody and Ash go through a basic Lucha dequence ending with a dropsault from Cody. Cody flubs up a Tiger Walk, and Ash gives him an STO. Ash pops-up Cody and slams him stomach first on the mat. Ash nails Cody in the mid-section with a couple hard kicks. Ash avoids an attack in the corner and rolls up Ash for two. Ash kicks Cody in the head. Ash applies an abdominal stretch and uses the ropes for leverage. Cody hits a back elbow and a jump-up legdrop for two. Ash hits a spinwheel kick as he comes off the ropes. Cody comes off the top rope with a crossbody. Ash rolls through and grabs the tights to get the pin at 7:13. This was as if a bad Vin Gerard clone wrestled a Helios wannabe in 2004. That is no compliment. ¾*

Cody attacks Ash post-match using flips and kicks and stuff. Right, cuz when I am mad at someone I try to use the flashiest moves possible and not the most painful.

UltraMantis & Mister ZERO vs. Joker {BO} & Sabian {BO}

Joker and ZERO valiantly fight for the advantage. When neither man gets it, they tag in their tag partners who also do the same but with many more armdrags. Sabian’s able to take UltraMantis down and stretch him in the Cycling Yahoo. ZERO breaks it, but Sabian keeps on UltraMantis. UltraMantis catches Sabian in the corner and puts him in a Lightning Lock Delta variation. ZERO comes in with the newspaper, and UltraMantis gets mad at him for the distraction. Joker and Sabian attack them, and trap ZERO in the ring away from UltraMantis for awhile. At one point, Sabian pushes down the referee and ZERO school boys him. After a lengthy beat down, ZERO comes back with a double clothesline and tags in UltraMantis. UltraMantis however drops ZERO with a snapmare driver variation and tells his opponents to “be his guest”. Sabian hits a top rope senton, and Joker pins ZERO at 12:01. This was quite a fun tag match, with Sabian and Joker’s offense being hard-hitting and believable. The two opening Lucha sequences were crazy fun. I liked most of what this match had to offer as Joker and Sabian delivered again this show. **3/4

Joker takes ZERO’s tie and UltraMantis holds ZERO’s briefcase. UltraMantis says he carried ZERO’s around for two years, calling him a clown instead of a wrestler. He says that he is sick of the human species. Mantis asks how ZERO felt to be a fool for all these years, as UltraMantis looked like a fool with him. He then pulls out a new black mask out of the briefcase and declares that today is the day that UltraMantis Black is born. And that my friends is how the insect overlord was born.

Shane Storm vs. Hallowicked

Storm takes over Hallowicked with a fireman’s carry into a hammerlock. Storm then takes him over in a headlock. Storm crucifix pins him for two. Storm whips Hallowicked over by his wrist. Hallowicked gives Storm an overhand chop. They trade shoulder tackles and then criss-cross the ropes. Storm stops and gives Hallowicked the STOP sign to stop him from running. He hands Bryce Remsburg the sign and gives Hallowicked a spinning clothesline. Storm uses the ropes to armdrag Hallowicked across the ring. Storm wheelbarrows Hallowicked forward. Hallowicked big boots Storm after Storm fails to go over him. Hallowicked cracks Storm in the back of the neck and pins him for two. Hallowicked applies a chin lock after choking Storm. Hallowicked throws Storm to the mat by his hair. Hallowicked gives Storm a step-up Frankensteiner. Storm rolls out of the way as Hallowicked attempts a top rope somersault senton. Storm back elbows Hallowicked and gives him a spinwheel kick. Storm hits the Air Raid Crash for the pin at 6:39. This was good for Storm’s second effort, and Hallowicked worked as hard as he could. *1/2

Hornet vs. Extremo

Another “Squared Circle” presentation; oh joy. They start with a flex-off and a lock-up. Both guys trade wristlocks. Extremo hits a hip toss. Hornet sends Extremo to the apron. Extremo flips over Hornet. He wheelbarrows into an armdrag. Each guy tries for a pin. Extremo bends back to block a crossbody. He dropkicks Hornet to the floor. Hornet boots Extremo in the gut and wrings his arm. Hornet continues to work on the arm on the mat. Extremo gives Hornet a hurricanrana. Hornet hits a leg lariat and goes back to Extremo’s arm. Hornet knee strikes Extremo in the corner. Hornet misses a knee strike and carefully falls to the floor. Extremo tosses him back in. Hornet goes back to the arm. Extremo drops an elbow for two. Extremo rolls through a sunset flip and kicks Hornet in the side of the head. He rolls up Hornet for two. Extremo tries a few rolls up and fails. Hornet gives Extremo a fisherman’s suplex and Extremo gets his foot on the ropes. Extremo victory rolls Hornet for the pin at 6:54. Sweet Jesus this was boring and sucked something fierce. The fans told the wrestlers they sucked the entire time, and they couldn’t have been more right. I hate both guys and am so thankful they never came back to CHIKARA. DUD

The Wildcards come out with Eddie Kingston carrying around Gran Akuma’s mask he took last month. Once they get in the ring, Akuma and Icarus run in and start the fight.

No Disqualification Match
Icarus {F} & Gran Akuma {F} vs. Eddie Kingston {WC} & BlackJack Marciano {WC}

Akuma lays in the boots to Kingston while Icarus chokes Marciano with his boot. Kingston tries to flee from Akuma, but he keeps on him. Kingston rakes Akuma in the eyes as Marciano bails to the floor. Icarus and Akuma kick Kingston multiple times in the chest. Marciano fights off Icarus, and Kingston knocks Akuma down. The Wildcards lay into Akuma with forearms to the back. Icarus sends Maricano to the floor, and Kingston sends Icarus out. Kingston kicks Akuma hard in the mid-section. The Wildcards double team Akuma and Marciano goes for Akuma’s mask. Kingston rips off his mask but nothing happens because it’s no DQ. Akuma covers his head and leaves while Icarus is left to fight for himself. After the Wildcards get the better of him, Icarus hits a double DDT. Mike Quackenbush comes out and re-masks Akuma. Akuma comes back in and goes right for Kingston. Marciano comes after him and so he takes a barrage of kicks to the chest and forehead. Akuma sole butts him and looks for a Falcon Arrow. Kingston kicks Akuma in the groin and Marciano pins Akuma at 6:03. This was a great match to lead to the Lucha de Apuesta at Aniversario (which we’re getting to soon). A really fun six minutes. **3/4

Chevalier Jones returns and kicks The Wildcards out of the building. F.I.S.T leave the area, and The Wildcards return. This time, security sends them out of the side door.

DJ Skittlez vs. Phantasmo

Skittlez shoves Phantasmo and knocks him down with a pair of shoulder blocks. Skittlez gives him two armdrags and a delayed powerslam. Phantasmo rolls to the floor and Skittlez dives onto him. Back in the ring, Skittlez gives Phantasmo a reverse piledriver of sorts for two. Phantasmo clotheslines Skittlez for two. Phantasmo chokes Skittlez on the top rope and slingshots Skittlez backwards. Phantasmo applies a side headlock. Phantasmo drops Skittlez by his head for two. Phantasmo goes up top and hits a double axe handle. Phantasmo’s mask falls off as he places Skittlez on the top rope. Holy hell that’s hilarious! He gets the mask back on as Skittlez and Bryce kill time. Phantasmo gives him a top rope hurricanarana for two. He puts Skittlez’ own shirt over his eyes. Phantasmo chops Skittlez. Skittles lays in chops in the corner and whips Phantasmo over. Skittlez backslides Phantasmo for the pin at 5:24. This match came straight from the land of suck, though that mask flub amused me enough for a quarter star. 1/4*

International Crown Title Match – Lumberjack Match
Mike Quackenbush vs. Jigsaw

The Rudo lumberjacks entered with Jigsaw and the Tecnico lumberjacks entered with Quackenbush. For the record, Quackenbush’s International Crown championships include: the wXw Lightweight Championship, the IPW Intercontinental Lightweight Championship, AULL Mexican Middlewieght Championship, and IPW Crusierweight Championship. Like many matches, we start with a wristlock exchange. Quackenbush locks Jigsaw in a pendulum. Jigsaw turns an armbar from Quackenbush into a waistlock. Quackenbush clasps on a side headlock. Jigsaw keeps escaping but Quackenbush puts it right back on. Jigsaw finally does escape but gets taken down into an STF. Jigsaw palm strikes Quackenbush up top. Quackenbush comes off top, sending Jigsaw the floor with an armdrag. The Rudos brush him off. Jigsaw comes back in only to be put into a double underhook back stretch. Quackenbush transitions into a stretch muffler. Jigsaw kicks Quackenbush away. Jigsaw tilt-a-whirls into an Octopus stretch. Jigsaw pushes Quackenbush off the apron, and the Tecnicos pop him back up. Quackenbush gives Jigsaw the Three Amigos, and then a variation of it with two vertical suplexes. Quackenbush palm strikes Jigsaw to the floor, then comes off the top rope with a plancha. Jigsaw throws Quackenbush shoulder first into the ring post before throwing him back into the ring. Jigsaw targets Quackenbush’s shoulder. Jigsaw throws Quackenbush to the Rudos, who of course lay in stomps and forearms behind the referee’s back. Quackenbush gives Jigsaw a Manhattan drop and dropkick to the chest. Jigsaw shotguns Quackenbush’s arm on the top rope for two. Jigsaw keeps on Quackenbush’s bad shoulder. Quackenbush is able to drop Jigsaw with a Dragon suplex. Quackenbush and Jigsaw exchange overhand chops. Quackenbush drops Jigsaw with a facebuster and pins him for two. Quackenbush tries the Quackendriver I but can’t get it. Jigsaw victory rolls him into an armbar. Quackenbush hits a split-legged splash in the corner and follows up with a top rope hurricanrana. Quackenbush hits a rolling clothesline after Jigsaw hits his bad arm away. Quackenbush double underhooks Jigsaw, and Jigsaw gives his shoulder an enzugiri. Jigsaw then hits a brainbuster for two. He sets up for the Jig N’ Tonic, but Quackenbush counters with the Quackendriver II. The Wildcards hit the ring from the outside for the DQ at 15:37. Even with the DQ this was a great story and a good match overall. Quackenbush didn’t let up his shoulder for one second and it played well into the story of the match. I dug it. ***

An all out brawl ensues with the lumberjacks and competitors. Cavalier Jones comes out and says that The Wildcards are going to be suspended for sixty days. Quackenbush grabs the microphone and asks them not to be suspended. Instead, Quackenbush offers up six-man tag team match. Quackenbush says he will put all his belts on the line. Icarus says if he is pinned, he will shave his head, and Akuma says he will unmask if he loses the fall. Kingston says CHIKARA needs the Wildcards more than they need CHIKARA. Kingston says both the Wildcards will put their hair on the line, even though Marciano doesn’t look happy. This means if either Kingston or Marciano is pinned, both Wildcards will shave their heads. Jigsaw says he will put up his mask in the match as well. So at Aniversario, it will be Quackenbush and F.I.S.T. against Jigsaw and The Wildcards in a big time Lucha de Apuesta. Quackenbush and F.I.S.T. say they want a fight now. The Rudos tease them by sliding under the ropes, and then bail through the back door.

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2 Responses to Pick Up Or Delivery

  1. Paul says:

    I’m not really adding anything constructive to this review, but I always get a kick out of guys like Wiggly and LFC being in the audience for these shows.

  2. Maffew says:

    UltraMantis & Mister ZERO vs. Joker {BO} & Sabian {BO}

    This match was amazing thanks to BLK OUT.

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