The Contaminated Cowl

Lafayette, IN – 4.29.2012

Commentary is provided by Mike Quackenbush, Mixed Martial Archie, Johnny Gargano, Thomas Green, Gavin Loudspeaker, Tim Donst, Leonard F. Chikarason, and UltraMantis Black.

Dasher Hatfield {T} & Mark Angelosetti {T} vs. Arik Cannon & Darin Corbin

Mixed Martial Archie is on commentary for this match. Cannon and Hatfield start in a wristlock exchange. They reach a stalemate after each putting on a headlock and armdragging each other, then trying to armdrag one another simultaneously. Corbin dropkicks Angelosetti twice. He scores with a monkey flip. Angelosetti shoulder blocks him thrice in the corner. Corbin tags out after kicking out of a cradle. Veronica comes out of the curtain to observe the action. Archie seems distracted. Angelosetti delivers a chop to Cannon. Cannon wants Angelosetti to hike the ball, which Angelosetti seems upset by. Cannon blasts Angelosetti with a haymaker. Corbin and Hatfield are back in. Hatfield calls his shot. He misses the first two bats. The third is a ball however, and Hatfield catches Corbin with a double sledge to the stomach. Hatfield slides into home. Angelosetti drops a knee after a belly-to-back suplex. He misses a splash. Cannon throws a yellow flag in the ring. Hatfield counters with a red flag. We got a slow motion replay of the move, clearly showing Angelosetti grabbing Corbin’s tights to reverse the momentum. Referee PJ Drummond calls Angelosetti for holding. Angelosetti dropkicks Corbin in anger. He pops him into a spinebuster and Cannon saves him. Cannon hits another haymaker. Corbin nails an Ace Crusher. Cannon superkicks him and Hatfield breaks the cover. Hatfield hits the Suicide Squeeze on Corbin for the pin at 8:36. I appreciate the fresh take on Corbin’s slow motion shtick. On top of that, both teams gelled well with each other and against one another to make for a fun opening match. Dasher’s cousin-in-law might be getting into his head. **1/2

School of Roc Showcase Match
Billy Roc {SOR}, Remi Wilkins {SOR} & Dale Patricks {SOR} vs. Sue Jackson {SOR}, Tripp Cassidy {SOR} & Jeremy Hadley {SOR}

Billy Roc is the head trainer of the School of Roc and was last in CHIKARA back at “Maximum Overdraft” in August of 2007. The rest of the participants in this match are students of Billy’s. Patricks and Cassidy start off. Patricks blocks a hip toss with one of his own. A low Blockbuster sends Cassidy out. Hadley attacks Patricks from behind. He baits Roc into the ring. Roc rolls him into a crucifix pin for two. Hadley desperately tags in Jackson. This brings in Wilkins, who defeated Jackson in the School of Roc: Class Wars tournament finals. Wilkins chops him up. Jackson however won’t budge from Wilkins’ offense that tries to knock him down. Wilkins stomps on his foot, prompting Cassidy and Hadley to attack Roc and Patricks on the apron. The Rudo corner now takes turns wearing down Wilkins in their corner. Wilkins is able to leg lariat Cassidy and tag in Patricks. Cassidy elbows him in the face. Cassidy gets two with a running knee strike. Hadley instructs Cassidy to pull off a double headbutt with him. It fails, but Jackson low crossbody’s Patricks to make up for it. Roc breaks the cover. Hadley dropkicks Cassidy into Jackson and tags in Roc. Cassidy slides out of Roc’s Ranhei attempt, allowing Jackson to deliver a Samoan Drop. Both Cassidy and Jackson land a rolling senton. Wilkins breaks the pin. Hadley and Roc square off. Hadley strings a toreador into a neckbreaker for two. Roc is able to recover and throw the Rudos into one another. Roc tags in both of his partners. They clean house, even sending the larger Jackson out to the floor. They double suplex Hadley and Cassidy. A legdrop/senton combo on Cassidy gets two. Triple dives onto the Rudos! Jackson and Hadley attack Roc and Wilkins leaving Patricks alone. Cassidy punches him into Jackson’s Close Shave slam. Hadley hits a top rope elbow but Roc and Wilkins make the save. Jackson sets up for the Mustache Bomb (a Vader Bomb). Roc cuts him off with a sunset bomb. Wilkins exploder suplexes Cassidy into the corner. Hadley is trapped with the Tecnicos in the ring. Instead of begging for mercy, he spits on all of them. Wilkins gives him the Barracuda Dream. Patricks nails a German suplex. Roc drops him with a Ranhei for the pin at 11:30. Even though there was a slight moment of hesistancy here and there, this was by far one of the better showcase matches CHIKARA has had. Every person not only got to showcase their in ring proficiency, but a chance to show a glimmer of their personality. Any of these guys I would welcome back to CHIKARA without question. **3/4

The Young Bucks are backstage. They think CHIKARA is a “comic book dork place.” They plan to take CHIKARA’s Campeones de Parejas and take them to Ring of Honor so they can showcase those titles on actual TV, not YouTube or DVDs. Holy crap – Matt Jackson admits the handshaking bit is old! I’m glad they acknowledged that.

Elimination Match
Hallowicked {SE} & UltraMantis Black {SE} vs. Tim Donst {BDK} & Jakob Hammermeier {BDK} vs. Nick Jackson {YB} & Matt Jackson {YB} vs. Kodama {B} & Kobald {B}

Hallowicked and Donst brawl with each other right away. They, along with Hammermeier and Mantis, spill to the floor to continue their battle from last night. Nick dives onto the BDK. Kodama blocks Matt’s attempt. Matt however nails him with a dropkick and then pescado’s onto the BDK. Mantis Mongolian chops and alita’s Kodama for two. Hallowicked and Mantis land a legdrop/side slam combo. Kodama tags out to Kobald. Donst holds Hallowicked while Kobald gets in some strikes. Hallowicked side steps a spear and hits a step-up enzuigiri. A super snapmare gets two. The Envoy go for the Hart Attack. Donst bridges the ropes to stop Hallowicked. The Batiri hit tandem knee strikes on Mantis. The BDK help the Batiri inflict some damage as well. Mantis drops Hammermeier with a full nelson slam. Donst knocks Hallowicked off the apron, so he tags in Nick. Nick fights off both Batiri members by himself. Matt gives Kodama a neckbreaker across his knee for two. The Bucks take out Kobald and give Kodama a tandem tombstone piledriver to eliminate The Batiri at 5:39. The BDK drop the Bucks with tandem SDT’s. Hammermeier apologizes to Donst for not executing it as well as he did. As you would expect, the BDK turn their attention to the Envoy. Donst does not let up on Hallowicked, wearing him down in multiple corners. He hits the floor to bring in Mantis. Hammermeier boots him into Donst’s Samoan Drop. Hallowicked rids of Donst and hits Go 2 Sleepy Hollow on Hammermeier. The Rydeen Bomb sends Hammermeier out. Donst puts on a rear-naked choke with a shoelace, or string of sort, to assist. Hallowicked passes out at 8:47, leaving the BDK and Young Bucks as the remaining teams. Nick crossbody’s onto both of them. Matt kicks Hammermeier to the floor and hits Donst with an standing Shiranui for two. Nick knee strikes Hammermeier in the corner. Nick accidentally kicks Matt from the apron. Donst German suplexes Matt for two. Matt tries a standing Shiranui, but Donst turns it into the Donstitution. Nick makes the save. Donst gives him a bulldog. Nick hits the springboard X-Factor. Hammermeier stops them from attempting More Bang for Your Buck. Nick superkicks Donst. Matt powerbombs Hammermeier into Donst while Nick lands an enzuigiri. Donst rolls to the floor, allowing the Bucks to hit More Bang for Your Buck on Hammermeier for the pin and three points at 12:15. I’m really impressed that they kept the BDK/Envoy issue the crux of the entire match without making it overbearing. This got enough time for each team to do their thing without overstaying its welcome. I think they structured the eliminations brilliantly. The match where the Bucks challenge for the belts should be a real treat, no matter who the Campeones are. ***

Sara Del Rey sarcastically remarks that The Batiri think they’re so funny with all the insults they hurl at her. She says that she will get the last laugh when all is said and done.

Sara Del Rey vs. Obariyon {B}

Obariyon punches Sara as Drummond is checking her for foreign objects. He chokes her with his boot in the corner. Obariyon lands a back elbow after whipping Sara back into the corner. Sara begins to throw some strikes but Obariyon stops that with a knee to the mid-section. Obariyon stands on her hair and stretches out her arms. Sara kicks him in the chest. Obariyon boots her for two. Obariyon looks for his reverse Go 2 Sleep. Sara escapes and throws some kicks. Obariyon’s flying forearms get a two count. Sara knees him in the stomach and rolls the back of his head into the bottom turnbuckle. Sara kicks Obariyon in the chest after locking his arms in the ropes. Obariyon grabs her leg and clotheslines her. Sara gives him a stunner back in the ring. She nails a Koppu Kick for two. Sara looks for a superplex. Obariyon licks her face to get her down and to hit the Flying DDT for the pin at 5:51. To be honest, this feud isn’t doing much for me. It’s dragging Sara down more so than bringing the Batiri up. I hope everyone involved finds something better to do soon. With that said, Obariyon pinning Sara clean is a big deal and I do hope it opens some people’s eyes to just how good he is. **1/4

Here come Kodama and Kobald to terrorize Sara further. Kobald chases PJ Drummond away so he can’t stop them. The Batiri begin to tie Sara’s arms behind her back when Saturyne comes out to save the day. She sends the Batiri packing by kicking them to the floor and by hitting a triple crossbody. Looks like these five will skirmish sometime soon.

Green Ant says The Colony are what people think of when you say the word Tecnico. Green Ant says that term has been thrown out the window now that they are in a war with GEKIDO.

Fire Ant {C}, Soldier Ant {C} & Green Ant {C} vs. combatANT {G}, assailANT {G} & deviANT {G}

As usual, a brawl kicks this match off. assailANT and combatANT slam Fire Ant back first on the ring apron. CombatANT takes control of Fire Ant in the ring. assailANT and deviANT keep Soldier Ant and Green Ant at bay. combatANT goes after Fire Ant’s mask a couple of times. Green Ant trips deviANT on the ring apron so he can come in to stop combatANT. He gets thrown to the floor where deviANT sends him into the ring post. Fire Ant continues to be walloped. Soldier Ant tries to clean house but gets sent to the floor by combatANT fairly quickly. deviANT tears Fire Ant’s mask so that you can see some of his hair sticking out. Green Ant brings Fire Ant to the floor and superkicks combatANT from the apron. He knocks down deviANT with a flying forearm for two. Green Ant lands a gord buster. He Angle slams combatANT. Green Ant kicks assailANT from the apron and delivers a knee strike. Soldier Ant throws deviANT onto assailANT. He suicide dives after them. Fire Ant dropkicks combatANT to the floor. Fire Ant springboard tope’s onto everybody. Green Ant and assailANT end up back in the ring. Green Ant chops him up. assailANT and deviANT go for a double superplex. He fights them off, and with Soldier Ant hits Revenge of the Ants onto both of them. Fire Ant crossbody’s onto combatANT. He and Green Ant hit the Ants Marching neckbreaker. Soldier Ant nails a diving headbutt. assailANT and deviANT stop them from hitting a triple dropkick. The Swarm triple dropkick Soldier Ant instead. Fire Ant fights off assailANT and deviANT but gets pitched to the floor by combatANT. Green Ant lifts him up. combatANT goes for the mask, then hits the TKO. He puts Green Ant in the CHIKARA Special. Soldier Ant ribs at combatANT’s mask to break the submission. He nails a rolling forearm. Soldier Ant gets deviANT in the CHIKARA Special when 17 runs out to interfere. Referee Jon Barber calls for the bell at 11:04. I really dig both teams going after the masks so persistently. Masks have always been important in CHIKARA, but this feud in particular makes them seem more important than ever. The action is solid and the energy was there, but all these matches feel the same. **3/4

17 goes after Soldier Ant’s mask. Eddie Kingston hits the ring. He dishes out belly-to-belly suplexes to all of GEKIDO. The Shard runs out to clip Kingston’s bum knee. 17 demands the bell be rang so he and Kingston can start their singles match. The Colony and The Swarm brawl to the back.

Eddie Kingston vs. 17 {G}

17 targets Kingston’s bad leg. He kicks Kingston’s leg after placing it on the second rope. The Shard slams Kingston’s knee against the apron while Barber is keeping 17 away. Kingston kicks 17 to the floor. 17 comes off the top but gets caught with a suplex. A double underhook suplex gets him a two count. 17 nails a palm strike. He puts Kingston in Lightning Lock Beta. Kingston grabs the bottom rope to break it. Kingston suplexes 17 onto his head. The Shard gets on the apron as Kingston goes for a pin. Kingston backfists The Shard to the floor. 17 kicks out Kingston’s leg and puts on a figure four leg lock. Again Kingston gets the ropes to save himself. Kingston cradles 17 to block another figure four attempt. Kingston catches him with the Backfist to the Future for the pin at 5:18. I’m not sure how to feel here. On one hand, the Grand Champion of CHIKARA did just defeat the guy they are portraying as the top heel. On the other hand, showing some vulnerability in the Rudos is a good way to differentiate this feud from the BDK and to keep the Rudos hungry. Now they have something more to prove than to expose CHIKARA. It also brings Kingston into the feud more organically. The match itself was fine. **

The Shard superkicks Kingston’s bad leg as he celebrates on the second rope. 17 puts Kingston in a figure four while locking his legs in the ring post. 17 holds the Grand Championship above his head while Kingston is recovering. This prompts The Colony to run out and chase 17 and The Shard away.

Jigsaw vs. Icarus {F}

This is the first singles match these two have had since the epic Mask vs. Hair battle from “The Crushing Weight of Mainstream Ignorance” almost six years ago. I find that to be really surprising. Icarus puts on a leg-trap front chancery. Jigsaw overhand chops Icarus to escape. Icarus whips him to the corner. Jigsaw comes out with a toreador, then armdrags Icarus into a low dropkick. Icarus goes to the floor but Jigsaw suicide dives after him. Jigsaw chops Icarus as they go deep into the crowd. Jigsaw gets some assistance from the younger fans with the chops. Back in the ring, Icarus drops the top rope to send Jigsaw to the floor. Icarus baseball slides him into a wall. Icarus rolls him up. Jigsaw turns it into a stretch but Icarus grabs the ropes to escape. Icarus gives Jigsaw a noogie. Icarus goes for a snapmare. Jigsaw reverses it and gets a two count. Icarus nails a dropkick. Jigsaw blocks a superplex and double stomps onto Icarus’ back. Jigsaw throws some slaps Icarus’ way. Jigsaw blocks a boot and nails a brainbuster for two. An enzuigiri in the corner leads to a crossbody for another two count. Icarus spears him for two. Icarus Tiger suplexes him for another two count. Jigsaw back elbows and enzuigiri’s Icarus. A German suplex gets him two. Icarus delivers the Shiranui. He goes up top for a splash and gets two. The Wings of Icarus surprisingly also only gets a two count. Jigsaw fights off the Blu-Ray. Icarus evades an attack and goes up top. Jigsaw superkicks him. Jigsaw climbs up and hits a super brainbuster for the pin at 11:10. I had just watched their Hair vs. Mask match days before watching this show and was worried my expectations would hurt this match. While this match wasn’t nearly as important or heated, I’m surprised for a random second time encounter this was as good as it ended up being. Once the silliness in the beginning got taken care of they had a very good back-and-forth contest. As much as people love to hate Icarus, I don’t think he gets enough credit for some of the good stuff he can do in the ring. ***

Jigsaw challenges Eddie Kingston for a Grand Championship match. That seems strange since his win/loss record is roughly 50/50 since the Cibernetico. Regardless, Kingston would end up accepting and we will see these two face each other in Manhattan during Aniversario weekend.

Jagged still hasn’t come to terms with actually being one half of the Campeones de Parejas with Shane Matthews. He admits they are still considered underdogs even though they are champions. To make things worse, it turns out he had his ribs cracked last night in Chicago Ridge. Matthews says not even that will stop them from successfully defending the titles and tell F.I.S.T. to prepare to feel the flow of 3.0.

Campeonatos de Parejas
Scott “Jagged” Parker {3.0} & Shane Matthews {3.0} (Campeones) vs. Chuck Taylor {F} & Johnny Gargano {F}

This is 3.0.’s first defense of the titles. They defeated F.I.S.T. for the titles last month, although Icarus (who lost the final fall) substituted for Gargano. Gargano and Taylor are looking to win the belts back. Matthews chops Taylor. Matthews goes for the Boston Crab. Taylor crawls out of the ring quickly and throws a fans shoe at Matthews’ fanny. Jagged elbow drops the shoe for good measure. Matthews shoulder blocks Gargano and goes for a Boston Crab. Taylor stops him. Jagged clotheslines Taylor to the floor. Gargano kicks Jagged in the ribs. Jagged angrily takes him down. Matthews trips Gargano into an elbow from Jagged. Same thing happens to Taylor. Jagged clotheslines Gargano for two. Behind the referee’s back, Taylor jabs a chair into Jagged’s ribs. Gargano steals the first pinfall at 4:09. Gargano and Taylor attack Matthews to start. Matthews headscissors both of them. Matthews catches Gargano coming off the second rope and puts on the Boston Crab. Gargano’s had some back problems, so it doesn’t take long for him to tap out at 5:09. Taylor throws powder in Matthews’ eyes. Jonathan Barber is too busy checking on Gargano to count the pin, giving times for Matthews to recover. Matthews gets the ropes to break a headscissors. F.I.S.T. give him the Boogie Boots. F.I.S.T.’s beatdown continues. Jagged feeds Matthews a Red Bull, which fires him up, but ultimately Taylor just stomps him back down in the corner. Gargano knocks Jagged on the apron. Gargano drinks some Red Bull, so Matthews baseball slides him. Matthews is able to block a DDT from Gargano and suplex him into the corner. Jagged dropkicks Taylor and gives Gargano a Diamond Cutter. Jagged flapjacks Taylor. Matthews powerbombs Taylor and puts on the Boston Crab. Gargano punches Matthews but he refuses to let go. A superkick however does the trick. Gargano enzuigiri’s Jagged and lawn darts him into the corner. Matthews breaks the cover. Jagged pops Gargano into Matthews’s spear. Taylor makes the save. Taylor gives Matthews Sole Food. Gargano slingshot spears Jagged. Taylor tosses Matthews to the floor as Gargano gets a two count. Gargano gets powder. Matthews smacks it into Gargano’s face. He accidentally superkicks Taylor. 3.0. give Gargano the Sweet Taste of Professionalism. Taylor manages to pull Jon Barber out of the ring. Taylor sends Matthews into a ring post. Gargano uses the chair on Jagged’s ribs as Taylor distracts Barber. Taylor pins him for two. F.I.S.T. give Jagged the Sweet Taste of Professionalism for the third fall and the titles at 16:00. I was hoping this title reign would give 3.0 more legitimacy so it makes me sad to see it end so early. I don’t know how much of the decision was predicated on Jagged’s injury, so it’s hard for me to be truly upset about the switch. The chair shots, powder and whatnot ended up bringing the match down but didn’t totally destroy it. F.I.S.T. are the first team ever to become two time Campeones de Parejas. Claudio held the belt twice, but had two separate partners. Hey, at least it’s a historical win. ***

The Bravado Bros. come out to mock 3.0 afterwards. They spit out the “feel the flow” catchphrase condescendingly and imply that 3.0 choked. They bail before 3.0 can get their hands on them.

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