Give ‘Em The Axe

Everett, MA – 7.29.2012

Commentary is provided by Gavin Loudspeaker, Mike Quackenbush, Bryce Remsburg, Steve “The Turtle” Weiner, Leonard F. Chikarason, Eddie Kingston, Tim Donst, and UltraMantis Black.

UltraMantis Black {SE}, Hallowicked {SE} & Frightmare {SE} vs. Soldier Ant {C}, combatANT {G} & deviANT {G}

Soldier Ant is still not getting along with his GEKIDO teammates, as one would anticipate (unless you’re Wink Vavasseur). Both of these teams have been announced for King of Trios. Soldier Ant and Frightmare go for quick covers. Soldier Ant salutes while applying a courting hold. Frightmare armdrags his way out. The trip each other to get another nearfall each. We get a battle of saluting and screaming. They end up startling referee Bryce Remsburg with their screams. combatANT and deviANT jump Frightmare when they tire of Soldier Ant’s chicanery. Frightmare slides out and Hallowicked and Mantis jump The Swarm. They give combatANT a legdrop/side slam combo for two. deviANT pitches Hallowicked to the floor. Mantis counters deviANT’s monkey flip. Hallowicked gives him a super snapmare, and Mantis delivers a Perfect neck snap for two. When combatANT runs in, Hallowicked tosses deviANT onto him. Hallowicked gives combatANT a step-up Frankensteiner. deviANT kicks Hallowicked from the apron. combatANT bicycle kicks Hallowicked and The Swarm take control. Soldier Ant refuses to help them, and even throws combatANT to the floor to tag himself in at one point. Soldier Ant’s refusal to help allows Hallowicked to tag in Frightmare. He crossbody’s combatANT and scares deviANT. He drops combatANT with an Ace Crusher. Soldier Ant breaks the cover. deviANT tosses Soldier Ant out. Soldier Ant drags deviANT out and throws him into the ring post. The Envoy attack combatANT in the corner. Hallowicked double stomps combatANT while Mantis has him in the Safari Stretch. Frightmare gets the pin with the Frightmare on Elm Street at 10:19. This was basically the same story of last night’s Swarm match, with Soldier Ant all but sabotaging his team out of spite. The Envoy looked awesome and that double stomp/Safari Stretch combo rules. **3/4

Sugar Dunkerton vs. Ophidian

This match was supposed to happen in October, but a blizzard canceled that show and this match had not been signed until now. For those who don’t know, it was Dunkerton who broke Ophidian’s jaw and caused him to forfeit a match during the “12 Large: Summit.” Ophidian blamed Dunkerton for his string of losses near the end of 2011 and has wanted revenge ever since. Ophidian spits red venom into Dunkerton’s eyes before the bell. Dunkerton is having trouble seeing, making it easy for Ophidian to give Dunkerton some kicks and chops. He even throws Dunkerton’s own basketball at him. The fans try to aurally cue Dunkerton as to where Ophidian is in the ring. It does not help him out at all. Ophidian drives his knees into Dunkerton’s chest. Dunkerton gets some water from a fan to clean his eyes out, but still plays as if he is still blind. Ophidian throws the ball at him. Dunkerton reads the ball to reveal his sight to Ophidian. Ophidian becomes nervous. Dunkerton gives him a haymaker, a knee to the face, and a sit-out spinebuster for two. Ophidian grabs a nerve hold before hitting an enzuigiri. He hits the Meteora for two. Dunkerton recovers and gives Ophidian a modified Burnout. Ophidian ducks a lariat and brings Dunkerton to the mat in the Ophidian Death Grip. He turns it into the Cobra Clutch Death Grip. Dunkerton’s arm drops three times, giving Ophidian the submission victory at 6:33. Both men showed a lot of intensity and growth in this match. Since Ophidian evolved again at #CRex and Dunkerton returned from injury, both have been nothing short of on point. With more time this could have been even greater. **1/2

Delirious meets Ophidian in the aisleway. He grabs Ophidian by his mask and brings him backstage.

The Mysterious and Handsome Stranger vs. The Shard {G}

Stranger strikes first, stopping The Shard’s momentum off the ropes with a STO. Stranger emerges from the backstage area with a plastic rocking horse that almost knocks over the entire entrance set. He sets Shard on the horse and puts a sombrero on his head. He poses with him. Yes, this is a real thing. Back in the ring, The Shard catches Stranger as he comes off the top rope with a punch to the stomach. A pump kick gets Shard a two count. He gets two again with an elbow drop. Stranger recovers and hits a bulldog. He gives Shard a few punches, including a wind-up version. The Shard enzuigiri’s him in the corner. Stranger comes back with a big boot. He lassos The Shard in for a gutwrench powerbomb. He polishes Shard off with a top rope legdrop for the pin at 5:38. I’m in disbelief how over Stranger is already. Don’t get me wrong, I love his shtick and how much fun he is, but the fact that it took roughly no time for him to get the crowd totally behind him is quite the feat. It’s so odd that The Shard just keeps losing. **1/4

3.0 are backstage. Jagged says he feels homesick from the Promised Land. He lifts up his Tim Horton’s coffee to display that he brought some bit of home with him. Matthews goes off saying that they want three points and how he appreciates being teamed with someone he doesn’t like. It turns out Gran Akuma, the man in question, was standing there the whole time. Matthews marches off to avoid the awkward situation.

Gran Akuma, Scott “Jagged” Parker {3.0} & Shane Matthews {3.0} vs. Obariyon {B}, Kodama {B} & Kobald {B}

Matthews takes Obariyon down in a waistlock. Matthews back elbows and dropkicks him to the floor. Akuma and Kodama tag in. They have a Lucha exchange, ending with Kodama sending Akuma out with a huracanrana. Jagged and Kobald tag in. He outsmarts Kobald and keeps putting a headlock back on. Kobald bites his arm to break it. He bites his arm again when Jagged controls his wrist and his ribs when put in an abdominal stretch. Jagged hits a leg lariat for two. Jagged bits him in the clavicle. 3.0 and Akuma each do some damage to Kobald. Akuma slingshots Obariyon in. He and Kodama pull the Killer Bees switch on Akuma, allowing Obariyon to knock him down with a flying forearm. Akuma gets beaten down by the Batiri until Obariyon kicks him to the corner after breaking an O’Conner Roll. 3.0 take down all three Batiri members separately. Obariyon and Kodama give Jagged the Scrambled Brains to block the Sweet Taste of Professionalism. They also send Jagged out with tandem dropkicks and then suicide dive onto both him and Matthews. Akuma throws some kicks to Kobald. Obariyon gives Akuma a knee strike. Jagged gives Kodama a discuss forearm before eating a spear from Kobald. Akuma gives Kobald the Tenchi Crash. Obariyon catches him with a back cracker in the corner. Matthews powerbombs Obariyon and goes for a Boston Crab. Kodama stops him with a flying Blockbuster. Jagged however responds with a Gory Special. Akuma cuts off Kobald on the top rope. He brings him down with a Spider Exploder suplex. Delirious comes out and crotches Akuma on the top rope! Referee Jonathan Barber calls for the bell, giving 3.0 and Akuma a DQ victory at 13:26. Up until the finish this was really fun trios action. The Batiri no longer seem rough around the edges and have their act as a unit down. 3.0 and Akuma made their trio work in no time. We will actually be seeing a rematch at “King of Trios” which I now anticipate greatly. ***

Delirious continues his attack by giving Jagged a double choke bomb. He summons Ophidian from the back. Matthews fights Delirious off but is jumped by Ophidian. The Batiri join in, beating down Akuma and Jagged as well.

Icarus says Sara Del Rey defeating him in the “12 Large: Summit” was a fluke. He will prove that Sara is nothing but a one time winner in their rematch tonight.

Sara Del Rey vs. Icarus {F}

Sara wins a test of strength, causing Icarus to hit the floor. Sara backs him to the corner. She break cleanly but is thrown off by some spray deodorant he put on before the bell that a fan gave him. In a pose off, the crowd dictates Sara s the clear victor. Sara begins to kick Icarus, so Icarus rolls into a fan’s lap. The fan notes that this is the worst thing to ever happen to him. He’s probably right. Sara dragonscrew leg whips Icarus upon reentry to the ring. She suplexes him into a wristlock. Icarus grabs her as if he’s going for a kiss. Bryce grabs his arm to stop him. It seems Icarus is going to kiss him, so Bryce slaps him across the face! Sara dizzy’s Icarus by having him roll through multiple hip toss attempts. She lets Bryce give him a real-for-deal hip toss which gets her a two count. Icarus snaps her neck across the top rope and gets two with a dropkick. He puts on a modified Cattle Mutilation. Sara escapes and kicks Icarus in the throat. He snapmares her into a chinlock across his knee. He misses a baseball slide. Sara kicks him around ringside. Icarus sneaks in a smack to the face. He chokes her back in the ring. He gets in his kiss! Sara could not look more pissed off. She unleashes forearms to his face and kicks to the chest. Icarus goes for the Shiranui. When she releases, Icarus goes for a jackknife pin. Even with his feet on the ropes he only gets two. Sara blocks the Wings of Icarus and nails a Koppu Kick for two. Icarus misses his own Koppu Kick. She axe kicks him in the shoulder blades. Icarus rolls her up and holds her tights for two. Sara blocks a Blu-Ray with a German Suplex. She applies the Yes Lock. He gets the ropes. Icarus gets her in a Jackknife pin after blocking a piledriver for the pin at 12:44. I think this fell just a bit shy of their awesome 12 Large encounter, but it was still entertaining and had a different vibe to it. Sara would have done better going out on her Kingston match from yesterday, but I like the symmetry of her and Claudio’s last opponent in CHIKARA being Icarus. **3/4

For good measure, Sara kicks Icarus in the head and takes him out with the Royal Butterfly. She gives a royal wave to the crowd as they chant “Thank You Sara.”

Jakob Hammermeier reminds us that he is in the semi-finals of the Young Lions Cup tournament next month. He believes he will win because he has been trained by the greatest Young Lions Cup champion ever, Tim Donst. He begins to list off all the YLC champions Donst has defeated. When he gets to Hallowicked, Donst stops Hammermeier. He says Hallowicked is not like those other guys; he is better than them all. He admits when he wrapped that shoelace around Hallowicked’s throat at Chikarasaurus Rex he was trying to kill him. He felt his last breath, but somehow Hallowicked was able to recover and make Donst tap out. Donst calls Hallowicked a God and tells Hammermeier that the Cup will be the death of him. He advises Hammermeier to get out of wrestling before wrestling eats him alive.

Jigsaw vs. Jakob Hammermeier

Jigsaw grabs Hammermeier’s hair as he begins to apply a Mexican surfboard. He decides to stomp Hammermeier’s knees into the mat instead. Hammermeier elbows out of a German suplex. Jigsaw hops over him and armdrags him into a head kick. Jigsaw slams Hammermeier onto his stomach. Hammermeier rolls to the floor and Jigsaw dives after him. Donst reiterates his points from his promo on commentary. Hammermeier slams Jigsaw’s face against the apron. He tries to throw Jigsaw face first into a New England Patriots on the wall. Jigsaw reverses and slams Hammermeier’s face multiple times into it. In the ring, Hammermeier forearms Jigsaw in the neck. He puts on a chinlock. When Jigsaw breaks, Hammermeier gives him a bulldog. Jigsaw fights for a German suplex. Jigsaw throws some kicks to his back and chest. Hammermeier blocks a superkick and gives Jigsaw a neckbreaker across his lower back. He slaps him across his face. Jigsaw fires up and gives Hammermeier his own slap. Hammermeier pokes his eyes. Jigsaw gives him a Michinoku Driver for two. Hammermeier jabs Jigsaw in the throat after sliding off his shoulders. He gives Jigsaw the Gute Nacht for the pin at 9:33. This has to be the biggest win Hammermeier has had so far. The match was fine, but the story here was what Donst was saying on commentary. His self deprecating and apathetic words make me so intrigued as to what direction he will head. **1/4

Los Ice Creams come out for their match. Their opponents tonight were supposed to be Marty Jannetty and Green Ant, but Marty Jannetty for whatever reason did not show up. Green Ant introduces Steve “The Turtle” Weiner as his replacement. Los Ice Creams put two young fans in their masks on the apron to try and wrestle the match for them. Bryce even checks them for foreign objects. I love fan interaction like that.

Green Ant {C} & Steve “The Turtle” Weiner vs. El Hijo del Ice Cream {IC} & Ice Cream Jr. {IC}

Hijo grabs Green Ant by his attenae. Green Ant shoots him off, but gets his buttocks pinched. Hijo cries when Green Ant gives him an overhand chop, then kicks him in the leg. Green Ant gives him a backbreaker. Hijo pokes his eyes. Green Ant catches him with a slam and a splash for two. He gives Hijo ten punches in the corner. Jr. tries to sneak in, but Green Ant gives him a crossbody. Hijo punches Weiner off the apron. Green Ant punches both Ice Creams in the corner repeatedly. Hijo misses an elbow after a lot of theatrics. Green Ant evades a charge and splashes Hijo. Jr. grabs Green Ant so Hijo can deliver a big boot. They get a two count with the Ice Cream Sandwich. Green Ant is bullied by the Ice Creams until Hijo accidentally headbutts Jr. in his Dippin Dots. Hijo however gets his knees up to block Green Ant’s splash. Green Ant finally escapes by slamming Ice Creams heads together. Weiner tags in and nails clotheslines on both opponents. He gets caught with a boot, but then breaks through a double clothesline and clotheslines them both again. He rams his shell into both them. He bulldogs Hijo whilst dropkicking Jr. simultaneously. Hijo hits the Cold Stone Stunner. Jr. busts out the bag of sprinkles! He pours them out in the middle of the ring. Jr. slams Weiner onto them. His shell however prevents him from being hurt. Hijo throws sprinkles into his eyes! Los Ice Creams give him El Asesino for the pin at 11:45. I had mentioned in many of my older CHIKARA reviews that I missed the more Rudo Ice Creams of the past. Well, they returned here tonight and I could not be more happy about it. This brought the fun and goofiness, as it should have. Just for those insensitive fans jeering Weiner, he did a good job in his portion of the match and did a tremendous job playing up the sprinkles. **1/2

Young Lions Cup X Quarter-Final Elimination Match
ACH vs. Aaron Epic vs. JT Dunn vs. Vinny Marseglia

Epic and ACH shake hands. Epic takes him down to the mat by his wrist. He shoulder blocks ACH in the corner. ACH uses the ropes to headscissor Epic to the ropes and then to the corner. ACH ducks his kicks but takes an elbow to the gut and a knee strike to the side of the head. Dunn and Epic throw forearms. Dunn sends him out with a Saito suplex. Marseglia huracanrana’s Dunn to the corner and pescado’s onto Epic. Dunn suicide dives onto them both. Marseglia cuts off ACH’s dive. ACH goes for Mortal Kombat. Marseglia blocks it with a top rope dropkick for two. He nails a forearm in the corner. Dunn kicks him from the apron. Marseglia sends ACH to the floor. Dunn gives Marseglia a slingshot back cracker. Marseglia ducks a clothesline. He headscissors Dunn into a side Russian leg sweep. Dunn rolls out. Epic delivers a fallaway knee and the Fast Ball Punch to pin and eliminate Marseglia at 5:01. ACH sends Epic out with a leg lariat. He goes for a pescado, but Epic catches him with a gut buster. Dunn pins ACH for two. He hip tosses ACH into a neckbreaker for another two count. A flying forearm doesn’t do the trick either. Epic tags in and gets two on ACH with a chest kick. ACH gives him a shot to the stomach. Epic however catches him with a STO clothesline. ACH goes for Mortal Kombat on Epic. Epic turns around and eats an enzuigiri. ACH hits the Mortal Kombat, but to Epic’s stomach instead of his back. ACH gives him a rope-assisted Roll of the Dice. Epic rolls out to avoid being pinned. Dunn attacks ACH from behind. ACH hip tosses him into the corner. He flips up and goes through the bottom rope with a clothesline. Epic superkicks ACH on the floor. Dunn comes out to the floor as well. Epic knocks him down. ACH clotheslines Epic on the apron and then Arabian Presses onto him and Dunn. Epic shoves ACH back in the ring. He floats over ACH and goes for a backslide. He Fast Ball Punches ACH once he rolls through the backslide. ACH is too close to the ropes for Epic to get a pin. Epic delivers a Flipping Square Driver. He DDT’s Dunn on the bottom turnbuckle. Dunn comes back with a forearm and a pump kick. He drops Epic with a Tiger Driver for the pin and elimination at 11:28. ACH enzuigiri’s Dunn to the corner. Dunn catches him with a Tiger Driver but only gets two. Dunn rolls up ACH with his feet on the ropes. Jon Barber doesn’t count because of it. Dunn sets him up for a Super Tiger Driver. ACH shoves him off and hits a 450 splash off the second rope for the pin and the victory at 13:24. This set out to steal the show and in many ways did so with the crowd. This was certainly rough around the edges, but for the most part all four competitors showcased themselves well and would all be worthy of coming back to CHIKARA. ***

Backstage, Mark Angelosetti tells Dasher Hatfield that they have to bring everything they have to the ring. Hatfield is not happy with Angelosetti, because at “Wrestling is Fun!” he finally saw the dark side of Mr. Touchdown when he saw him cheat in his match against Green Ant. He’s insulted that Angelosetti would act like that after all Hatfield did for him to get him into wrestling. If Angelosetti messes up again, Hatfield will drop him. On that note, he’s ready to challenge for the Campeones de Parejas.

Campeonatos de Parejas
Nick Jackson {YB} & Matt Jackson {YB} vs. Dasher Hatfield {T} & Mark Angelosetti {T}

Veronica Ticklefeather is in The Throwbacks corner. Matt mocks Hatfield for his mask. Hatfield shoves him down and gets two with an Oklahoma Roll. He sends Matt out with a couple armdrags. He slams Nick. Angelosetti comes in and splashes Nick thrice and shoulder tackles him in the corner. Matt tries to sneak attack him, but also gets shoulder tackled in the corner. Matt throws him to the floor. Hatfield cuts off Nick’s dive and baseball slides both him and Matt. He suicide dives after Matt as well. Angelosetti drops Nick face first on the top turnbuckle. He and Hatfield double hip toss him. Matt eats a double atomic drop and the high/low clothesline combo. Angelosetti puts him in a tree of woe. Hatfield gives him a baseball slide, but then eats a superkick from Nick. Nick tornado kicks Angelosetti as well. The Bucks beat down Angelosetti in their half of the ring. Angelosetti bails when the Young Bucks take down long setting up tandem superkicks. Hatfield powers through both Bucks. Nick stops Hatfield from suplexing Matt by giving him a spinwheel kick. Angelosetti pops up Matt for a spinebuster and gets two. Angelosetti grabs Veronica’s baton. Hatfield catches him, so Angelosetti decides against it. Matt however steals the baton and nails Angelosetti in the head with it, scoring the first fall at 7:38. Matt goes for an immediate fall right after but only gets two. Hatfield blocks a slingshot X-Factor. Nick accidentally punches Matt. Hatfield gets two on Nick with a Jackhammer. Matt mocks Angelosetti while attacking Hatfield. Angelosetti comes in. The Throwbacks hit a wheelbarrow/stunner combination called Bo Jackson to pick up the second fall at 9:17. (Before you ask, yes, I know who Bo Jackson is. He was around in the period when I thought sports were kind of, sort of okay and not the worst.)

With the tables turned in their favor, Hatfield and Angelosetti continue to team up on Matt. Hatfield goes to charge him in the corner. Nick gives him a gamengiri from the corner, then slingshots in with an X-Factor. Now it is Hatfield who The Bucks gang up on, also mocking Angelosetti in the process. They even dropkick him off the apron just to be jerks. Hatfield sends Nick to the floor. Matt laughs at Angelosetti and calls him a nerd. Hatfield kicks Matt and goes for a tag. Nick pulls Angelosetti off the apron so he can’t tag in. Matt and Nick hit a springboard splash/standing moonsault combo for two. Hatfield sends Matt into a gamengiri from Nick. Finally Angelosetti tags in and cleans house. He spears Matt in the corner. Nick clotheslines Angelosetti and Hatfield in opposite corners repeatedly. He ends with a knee strike to Angelosetti. Hatfield suplexes Nick onto his knee, and Angelosetti suplexes him into an Ace Crusher for two. Matt punches Angelosetti and calls him a nerd. Hatfield gives Matt a twisting neckbreaker from Angelosetti’s arms. Nick goes for his continuous clotheslines again. Hatfield sends him to the floor. Hatfield gives Matt the Grand Slam. Nick breaks the cover just in time. The Bucks knock down both Throwbacks with superkicks. Matt buckle bombs Hatfield into an enzuigiri from Nick. Nick superkicks Angelosetti one more time before he and Matt give Hatfield More Bang For Your Buck for the pin and the victory at 22:37. The Throwbacks have grown tremendously as a team. It’s actually quite remarkable how good they have become since their first match together in February. The Bucks of course always deliver the goods, but tonight they especially knew how to play into the Throwbacks characters and get the crowd solidly in their opponents corner. ***1/2

Veronica yells that the loss was all Hatfield’s fault. Angelosetti gets her to stop and brings her backstage. Hatfield gets a nice ovation as he heads out.

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2 Responses to Give ‘Em The Axe

  1. You hit the nail on the head. Donst’s commentary was unsettling and beyond interesting.

    • In re the TMAHS vs. the Shard match: You totally skipped over how the announcers suddenly started making Aerosmith jokes for no apparent reason. I would have expected you to have mentioned that.

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