The Foggiest Notion

Strathroy, ONT – 6.23.2012

Commentary is provided by Gavin Loudspeaker, Eddie Kingston, “Mr. Touchdown” Mark Angelosetti, Veronica Ticklefeather, and Leonard F. Chikarason.

Sara Del Rey vs. Leah Von Dutch

This is a rematch from “It’s How You Play The Game.” Sara won that match in mere minutes and Von Dutch is looking for vengeance. The fans are impressed with the initial wristlock exchange. Sara kicks out Von Dutch’s leg. Von Dutch takes her down in a side headlock. Sara gets up, but Von Dutch uses the ropes to bring her back down. She even holds on when Sara tries to suplex her way free. Sara shoulder blocks her way out of it in the corner. She kicks the inside of Von Dutch’s leg and slams her knee into the canvas. Von Dutch grabs the ropes to break a heel hook. Von Dutch gets two with a second rope crossbody. Same goes for a flip senton. Back to the headlock she goes. Sara gives her a shin breaker and puts on the STF. When she grabs the ropes, Sara goes back to kicking her leg. She takes Von Dutch’s leg and slams it against the ring apron. Sara sits down on the leg in a kneeling press for two. Sara uses the ropes to twist up her leg some more. Von Dutch ducks a forearm. A couple single leg dropkicks send Sara to the corner. Von Dutch bulldogs her out for two. She lands on her knee when hitting a lionsault, but still gets a two count. Sara puts on a modified heel hook. Von Dutch again grabs the ropes. Von Dutch small packages her for two. Sara gets two with a rolling elbow. Sara counters Von Dutch’s prawn hold with one of her own for the pin at 10:40. There’s no simpler storytelling than competitors working over an opponent’s limb, especially when they stick to it the entire match. This was a step above their first encounter and also quite different. I give Von Dutch a lot credit for being noticeably better than her first performance. **1/4

Jakob Hammermeier is looking for Tim Donst backstage. He apparently skipped some of his and Hammermeier’s recent picnics which has Hammermeier worried. He finds Donst in a boiler room of sorts taping his wrists up. His hair is now in a buzz cut, thanks to his loss at “Chikarsaurus Rex” a few weeks ago. Hammermeier says to Donst he’s going to bring home the Young Lions Cup just like he did. Donst tells Hammermeier that he “doesn’t want this” and walks away.

We then cut to Sugar Dunkerton by the CHIKARA logo. He mentions that the landscape of CHIKARA has changed since he was last in the company (November 2011). He wants to get things back on the right track. He feels like he and his opponent Tim Donst are totally different people than they were a couple of years ago. When the smoke settles, he will have proven that he is back with a purpose. He doesn’t have time to worry about Donst being crazy, because he’s too busy being delicious.

Sugar Dunkerton vs. Tim Donst

Dunkerton puts on a headlock. Donst shoots him off and shoulder tackles him. Dunkerton trips him as he comes off the ropes and dribbles his head into the mat. He hits a senton. Donst clotheslines Dunkerton from behind. Donst sends Dunkerton to the floor and sends him back first into the ring apron. He slams Dunkerton’s arm that he hurt a few months ago into the apron too. Donst works over the arm back in the ring. Dunkerton turns a cross armbreaker into a roll-up for two. Donst pulls Dunkerton by his hair. He gives him a backbreaker from the ring apron to the floor. Dunkerton throws Donst shoulder first into the ring post. Dunkerton hits the ropes and Donst catches him with a STO. Dunkerton throws some headbutts and a flurry of punches. He hits the Kiss My Converse dropkick for two. A spinning neckbreaker does the same thing. Donst traps Dunkerton’s arm in the ropes and shoots him off into the mat. Dunkerton talks some trash, causing Donst to clothesline him to the floor. Donst suicide dives after him. In the ring Donst rubs his forearm into Dunkerton’s face. Dunkerton hits the Slam Dunk (a diving X-Factor) for two. Donst goes after his arm, driving it into the canvas. He goes to take off the top turnbuckle. Dunkerton cracks him with the Bow Chicka Wow Wow while he’s busy doing that, earning the pin at 8:53. There was a few awkward moments here and it seemed like Donst was off his game. Not the best way for Dunkerton to return, but at the very least he won and got a warm reaction. **

Young Lions Cup X Quarter-Final Elimination Match
Jakob Hammermeier vs. Ethan Page vs. Sebastian Suave vs. Buxx Belmar

Mike Bailey was supposed to be in this match, but he is not here for whatever reason. Buxx Belmar’s name was drawn from a hat to replace him (after Scotty O’Shea and Teddy Hart’s cat were not available). Belmar spits water over his hands and asks for a test of strength with Hammermeier. Hammermeier grabs a waistlock instead and gets his hand spit all over. Belmar gives him a leg lariat and a reverse snapmare. Page throws multiple punches at Belmar. Belmar splashes him in the corner. Suave puts them both in an armbar in the ropes. Suave gives Belmar a spinebuster for two. Page gives Suave a backbreaker for two. Page enzuigiri’s him off the apron and suicide dives after him. Hammermeier forearms Page from behind. He chokes Page with his hands and foot. Page dropkicks him out. Suave attacks Page from behind. Page gives him an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. Page baseball slides Hammermeier. Belmar tope con hilo’s onto everybody. He gets a two count on Suave. He suplexes Hammermeier into a Falcon Arrow for two. Hammermeier thrusts him in the throat. Page and Belmar give Hammermeier the Doomsday Device with Page DDTing Suave simultaneously. Their double pin goes nowhere. Page gives Belmar a uranage for the elimination at 7:47. Suave bicycle kicks Page immediately after the cover. Hammermeier gets in some shots on Suave in the corner. Page jumps in from the bottom rope BOOM Headshot on Hammermeier, dropkicking Suave too. Suave bicycle kicks Page in the corner. Page responds with the IED. He gives Suave a reverse brainbuster for two. Suave gives him a spinning Ki Krusher for the pin at 9:46. Suave gives Hammermeier a side Russian leg sweep. He then puts on a seated modified Octopus. He rolls Hammermeier into a bridging crossface. Suave turns that into a crucifix for two. Hammermeier goes for the Gute Nacht neckbreaker. Suave counters with a backslide. Hammermeier slips out of the Ki Krusher and rakes Suave’s eyes. He rolls him up and holds the tights for the pin and the victory at 11:11. This is one of those rare YLC matches where I can say everybody looked good. Page to me stood out the most and I hope he gets more opportunities in the States. Hammermeier winning was a foregone conclusion, but that didn’t keep from this being a fun watch. ***

Dasher Hatfield explains what a slump is, then notes that he’s been in the opposite of that. His reign of victories earned him a Grand Championship title shot tomorrow night. Tonight however he has a big match with El Generico, which he assures us that he is not looking past. He tells Generico he has simply been “en fuego” and plans to defeat him tonight.

Dasher Hatfield {T} vs. El Generico

Hatfield goes for the leg, but Generico grabs the bottom rope before any damage can be done whatsoever. He controls Generico by his arm instead. He sends Generico to the corner with a modified armdrag. Generico brings him down in a side headlock. Hatfield reverses into a headscissors. Generico goes back to the side headlock. When Hatfield misses a punch, Generico calls Strike One. Hatfield delivers a shoulder block. He misses a punch causing Generico to call out Strike Two. Hatfield winds up for a pitch. Generico suckers him into a waistlock. Generico ducks a third punch for Strike Three. Generico sends Hatfield out. When Hatfield obliges, Generico comes after him with a tope con hilo. He gets a two count back in the ring. Generico sneaks in a right hand punch when putting on a headlock. Hatfield sends Generico to the floor with a quesadora armdrag. He baseball slides Generico into the aisle. Hatfield chops him around the ring. In the ring, Hatfield rolls Generico into a basement dropkick for two. Generico boots him in the stomach as he comes off the ropes. Hatfield catches Generico with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. Hatfield puts on a figure four variation where he tugs on Generico’s knee. Generico gets the ropes to break free. Generico escapes a DDT. Generico runs the ropes and hits a tornado variation for two. He gets two with a high crossbody as well. Hatfield escapes a suplex. He uses the ropes to slingshot Generico into his own suplex for two. Hatfield splashes him in the corner. Generico misses a yakuza kick. Generico slips out as Hatfield runs the bases. Generico hits the yakuza kick and a Blue Thunder Bomb. Hatfield kicks out, much to Generico’s surprise. Hatfield catches another yakuza. He hits the Jackhammer for two. The Suicide Squeeze does the trick, giving Hatfield the pin at 14:02. This has to be one of, if not Hatfield’s biggest win in his CHIKARA career. It goes without saying that Generico was his usual good self, but Hatfield really stepped up his game and got on his level. This was the right way to give Hatfield credibility going into his title match tomorrow. ***1/4

Icarus makes his way out to the ring. He makes fun of the woman in Canada for being fat and ugly. He takes off his jacket to show the fans his hideous tattoo. He claims he’s a professional. One person he does not feel is professional is Eddie Kingston, the Grand Champion. Eddie is sitting at the Commentation Station. He comes into the ring. Icarus tries to throw a cheap shot. He gets caught and is backdropped. Kingston goes for the Backfist but Icarus bails. Kingston rubs Icarus’ jacket on his taint and throws it in the aisleway.

Mike Quackenbush, Soldier Ant {C} & Green Ant {C} vs. The Shard {G}, deviANT {G} & assailANT {G}

GEKIDO have music (sounds like a rip off of the Colony’s theme) and come out of the entrance way now. The Shard throws some forearms at Quackenbush. Shard ducks a palm strike but walks right into an armdrag. Shard grabs the rope to break a courting hold. Quackenbush twists up Shard’s wrist and arm. Shard pushes him to the corner and forearms him in the chest. Quackenbush catches Shard coming off the ropes with an armdrag. He drops his knees across Shard’s chest. When he goes for a cross armbreaker, deviANT jumps in to stop him. Quackenbush slams him on his stomach and dropkicks him to the floor. He somersault sentons off the apron. The Colony attack assailANT. deviANT runs in to help him. The Colony end up taking them both down. Quackenbush and The Colony take turns going after deviANT’s arm. assailANT goes hold for hold with Soldier Ant, just before they meet in a singles match tomorrow night. Green Ant helps his partner get a two count. assailANT blocks a huracanrana by Hot Shotting him across the top rope. The GEKIDO now isolate Soldier Ant in their corner. Soldier Ant catches deviANT with an electric chair drop. He gets his knees up to block Shard’s frog splash. He kicks assailANT away and tags in Green Ant. Green Ant attacks him in the corner. He crossbody headbutts Shard and goes back to punching assailANT. Green Ant gives deviANT an Angle Slam. He slams assailANT onto deviANT. Quackenbush ties them both up in one STF. Shard picks up Green Ant for a waterwheel slam. assailANT holds Green Ant up so Shard and deviANT can dropkick him simultaneously. Shard stomps Green Ant while deviANT holds him in the Gory Gallows. assailANT drops him with a Death Valley Driver. deviANT kicks him in the chest. Quackenbush breaks The Shard’s cover. He trips deviANT off the apron and to the floor. He sends assailANT out too and palm strikes Shard. He gives him Quackendriver II. He goes after Shard’s wrist but assailANT saves him. assailANT rolls through Soldier Ant’s huracanrana to score the pin at 13:54. While this match was good, the one thing I noticed was that this CHIKARA/GEKIDO feud has all but lost its sizzle. It now feels like just another feud rather than something bigger. There needs to be something to add more spice to this because as of now, my interest is dwindling. That aside, the action was good and Quackenbush going after the wrist of the Shard was a nice call back to his injury and him injuring 17 at CRex. ***

Jigsaw vs. Ophidian

Ophidian immediately yakuza kicks Jigsaw at the bell. He gives him a slam. Jigsaw chops Ophidian against the ropes. Jigsaw snapmares him into a fist drop for two. A couple elbows and an armdrag lead to a basement dropkick. Ophidian brings out a pair of pliers from under the ring. Jigsaw goes for a baseball slide. Ophidian drops the pliers as he heads inside to the block them. When Jigsaw comes in, Ophidian thrusts him in the throat and jams his throat into the middle rope. Ophidian hits a corner Thesz Press. Jigsaw fights back with chops. Ophidian uses his own leg to block Jigsaw’s superkick. He uses double knees twice in the corner. Ophidian misses another corner Thesz Press. Jigsaw picks him up for a torture rack bomb. He throws a flurry of forearms. An enzuigiri in the corner leads to a second rope dropkick. Jigsaw evades a charge and stomps Ophidian on the back for two. Ophidian hits an enzuigiri. He comes off the second ropes with the Duat Driver for two. Ophidian puts on a sleeper choke. Jigsaw drives Ophidian into the corner to break it. Jigsaw blocks a clothesline and hits an enzuigiri. A delayed German suplex gets a two count. Ophidian knocks Jigsaw off the top rope. He comes off the top himself with the Meteora for two. He hits it a second time and gets two again. Ophidian goes for the Death Grip. Jigsaw fiercely rolls Ophidian to the corner. He comes off the top with a double stomp to the chest. Ophidian rolls to the floor to avoid being pinned. Ophidian grabs another tool from under the ring. He tosses it to Jigsaw. Jigsaw tosses it away. As referee Derek Morningstar disposes of it, he kicks Jigsaw in the groin. He puts on the Death Grip. Jigsaw arm drops three times, signaling for the bell at 13:33. That was really good back and forth wrestling. It’s a shame it had to have somewhat of a crummy finish, but at least it shows a little more character development in Ophidian. I don’t know if it’s been mentioned enough, but Jigsaw has to be one the hardest workers CHIKARA has right now. ***1/4

3.0 are backstage. Shane Matthews says tonight is the night The Bravado’s pay the piper. Jagged reminds us that the last time they were in Canada they became Campeones de Parejas. There glory as champions was cut short because The Bravados cracked his rib with a chair and that led to his loss against F.I.S.T. the next night. Matthews says just like Jerry Sandusky, the Bravados are going down.

Scott “Jagged” Parker {3.0} & Shane Matthews {3.0} vs. Harlem Bravado {ROH} & Lancelot Bravado {ROH}

The Bravados went from their awesome “Axel F” brass band theme to their boring ROH theme. Not okay. This gets underway outside of the ring with 3.0 on the attack. The Bravados attack Jagged’s ribs. 3.0 throw them into a couple rows of chairs. In the ring, they throw The Bravados into each other. Matthews trips Harlem into a back elbow from Jagged. They hit the Sweet Taste of Professionalism. Lancelot breaks the cover. Harlem chop blocks Matthews and Lancelot boots Jagged off the apron. The Bravados wear down Matthews in their side of the head. Matthews back elbows Harlem so he can get in a quick tag. Jagged back elbows and leg lariats Harlem. Harlem throws Jagged’s face into the second turnbuckle and Hot Shots him on the top rope. Wisely, the Bravados use a lot of offense on Jagged that does damage or applies pressure to his ribs. Jagged headscissors Lancelot to the corner. Lancelot attacks him just before he can tag out. Jagged then kicks him away again and kicks Matthews in. He dropkicks Lancelot and gives Harlem a headscissors. Lancelot suffers the same fate. He drops Harlem with a side Russian leg sweep for a two count. Jagged knees Harlem in the side of the head after Matthews gives him a backbreaker. Harlem kicks Matthews to the ropes to crotch Jagged on the top rope. Jagged fights Harlem on the top rope. Lancelot gamengiri’s Jagged. Harlem shotgun knees Matthews into Jagged and gets a two count. Jagged crossbody’s onto both Bravados. Harlem enzuigir’s Jagged into a German suplex into the corner from Lancelot. Matthews suplexes Lancelot into the corner. A scissors kick from Harlem takes Matthews down. Lancelot drops Jagged ribs first on his knee. Matthews gives him a rolling clothesline. Harlem accidentally bicycle kicks referee Jon Barber! Matthews puts Harlem in the Boston Crab. Harlem taps but it’s no good. He chop blocks Matthews when Matthews checks on Barber. The Bravados look to hit Jagged in the ribs with a chair. Matthews spears Harlem to the floor to stop them. Lancelot however does hit Jagged in the face. Barber makes the count, but Jagged kicks out at two. Lancelot lariats Jagged for two. Matthews drags Harlem to the floor. Jagged flapjacks Lancelot. Matthews spears Lancelot and Jagged suicide dives onto Harlem. Matthews puts Lancelot in the Boston Crab. Lancelot taps out at 14:46. That was a really good brawl with captivating storytelling. The Canadian crowd was solidly behind 3.0 (moreso here than in their title win) which made the match better. This was a satisfying way to end the feud, and I wonder what CHIKARA does with both teams now. ***1/2

3.0 get in the Bravados faces. They want an apology for what they did. Not only does 3.0 not get it, but Jagged gets punched in the ribs. The Bravados bail before 3.0 can retaliate. Looks like this feud may not be over after all. They celebrate with Red Bulls anyways.

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